A most difficult thread- helping a friend, Bill Hedin

[barrysloate]

Greg S.- you very well may be right.

[whitehse]

I may not post here much but I read the boards several times a day. Last week I was so proud of these boards and today I feel ashamed of these boards.

If you gave, you gave it to the man to use the money as he sees fit. As I said before, take your blessings for the giving that you did and let Bill deal with whatever comes his way regarding the handling of the money. For God sake, the man just lost his wife. Leave him alone to grieve in peace.

Andrew White

[Wayward99]

Originally Posted by whitehse

I may not post here much but I read the boards several times a day. Last week I was so proud of these boards and today I feel ashamed of these boards.

If you gave, you gave it to the man to use the money as he sees fit. As I said before, take your blessings for the giving that you did and let Bill deal with whatever comes his way regarding the handling of the money. For God sake, the man just lost his wife. Leave him alone to grieve in peace.

Andrew White

I couldn't agree more. The fact that this thread was started for public consumption, and some of the comments within it are both incredibly saddening. Donation sent.

[calvindog]

Originally Posted by whitehse

I may not post here much but I read the boards several times a day. Last week I was so proud of these boards and today I feel ashamed of these boards.

If you gave, you gave it to the man to use the money as he sees fit. As I said before, take your blessings for the giving that you did and let Bill deal with whatever comes his way regarding the handling of the money. For God sake, the man just lost his wife. Leave him alone to grieve in peace.

Andrew White

I don't know what is more bizarre: discussing these issues publicly while the man prepares to bury his wife or waxing philosophical about sending in this conundrum to the "The Ethicist" column at the New York Times.

[ullmandds]

Jim...totally agree! Its surreal.

[Tobacco&Gum]

Originally Posted by whitehse

I may not post here much but I read the boards several times a day. Last week I was so proud of these boards and today I feel ashamed of these boards.

If you gave, you gave it to the man to use the money as he sees fit. As I said before, take your blessings for the giving that you did and let Bill deal with whatever comes his way regarding the handling of the money. For God sake, the man just lost his wife. Leave him alone to grieve in peace.

Andrew White

+1

[Tobacco&Gum]

Originally Posted by calvindog

I don't know what is more bizarre: discussing these issues publicly while the man prepares to bury his wife or waxing philosophical about sending in this conundrum to the "The Ethicist" column at the New York Times.

+1

[Tim Kindler]

Our Net 54 seems to have many thoughts on this difficult situation, and I personally look at that as ok. I think we ALL agree that Bill and his family are going through a difficult and even tragic time. The willingness by this community to help out a fellow member should be commended by all here!!

Now to the dilema of how Bill is handling/will handle his future financial situation: It is really up to him in my opinion. I may not agree with it, but I haven't ever been in his situation before, so I can't say what I would truly do. I felt this way years ago when I had a good friend who lost his wife to breast cancer at 26. Our first child is named after her. Anyway, he went out and bought himself the BMW that he had always wanted only days after she died. Many of our friends criticized him for doing this. I didn't. I don't think I would have done that, but I'm not the one who struggled through her battle and was there for her last breath, so I never felt I could judge him on whether what he did was right or wrong.

I think that Leon bringing this sticky situation up was a good idea. It was the right and honest thing to do to let people know about their donations and giving and how they felt Bill is handling it. As for me, I sold a Schmidt rookie on the the board in order to send a donation, and even given the situiation of Bills's spending, I would do it again. Here's why: I believe in giving to the least of my brother as it says in the Bible. In this situation, I gave to someone in need, just as I would give to a begger on the streets. Now if the begger goes out and spends the money I gave him on Meth, then he will be judged and have to deal with our Lord. In my opinion it's not up to me to judge the begger if they don't do what is right with my kind and thoughtful donation. I have only to be concerned with myself being judged someday, like I believe all of us will be. As for Bill or anyone I wish to donate to, what they do with my gesture is up to them. Whether they do the right thing or not, I know I have offered up my donation to our Lord.

Now, if you don't agree with my opinion..... that's ok.

Take Care Everyone,
Tim Kindler

[Matthew H]

.

[ctownboy]

Tim Kindler,

Nice thought but, in my opinion, you would be an enabler. In your hypothetic situation, you gave money to a begger and don't seem to have a problem with that begger buying meth with it. A better solution for the begger and the world would be if you gave that money instead to a clinic which helps meth addicts get clean.

I haven't read every post in this thread but as far as Mr. Hedlin goes, maybe a better solution would be to find out where some of his bills are or who he or his wife owes and donate money to that. Then, people who donated money wont feel so bad because the money they gave actually went to pay for what it was thought to be going for. After that, if Mr. Hedlin wants to spend some of his other money on cards then so be it.

David

[martyp]

I for one do not know Bill and have only been made aware of his situation through posting boards. I glanced through this thread a bit and at the link to Bill's eBay activity. I did notice that there is quite a bit of selling activity on his account. Is it possible that Bill buys and sells on eBay as a source of income for Bill? I feel that not everybody is in a financial situation that would allow them to reduce their income during a time such as Bill is having.
I have just sent Leon a few bucks to help Bill out. I feel for Bill and wish him and his family the best possible.

[Matthew H]

Originally Posted by ctownboy

Tim Kindler,

Nice thought but, in my opinion, you would be an enabler. In your hypothetic situation, you gave money to a begger and don't seem to have a problem with that begger buying meth with it. A better solution for the begger and the world would be if you gave that money instead to a clinic which helps meth addicts get clean.

I haven't read every post in this thread but as far as Mr. Hedlin goes, maybe a better solution would be to find out where some of his bills are or who he or his wife owes and donate money to that. Then, people who donated money wont feel so bad because the money they gave actually went to pay for what it was thought to be going for. After that, if Mr. Hedlin wants to spend some of his other money on cards then so be it.

David

Wow,

You do realize that Bill hasn't received a penny, and that he never asked for anything. He made a fleeting comment, then a random act of kindness happened collectively by this community, only to be tarnished by a few people who "donated" with the hidden condition that he not be caught buying any more cards, all of this happened within 48 hours. Yuck.

[Matthew H]

Originally Posted by calvindog

I don't know what is more bizarre: discussing these issues publicly while the man prepares to bury his wife or waxing philosophical about sending in this conundrum to the "The Ethicist" column at the New York Times.

This discussion is bizarre, "The Ethicist" thing is incredibly insane.

[Leon]

My only comment at this point is to say that I didn't "want" to post this thread, I felt I had to. Everyone deserves to have all of the information to use or not use. Anything less would have been a mistake on my part. I did discuss this with no less than half a dozen people before posting. I spent at least 12 hours thinking about what to do. The decision came anything but lightly or quickly. I hope Bill gets through these tough times and my thoughts are with him and his loved ones.

[Peter_Spaeth]

Originally Posted by Matthew H

Wow,

You do realize that Bill hasn't received a penny, and that he never asked for anything. He made a fleeting comment, then a random act of kindness happened collectively by this community, only to be tarnished by a few people who "donated" with the hidden condition that he not be caught buying any more cards, all of this happened within 48 hours. Yuck.

That is not, in my opinion, fair. What a few guys said is that they donated on the assumption -- based on Bill's own words -- that Bill would have to sell his collection to pay for the expenses.

[Tim Kindler]

Matt,
Not sure if you were talking about me, but I don't think my thoughts were ugly?? IF you weren't, no problem, but if you were, it is still alright. Like I said differing opinions are good.

ctownboy,
I get where you are coming from. It is the thought I have for example where our schools like in Chicago stay open even during a strike to feed the children when this enables the parents to not be responsible and take care of their own. I guess my hypotheical situation didn't come out the way I had intended it to. You are correct in saying that if I knew the guy would buy meth, giving him the money would enable his addiction...totally agree. What I meant by my situation is that I would give freely from my heart certainly hoping it would be used for the right reasons, but that if it wasn't then at least I did my part to try to help someone in need.
Take Care,
Tim Kindler

Like an earlier poster said, It is not really the right thing to do, discussing this in Bill's time of mourning, so I'm not going to continue this anymore. I've said my opinion and will get back to looking at cards.

Take care Bill and everyone who has helped him out.

[Matthew H]

Originally Posted by Tim Kindler

Matt,
Not sure if you were talking about me, but I don't think my thoughts were ugly?? IF you weren't, no problem, but if you were, it is still alright. Like I said differing opinions are good.

Not you, at all, Tim.

Peter, ok. I'm still shocked.

And I realize my comment was over the top.

[Clutch-Hitter]

This board is a huge asset to the hobby, a large majority of which involves helping other collectors. So when an issue such as this appears, it will not go unnoticed. It seems like many people who donated do not personally know Mr Hedin but donated anyway. And based on the circumstances here, I think its a little odd, at least given the facts it is. The man loves cards, which are a distraction, something to look forward to, and is really going that route in this extremely difficult time. We know how it is. I cannot imagine facing what Mr Hedin is.

I've noticed a few things here on the board 1. Leon does a great job, 2. Barry Sloate has to really be peeved to say something about being peeved; level headed,

Whether rational or not, It would make sense to assume that Barry and/or Leon feel responsible for what may have been unusual. It had to be addressed.

Mr Hedin, I'm very sorry for your loss. I will be refunding you for the low dollar 33 Goudey tomorrow morning as my contribution, and by the way, I mailed it today. I hope it gives you an ounce of peace. Would have already refunded but didn't make the connection immediately. Best Regards

Good to see Kawika

[ramram]

Leon -

You and Barry did exactly what you needed to do. Once the additional information came to light, you were in a no win situation so you politely put it out there for everybody to make there own decision. Maybe the only thing you might have done different would have been to not allow any posts since it should be each individual's private decision after they digested that information.

What you two started was very kind.

Nuf said.

Rob M.

[Leon]

Originally Posted by ramram

Leon -

You and Barry did exactly what you needed to do. Once the additional information came to light, you were in a no win situation so you politely put it out there for everybody to make there own decision. Maybe the only thing you might have done different would have been to not allow any posts since it should be each individual's private decision after they digested that information.

What you two started was very kind.

Nuf said.

Rob M.

I absolutely discussed locking the thread to start with, with Barry and/or one of the others. In the modus operandi of the board, "not locking it" was chosen. It wasn't a no-brainer though. I don't think there was a perfect solution here. It was more the"lesser of evils".

[abothebear]

A few years ago a family helped me and my family out big time, for over a year. Even though I loved them for it, I hated to see them out in public for fear of them making judgements about how I was spending my time and money (they were pretty awesome and probably didn't make judgements, but I was worried about it). One time I ran into them on the ski slope and I felt like a fool for being there even though it was a holiday and I was getting paid for an off day and a friend paid for my rental and ticket. I didn't want them to think I was squandering their generosity and skipping work to ski, but I also thought it would be super weird if I explained it to them when they didn't ask for an explanation. It was an unavoidably awkward situation. Sometimes a limited portion of the information distorts the reality, and there is no good way of sorting it out to everyone's satisfaction. And the only thing you are left with is trusting in everyone to be cool about it and that character over time will prove the good.

[travrosty]

People donate to help someone out. Did you check his grocery bill too to see if he bought donuts or a tub of ice cream instead of just the essentials?

I clicked on the link, expecting to see some 500 or 600 dollar bids. I saw a bunch of 10 dollar purchases. He didn't buy a lamborghini.

Would you feel better if you saw his picture in the local paper standing in the soup and bread line at the salvation army?

He never asked for the money, now everyone wants power of attorney over his finances? Forget Romney's tax returns, where is Bill's?

I know someone struggling very badly during this recession. He still takes his little kids out to the movies ocassionally. I don't think if anyone helped that poor bastard they are going to get their panties twisted because the kids went to see ice age 3 when they could have been using the money strictly for Tide and Colgate.

Here's the catch. When people heard he might have to sell his collection to finance the funeral, they sent in money generously. Now he doesn't have to sell his cards for the funeral. THAT"S THE POINT. IT WORKED! CONGRATULATIONS, YOU DID IT! Now that he doesn't have to mortgage the farm, which was the whole point after all, now you bitch?

That guy can't win, he didnt ask for the money, so don't blame him at all.
Maybe someone came to him and offered to pay for the whole funeral. He's suppose to tell everybody now? It's not anyone's business.

When someone sends you something in the mail you didn't ask for, you get to keep it. The whole idea of asking for donations to help someone out is that you send in a little bit and the strength of numbers makes the donations pile up into a substantial amount.

Then if you feel slighted after the fact, you are only out the little bit, and who cares? You need your 50 bucks back so bad, go rummage through the sympathy cards at the funeral and find it.

He didn't ask for any of this. Leave the guy alone.

[barrysloate]

My final post here is I send Bill my deepest sympathies in this very difficult time. I know a lot of people don't like this thread, and as Leon said, he agonized over this decision for most of yesterday. He and I spoke many times and ultimately felt it was best to provide this information and then let everyone make their own decision. I'm still glad I was able to help Bill, and most others feel that way too. Hopefully this discussion will soon come to an end.

[Donscards]

You know this is a great board for info--help on questions you have on cards,etc. buying and selling---I was telling my wife the other day, how nice it is that net 54 is helping Billy---she thought it was just wonderful.--But the last few days, what this forum is putting Billy through is beyound belief. Billy doesnt deserve this type of talk especially with the loss of his wife and what he is going trough the last few weeks. I can only imagine what he is thinking if he is reading these boards. Sorry Billy that you have to bear this and I wish for you the best. God bless you and you are in our prayers. Don

[wolf441]

Originally Posted by Donscards

You know this is a great board for info--help on questions you have on cards,etc. buying and selling---I was telling my wife the other day, how nice it is that net 54 is helping Billy---she thought it was just wonderful.--But the last few days, what this forum is putting Billy through is beyound belief. Billy doesnt deserve this type of talk especially with the loss of his wife and what he is going trough the last few weeks. I can only imagine what he is thinking if he is reading these boards. Sorry Billy that you have to bear this and I wish for you the best. God bless you and you are in our prayers. Don

Don, I was telling my wife about all of the support that the board members were giving to Bill and she too thought that it was wonderful. Now, it pains me to think that Bill is going to have to read through this thread. I have never met Bill and made a small donation based on the fact that every post that I have seen from him has painted a picture of a kind, caring person as well as the fact that being married and the father of three, I would be devastated if God forbid anything happened to my wife. I am not a particularly religious person, but Matthew 7.1 seems fitting: Judge Not Lest You Be Judged.

Bill, my sincerest condolences in your time of loss. Steve W.

[calvindog]

If I can pay 50% of my income to federal, state, and local taxes knowing that some of it will be going toward "entitlements" to certain people I don't respect -- and keep my mouth shut about it all the while -- somehow I suspect the same can be done regarding a few bucks to help a friend in need. Maybe it's time to lock the thread and move on?

[ullmandds]

agreed...the timing of this thread is/was unfortunate...and in retrospect I'm sorry I opened my mouth.

Pls shut thread!

[53Browns]

CalvinDog said it perfectly!

[Sean1125]

Shortly after my grandmothers death I had one of the biggest card purchases I ever had, I made a good deal of money on it and as shallow as it sounds... The money helped cope... I had cried by her bed for hours when she couldn't even communicate back... I have to agree with the responses that you need to keep some bit of normalcy or you will never get on with your life - I don't know Bill and I am impartial to this matter, the only information I have is what I have read in this thread. Please excuse me if there is something I am missing. Buying cards doesn't mean you do not regret or care for your loved one.

Sean

[Jay Wolt]

Originally Posted by calvindog

Maybe it's time to lock the thread and move on?

Agree 100%
Isn't today the day of the funeral?
Lets have all the Bill Hedin "stockholders" give him some peace & quiet!

[Leon]

Unfortunately, this is one of those very sad situations that the board goes through every now and then. Bill has told me he doesn't want the donations but I am hoping that he will change his mind. Rest assured that all of the money will go to him or get refunded. I might give it 2-3 days to contact Bill and try to get it worked out. I won't be bothering him today. I have had several (not just 3-4) PM's, emails and other correspondence concerning this issue. Almost all in support, but a few not. I did the best I could. This is one of those divided situations where no matter what decision is made, there will be quite a few folks not happy. I don't think anyone that so thoughtfully donated did it without the utmost respect and caring. Everyone wanted to help our board member and fellow collector. That being said, many folks also appreciated knowing all of the situation. At this point I think locking the thread is the right thing to do. Like so many difficult situations on the board, this too shall pass. Once again my sincere condolences to Bill, his family and friends.