A most difficult thread- helping a friend, Bill Hedin

[Jlighter]

As I am sure many of the members are aware, there is an ethicists in The New York Times magazine, I am seriously considering sending this dilemma in(obviosuly names witheld) and getting his opinon. I'd like to know beforehand if anyone feels this is something that should be done.

Jake

[barrysloate]

Originally Posted by Jlighter

As I am sure many of the members are aware, there is an ethicists in The New York Times magazine, I am seriously considering sending this dilemma in(obviosuly names witheld) and getting his opinon. I'd like to know beforehand if anyone feels this is something that should be done.

Jake

Jake- I was thinking of doing the same thing. Their current ethicist is Chuck Klosterman. The original one was Randy Cohen, who I liked the best. But you can go ahead and send in a query if you'd like.

As Leon and I expected, the responses here run the full gamut from complete acceptance to considerable disappointment. I just want to clarify that I agree if Bill gets a sense of normalcy and satisfaction by buying baseball cards, he should do so even under these somewhat unusual circumstances. My only call here is whether or not he is buying them on my dime. I am very willing to help him defray the cost of the funeral. However, I really don't want to buy him some baseball cards. That is something he is free to do with his own funds, but the situation here is a little murky. That is my only equivocation.

[botn]

Bill never came on the boards and directly asked for money. People just gave it based on his assertion that he might have to sell his card collection to pay for the funeral.

Barry I am not sure how one can isolate money once given. Even if it is not going to the same account it is going to the same person. So as long as your part of the 5K Bill is getting does not go into the same account he uses to pay for cards, you are cool?

[barrysloate]

Originally Posted by botn

Bill never came on the boards and directly asked for money. People just gave it based on his assertion that he might have to sell his card collection to pay for the funeral.

Barry I am not sure how one can isolate money once given. Even if it is not going to the same account it is going to the same person. So as long as your part of the 5K Bill is getting does not go into the same account he uses to pay for cards, you are cool?

I'm somewhat cool Greg, but I wish that I didn't hear about it this morning. I would like to see my entire donation go towards the funeral expenses. I know I can't control what he does with the money but it is still my hope. It's like when someone sells a baseball card reluctantly only under the condition that the new owner will keep it in his collection and promises never to sell it. Of course you can't enforce that, and the new owner can do whatever he wants with it. But you still hope that you made the right decision and the recipient will honor it. That's all I can expect.

[barrysloate]

Jeff- that's an interesting idea. I don't know if Leon is willing to do that but it does ensure where the money will go.

[Peter_Spaeth]

Originally Posted by barrysloate

I'm somewhat cool Greg, but I wish that I didn't hear about it this morning. I would like to see my entire donation go towards the funeral expenses. I know I can't control what he does with the money but it is still my hope. It's like when someone sells a baseball card reluctantly only under the condition that the new owner will keep it in his collection and promises never to sell it. Of course you can't enforce that, and the new owner can do whatever he wants with it. But you still hope that you made the right decision and the recipient will honor it. That's all I can expect.

I think Greg's point is that the issue isn't where he puts these specific funds, it's whether he truly needed them in the first place. And I don't pretend to know, but it's a legitimate question given the ebay buying.

[ullmandds]

That seems like an awful lot to ask a vintage baseball card message board... seems like more of a job for the family?

[Wayward99]

Originally Posted by Peter_Spaeth

I think Greg's point is that the issue isn't where he puts these specific funds, it's whether he truly needed them in the first place. And I don't pretend to know, but it's a legitimate question given the ebay buying.

No, no it's not. To Greg's earlier comment, he didn't ask for money or assistance. He's grieving and posted here within hours of his wife's passing that he wasn't sure how he was going to cope and that his collection may have to be sacrificed. He didn't say that as a fact. Do you honestly think he's been thinking clearly in the last week? Disclaimer: I don't know him and I didn't donate.

I think the idea of setting up a memorial fund was a noble one and wholly well intended. But it was volunteered by Leon and Barry (as far as we know). If you need to know how your donation (to any cause) will be used, then you need to do your homework and keep specific focus on your donations and go through recognized organizations. Donating via an internet message board might not be your thing.

If you have a problem with any of this, then your issue is with Barry and Leon, not Bill. The fact that you can track his ebay purchases is moot - he never asked for a dime. But coming on here and questioning his motives before his wife is in the ground is despicable. Barry, I hope you do send this to an ethicist because I think you're in for an eye opener.

[tiger8mush]

I believe many donated with the understanding that Bill would have to sell his collection to finance a proper funeral for his beloved wife and none of us wanted that to happen.

* Of those that donated, I believe some would NOT have continued to donate (or donated as much) if it was known there would be a surplus over the amount needed to finance the funeral.

* Of those that donated, I believe some would still have donated (perhaps still as much as they did) if it was known there would be a surplus over the amount needed to finance the funeral, allowing Bill to spend the additional money on whatever he chose.

Include me in the former. I wanted Bill to not have to worry about his wifes funeral expenses. I would've donated less if I had known there would be a surplus but I still would've donated. I don't care what he spent the extra on, as that is up to him. I have no idea how I'd react if my wife unexpectedly passed away. I place no blame on Bill. I thank Leon & Barry for their efforts.

My sincere condolences to Bill, may he find comfort during this hard time.