A most difficult thread- helping a friend, Bill Hedin

[Peter_Spaeth]

These are obviously difficult and delicate circumstances. But in light of what Bill said about his financial situation and the funds that were raised in response, $1200 of purchases in the past week justifies Leon raising the issue in my opinion.

[wolf441]

Bill's quote today from the memorial thread seems pretty clear. I for one was happy and am happy to have donated. Having lost family members, I know that the funeral costs are astronomical and I also know that we often look to find comfort where we can in times of loss. If it is in card collecting, that's one of the nice things about our hobby. I appreciate that everyone will have their own opinion, but wanted to get mine out there. Best wishes to all.

Steve


Quote:

"Thank you, my friends
Dear Friends,
I want to thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers and donations in my time of need. You have all touched my heart and I will never forget this.

My God, all that money will certainly help with the funeral bills and I'm truly so very happy that you wonderful friends really made a difference.

The wake and funeral are coming up: wake is Wednesday night, 5-8 and the funeral is Thursday at 10 AM. The link is in the Bill Hedin thread. I can email it to you, or you can google Rebecca Hedin Framingham, MA obituary. It's on Legacy web site forever, too.

I've been surrounded by family and friends and that has kept me busy. I've been working on ebay with some family members who are buying cards for their collections as well as helping me pick up some cards to re-sell down the road. This keeps me busy and helps me in many ways.

Cards, afterall, have always been there for us through the good times and the bad times.

Thanks again for everyones help and prayers. I never expected any financial help, but your generosity is truly appreciated and I can't thank you all enough.

Here's to better times!

Regards,
Bill Hedin"

Unquote

[kmac32]

Looks like Bill is occupying his time with eBay. Different people deal with grief in different ways. Not the way I would handle it, but I'm not Bill. I get the impression Bill is going into his comfort zone and if the board can help him in his time of need, more power to them. I also would have donated but I have my own health issues. That doesn't mean that I won't buy an occasional card. I do however watch more closely what I spend $$$ on these days.

Kmac

[UOFLfan7]

I believe that in a time of tragedy one most continue on with normalicy. If the normal thing they do is buy and sell baseball cards, then they must continue to buy and sell baseball cards as that is the only way they can really get over the terrible tragedy that occured. Saying this however, if the purchases get to excessive, I would worry not that the money he is spending is coming from donations, but more so that he is trying to suffocate his pain by spending money excessively. You see this alot when a terrible tragedy occurs, people try to suffocate the feelings of grief and pain by spending money or overreating. This is not healthy and the person that is doing this needs support more than ever. I'm not saying that this is what is happenning in Bill's case, and I sincerely hope the best for him and his family.

I don't know Bill personally, but he seems respected on this site. I also know how hard it is to lose somebody you care about, now I have never lost a wife because I am only 16, but I have lost great grandparents, some that I was very close too. My best wishes to you and your family Bill. Stay strong and retain normalicy. If I had the money to I would donate, but sadly I lost all of my money do to careless spending (Something I need to get better at, as learning how to save money is extremely important in your success.) Once I regain some of the money I lost, I will be happy to donate if the option is still available, but I don't know how long it will take for me to regain my losses and for that I am sorry.

Once again best wishes,
Cameron W.C.P.

[daves_resale_shop]

I am happy to have donated... Bill is dealing with an overwhelming situation... I am sure his wife was his top priority in life and memorabilia his second... given his great lost I can understand his gravitation toward cards...

If the $25 that I donated goes to 52 Topps high numbers, than so be it...

[Miconelegacy]

Bill Sorry to hear of your loss. I never have really come over to these boards, and really don't post on the PSA boards anymore. I know a lot of people left there to come here.

Anyway I wanted to reach out to you as I had my wife pass away last October 24th. I offer my deepest sympathy, thoughts, and prayers to you and to your family.

I got beat up a bit about cards, but that was my escape, maybe it's yours to.

I'll learn how to message I guess, or feel free to message me when you want to. I can be just an ear or we can talk cards or whatever.

God Bless,

Mike Kelley

[novakjr]

I'm pretty much of the same opinion as most of the later posts. I also am one to use collecting as an "escape". Even the smallest purchases can brighten up a day, or even a week, when nothing else seems to be going right.

Now as far as the allocation of the money. In the ultimate scheme of things, what's the difference what the money "directly" goes towards, as long as the Funereal expenses are paid, without being too much of a financial burden on Bill. Wasn't that the point of the donations? The money is either directly, or indirectly, still helping pay for those expenses..

My sincerest condolences for your loss, Bill. Good luck, and keep your head up..

[ullmandds]

I'm not really sure what to think here?! I don't know Bill at all...other than what I've seen of him on this site. But I do know...that we have discussions on this board all of the time revolving around needs...vs wants in life...and I think all of us would agree that if there was a need in our lives...our card collecting funds would have to be diverted to address those needs...no question about it!!!!

And I also understand that we all seek comfort in times of despair/suffering?!

But I donated $$$$ under the impression that Bill was in financial dire straits and this $$$$ would go towards paying for necessary arrangements.

If I knew my donation was going to go towards buying bb cards...there is no question...I would not have donated!

It seems Bills oldest daughter the good doctor could probably have helped?

After reading Bill's story I was heartbroken...now...I feel kinda used!

Sorry...but this is how I feel!

[Clutch-Hitter]

This board is a huge asset to the hobby, a large majority of which involves helping other collectors. So when an issue such as this appears, it will not go unnoticed. It seems like many people who donated do not personally know Mr Hedin but donated anyway. And based on the circumstances here, I think its a little odd, at least given the facts it is. The man loves cards, which are a distraction, something to look forward to, and is really going that route in this extremely difficult time. We know how it is. I cannot imagine facing what Mr Hedin is.

I've noticed a few things here on the board 1. Leon does a great job, 2. Barry Sloate has to really be peeved to say something about being peeved; level headed,

Whether rational or not, It would make sense to assume that Barry and/or Leon feel responsible for what may have been unusual. It had to be addressed.

Mr Hedin, I'm very sorry for your loss. I will be refunding you for the low dollar 33 Goudey tomorrow morning as my contribution, and by the way, I mailed it today. I hope it gives you an ounce of peace. Would have already refunded but didn't make the connection immediately. Best Regards

Good to see Kawika

[ramram]

Leon -

You and Barry did exactly what you needed to do. Once the additional information came to light, you were in a no win situation so you politely put it out there for everybody to make there own decision. Maybe the only thing you might have done different would have been to not allow any posts since it should be each individual's private decision after they digested that information.

What you two started was very kind.

Nuf said.

Rob M.

[Leon]

Originally Posted by ramram

Leon -

You and Barry did exactly what you needed to do. Once the additional information came to light, you were in a no win situation so you politely put it out there for everybody to make there own decision. Maybe the only thing you might have done different would have been to not allow any posts since it should be each individual's private decision after they digested that information.

What you two started was very kind.

Nuf said.

Rob M.

I absolutely discussed locking the thread to start with, with Barry and/or one of the others. In the modus operandi of the board, "not locking it" was chosen. It wasn't a no-brainer though. I don't think there was a perfect solution here. It was more the"lesser of evils".

[abothebear]

A few years ago a family helped me and my family out big time, for over a year. Even though I loved them for it, I hated to see them out in public for fear of them making judgements about how I was spending my time and money (they were pretty awesome and probably didn't make judgements, but I was worried about it). One time I ran into them on the ski slope and I felt like a fool for being there even though it was a holiday and I was getting paid for an off day and a friend paid for my rental and ticket. I didn't want them to think I was squandering their generosity and skipping work to ski, but I also thought it would be super weird if I explained it to them when they didn't ask for an explanation. It was an unavoidably awkward situation. Sometimes a limited portion of the information distorts the reality, and there is no good way of sorting it out to everyone's satisfaction. And the only thing you are left with is trusting in everyone to be cool about it and that character over time will prove the good.

[travrosty]

People donate to help someone out. Did you check his grocery bill too to see if he bought donuts or a tub of ice cream instead of just the essentials?

I clicked on the link, expecting to see some 500 or 600 dollar bids. I saw a bunch of 10 dollar purchases. He didn't buy a lamborghini.

Would you feel better if you saw his picture in the local paper standing in the soup and bread line at the salvation army?

He never asked for the money, now everyone wants power of attorney over his finances? Forget Romney's tax returns, where is Bill's?

I know someone struggling very badly during this recession. He still takes his little kids out to the movies ocassionally. I don't think if anyone helped that poor bastard they are going to get their panties twisted because the kids went to see ice age 3 when they could have been using the money strictly for Tide and Colgate.

Here's the catch. When people heard he might have to sell his collection to finance the funeral, they sent in money generously. Now he doesn't have to sell his cards for the funeral. THAT"S THE POINT. IT WORKED! CONGRATULATIONS, YOU DID IT! Now that he doesn't have to mortgage the farm, which was the whole point after all, now you bitch?

That guy can't win, he didnt ask for the money, so don't blame him at all.
Maybe someone came to him and offered to pay for the whole funeral. He's suppose to tell everybody now? It's not anyone's business.

When someone sends you something in the mail you didn't ask for, you get to keep it. The whole idea of asking for donations to help someone out is that you send in a little bit and the strength of numbers makes the donations pile up into a substantial amount.

Then if you feel slighted after the fact, you are only out the little bit, and who cares? You need your 50 bucks back so bad, go rummage through the sympathy cards at the funeral and find it.

He didn't ask for any of this. Leave the guy alone.

[barrysloate]

My final post here is I send Bill my deepest sympathies in this very difficult time. I know a lot of people don't like this thread, and as Leon said, he agonized over this decision for most of yesterday. He and I spoke many times and ultimately felt it was best to provide this information and then let everyone make their own decision. I'm still glad I was able to help Bill, and most others feel that way too. Hopefully this discussion will soon come to an end.

[Donscards]

You know this is a great board for info--help on questions you have on cards,etc. buying and selling---I was telling my wife the other day, how nice it is that net 54 is helping Billy---she thought it was just wonderful.--But the last few days, what this forum is putting Billy through is beyound belief. Billy doesnt deserve this type of talk especially with the loss of his wife and what he is going trough the last few weeks. I can only imagine what he is thinking if he is reading these boards. Sorry Billy that you have to bear this and I wish for you the best. God bless you and you are in our prayers. Don