A most difficult thread- helping a friend, Bill Hedin

[whitehse]

I fully understand why this thread was started as Leon is just looking out for the board members but I have to say I am saddened by this thread as well.

While I have been unable to contribute and hope to do so in the very near future I am saddened that this would even come up at this sad time in our friends life. He has just lost the love of his life and we are questioning his purchases on Ebay? let me tell you if my wife passed I would look to comfort myself and if this buying and selling a few cards on line so some money can be made, then who is anyone else to tell me what I can or cannot do. How many of us have taken to online resources at a very tough time in our lives and did something irrational such as make a purchase that we probably shouldnt have.

I guess my feelings are that if a giver freely gives money to a to a man in a time like this to help lesson his burden, the giver will be blessed for it regardless of how the receiver uses the money. I say if you gave money, accept your blessings and let Bill deal with this in his own way. It is on him how he uses the blessing that have came to him in this time of need. Unless we have been in the situation he is currently deal with, we have no idea how we would act as well

Andrew White

[Griffins]

Originally Posted by whitehse

I fully understand why this thread was started as Leon is just looking out for the board members but I have to say I am saddened by this thread as well.

While I have been unable to contribute and hope to do so in the very near future I am saddened that this would even come up at this sad time in our friends life. He has just lost the love of his life and we are questioning his purchases on Ebay? let me tell you if my wife passed I would look to comfort myself and if this buying and selling a few cards on line so some money can be made, then who is anyone else to tell me what I can or cannot do. How many of us have taken to online resources at a very tough time in our lives and did something irrational such as make a purchase that we probably shouldnt have.

I guess my feelings are that if a giver freely gives money to a to a man in a time like this to help lesson his burden, the giver will be blessed for it regardless of how the receiver uses the money. I say if you gave money, accept your blessings and let Bill deal with this in his own way. It is on him how he uses the blessing that have came to him in this time of need. Unless we have been in the situation he is currently deal with, we have no idea how we would act as well

Andrew White

My feelings on this parallel Andrew's and David's. Well said gentleman.

[chris6net]

When I first saw the thread about Bill,s situation and the fact that he was going to have to sell his collection due to his financial situation I felt touched and considered making a donation. I ultimately decided not to donate as I don,t know Bill personally and would prefer to make a donation to someone with a personal connection. Now after seeing that Bill has been spending about a thousand dollars a week on cards I feel a lot different. The argument here is that Bill should spend the money on cards to keep some normalcy in his life even if the money was donated under the pretense that he desperately needed money to pay for his wife,s funeral expenses as he was going to have to sell his collection to cover his extreme financial hardship. Bill my prayers are with you and your family in this tough time but even though I didn,t donate a part of me is upset since I feel that others were cheated.
I don,t want to sound callous in the tough times Bill is having but I feel that this whole situation has some severe credibility issues. I hope I am wrong and again my prayers are with Bill and his Family.
CN

[Rickyy]

Thank you Leon for updating us on this. I can certainly see both sides on this issue and everyone brought out good points... as for me...I just go with my heart and trust that the funds are used in good faith for its intended purpose during this time of sadness.

Ricky Y

[7nohitter]

Originally Posted by Rickyy

Thank you Leon for updating us on this. I can certainly see both sides on this issue and everyone brought out good points... as for me...I just go with my heart and trust that the funds are used in good faith for its intended purpose during this time of sadness.

Ricky Y

+1

[Jlighter]

As I am sure many of the members are aware, there is an ethicists in The New York Times magazine, I am seriously considering sending this dilemma in(obviosuly names witheld) and getting his opinon. I'd like to know beforehand if anyone feels this is something that should be done.

Jake

[barrysloate]

Originally Posted by Jlighter

As I am sure many of the members are aware, there is an ethicists in The New York Times magazine, I am seriously considering sending this dilemma in(obviosuly names witheld) and getting his opinon. I'd like to know beforehand if anyone feels this is something that should be done.

Jake

Jake- I was thinking of doing the same thing. Their current ethicist is Chuck Klosterman. The original one was Randy Cohen, who I liked the best. But you can go ahead and send in a query if you'd like.

As Leon and I expected, the responses here run the full gamut from complete acceptance to considerable disappointment. I just want to clarify that I agree if Bill gets a sense of normalcy and satisfaction by buying baseball cards, he should do so even under these somewhat unusual circumstances. My only call here is whether or not he is buying them on my dime. I am very willing to help him defray the cost of the funeral. However, I really don't want to buy him some baseball cards. That is something he is free to do with his own funds, but the situation here is a little murky. That is my only equivocation.

[botn]

Bill never came on the boards and directly asked for money. People just gave it based on his assertion that he might have to sell his card collection to pay for the funeral.

Barry I am not sure how one can isolate money once given. Even if it is not going to the same account it is going to the same person. So as long as your part of the 5K Bill is getting does not go into the same account he uses to pay for cards, you are cool?

[barrysloate]

Originally Posted by botn

Bill never came on the boards and directly asked for money. People just gave it based on his assertion that he might have to sell his card collection to pay for the funeral.

Barry I am not sure how one can isolate money once given. Even if it is not going to the same account it is going to the same person. So as long as your part of the 5K Bill is getting does not go into the same account he uses to pay for cards, you are cool?

I'm somewhat cool Greg, but I wish that I didn't hear about it this morning. I would like to see my entire donation go towards the funeral expenses. I know I can't control what he does with the money but it is still my hope. It's like when someone sells a baseball card reluctantly only under the condition that the new owner will keep it in his collection and promises never to sell it. Of course you can't enforce that, and the new owner can do whatever he wants with it. But you still hope that you made the right decision and the recipient will honor it. That's all I can expect.

[tiger8mush]

I believe many donated with the understanding that Bill would have to sell his collection to finance a proper funeral for his beloved wife and none of us wanted that to happen.

* Of those that donated, I believe some would NOT have continued to donate (or donated as much) if it was known there would be a surplus over the amount needed to finance the funeral.

* Of those that donated, I believe some would still have donated (perhaps still as much as they did) if it was known there would be a surplus over the amount needed to finance the funeral, allowing Bill to spend the additional money on whatever he chose.

Include me in the former. I wanted Bill to not have to worry about his wifes funeral expenses. I would've donated less if I had known there would be a surplus but I still would've donated. I don't care what he spent the extra on, as that is up to him. I have no idea how I'd react if my wife unexpectedly passed away. I place no blame on Bill. I thank Leon & Barry for their efforts.

My sincere condolences to Bill, may he find comfort during this hard time.

[Donscards]

I have known Bill since the early 1980's and I feel for his loss so much---I know Billy has health problems over the years and he is such a good person. He doesnt deserve this latest barrage. He is a honest man with high intergrity. With the loss of a wife, how does one cope. So if he is on Ebay, it may allow him to forget a little. Also he stated, he has family using ebay and who knows what they are buying. I donated to Billy and would do so again. Please let us allow Bill to grieve with this terrible loss. Let us all move on. thank you, Don Hontz

[richieb315]

Originally Posted by Donscards

Please let us allow Bill to grieve with this terrible loss. Let us all move on. thank you, Don Hontz

+1

[Texxxx]

I dont know Bill at all. Would I have donated if I knew what I know now? Mmmm probably not. BUT, if buying cards with the money helps soothes his pain then I am fine with it. I have lost more in Vegas in 15 min.

[JEFFV96MASTERS]

NO MONEY SHOULD BE FORWARDED TO BILLY

Let me explain why folks,,,,

As someone who is a) close to Billy as his relatives and b) has a wife who underwent lymphoma treatments the last 10 months= I have some perspective that may help out Leon/Barry in how best to handle the situation ( and future similar situations),,,,,,, its one mans opinion as both a best friend and a guy whose life is shaped by trust, honesty, and integrity,,, I live it, breathe it, and expect it of others,,, Billy included,,,

It would be best if those in need forward the associated bills to those administering the financial aid == and had the bills paid off thru the fund those aid people coordinate,,,,, having the funds handled by an outside person who administers the aid takes the headaches away,,,,, and alleviates any chances of abuse by anyone from that persons family or relatives,,,,

This way no issues == and all involved can concentrate on whats most important-- in Billys case its handling the grief of day to day life,,,,, and in the boards case its helping a board member out and making sure no headaches at all for anyone involved,,,,

Leon/Barry can handle it how they see fit,,,,

I certainly would not mail him a large check and I've known him since childhood,,, ,,, I'd want him to send me the bills and I'd make sure they get handled thru the funds collected,,,,,

I'm sure Barry would sleep a whole lot better knowing his money actually went where it should go to,,, and I'm sure he's not the only one thinking that way,,,,

Lets all just concentrate on making sure whats been collected goes to its intended purpose,,,, I know thats what I want to see,,,,, and I am sure Leon & Barry will agree with that perspective,,,,


Jeff

[ullmandds]

And now for something completely different...

[Ladder7]

Who the Hell are we to judge. I'd be a freakin' basket case in his shoes.

If Bill wants to use some of the $ to purchase cards, gold or sprockets as a nest egg for the kids, I'm all for that. My donation wasn't exclusively for his beloved's burial. But any ancillary family purchases Bill deems necessary, without restriction.

Heck, many of us have made sports "investments" under the premise they could be liquidated as an emergency fund, college expenses etc. It's not any different than throwing it into a passbook account.

There is no rehearsal for this thing. I implore you guys to please let this now single father grieve as he sees fit. Thanks

[wolf441]

Originally Posted by Ladder7

Who the Hell are we to judge. I'd be a freakin' basket case in his shoes.

If Bill wants to use some of the $ to purchase cards, gold or sprockets as a nest egg for the kids, I'm all for that. My donation wasn't exclusively for his beloved's burial. But any ancillary family purchases Bill deems necessary, without restriction.

Heck, many of us have made sports "investments" under the premise they could be liquidated as an emergency fund, college expenses etc. It's not any different than throwing it into a passbook account.

There is no rehearsal for this thing. I implore you guys to please let this now single father grieve as he sees fit. Thanks

+1. Well said.

[kkkkandp]

I have never met Bill, but based on his posts on the board I got the impression (rightly or wrongly) that his financial situation was not as good as mine. That is not to say I am rolling in dough, but, as my wife often reminds me when I complain about our family finances, we are better off than many.

With that in mind, I made a "decent" donation to the memorial fund. Without a self-aggrandizing post. As others have also said, there were no strings attached, but the mental image I had was that the donations - all of them - would go to something, if not directly to the funeral expenses, more meaningful than baseball cards.

I completely agree that people grieve in different ways. It's often why people laugh without control at a funeral. So, I can completely understand buying "a couple" of baseball cards in the week after your wife passes away, but I'm having a difficult time wrapping my head around spending $1200 on them.

Whatever. My donation was made with the best intention. And I'm not in any position to judge how it is used. You need to pay the piper, however, sooner or later.

[Sean1125]

Shortly after my grandmothers death I had one of the biggest card purchases I ever had, I made a good deal of money on it and as shallow as it sounds... The money helped cope... I had cried by her bed for hours when she couldn't even communicate back... I have to agree with the responses that you need to keep some bit of normalcy or you will never get on with your life - I don't know Bill and I am impartial to this matter, the only information I have is what I have read in this thread. Please excuse me if there is something I am missing. Buying cards doesn't mean you do not regret or care for your loved one.

Sean