Heritage Auctions

[Exhibitman]

Auctioneer Wormer: Greg, who are the worst bidders at our auctions?
Greg: Well that would be hard to say, sir. They're each outstanding in their own way.
Auctioneer Wormer: Cut the horse***t, son. I've got their bidding records right here. Who never overpays for cards? Who puts in dozens of placeholder bids and hopes to slide by? Every Halloween, we see lots close at wholesale prices. Every spring, the bottom feeders win cards.
Greg: You're talking about wholesale customers, sir.
Auctioneer Wormer: Of course I'm talking about wholesale customers, you TWERP! This year is going to be different. This year we are going to grab the bull by the BALLS and run up their bids.
Greg: What do you intend to do sir? The bidders are already subject to reserves.
Auctioneer Wormer: They are?
Greg: Yes, sir.
Auctioneer Wormer: Oh. Then as of this moment, we'll engage in DOUBLE SECRET RESERVES!
Greg: Double Secret Reserves, Sir?
Auctioneer Wormer: There is a little-known codicil in the auction rules which gives the company unlimited power to jack up prices in times of low bidding. Find me a way to run up the bids on these bottom-feeders while self-righteously proclaiming my honesty and integrity. Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little s***, just like you, right? [Greg nods] The time has come for someone to put their foot down. And that foot is me.