Hobby etiquette. Where has it gone?

OhioLawyerF5 · #1 10-29-2025, 11:16 AM

It's not about the hobby. It's just the direction our modern society has gone. And it's not about a lack of ettiquatte or decency. Because as the 21st century has unfolded, and the world has become more digital with vastly more access to communication platforms, the short-form communication you bemoan has become normal. So what was considered poor etiguette to us is considered appropriate ettiguette to the current generation. They are actually acting appropriately under the norms of the society they were raised in. So it's hard to hold it against them that they don't conform to our norms, because that is a society they have never lived in. We can accept that things change and adapt, or we can shake our fists at the clouds. The latter just makes us miserable. Just understand, when they talk/text/message that way, it is not their intent to be rude. It's literally how they have been taught to communicate. It's no different than a person from a culture who requires you to take your shoes off when you enter a house. If you have never heard that etiquette, you might unkowingly break it. Does that make you a bad person? Or should the person who holds to that etiquette be patient and understanding as both of you try to adapt to one another?

Yoda · #2 10-29-2025, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OhioLawyerF5

It's not about the hobby. It's just the direction our modern society has gone. And it's not about a lack of ettiquatte or decency. Because as the 21st century has unfolded, and the world has become more digital with vastly more access to communication platforms, the short-form communication you bemoan has become normal. So what was considered poor etiguette to us is considered appropriate ettiguette to the current generation. They are actually acting appropriately under the norms of the society they were raised in. So it's hard to hold it against them that they don't conform to our norms, because that is a society they have never lived in. We can accept that things change and adapt, or we can shake our fists at the clouds. The latter just makes us miserable. Just understand, when they talk/text/message that way, it is not their intent to be rude. It's literally how they have been taught to communicate. It's no different than a person from a culture who requires you to take your shoes off when you enter a house. If you have never heard that etiquette, you might unkowingly break it. Does that make you a bad person? Or should the person who holds to that etiquette be patient and understanding as both of you try to adapt to one another?

Clarance Darrow couldn't have said it better. I lived in Japan for many years so I get the shoes.

notfast · #3 10-29-2025, 03:04 PM

It definitely isnt just the �youth� of the hobby.

Anyone who interacts with people a lot knows that the majority of assholes aren�t the younger ones.

JollyElm · #4 10-29-2025, 03:11 PM

Some of you guys have nailed it!!

It's funny, but I have an ongoing Net54 thread about my observations from the front lines of card shows, and I can say without question that 99% of the showgoers and dealers I approach have the same look on their faces (as they look up from their phones) when I start engaging them,
"Wait, is this human being actually trying to talk to me in person...and not text...or Insta or Facebook me??!! I'm not ready for this. What am I supposed to do???"

bmattioli · #5 10-29-2025, 05:11 PM

There are still many good folks out there. Also many good FB groups outside of here with good followings and members. Weed out the bad and deal with the good..

Exhibitman · #6 10-29-2025, 05:33 PM

That's a very good point about communications etiquette being generational. Still, there has to be some common sense regard for others. When my mother died, I was onstage at a comedy club doing a set (she wasn't there, in case you maybe thought I killed her with bad jokes) and had my phone off for the show. Since the dementia facility couldn't reach me right away, the Millennial hospice nurse thought that "your mother has passed away" was an acceptable text to send me to notify me of her death. No. That's like breaking up with a post-it on the bathroom mirror. "I will be late for dinner" is a text. "Your mother is dead" is a phone call. Now, when I tell that to anyone over 40 the response is horrified; under 40 they say "so what happened next?" Doesn't faze them in the slightest.

calvindog · #7 10-29-2025, 05:54 PM

There are plenty of good people in the hobby just as there always has been. And there are plenty of money-grubbing scumbags too � just as there always has been.

We have people on the board who look out for each other and there are people who try to resell a card for 3x what it sold for in a public auction a week earlier. Same as it ever was.

Be a positive in the hobby and usually people tend to treat you better.

Mark17 · #8 10-29-2025, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by perezfan

I think the difference between the terse younger generations with their poor communication skills and the older generations who exhibit courtesy and empathy is the advent of cell phones, video gaming and social media.

They text rather than talk, they shorten commonly used words into abbreviations, and they won't even answer the phone if they don't recognize the caller. Part of the reason is that life is faster-paced today, so multi-tasking has become a necessity. I never even heard the term "multi-tasking" until the early 2000s, come to think of it.

I do agree there is a bigger divide between the generations today than ever before. But that's likely because (for the first time in our history) cell phones and social media were part of their up-bringing and childhood... making it more difficult for older people with good manners to relate to them.

I agree, and would say that it comes down to access to instant information. I go online or shop at stores and I see the price. I check the ticker prices of a couple stocks I follow daily, as well as spot prices for gold, silver, platinum, and rhodium. I follow the Dow and it's direction. Likewise, some people track T206 Cobb prices, etc. Tons of data inputs constantly - gold is up $24 dollars so far today, digest that information for a moment, then focus on something else.

When people inquire about cards, they might be evaluating a potential purchase, or they might simply be gathering information. You have a PSA 5 green Cobb? What's the lowest you'd sell it for (I'm not a buyer, just keeping track of where the market is at on that key card.)

There are a lot of people who enjoy this hobby but don't have the money to buy most, or any, of the things they would really like to own. But they can derive enjoyment by window-shopping, and maybe one day a real bargain will come along.

I also think that hobby courtesy cuts both ways. There have been times when I've wanted to discuss collectibles a little bit with a seller, and received a terse, brief, rejection. But there have also been times when a customer has wanted to settle in and tell me about his fond memories of opening packs of cards as a kid, when I am busy with other things/thoughts and frankly, am not interested in his childhood reminiscences.

What I learned long ago is to just let people do their thing, whatever it is, and not be overly annoyed by their behavior. Maybe they can't afford something they really want, so obtaining a scan of it is the closest they can come. Maybe they want to participate in the hobby, or interact with people in the hobby. Maybe they're just bored, or lonely. Maybe their dog and/or best friend recently died and they're looking for a distraction from that.

Bottom line is unless someone is trying to cheat me, or being ridiculous (like offering $500 on a $1300 item) I try to remember they are a person navigating through life, and I have no idea what their goals or circumstances are. I certainly don't get overly annoyed.

OhioLawyerF5 · #9 10-29-2025, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark17

I agree, and would say that it comes down to access to instant information. I go online or shop at stores and I see the price. I check the ticker prices of a couple stocks I follow daily, as well as spot prices for gold, silver, platinum, and rhodium. I follow the Dow and it's direction. Likewise, some people track T206 Cobb prices, etc. Tons of data inputs constantly - gold is up $24 dollars so far today, digest that information for a moment, then focus on something else.

When people inquire about cards, they might be evaluating a potential purchase, or they might simply be gathering information. You have a PSA 5 green Cobb? What's the lowest you'd sell it for (I'm not a buyer, just keeping track of where the market is at on that key card.)

There are a lot of people who enjoy this hobby but don't have the money to buy most, or any, of the things they would really like to own. But they can derive enjoyment by window-shopping, and maybe one day a real bargain will come along.

I also think that hobby courtesy cuts both ways. There have been times when I've wanted to discuss collectibles a little bit with a seller, and received a terse, brief, rejection. But there have also been times when a customer has wanted to settle in and tell me about his fond memories of opening packs of cards as a kid, when I am busy with other things/thoughts and frankly, am not interested in his childhood reminiscences.

What I learned long ago is to just let people do their thing, whatever it is, and not be overly annoyed by their behavior. Maybe they can't afford something they really want, so obtaining a scan of it is the closest they can come. Maybe they want to participate in the hobby, or interact with people in the hobby. Maybe they're just bored, or lonely. Maybe their dog and/or best friend recently died and they're looking for a distraction from that.

Bottom line is unless someone is trying to cheat me, or being ridiculous (like offering $500 on a $1300 item) I try to remember they are a person navigating through life, and I have no idea what their goals or circumstances are. I certainly don't get overly annoyed.

Perfect response. My thoughts exactly. It takes two to be annoyed or offended. One to do something you are annoyed by (whether intentionally or not), and you to let it bother you.

GasHouseGang · #10 10-30-2025, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JollyElm

I can say without question that 99% of the showgoers and dealers I approach have the same look on their faces (as they look up from their phones) when I start engaging them,
"Wait, is this human being actually trying to talk to me in person...and not text...or Insta or Facebook me??!! I'm not ready for this. What am I supposed to do???"

I have encountered that too, but you captured it better than I could have! Thanks for the laugh!

Galenus · #11 10-30-2025, 01:26 PM

I believe that most people are interested in quick easy transactions and no longer care about relationship building. I persona believe that building a relationship between myself and dealers is very important on both ends of the deal. The collector can get a little better deals since the cards will not be flipped or first offer at a tough to find card. The dealer gets repeat business, somebody actually interested in their cards during a downturn and potential leads on something they are looking for. Unfortunately, technology has made it very easy to buy and sell all but the rarest cards with little conversation needed.

premiercardcollectors · #12 10-30-2025, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Galenus

I believe that most people are interested in quick easy transactions and no longer care about relationship building. I persona believe that building a relationship between myself and dealers is very important on both ends of the deal. The collector can get a little better deals since the cards will not be flipped or first offer at a tough to find card. The dealer gets repeat business, somebody actually interested in their cards during a downturn and potential leads on something they are looking for. Unfortunately, technology has made it very easy to buy and sell all but the rarest cards with little conversation needed.

Amen!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Northviewcats · #13 10-30-2025, 04:35 PM

I sell around 75 items a week on eBay, with no problems. I have over 600 followers in my store and about 80% of my sales are from repeat buyers. I like to think that part of my success is because I respond respectfully to every private message as quickly as I can, even low-ball offers that I cannot accept.

Thanking customers for their interest in our cards and treating customers the way that we would like to be treated is always good business.

Best regards, Joe

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