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Old 12-12-2020, 04:18 AM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
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Default The New Directory of Collectorisms...

Every year the major dictionaries add new words to keep up with the times. You might have heard "Amirite," or "social distancing" or "ish."

Well, I believe the collecting world's dictionary needs a facelift, too. So I present for your perusal, 2020's Collectorisms Part I (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)

If you enjoy puns and wordplay with some pseudo-portmanteaus thrown in as well, then make your way down the page and grab some giggles!!!


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #27 and read it so you will understand that although this thread is rife with biting commentary, it is for entertainment purposes only. Most of us here will recognize all fifty of these collectorisms. In fact, we should see ourselves in quite a few of them!!


And away we go...


1. Atlantic Pity
The feeling of angst associated with people living west of the Mississippi who know The National is never going to be held anywhere near their hometown.

See also: Califortunate - the excitement felt by people on the West Coast who know flying to an East Coast show means they will finally be able to escape their families for a precious few days.

See also: Hobroken - hating that The National is once again being held in Atlantic City, NJ.

2. Repicturate (also Déjà View)
When somebody posts a card in the official monthly “Pick-ups” thread, but also seeks out and finds a secondary thread to post the exact same pic (and write up) in to garner additional attention and fuel their self-gratification.

3. Frumpster Diving
The love and appreciation of lower grade, ‘unattractive’ cards.

See also: Velocicraptor or Caardvark - a person who happily hunts for those types of cards.

4. Grandpoppycock
When an eBay seller uses statements such as “Attic Find!!!” or “My Grandfather’s Cards!!!” to lend credence to their attempt to hornswoggle potential buyers.

5. Donfrusstration
The disappointment you feel after posting an expensive, high grade vintage HOFer for trade, and a member tries to talk you into swapping it for a stack of 1980’s commons.

See also: Farcissist - a person so laughably full of himself that he actually believes he can ‘cleverly’ talk someone into trading a great card of theirs away for mere peanuts.

6. Slabnetiquette
Disclosing relatively minor things, such as that there are scratches on the case, or maybe a card should’ve actually received a lower grade than it has and other honest acknowledgements.

See also: Slabnotiquette - stating how something in a scan that looks like a crease, bend, or an artifact, is on the holder itself and not on the card.

7. Impostonator
When someone basically writes the ‘CliffsNotes’ version of the exact same thing you already wrote in the thread about 10 posts earlier.

See also: Cardsternation - the feeling you get when the above happens and people have the nerve to pat him (not you!) on the back and say, “Well said!”

8. Poptical Illusion (also Lemongrade)
When someone is offering a card for sale, but completely and utterly overstates what grade they think it would receive if it was ever sent in to a TPG...when it so obviously doesn’t stand a chance of getting anywhere near that number.

9. Tangenda
The purposeful derailment of a thread in order to steer it in the direction you personally want it to go.

10. Buyromania
When a member shows a bunch of really expensive cards he’s recently purchased, and you can’t help but wonder, “Where the heck does this guy get the money to purchase these extravagant things??!!”

11. Waxative
An old, supposedly unopened pack you spent a crapload of money on (see what I did there?) that shoots out nothing but off-centered commons and was undoubtedly fraudulently repackaged and resealed.

See also: Christmiss - spending way too much on (and falling for) one of those special ‘Holiday’ rack packs that pop up on eBay with ultimately nothing but commons in it.

See also: Gumstruck - the complete ‘surprise’ you feel while viewing a YouTube ‘pack break’ video and the person doing the opening once again utters a lame joke about putting the stale, ancient stick of gum in his mouth.

See also: Bamgloozled - discovering that one of your wax packs was rewrapped or resealed before you owned it.

12. Preambling Man
Someone feeling the need to state something at the start of a new thread to the effect of, “Leon, if this is in the wrong section, please feel free to move it,” or “If this topic has already been covered before, I apologize.”

13. Toppspedoed
Enthusiastically posting what is just a phenomenal card for you...but the next person adding their new ‘pick-up’ to the thread just completely blows yours out of the water.

See also: Prewarpedoed - same as above, but with extremely old cards.

See also: Hypnopic - a scan of a card that makes you so jealous you can’t stop staring at it.

14. Cardtagonist
A person starting a thread to ask for opinions on some aspect of a card he owns, and then reacting angrily to anyone whose opinion differs from his own or doesn’t tell him what he wants to hear.

See also: Trimwit - a person who refuses to believe that his short, undoubtedly altered card has spent time with an X-Acto knife.

15. Shambellisher (also Hyperbumpic)
Someone who declares enthusiastically that the card he’s offering for sale is definitely a candidate for a regrade (presumably to a higher, more valuable number).

16. Koquak (also Fauxtographer or Failface)
After someone starts a “Does anyone know who this player is??” thread, this person’s guess isn’t anywhere even remotely close to having a resemblance to the person being asked about, as if he just picked a random name out of the Baseball Almanac and posted it.

See also: Clueless Joe - a person who’s convinced any player pictured in an old B/W photograph is Joe Jackson.

17. Exhauction
The state of seeing yet another person asking which auction house they should work with to sell their collection.

18. Hearing Graid
When feeling uncertain about the price you paid for a card in a slab, you seek satisfaction, support, and compliments by asking if the card/grade you purchased was a good deal.

19. Newbummer
When someone starts a jovial, well thought out ‘new member introduction’ thread and ends up receiving scant few “Welcome aboard!” replies.

See also: Lurkie-loo - a person who notes in their introduction how long they’ve been a lurker before joining the site.

20. Boardswarmer
A person who is so self-absorbed that they feel they MUST (often immediately) post in every single thread imaginable, regardless of whether or not they have anything pertinent to add to the topic.

See also: Post-it Dope (also Blind Tally or Ex Post Counto) - a person who clearly chimes in for no other reason than to up his post count number.

21. Flipwreck
When someone posts a picture of a graded card that the TPG wrongly slabbed as an original and not the reprint it truly is.

See also: Mis-slabelled - having a technical error on the flip that needs to be corrected.

22. Copy-triter
Someone who, instead of speaking like a normal human being, constantly throws out overused, stale or ‘expected’ phrases such as “Thanks for sharing,” “Buy the card, not the slab,” “Collect whatever makes you happy,” etc.

See also: Iconoghast - a person who can’t seem to post something without using the word “iconic.”

23. Mycophant (also Twenty Four/#7)
A person who only cares about cards, memorabilia or topics associated with their reverence for and obsession with Mickey Mantle.

See also: Micrepresentation - the refusal to acknowledge the fact you only want Mantle cards because of their huge resale value and potential return on investment (ROI).

See also: Inmantleize - once again condescendingly referring to basic Mickey Mantle card facts that we’ve heard a million times before, i.e., “The 1952 Topps is not his rookie card,” or “The 1965 Topps World Series Game 3 ‘Mantle's Clutch HR’ card actually shows him missing the pitch...and it wrongly shows Bob Gibson pitching in that game!!!”

24. Pandoragami
A troublesome form of art where the goal is to figure out how to effectively ‘straighten’ bent corners and flatten out wrinkles and creases in cardboard.

25. The War of the Discloses
The eternal, ongoing debate of whether or not the price of a card sold in the B/S/T section should be kept in the thread for posterity’s sake, or removed by the seller.

26. Discomslabulation
When a person posts the specific reasons why he prefers one TPG over another, and then someone else gives their specific reasons why they DON’T prefer that selfsame TPG.

See also: Sponsorflip - asking for opinions on what’s the best third party grader to go with.

27. Obliviot
Someone who reacts angrily to a post that was obviously, unmistakably intended to be facetious, playful, or sarcastic. Apparently, he is unable to tell something is supposed to be humorous unless a suitable emoji tells him it is.

28. Warpal Tunnel Syndrome
The condition that leads a person - NO MATTER WHAT THE SUBJECT BEING DEBATED IS - to make every agument based on their obsession with the theoretical stat of WAR and/or other advanced sabermetric statistics.

See also: Troubawar - a person who sings the praises of these stats while arguing about modern day players whose entire careers we all witnessed first hand!!

See also: Whipshit - someone who claims the theoretical stat of WAR isn’t actually a theoretical stat.

29. Masquergrade (also Serengrade)
When a person asks if they should send a high-grade card in for a regrade, in the hopes it might receive an even higher grade...and you get the feeling it’s just a ploy to hear everyone sing the praises of the card in its current holder.

30. Dean-noser (also Dreckonomist)
A person who, in the face of all common sense, always feels compelled to praise the well-known and heavily discussed eBay rip-off artists who laughably try to sell their cards for ten times as much as everyone else.

31. Greed-to-Know Basis
When a ‘for sale’ thread doesn’t list any prices or include any scans of the available cards, and you’re supposed to e-mail the seller for the information. You know full well that everything is going to be waaaay overpriced.

32. Baddition
When a person makes a point of specifically expressing how surprised he is that his thread has gotten so many views without any answers, information or offers given (if something is for sale), while just ignoring the fact most people regularly ‘look’ at threads simply to mark them as read and clear the board.

33. Prethumbtion
Basing initial opinions and/or summing up a member based solely on the thumbnail-sized picture he chose as his avatar.

See also: Film-Flam - on the rare occasions that you see actual photographs of other members, the shock and surprise of realizing they look nothing like you thought they would.

34. Redempathy
Feeling extremely bad for a member who has spelled out how someone stole his card or otherwise ripped him off, while also hoping very strongly that the thief gets his ass handed to him.

See also: Karmaget’im (informal)

35. Countdrown
Trying to work through all the math (and the seller’s specific verbiage) to determine the exact hour, minute and second an auction in the “Live Auctions” section actually ends in your time zone.

36. Tsu-name-i
Asking whether or not an autograph is legitimate and getting no responses until someone finally chimes in with their opinion...and then everyone quickly jumps on board to agree with that particular poster.

37. Overly Prebumptuous
The hope that bumping your thread will somehow revitalize it and get it going again.

See also: Affabumpity - specifically using the term “Friendly bump.”

38. Purvnayor
A member who starts a thread to specifically call out the shenanigans of an eBay user name.

See also: Peddlemeddle - to wonder whether a member’s attempt to identify an eBay user is for a good reason or a bad reason.

39. Baldersplash
The comments of someone who believes ‘soaking’ is nothing short of card doctoring.

40. Satisflacktion
The delight in seeing a member you are none too fond of taking heat and criticism in a thread.

41. Bitchhiker
Someone who climbs aboard a thread only to complain and/or moan about it, instead of simply passing it by and moving on to something else.

See also: Ejector Feat - a post that tells him to get lost.

42. Disrecarded
Asking for a thread to be deleted, but it remains there untouched forevermore.

43. Black Swamp and Circumstance
The joy felt by obtaining a card that has its association with a noted collector or historical find stated right on the label.

44. Inqualerance
The refusal to deal with any graded cards that have letter combinations such as “OC,” “ST” or “PD” on the labels.

45. Statutory Hype
When a seller brags (truthfully) that his card has “POP of Only 2!!!”...but neglects to state that it’s only because the card is low grade. Every grade higher than that one actually has hundreds of cards in the population report.

46. Cornographic
When a seller overly stresses how sharp the corners are...when anyone can see they are actually as sharp as a butter knife.

47. Verminally Ill
Being sick to death that the most pathetic card doctor parasites the world has ever seen are still allowed to flourish and freely prosper on eBay.

48. Salivulturating
When a newbie shows up to innocently look for advice about a collection of cards that somehow landed on his lap, and you know his in-box is becoming a feeding frenzy of activity as members PM him in an attempt to ‘free’ him of this new cardboard burden.

See also: Pillage Idiot (slang) - a person engaged in the above activity.

See also: Descendon’t - a person who has inherited a baseball card collection, but does not know anything about the hobby.

49. Cryptochecklister
A person engaged in trying to decipher what set a curiously ‘new’ and never-seen-before card is from.

See also: Sternscholar - a person trying to piece together what an old set’s printing sheets looked like by unlocking the secrets found on the backs of the cards.

50. Pictitious (also Facarde)
When Photoshop was used to greatly improve the outward appearance of a baseball card for sale.



If people dig this thread, then I will quickly jump into getting Part II ready.




Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the board...I present to you 2020's Collectorisms Part II (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** I can't say this strongly enough. This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!

The story, all names, characters, and/or incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, and none should be inferred.


I encourage anyone stopping by to first scroll down and read #119, to know what the heck you're in for.



And we're off to the races...


51. Smiled Goose Chase
When a seller excitedly sees there’s a new post in his ‘for sale’ thread, but instead of being a buy offer, it’s only someone cheerfully saying, “Nice card. Good luck with the sale.”

52. Acute Bartisyndrome
The compulsion to amass a huge stockpile of the exact same card (and therefore corner the market on it).

See also: Finish Whine - being unable to complete your set due to the actions of someone suffering from the above.

53. Ebaysion
Hiding your auction purchases from your wife, girlfriend or significant other.

54. Shark Infested Borders (slang)
A card that is missing small pieces of the corners and/or sides.

55. Matrisnide
A bitter, rueful post talking about how pissed you were that your mother threw out your baseball cards.

See also: Patripride - posting something that includes warm memories of your father’s influence on your card collecting.

56. Poppy Love
Ignoring what a card looks like and buying it only for the number on the slab.

See also: Numberjack - a person suffering from the above.

57. Fail Mary
Throwing up a huge, last minute snipe bid and still not winning the auction.

58. Digitor
Someone who quickly stops into a thread to add “+1” to it.

See also: Addnumeralator - inserting a non-standard word or number after the plus sign (i.e., “+1000” or “+ Infinity”)

59. Small Photatoes
Players who are so easily forgotten about that they appear on rookie cards in multiple years.

See also: Knucklestaller - the person at Topps who decided Gaylord Perry should appear on a multi-player rookie card the year after he had his own ‘regular’ card.

60. Met Dream
The desire to own a Tom Seaver rookie card.

61. “Remember the Paypalamo!”
The war cry of people who have been screwed over by using (or letting buyers use) PayPal Friends & Family instead of Goods & Services.

See also: Threepercenters - those who insist that potential buyers include the additional funds required to cover PayPal fees.

62. Behuddled (also Whoknows Tackle)
Looking through a stack of old football cards, and besides obvious names like Franco Harris or Joe Namath, having no clue whatsoever if any of these guys (playing all sorts of bizarre positions) are Hall of Famers.

63. Barnacling - ignoring the real ‘value’ of a card you have available for sale and sticking firmly, come hell or high water, to your bottom sell price, because it’s the amount you originally (over)paid for it.

See also: Bookscorner - a vendor who quotes high book value prices on every one of his cards, no matter what condition they’re actually in.

64. Mine! Field
Checking a post with cards for sale and seeing that many of them were already quickly scooped up, as they have “SOLD” typed next to them.

65. Schwinnterloper
The baseball card a kid sticks in his bicycle spokes.

See also: Spokelore - the dubious claim that you remember sticking a 1952 Mickey Mantle or Jackie Robinson card in your spokes as a kid.

See also: Schwinntennial - a person who reached young adulthood at the time it was popular to put baseball cards in bicycle spokes.

66. Two-Face Value
The love of severely miscut cards that include big pieces of other cards on them.

See also: Phantomweight - the additional value a tobacco card garners by having a ghosted image on it.

67. Picrimony
When you see a certain member’s avatar in a thread and immediately wonder, “What’s this guy complaining about THIS time?!!”

See also: Skipnore - instead of placing a member on your ‘ignore’ list, you decide to simply scroll right by his posts every time you see his screenname.

68. Peter Pantheon
The group of cards that live on in your heart as a wonderful memory, because you’ve kept them and loved them ever since you were a kid.

See also: Peter Panacea - knowing that no matter how much life gets you down, you can always find a cure for what ails you by opening up one of your old binders and quickly returning to the joy you felt as a kid collecting baseball cards.

69. Cornivore
A collector who puts the condition of corners above all other factors.

See also: Proportunate - feeling psyched about finding a beautifully centered example of a card.

70. Mistookalike
A photo or illustration of a player on a card that isn’t actually the player whose name appears on the card.

71. Counterintelli-gents
Guys who purposefully post misleading information in an attempt to curtail other people’s interest (and eliminate potential rival bidders) in a card they want to win off eBay.

72. Dreadshot
A Topps card featuring basically nothing but the noggin of the ballplayer.

See also: Nomad Hatter - a card showing a player on his ‘new’ team, sporting a badly airbrushed cap.

73. Documental Midget
A person believing that any random Certificate Of Authenticity (COA) accompanying a piece makes it 100% legitimate.

See also: Rusepaper - a COA seemingly printed on the seller’s home computer.

74. Auramatic
Having the pleasingly fragrant, musty old cardboard scent which returns you to the wonders of your card collecting childhood.

75. Monochrofanatic
An exuberant collector of old black and white cards and/or photographs.

See also: Panda-monium, B/Wmusement

76. The Marlboro Boogeyman
Unable to confirm that a player on a tobacco card can be found with a certain back.

77. Walk-Off Moanrun
When a member is in a thread arguing with everybody and he ultimately states, “This will be my final post in this thread. I am outta here.”

78. Bent Franklin (slang)
A heavily creased or wrinkled card that you spent over a hundred dollars on.

79. Poolhardy
Spending a good amount of money buying slots in an organized ‘vintage set break,’ even though you know full well you’re going to walk away with the most common, worthless cards in the set.

See also: Emcee-headed - the host of the setbreak who has no clue how to pronounce the old ballplayer names as he reads out the cards.

80. The Gone-Too-Soon Landing (also Mourn Shot)
The race to be the first person to reach the main page and start a laudatory thread about a HOF’er who passed away that day.

81. John Wilkes Bruth
Someone using a last minute snipe bid to try to win a Bambino card.

See also: Ruthache - realizing your bid wasn’t high enough to win the card.

See also: Grassy Null - waiting until the final moments to bid hugely, but a second sniper suddenly comes out of nowhere to quash your bid and win the auction.

82. Left Hand of Fate (also Whitey Bored)
The fact that Topps seemingly had no other choice but to feature Whitey Ford holding out his southpaw towards the camera in the very same pose year after year after year.

See also: Gobbledybrook - having no idea what Topps was thinking when they put out Brooks Robinson’s 1958 card.

See also: Incomprejennsive - not being able to understand how any sentient human being doesn’t get completely annoyed every time they see yet another Hughie Jennings card showing his mouth wide open and his hands flying all over the place, apparently shouting, "Ee-Yah!"

83. Deniedsmaid
A person who was beaten by a single bid in an auction they were really hoping to win.

84. Backflippant
Having no qualms whatsoever about sending in a card for a regrade...but it ultimately comes back with a lower number on the label.

85. Ombidsman
The person at eBay who is supposedly investigating the fraudulent auctions that members report.

86. Sigfoot Hoax (also Hoodwinkwell)
When somebody asks members to specifically point out how they can tell an expensive autograph is a phony, and you get the sneaking feeling he’s only trying to pick up tips on how to better improve his penwork and forgery craft.

See also: Bicanery - pointing out an obvious forgery due to what type of pen was used.

87. Tilt Jilt
Angling a card in the sunlight and finding a wrinkle you never realized was there.

88. Traidorous
The feel of treachery you get when seeing pictures or cards of an all time great dressed in the uniform of a rival team he was dumped off to in the twilight of his career.

89. Gregg Jeffleece
A person who, blinded by dollar signs, poured a ton of money into buying up the rookie cards of a player with a huge potential...only to ultimately end up losing his shirt in the endeavor.

See also: Phenomecon - the hyped-up sales strategy of eBayers trying to turn every single rookie player into the next Willie Mays or Mickey Mantle.

See also: Trout Pout - feeling remorse and anguish that you missed the chance to load up on Mike Trout rookie cards before the explosion in sales prices occurred.

See also: Inhastement - quickly jumping in to buy an expensive, red hot card that you know will be a great investment, but each time you then check out the latest sales price data for the card, the number just keeps getting lower and lower and lower...

90. Suspended Chime-in-ation - taking too long to write a post, so when you finally hit ‘submit,’ you see that someone else has already either said the same thing as you or posted answers to the questions you were asking.

91. Not Telling the Hole Story
Getting a great deal on a card, but when it arrives you see there’s a pinhole in it that you didn’t notice in the auction photos.

See also: Poke Cloak - when a seller purposely doesn’t mention that a card has a pinhole in it.

92. STD (Scammer Transmitted Disease) (also Crabs Grab)
Feeling repulsed when you see that somebody on the site posted a card they purchased from one of the notorious card-doctoring eBay sellers.

93. Gratifriction
The enjoyment one gets when purposefully posting something that he knows will piss people off and start arguments.

See also: Bickerwish - a low-life who’s always seeking the above.

94. Scotchdog
An expert in the removal of tape and associated residue from old cards and photographs.

95. 20,000 Major Leaguers Under the Sea (also Let Them Eat Wake)
The spurious tale of Sy Berger and Woody Gelman dumping cases of 1952 high numbers into the Atlantic Ocean.

96. Beginners Pluck
Centering your collection around picking up HOF rookie cards.

97. Gattling Bidder
With a bunch of auctions all ending in quick succession one after another, a person figuring out how to get all of his bids in on time.

See also: Gattling Nun - someone praying to God that all of their bids get in before the close.

98. Coffee Fable
Using a pot of Taster’s Choice or Maxwell House to artificially age a reprint in order to pass it off as real.

99. Screenstab
Taking a wild guess as to WTF a member’s user name means.

100. Coopersclown
Anyone arguing that there’s a place in the Hall of Fame for obvious steroids-users.

See also: Blockbarry - someone who wants no part of the ‘Barry Bonds belongs in The Hall’ debate.

See also: Roid Sage - a person condescendingly repeating the obligatory old chestnut, “Barry Bonds had HOF numbers way before he ever started juicing.”

101. Sheetrock Your World (also Drywally Grail)
The dream of every collector to one day find a precious and valuable cache of old baseball cards hidden behind a wall.

See also: Hopin’ House (slang) - walking into an old building and wondering if there are tobacco cards secreted somewhere in the walls.

See also: Collectromagnetic Radiation (futuristic) - how people will eventually be able to see if there are any cards hidden inside of any wall they look at.

102. Junkler (also Junkthusiast or Dopaminer)
Someone digging through a shoebox full of old, worn out cards at a garage sale or flea market, hoping to find a jewel hidden amongst the rubbish.

103. Rays of Might
Asking whether a card is a ‘missing ink’ variation or just a card affected by overexposure to sunlight.

See also: Sunblather - trying to convince someone that an obviously sun-bleached card is a rare, missing ink variation.

See also: Sunspurn - not buying the bogus story being sold to you about a 'missing ink' card.

See also: Varbitration - the ongoing argument over what actually constitutes a true error or variation card.

See also: Windiana Jones - a person blowing smoke while trying to convince everyone that his newfound discovery of a minor print anomaly is an earthshakingly rare variation.

104. Ascentigrade
After submitting your cards, the blind hope that the ‘bad’ graders are on vacation, so your cards will receive higher numbers.

105. BV Guide
A thread containing opinions on which of the sites involved in tracking and updating auction sales price data is the finest and/or most comprehensive.

106. Reflurishment
Restoring a timeworn artifact, such as a vintage sign or tobacco advertisement, and making it look absolutely gorgeous, almost better than the original.

107. Coslaboration
When you start a thread complaining about the grade your card received...and one after another members chime in to say, “No, it definitely looks like it got the exact right grade.”

108. Dual Bidizenship
Placing bids because you need a card for your collection, but also realizing you may be able to get it at such a good price that you can quickly flip it for a nice profit.

109. Ambookvalueance
Feeling happy when a member posts a great new pick-up, but at the same time wanting to search out the auction on eBay to see how much the schmuck overpaid for the card.

110. Rantebellum
The argument that cards up to the mid-1950’s should also be referred to as pre-war, because they predate our involvement in the Vietnam Conflict.

111. Mobb
A group of people competing against each other to win a Ty Cobb card.

See also: Snobb or Cobblehead (informal) - a person only interested in Cobb cards and memorabilia.

See also: Squobble - the argument regarding which T206 portrait is more desirable, the red or the green.

See also: Hatchet Cobb (also ScornCobb Gripe) - the evolution of Ty Cobb’s reputation and ‘good’ name being cleared up after the sensationalized and fictional tales told by Al Stump.

112. Certified Post Accounter
Someone who refers a member to a specific numbered post in the same thread to get the information they were asking about.

113. Whowunit?
A caper seeking to find out if it was a net54 member who won a certain auction, so you can attempt to buy a specific piece of it off of him.

114. Post Cardum Wahoos
The overwhelming jubilation you feel as you open up your mailbox to see that your latest eBay purchases have arrived.

115. Title Waive
Opening the main page and knowing exactly what new threads you can skip right over based solely on the subject line.

116. Kudossier
The pics of your collection you keep on hand as you seek out any excuse to once again post them in any semi-suitable thread only for the purposes of eliciting compliments from other members.

117. Celebragtory
Posting a hugely expensive or treasured card in the new pick-ups thread without including any verbiage with it. The picture not only speaks for itself, but also makes everyone jealous.

118. Fincremental
Receiving a .5 bump in your card’s grade.

119. Cardilepsy
The fear that reading a newly posted long thread will only put you to sleep.

120. Great Smite North
Not considering the O-Pee-Chee cards of our northern neighbors to be ‘real’ cards.

121. Farther Christmas (also Ho Ho Holy Crap! or Santa Applause)
Taking part in the yearly 'Secret Santa' gift exchange, and being given something that goes way beyond what you were ever expecting to receive.

See also: Reverse Grinching (slang) - the act of sending out a very generous, bountiful gift.

See also: Lite Christmas (rarely used) - fearing the person who chose your name is going to stiff you.

See also: MistleWHOA! - feeling so joyful that you want to kiss the guy who sent you such a perfect gift.


And now my brain is total mush. I've put everything I got into this cyber-tome, so you better frickin' enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



On base, no one can hear you scream...so I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part III (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** I can't say this strongly enough. This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!

No animals were harmed in the making of this tome.


I encourage anyone stopping by to first scroll down and read #200, to understand what's going on here.



And the horses are on the track...


122. Omissionary (also Ballcard Faced Lie)
A person who purposefully lists a card as a PSA 9, even though it is actually a PSA 9 OC.

123. Fly-Over Greats (also The Overbook Hotel or Cases Loaded)
A show table full of beautiful Hall of Famer cards, but there’s not a single price tag anywhere to be seen, so you know everything is super-exorbitant and you decide to just pass it on by.

See also: Villainventory - a vendor’s table at a card show with just ridiculously high prices.

124. Ban of the Year Roast (also Adrianaline Rush)
A thread where people gleefully celebrate a certain member being kicked off of the site.

See also: Defrostracized - when a member is allowed to return after a temporary banning.

125. Roopthink
People who want their sets to only be housed in the finest binders available.

126. Fait Tobaccompli (also Tobaccomplish)
Finishing a particular run of T206 backs.

127. Backslacker
Someone who doesn’t include a scan of the reverse of a card in an auction.

See also: Backnowledgement - a request to see a scan of the back of the card.

See also: Fifty-Nifty - a card with beautiful front centering, but having an MC qualifier because the other half (the back) is slightly miscut.

128. Syntaxperation
Being driven absolutely bonkers with frustration whenever you see a blatantly obvious misspelled word in a thread title...and it never gets corrected by the OP, even though it’s been there for days!!

See also: Premature Ecliculation - someone who typed so quickly he didn’t even notice the dumb misspellings and other errors he posted.

See also: Peacemik - a collector who is somehow able to summon the restraint needed NOT to blow a gasket every time someone incorrectly spells Mantle as “Mantel.”

See also: Grammar Yahtzee (also Five-Fool Player) - seeing a single post that contains no fewer than five misspellings and/or misuses of the words you’re/your, they’re/there/their, too/to/two or than/then.

129. Papo Dei Papi (Ital.)
The highest graded example of a card.

130. Digilantes
The ‘investigators’ who expose nefarious trim jobs that led to higher regrades.

See also: Good Pop/Bad Pop - the before and after pictures used to prove their case.

See also: Popdusted - when a slab’s overly ‘frosted edges’ indicates it has been compromised and the card inside has probably been switched.

See also: Phoenicks - a lower grade card that was shown to be trimmed and resubmitted to rise again as a high grade card.

131. Tenzing Noway
A person who knows he’ll never reach the top of the mountain and complete the 1952 Topps set due to the oxygen-depriving cost of the high numbers.

132. Caught Booking
When you ask a dealer, “How much for this card?,” and he immediately buries his face in the latest Beckett guide to establish his unreasonable price.

See also: Guide & Seek - trying to convince a seller that his price on a card you want is just preposterously higher than the supposed book value.

133. Unfull Count (also Middle Deceiver)
When you buy a complete set and find there are cards missing as you flip through the numbers in the cardboard box.

134. Pine Drive (also Objet D’ash or Hickory Channel)
Stopping by an antiques shop in the hopes of stumbling across a valuable or noteworthy old-time wooden bat.

See also: Lumber Jumble - trying to work through the puzzle of figuring out if the bat you own was game used.

135. Going Yardsale (also Slambrosia)
Hitting a home run by finding a treasured card for a cheap price at a local garage sale.

See also: Four Bragger - a guy who makes a find like that, but enjoys rubbing everyone’s face in it.

136. Bushleaguered
Once again being completely annoyed by how poorly your favorite team is doing.

137. Porchshort
A package marked as delivered, when it never reached your door. Now you have to try to figure out if it was lost in the mail or delivered to the wrong address, etc.

See also: Stamp of Disapproval - having to argue with the USPS to get the mess sorted out.

138. Gasket Catch
The act of lightly tapping the sides of a holder to gently coax a card back into the slab’s gasket from which it escaped.

139. Excavacation
When someone asks for recommendations on what card shops he should dig around in while visiting a particular city or town.

140. Valley of the Swings
Jumping in and paying more than you would like to for a great card, because you are fearful that prices are going to start escalating soon.

See also: Elevator Grab - buying a card at a deliciously cheaper-than-expected price right in the middle of an upsurge.

141. Gin Dummy
Being liquored up and making some very dubious after-midnight purchase decisions on eBay.

142. Ebenezer Scrood
The realization that your card has spent so long flattened down in a screw-down holder that it will never get a grade other than “Authentic.”

143. Paintheartedness
After someone proudly shows off the artwork of their favorite ballplayer they’ve picked up, you just don’t have the heart to tell him how God-awful it looks, with distorted features and other patently obvious problems.

See also: Scrunchvision - when the subject’s eyes are indisputably, dreadfully much too close together.

144. Discounterpart (also Willie McCoverage or Ubiquitous Erving)
A player who is featured on one or more other cards (of far lesser value) in the same set containing his rookie card.

145. Slabstitute Teacher (slang)
A member who walks newbies through the process of getting cards graded.

146. Pigskinflation
Being priced out of HOF’er football cards that until recently you could’ve picked up for a mere song.

147. The Golden Hurls
Another episode of “Who was the better pitcher?” or a thread discussing which hurlers belong in the Hall of Fame.

148. Cigareverie (also Pipebeam)
Losing yourself in happy wonderment as you think about how somebody over a century ago pulled the very card you are holding out of a pack of cigarettes or tobacco.

See also: Timetrippedup - wishing you could go back in time to grab tobacco cards right out of the packs or see Hall of Famers playing in actual games...but knowing your lazy ass would be exposed as a time traveler by wearing the wrong hat or making too many ‘Seinfeld’ references.

149. Snarkeling
Happening onto a thread that’s on the verge of getting heated, and you start throwing snide comments into the mix to help it boil over.

See also: Butter-Baiter - a person who gleefully stokes the fire by posting an obnoxious ‘popcorn meme’ in the thread.

150. Dismaysed
Finally meeting your all-time favorite ballplayer in person, and it turns out he’s a real jackass.

151. Nyettlesome (also Slabnabbit)
Not understanding why PSA refused to grade a card that seemed to measure out perfectly fine, and returned it to you as “MINSIZREQ.”

152. Laughing Grass (also Yuckwheat)
An auction photo that BOOM!! has a stray pubic hair making a surprise appearance.

See also: Interfurence - when a pic shows all sorts of pet hair in and around the collectible.

153. Goose Pegg
Finding a nice 1973 Topps Rich Gossage rookie card in a cheap ‘bargain bin.’

See also: Winfergreen - a Dave Winfield card with gumstains on it.

See also: Sandy Fauxfax - Claude Osteen’s 1974 Topps card.

See also: Baltimore Swap - the attempt to trade for valuable Frank Robinson cards.

See also: Afrodisiac - seeing a 1976 Oscar Gamble ‘Traded’ card makes you fall in love with the hobby all over again.

See also: Hilearious - chuckling whenever you run across a Don Mossi card.

See also: Officialnado - a lover of the 1955 Bowman umpire cards.

See also: Arbihater or Grumpire - a collector who does not share that same affection.

See also: Moon Swoon - cracking a smile everytime you see Wally Moon’s legenday unibrow.

See also: Neckwhine or Collarmoan - being freaked out by the extreme length of Ed Brinkman’s neck.

154. Poptometrist
Someone who overuses the term “eye appeal” while talking about graded cards.

155. Shuncestry.com (also Conmancestry.com) (theoretical)
A site that examines the ‘DNA’ of a card to see if, before you agree to buy it, it has ever spent time with PWCC or other notorious card doctors.

156. Nostradumbass (also Over/Blunder)
The person whose guess is the most erroneous in any of the ‘predict the ending price of this auction’ contest threads.

157. Running the Gumet
Determining your own personal degree of acceptability when it comes to the various types of stains found on cards, from small amounts of wax/gum residue all the way up to spilled coffee.

See also: Withstanding Eight Count - cracking out a PSA 8 ST card, soaking it or wiping away the schmutz, resubmitting it and getting a straight 8.

See also: Stairway to Seven - the same process as above, but involving a PSA 7 ST card.

See also: Gumbelievable - not being able to figure out why Topps considered itself a chewing gum company and NOT a baseball card company.

158. Discomfortuitous
Stumbling across an incredibly rare, expensive and coveted card (e.g. Babe Ruth, Jackie Robinson or Mickey Mantle) that you can pick up very cheaply and you feel as lucky as all hell...but although the card looks authentic, you just know something is wrong with the situation.

159. Canuck-Do Attitude
The love and appreciation of OPC and other ‘Canadian Version’ cards.

See also: Getting Hosered - quickly hitting the ‘Buy It Now’ button when you see a card at a great price that you need for your set...only to ultimately realize it’s an O-Pee-Chee card and not a Topps card.

See also: Substituque - an OPC card used as a temporary placeholder in your set binder until you can grab the Topps version.

160. Scorehoarding
Amassing boxes and boxes of 1980’s-90’s junk era cards to cut up and use in your artwork.

161. Foresmite (also Pushwhack)
Bidding in an auction you have no intention of winning for no other reason than to drive the price up early and make sure the eventual winner pays much more for the card.

See also: Predatatory - bidding up an auction, because you own the same card and want the sales price realized data to continue climbing upwards, so you’ll be able to eventually sell yours at a nice profit.

162. Cappeasement
The way companies were able to skirt around MLB and NFL contractual issues and produce card, stamp and picture sets by simply removing all traces of the logos from the hats, helmets and uniforms.

163. Disparitizing
Coming across a rarer ‘Green Tint’ in a pile of regular 1962 cards, a Milton Bradley in a stack of 1968’s, or a ‘White Letter’ in an album full of 1969’s.

164. Hearse Verse (also Euloguise)
The odd inclusion, since every one of us is going to die at some point, of “Deceased (and the date)” on a graded autograph label.

See also: Loophole Survivor - a graded autograph of a long-dead HOF’er that has no ‘deceased verbiage’ on the slab, because he was still alive when it was submitted.

See also: Cardtouche - the finally deciphered name of the illegible, chicken scrawl autograph you have on a collectible.

165. Nevervescence
Jubilantly talking about the reasons why you refuse to ever add a certain player’s cards to your collection, because you abhor him so.

See also: Wantificating - a collector arrogantly explaining why he doesn’t dig the card somebody bought, because some specific aspect falls just shy of his own personal finicky grading and collecting requirements.

166. Hofkilter
When every single common card in your full set binder is absolutely gorgeous..but every Hall of Famer, noted rookie, or high numbered card has wrinkles, corner damage and 90/10 centering both ways.

167. Bland-Me-Downs (also Artificial Bittersweetener or Asparlame)
The free extra throw-ins, like shiny new cards or unopened packs from the 90’s, etc., a seller adds to your package to give the impression that he’s really taking care of you, but it’s just a pile of crap.

See also: Second-Handcuffs - since you assume the only reason he’s giving this stuff out is because someone else dumped it on him, you put it aside to pass off to somebody else down the road.

See also: Schlockpile - the overfilled box you throw this useless junk into.

See also: Extra Winnings - the rare event when you actually get something additional that you’re very happy to receive.

168. Etched-in-Groan (also Quotastrophe)
Being way out of line or wrongly complaining about something, but since someone has already ‘quoted’ you in the thread, you can’t easily squeeze out of the mess (and avoid the flood of criticism) via a quick editing job of your original post.

See also: Impugner Eclipse - when a post in a thread just says “deleted” and you’ll never be able to see what kind of nonsense the member was spewing out at someone before ultimately removing the entire thing.

169. Blearious
Auction photos that are so badly out-of-focus that you can’t determine what shape the card is in.

See also: Smalpractice - posting such small pictures (and the zoom feature isn’t activated) that potential bidders can’t make heads or tails out of them.

See also: Scamouflaged - when an eBay seller has a large lot for sale and the main pic shows the cards in piles, and all of the other pictures are just close-ups of those very same piles, not giving the viewer any further information that would be useful.

See also: Cancel Adams (also Annie Leiboshitz or Richard Whathaveudon) - a person who posts such pictures.

170. Nouveau Leech
Someone who, after a famous player dies, immediately floods eBay with a million new, overpriced listings of his cards, trying to quickly turn a huge profit off of his unsuspecting fans’ grief.

See also: Pump-Bump-Chump - a person who falls for this scheme.

171. Pallid Bar
The display and discussion of ‘missing ink’ progressive proof cards.

172. Beckstinguished
Not being able to get a variation graded as a specific error card, because none of the preeminent price guides have officially ‘recognized’ the obvious variation.

173. Detachmentors
Collectors of cards that originally came with tabs or coupons, etc., attached to them.

See also: Tabradour Retriever - a collector who only obtains these cards with all portions being fully intact.

See also: Piecezeal (also Coupgone) - characterized by being open to obtaining such cards with or without those fragments still in place.

174. Lostalgia
Leaving something on your eBay watch list that says “This item is out of stock,” so you will never forget you made a terrible mistake in letting it go.

175. Smash Junkie (also Davy Crackit)
A collector who insists on freeing all of his cards from their TPG holders.

See also: Crackpocket - a collector who must break each of his cards out of their slabs to return them to their natural habitat, ensconced in binder pages.

See also: Crackitect - someone who offers step by step instructions on how to free a card from its plastic prison.

See also: Humblemished - the deflated feeling associated with actually damaging a card during the slab-removal process.

176. Toppleganger
A card which features the same photograph of a player that Topps had already used in a previous year.

See also: Croppleganger (slang) - when that same photograph has been resized and/or cropped differently than the other time(s) it was used.

177. Boomerwrangler
A person so angered by the grade his card received, that he immediately cracks it out and resubmits it right back to the place it just came from in hopes of receiving the higher grade it deserves.

See also: Boonerang (informal) - having a card regraded and it actually comes back at a higher number.

178. Bobgoblin
The bone of contention regarding whether Topps used the name ‘Bob’ on Roberto Clemente cards due to prejudice or because it’s the common shortening of a name such as Robert.

179. Clinchpin
When the last card needed to finally complete your set is one of the most expensive to obtain.

See also: Satisfind - grabbing a card that falls well shy of your usual set and condition parameters, but it will have to do for the time being.

See also: Slugaboo - when the last card you need to finish your set is some hard-to-find, random, no-name scrub you’ve never even heard of before.

180. Sigh Young (also Old at Heart)
Being greatly disturbed by seeing Cy Young’s paunchy old man body on cards and in pictures, and wondering how in heck he could’ve ever won even a single game.

181. Yukstaposition (Also Ron Tompgrins, Jerry Amuseman, Bill Dene-Hee-Hee, Al Weiscrack or Ron Slay)
How some people try to get laughs by referring to the Johnny Bench, Nolan Ryan, Tom Seaver, Pete Rose, or Mike Schmidt rookie cards by using one-of-the-other-players-pictured’s names instead.

182. Covertigo
The uneasy feeling you get when you suspect the person who started a glowing thread about a card on eBay is actually the owner and seller of said card and is trying to keep it under the radar.

183. Unbridled Trekstacy
Looking absolutely forward to travelling a long way to attend a certain card show.

184. Nicokeen (also Spitloon)
A collector who loves picking up cards slathered in ancient tobacco residue or blotched with Cracker Jack stains.

185. Deals on Wheels
An eBay auction that proclaims, “Benefits charity.”

186. Greenbackbreak
The real (and quickly escalating) price of an auction win after the buyer’s premium, taxes, shipping and insurance are added in.

See also: Vigwig - an esteemed auction house that gets away with charging usurious buyer’s premiums.

187. Doughnanza (also The Closetta Stone)
Finding a truly awesome and highly valuable card out of nowhere, hidden inside some long forgotten, stored away box.

188. Fraudcaster
Talking happily about the baseball play-by-play men you grew up watching or listening to, and assuming everyone who isn’t from your neck of the woods knows exactly who you’re talking about...but they have no clue who these people are.

189. Rummagist
Someone who adores digging through the jam-packed discount boxes at a card show.

See also: Digamy - searching through bargain boxes on two different sellers’ adjoining tables at the same time.

See also: Rummagination - the hope that one of these bins holds a treasured card.

See also: Siftmate - the guy right next to you bumping your elbows as he’s digging through the box in front of him.

See also: Digmouth - a guy at the table who just keeps talking to you, when you want no part of it!

See also: Yearntable - looking at someone searching through a box of cards at the next vendor’s set-up, and wanting him to hurry the f*ck up, so you can have your turn to dive in.

See also: High Truncation - feeling incredibly elated after stumbling upon a great error card or rare high number that isn’t marked as such, but when you ask the seller how much he wants for it, it turns out he knows EXACTLY what the card is.

190. Rawkus
Being very unhappy when someone uses the term ‘raw’ to describe ungraded cards.

191. Stuperefraction
Being absolutely bewildered by and not understanding a single thing about all of the shiny, modern day card sets.

192. Raising Baines
The tumult caused by lesser players being enshrined in the Hall of Fame.

193. Pehighnumbra
The portions of the country sitting outside of the main Topps distribution zones, and the stores located there never got boxes of the last series of baseball cards to sell to kids.

See also: Brimpartiality - Finding checklists where the last numbers checked are where the semi-high series ended, so you know the owner was close, but unable to complete their set due to the lack of high numbers in the local stores.

See also: Kicker Shock - going into a store as summer wanes and being stunned to find the baseball cards are no more, and they have been replaced by the latest football card wax packs.

See also: Highnumbskull - a collector who thinks he got a great deal on a bunch of vintage high numbers, only to realize later that the cards are actually from the much more common semi-high series.

194. Kepilogg (also Cereal Killer)
The fact that at some point your beloved Kellogg’s 3-D cards are going to shrivel up and crack. You don’t know when it will happen, but the same ending is in store for each and every one of them.

See also: Chorus Curls - everyone telling their own horror stories about how their Kellogg’s 3-D cards crumbled over time.

See also: Schrödinger’s Card - a PSA 9 or PSA 10 Kellogg’s 3-D card sitting in a holder, but having all sorts of cracks that developed after it was slabbed.

195. Mend the Bend!
Seeing a card inside a toploader with one of the corner layers bent up against the plastic, which causes you to scream to the heavens, “Why didn’t you push that corner down, back into place before scanning and posting it????!!!!!!!!!”

196. Used Card Salesman
An eBayer who adds words like “Pack Fresh!!!,” Undergraded!!!!," “Centered!!,” “Regrade???,” or “HOF!!” to his auction titles.

See also: Hyperbolshitter - someone in the B/S/T who completely overhypes what they are selling by flooding the listing with adjectives and all sorts of superfluous blather like “Highlighted by deep rich colors” or “...and the beautiful image dovetails into the pristine snow white borders.”

197. Graded Exchange Rate
The pursuit of a mathematical equation to forever solve vexing problems such as, “If a PSA 6 usually sells for X amount, how much less should I pay for the same card in an SGC 6 holder?”

See also: Whifferential (in beta testing) - the advanced formula that takes into account what grade you’re convinced your card will receive, in order to determine what (much lower) number it will actually receive.

See also: Onomapopeia - the litany of curses that flies out of your mouth the moment you find out what horrible grades your cards received.

198. Gravitassist (also Exchange of Heart)
When one member shows dignity by stepping in to help another member score something great at no charge, because they were screwed over by someone else.

199. Reciprocobbal
A T206 Ty Cobb card with a Ty Cobb back.

200. Smilestone
Celebrating a highly notable post count number by offering up something entertaining.

201. Safelacker
Someone who talks a big game about having strongboxes and such, but you think, “Who are they kidding?” and know all of their Mantles are just sitting in a desk drawer, sandwiched between well-worn sudoku puzzle books and a slew of beef jerky wrappers.

202. Twinbilking
Winning two separate auctions from the same seller, but accidentally paying for one of them by its lonesome, so you then have to add shipping again when you pay for the second card.

203. In Your Stealhouse (also Situating Pretty)
Being the first person to see something at a great price, presumably because it must’ve been listed moments before you got there, so you snatch it right up.

204. Hot Water Theater
When you pop into a water cooler section thread as a casual change of pace...and suddenly realize you’ve stumbled into a shit show!!

205. Blockroach
A seller who, no matter how many different ways you try to prevent his listings from showing up in your eBay searches, still finds a way to get his auctions through.

See also: Demoniker - a secondary or supplemental eBay username employed by these types of sellers.

206. Autosnafu
The unfortunate way card companies cut noteworthy signatures out of full pictures or documents to scrunch them into the tiny window of a chase card.

See also: Bullfit! (informal) - an autograph that is partially cut off or obscured in one of these contrivances.

207. The Equivoprevarication Hypocrisy (also Chirperjury)
The fact that countless sellers holler and exclaim that the card they’re selling looks so much better than the grade it received...yet not a single one of these hawkers ever says that one of their cards actually looks worse than the grade given.

See also: Jumba-Liar - an auction description that’s a veritable hodgepodge of half-truths and falsehoods.

208. Cardboard Cryptid
A card that is virtually impossible to find perfectly centered.

209. Bubble Scramble
With card prices continuing to rise exponentially, your buying habits are being completely redefined every single day.

See also: Crumbrage (also Cellar’s Market) - being annoyed that the only cards you can now afford are basically the bottom of the barrel throwaways.

See also: Cold Springs (also Retro-wrect) - the regret of jumping in and selling your cards too soon, too cheaply before prices really began to escalate.

210. Hubba-Hubba-Bubba (also Riding the Cardboard Escalator)
The happiness of seeing the huge bubble gum card bubble magnificently increasing the value of your collection.

See also: Dweller’s Market - being unsure whether now is the right time to sell, or if prices are going to continue to climb.

See also: Bubble Dump - deciding to take a quick profit by selling off your cards right now.

See also: Kurt Bevacquation - the desire to sell off your collection in a hurry before the giant bubble bursts, so you can use the proceeds to take your family on a great trip.

211. Slabberdasher
A collector looking for input and ideas on how to best display and lay out his cards, uniforms and other memorabilia in his ‘man cave.’

212. Breaking the Plastic Ceiling
The moment you decide that the vast majority of your card purchases from here on out will be of the graded variety.

213. 52 Hours a Day (colloquialism)
The amount of time spent discussing the endless fascination with Mickey Mantle’s first Topps card.

214. Guillotine Set (also Overheaded)
Any Topps offering which is comprised of an inordinate amount of headshots.

See also: Marie Fantoinette - someone who adores those types of cards.

See also: Beheadhunter - an avid collector of the 1960 Topps set.

See also: Yearbooker - a lover of the 1960 Leaf set.

215. Meticumulation (also Minticulous)
A collection of only very high grade cards.

216. The Lonesome Sighway
Feeling isolated and forsaken, because you are seemingly the only person who collects and/or is into the types of cards you collect.

217. Wynicism
On the rare occasion you actually triumph in an auction with a pretty low bid, your mind instantly becomes clogged with thoughts such as, “Uh oh, how did I possibly win it?? Did I miss something?? Is there a flaw in the card I didn’t see?”

218. HOFOMO (acronym)
Fear of missing out on your opportunity to buy Hall of Famer cards at decent prices as said prices continue to soar.

219. Leatherbrain (also Addicted to Glove)
Someone whose collecting focus centers around the all-time great fielders.

See also: Slugbug or Slamlord - a collector focused primarily on legendary power hitters.

See also: Moundhound or Hurlieman or Firehauler - a seeker of cards and memorabilia portraying the most celebrated pitchers in the game’s history.

220. Bad Commacation
Not properly inserting a comma in your sales price, so at first glance a card appears to be an incredible ‘bargain’ at $850, and not $8,500.

221. Disgarveyfication (also Flaw of Averages)
Thinking the superstars you worshiped as a boy were clear cut all-time greats and first-ballot HOF’ers, but when you give their stats a once-over now, you realize they were just meh.

222. 177/537 Disease
Seeing a vintage card and having the innate ability to immediately remember what number it is without giving it a second thought.

223. Non-Mathematical Gradipulation
Not being able to understand how a card graded as an SGC 80 works out to be a 6???? Why isn’t it an 8????

224. Garbarian (also Garmentor or Raimentic)
Someone who is able to readily identify what year a photograph was taken based on specific aspects of the player’s uniform.

See also: Costdoomer (also Garfomentor) - someone who heartily disagrees with his assessment of the apparel in question.

See also: Boutfitter - a member who happily jumps in to fight in defense of the OP’s conclusions.

See also: Dorian Ungray - the use of very old photos by card companies, where there is clear evidence (a long gone stadium, an old uniform, etc.) in the photograph that proves it was snapped many years ago...not to mention how absurdly youthful the player appears.

225. Erudouche
A person who feels obligated to point out words that 99.99% of the population uses as synonyms (“rare” and “scarce,” e.g.) actually have sightly different meanings.

See also: Dichthyologist or Marine Biolojerk - someone who jumps in to ‘correct’ anyone using the time-honored exhortation “Squish the fish!!” (meaning “Beat Miami!!”), by pompously stating that a dolphin isn’t a fish, it’s a mammal.

226. Canardboard (also Hubriscation)
The smug and silly dismissal that valuable baseball cards are “just cardboard.” Sure, and ‘The Mona Lisa’ is just some pigment on a piece of wood.

See also: Glampifying - romanticizing a pile of old cards in bad shape for sale by referring to them as being in “Collector’s Grade.”

227. Exorbitancy Coefficient
The mathematical formula involved in determining if using a combination of 15% off coupons, credit card points, and eBay bucks will offset the ridiculous asking price of a card enough to ultimately make buying it ‘worth it.’

228. Registry Disparity
The mathematical rule of thumb that a card with a qualifier is equal to a straight graded card two whole numbers lower.

See also: The Binary Conundrum - owning a graded card with a qualifier, but since the ‘defect’ is so minor, it definitely doesn’t merit having a two-grades-lower drop in value.

229. Scrubbish
Rookie cards of players that never made it big appearing in the same set with the same layout as other valuable, much sought after rookie cards.

230. Coming In from the Mold (also Grabbing the Raines)
When a long-retired player finally becomes a HOFer and you start digging through your old cardboard boxes in search of his cards.

See also: Vexaltation - being pissed that when you dig those cards out they are in awful shape because they’ve been rattling around in your commons/junk boxes all of these years.

See also: Mildewphoria - the delight in discovering you have a bunch of his rookie cards socked away.

See also: Epidemacclaim - the huge amount of overpriced cards suddenly appearing everywhere on eBay the moment the ballplayer is finally elected to The Hall.

See also: Prognostogainer - someone who speculated perfectly on the HOF vote and was able to cheaply load up on the player’s cards in advance.

See also: Windfault - spending a lot of money buying the rookie cards of a player you were sure was going to be enshrined this time, only to see him once again fall short.

231. Individual Wagneria
The cards that normal people hold up as their own personal most valuable or treasured collectibles.

232. Lexiconjecture
Seeing a word, phrase or acronym in someone’s post and not being able to tell if it’s a misspelling or an example of new terminology that you are unfamiliar with.

233. Master Set-back (also Annextra)
After someone makes a new variation discovery (usually a minor printing anomaly), and you realize the card in your master set already is this version, so you must sadly go out and spend the money to add the ‘regular’ version.

234. Scaventurous
With a smile on your face and your team’s cap on your head, standing at the entrance to a card show and wondering what magical hidden treasures you are going to come across today.

See also: Capture the Slag - happily spending very little money and amassing a nice pile of star cards in really bad shape.

235. Too-Too Clock
Although everyone is (rightfully) complaining about how expensive cards are getting these days, the simple truth is cards have always been way ‘too’ expensive since the beginning of time. Even when Mays and Mantle cards could be gotten for $5 apiece, that was considered a ludicrous price.

236. Deceiviation
When someone touts that he’s selling a Hall of Famer card (cheaply), but when you open the thread you find it’s not the player’s ‘regular’ card, but a much-less-desirable combination card, World Series card, checklist or league leaders card.

See also: Dooplomat - the author of such a thread.

See also: Sidemicks - the players appearing on cards with Mickey Mantle.

See also: Trophesizing - calling a card for sale a “rookie card,” when it’s actually a second year card that has the Topps All-Star Rookie trophy on it.

237. Thrillogical (also Prosposterous)
Having a card listed with a ‘Buy It Now’ price for quite some time and it never sells, but when you decide to relist it as a straight auction, the hammer price ends up exceeding what your BIN always was.

238. Droughtstretch (also The No Cardboard Blues or Cry Spell)
That horribly sad period of time when you have absolutely no eBay wins coming to your home in the forseeable future.

See also: Dearthling - a collector caught up in this pitiful situation.

See also: Droughtburst - the card you finally buy that puts an end to this terrible stretch of time.

239. Bendacity
Looking at a prized card you own that is creased, and not being able to fully accept and get over the fact that there will never ever be a way to flatten it out and rid it of those nasty wrinkles.

240. Pocket Scientist (also Neinstein)
A collector who has a knack for quickly placing cards into the right page slots (while transferring a partial set into a binder) by efficiently doing the multiples of 9 math.

241. Louie-Leaner (also Precise Versa)
Correctly orienting your team and other horizontal cards (in albums and holders) with the de facto ‘tops’ on the left side and NOT the right side.

242. Auspiezious
A mediocre player who holds a place of prominence in the collecting world simply because he appears on either a rare variation or an otherwise significant card.

243. Charcoal Merchant (also Blackpeddler)
A person who deceptively darkens the corners and edges of 1971 Topps cards in order to pull a fast one and pass them off as high grade.

See also: Tragic Marker - the discovery that one of your key 1971 cards was recolored sometime in the past.

See also: Pooreo (slang) - the ease with which your black 1971 cards immediately wore away into white.

244. Spider Banes
Very conspicuous print lines that adversely affect the look of an otherwise nice card.

245. Club Orthoboxy
Keeping your cards sorted by teams and not in numerical order.

246. Sicken Scratch (also Scrivendacity)
When someone posts a nearly illegible handwritten letter or postcard from an old time player and doesn’t include either a transcript or a summation of what the heck it says.

247. The Apopalypse
The constant ‘the sky is falling’ cry (heard very less often these days) of people thinking the graded card market is going to bottom out.

248. Despairasitic (also Gone With the Win)
Checking on an auction you’re really hoping to win with a low snipe bid, but seeing there’s a multitude of people watching it, so you realize you don’t stand a chance in hell.

249. Hemlinegevity (also Puberty Derailment)
How ‘all’ kids collect cards from early on in grade school up until they start chasing skirts sometime in middle school, only to then pick up the hobby again decades later.

250. Case and Effect
The manner in which card collecting has drastically changed with the onset of professional grading. It used to be that you’d grab any card you need for your set, centering or other factors be damned, but now the paradigm of what constitutes ‘acceptable cardboard’ has been changed for many collectors.

251. Standing Shill
The BS involved with ignoring the fact that illegitimate bidders screw everyone over and drive prices fraudulently upward. It’s usually accompanied by an inane statement such as, “I bid the maximum I’m going to bid and that’s it. Whatever happens, happens.”

252. In Screeno Veritas (Lat.) (also Web Phlegm)
The attempt to use Photoshop to alter a picture to trick people into believing you own a card...but the posted picture has enough clues in it to prove the truth. You ain’t got it.

253. Griptrip
An eBay auction with the picture showing the seller’s hand holding the card for sale.

See also: Fingerfolk or Second Handlers - eBayers who engage in this practice.

See also: Porkadillo - the offense of making everyone feel painfully uncomfortable as they’re forced to stare at your meaty sausage fingers in the auction photos.

254. Ramenstration
The act of cutting back on your usual dining habits in order to free up money to use on the cards you’re looking to buy.

See also: Dehammered - the feeling that the rate at which prices are rising means you’re never going to win another auction.

255. Dismissogyny (also Scold Shoulder)
The contempt you feel for your wife when she once again dismissively mocks or belittles your ‘silly little hobby.’

256. Swapchase (also Flexchange)
A transaction involving two people trading cards, wherein one of the parties also adds a predetermined amount of cash to the deal.

257. Cardboardhydrates
The list of ingredients found on a wax pack for the plank of gum inserted within.

258. Switchfaced (also Clip-Flopped)
The unintentional use of a reversed photographic image on a baseball card.

259. Jivestocker
A seller who only uses ‘stock photos’ in his listings.

260. Intecollectual
A person who uses a smart, discerning and measured approach to his card collecting methods.

261. Numerelevance (also Prime-Timecard)
How Topps reserved the more significant card numbers, such as #100, #200, etc., for the most cherished players in the set.

262. Metropolitangential
Being a huge fan and collector of New York Mets cards and memorabilia, but also having a soft spot in your heart for their pseudo-ancestors, the NY Giants and Brooklyn Dodgers.

See also: Sox Addict - a fan of either (or both) of the American League teams haling from Boston, MA and Chicago, IL.

263. “Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.” (maxim)
The assessment of the continuing upsurge in baseball card prices.

See also: “Strike while the cardboard is hot.” - knowing that, although it’s very pricey, you need to buy a card you’re interested in now before the cost climbs even higher in the immediate future.

See also: Opportunity Accost - unexpectedly coming across a card (that you may or may not need) and knowing if you don’t buy it immediately at this price, the next person who sees it will undoubtedly jump on it.

See also: Redbreaded - a person who has actually found a way to lose money selling their cards in this booming collectibles market.

264. Woe Tide (also Floodraising)
The befuddlement of seeing the asking prices of lesser cards also going through the roof in the current environment, as if they were suddenly on par with the all-time greats.

265. Elevening
Bragging about how great a graded card you’re selling looks.

266. Blockaid
The post, PM, or some other occurrence that tells you it’s time to relegate a particular member to your ignore list.

See also: Speedelete - when you see a PM in your in-box and you know the guy who sent it is just spewing crap, so you immediately throw it in the trash without reading it.

See also: Perplexiled - when you find yourself on the blocked list of an eBay seller and have no recollection as to why you were put there.

See also: Laughingblock - when someone believes that blocking you is going to adversely affect your life, but it just makes you chuckle.

267. Callousthetics
Deceptively using an image stolen from an eBay auction to ‘sell’ a card you don’t actually own.

268. Unicornery
A card doctor making all four corners of a very rare and valuable (fake) card universally, symmetrically rounded, although a card like that does not exist in the natural world.

269. Harpoonnacle
The exhilirating feeling of being on top of the world after your hunt for one of your ‘white whales’ has finally come to a joyous conclusion.

See also: Leviathinning - crossing that significant card off of your want list.

See also: Ahabitual - the persistent, daily employment of eBay searches (and other methods) in your pursuit of one of your ‘white whales.’

See also: Vortexuberance - the feeling of joy and relief that comes with winning a turbulent and hotly-contested auction between multiple rival bidders.

See also: Gutzon Borgum - the cards you choose to be a part of your own personal ‘Mt. Rushmore’ of collectibles.

270. Decimalarkey
The miniscule, undetected-by-the-human-eye factors that supposedly differentiate a PSA 9 card from a PSA 10.

271. Flipclipper
Stopping someone dead in his tracks who’s trying to sweet-talk you out of a card for next to nothing, because you know full well he’s only looking to grab it to immediately resell it at a big profit.

272. Condescenturions
People who post things that are already blatantly obvious to everyone, as if they’re somehow adding insightful info to the thread. It’s the baseball card equivalent of a person on a computer help-line asking you, “Is your machine plugged in?”

273. Slabyrinthine (also Contorturous)
The arduously long and painstakingly difficult task of trying to free a card sandwiched between multiple layers of cardboard, encased in bubble wrap and having every conceivable angle thickly covered in tight layers of tape with no apparent edges to be found.

274. “I wouldn’t touch his cards with a sixty foot, six inch pole.” (slang)
The disdain for a Hall of Fame pitcher felt by a collector who believes he has no business being in Cooperstown.

275. Slimperceptible (also Scantily Bad)
A card whose centering is only a mere hair worse than another virtually identical card, but unlike that one, it gets a dreaded OC qualifier on the label.

276. Unintended Cardsequences (also Carbohyway Robbery)
Although Topps purposefully packaged their baseball cards in wax packs with large sticks of gum inserted, when a card is found to have wax or gum residue present on it, it is devalued and/or given a qualifier.

277. Discountentment
Getting an expensive card at a ‘bargain,’ but it may prove to be a bad thing when it’s time to sell, because your low winning bid will appear on the sales price data sites and make potential buyers rethink what the card’s value is.

278. Paxploitation Film
A Hollywood movie (or TV show) where baseball cards make an unexpected appearance.

279. Groan-Sharking
Posting a card for sale at such an egregiously high price (which doesn’t conform in any way shape or form to past sales), and causing everyone to gripe, “What is this guy thinking???!!”

See also: Trolesaler - a person who’s a member of this site for no other reason than to take advantage of the free access to the B/S/T and hawk their exorbitantly priced cards.

See also: Doing a Double-Brake (informal) - suddenly stopping when you see an eBay price that is so absolutely ridiculous that it makes you wonder if you’re missing something. Like, is the card a Venezuelan or something??

280. Cardines
The stuff you put out there as trade bait.

281. Forefingerphobia (also Ruinjurious)
The common anxiety accompanying any attempt to remove a card from a toploader, because awkwardly stuffing your finger into such a thin, confined space can only end up damaging it.

282. Pathminder (also Good Sportmanshepherd)
Someone who ‘dutifully’ chimes in to tell you your post is in the wrong section.

See also: Navigrater - a person who guides the person to the correct area, but there’s a bit of bite in his response.

283. Shodification
An offer sent to you by an eBayer which is only a tiny, insignificant reduction of his original listing price.

284. Protrusion Confusion
Not really understanding what the specific, precise definition of a corner ‘bump’ or ‘ding’ is.

285. Rostertute
A member having a list of people he’s done deals with catalogued in his signature.

286. Drag Clean (slang)
Someone who uses pantyhose to remove wax and gum residue from the surface of a card.

See also: Leggy - a graded card with an ‘ST’ qualifier that you know can be easily eliminated by using a pair of pantyhose to wipe away the ‘invisible’ wax or gum residue on it.
“That card’s got legs.”



Arthur Fonzarelli’s wearing his leather jacket and skiing across the water...so it is time to
JUMP THE SHARK!!!!!!!!!!!

I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part VI (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #306 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

This post is ribbed for her pleasure. Do not swim for at least 30 minutes after reading. Action figures sold separately.


So it is up to you, good people of Earth, to figure out what you wanna do with all of this. Good luck...



287. Slyopic (also Glaucomedy)
The utilization of ‘at signs’ to imitate eyes and form the word “L@@K” in an auction title.

288. Grudge Crater
Bemoaning the notable holes (superstars who were not included) in an old set, and wishing the suspiciously missing cards woulda/coulda/shoulda been a part of it.

See also: Bubblegum POWs - the players not found in certain sets from the 1950’s due to the intense legal conflicts between Topps and Bowman, among others.

See also: MIArtyrdom - the glorious wonderment of imagining what the missing cards of specific HOF’ers would have looked like were they ever produced.

289. Guffawbulous
Having a name (Eddie Stanky, Heinie Manush, Johnny Pesky, Tom Tresh, Pete LaCock, e.g.) that causes every single collector alive to giggle a little bit whenever they run across one of his cards.

290. Klutts/Washington Extrapolation
The huge increase in value that a 1978 Topps Rookie Shortstops #707 card will surely attain if another one of the players pictured on it finds his way into the Hall of Fame.

291. He’s All Gum, No Cardboard (Put-Down)
A collector who talks a really big game and fancies himself some sort of baseball card expert, but it’s pretty obvious he has no clue what he’s talking about.

292. The Plastic Paradox
A card with a ‘Buy-It-Now’ price on eBay that is less than what it would’ve cost to have said card graded in the first place.

293. Carat-Top
A card with a discernible diamond cut.

See also: Rotato - a card that is a true rectangle, but the photo on it is tilted.

294. Planned Grabsolescence
Adding overpriced things to your eBay watch list, because you know the long three month wait for your eBay Bucks Certificate to be unlocked is right around the corner, so you’ll be able to get them at a much better overall cost.

295. Sendwich
The traditional setup wherein a card in a slab or toploader is placed between two pieces of cardboard, bubble wrapped and then taped together and inserted into a mailer.

See also: Flub Sendwich - when a seller doesn’t properly seal a toploader with tape, and the card is able to slide out of its moorings while in transit.

See also: Schmuckstuck - when a toploader is rendered forever useless by a careless seller who seals it with impossible-to-remove packing tape, transforming it into a permanently sticky mess.

See also: Stichabod Crane - a seller who commits this offense.

296. COCD (Cardboard Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
The malady plaguing people who have strict, unwavering personal standards regarding how perfectly centered a card must be to earn a place in their own personal collection.

See also: Scoff Centered - the derision for any card falling short of his rigidly demanding standards.

See also: Centertainer - any collector afflicted with this condition who takes particular delight in showing off his beautifully centered cards.

297. Bogusto (also Grate Expectations)
The exhiliration of seeing your eBay listing has a whole slew of watchers...only to bitterly realize that they’re not potential buyers, but lookie-loos waiting to see if anyone is stupid enough to pull the trigger on your ridiculous price.

298. Blockem’s Razor
The principle that in deciding whether or not to add an eBayer to your blocked bidders list, the simplest explanation is usually the right one. He’s going to be a problem for you.

299. Blindignity
When the photo on a card captures the player with his eyes either fully closed or in ‘mid-blink.’

See also: Mocularity - the undoubted mirth and merriment expressed by the people at the card company as they decided to use that particular ‘eyes closed’ photo for the card instead of selecting a nicer one.

See also: Blinksmanship - a photographer’s knack for catching players in this state.

300. Noobilation
The happily optimistic and enthusiastic posts of someone who’s just recently joined the site and has obviously not yet been exposed to net54’s sordid, seamy underbelly.

301. Trimpropriety
Deciding what the acceptable shortness of a card can be, either top to bottom or side to side, that occurred naturally when the sheets of cards were cut at the factory.

302. BINishing Touches
Happily finding a very affordable Buy-It-Now price for the last card you need to finally complete your set.

303. A Player to be Hall-of-Famed Later (also Pete Rose Colored Glasses or Grandiminoso)
Expecting to get more for a card in a trade or a sale than it is truly worth, because, "Everyone knows he should definitely be in the Hall of Fame!"

See also: Juice-Bumps - when this tactic is used with regard to steroids-era players.

See also: Ain’thood - the continual uptick in admiration and reverence a ballplayer, arguably with the qualities of an all-time great, receives the longer he is ‘wrongly’ held out of Cooperstown.

304. Sherlock Chromes
A collector exposing the forgeries and/or trim-jobs of modern cards.

305. Ribbie-Glibby (slang)
Any self-important know-it-all who refuses to accept the acronym “RBI” as the independent word it truly is, and therefore never deigns to pluralize it and say, “RBIs.”
“He hit .254 while tallying a healthy 103 RBI.”

306. Basebull Market (also Batmitt Crazy)
How economists in the future will describe the drastic upsurge in baseball card buying and selling during the pandemic.

307. Peaceful, Sleazy Feeling
The theme song of card doctors.

See also: Noh Canada - the national anthem of sellers who realize much too late how much more it costs to ship a card up to our northern neighbors.

308. Costume Foolery
A baseball card (usually from very early in his big-league career) showing a player wearing a number different from the one with which he has forever been associated.

309. Poach Roach
After hitting ‘Buy-It-Now’ and sending payment for a card, you receive a message informing you the seller has cancelled the transaction and refunded your money...and you know full well it’s because someone contacted this unscrupulous seller and offered him more money for the card.

310. Plate Crasher (also Aingejustice or Jordantithesis)
A player who appears completely out of place on a baseball card, because he is much more renowned for playing an entirely different sport.

311. The Cardboard Menagerie
A table at a show having a wonderfully wide and varied assortment of different sports, years, brands and memorabilia on it.

312. Nextortion (also Foregoading or Bumptimatum)
When a member bumps his ‘for sale’ thread with a resentful veiled threat of, "This is your final chance to get this card before I move it to eBay tomorrow!!"

See also: Rantifesto (also Addendumb) - a condescending statement added to the end of an eBay listing which chastizes potential bidders for committing whatever perceived affronts the seller has rattling around in his head.

313. One-Trick Phony (also Don Larksen or Harvey Hadhoax or Lucky Dent)
A player who has forever enjoyed a highly elevated status within the collecting community due ‘only’ to a readily-identifiable, single game accomplishment or occurrence.

See also: Pizazzeroski - a player from this group who has found his way into Cooperstown.

314. Acronymrod
A member who, for unknown reasons, eschews using simple, straight-forward abbreviations like “FS” or “PM,” to instead use his own slightly different combinations of letters.

See also: Deciphoraging - wracking your brain in an attempt to figure out exactly what each of those initials could possibly stand for. (Also pertains to misspelled acronyms.)

315. Ancestuous
Doing searches for players like “Aaron,” “Sisler,” “Brett,” and “Griffey” and having to weed through all of the results showing their much-less-desired relatives’ items.

316. April Drools Day (informal)
The spring afternoon when you realize the official start of the baseball season is finally here at last.

317. Brag Tax
The additional fees paid to a player to have him add a very brief inscription of an achievement, like “HOF 1999,” to his autograph.

318. Mets Runway (also Batwalk)
The patch of ground between the visitors’ dugout and the third base line at Shea Stadium where every National Leaguer was forced to walk to and pose for Topps photographers.

319. Louvre Affair
Cards that sit forever unsold due to their seller’s penchant for ‘museum’ pricing.

320. Vendor Reveal Party
A seller who gleefully proclaims, “Newly Graded!!!” in his auction description, as if he’s announcing the birth of a child.

321. Fundamantles
The simple rule of thumb that the Mickey Mantle card will be the most expensive card in the vast majority of sets in which he appears.

See also: Reds Herring - the odd occurrence wherein the 1963 Topps Pete Rose rookie card takes that title instead.

See also: Micked-Off - how the high-numbered 1967 Topps Tom Seaver rookie card stops the value-war dead in its tracks.

See also: Mr. Bloctober - due to the existence of the 1969 Topps ‘white letter’ variation, Mantle is technically still able to claim the throne over the Reggie Jackson rookie card.

See also: Polemick - the ongoing debate of whether or not Mickey Mantle’s 1969 card counts as the last one of his playing career, since he retired before the regular season got under way.

322. Bubble Gumption
A message sent to an eBay seller asking, “What is the absolute lowest price you will accept for this card?”

See also: Smite Back Atcha (idiom) - when the seller immediately replies, "What's the absolute highest price you will pay???"

323. Fliptease
The systematic removal of a graded card from its plastic holder.

324. Skewedonyms
The inconsistent spellings of certain players’ names (Jimmie/Jimmy Foxx, Lew/Lou Burdette, Satchel/Satchell Paige and Dick/Richie Allen, e.g.) used by the card companies.

325. Wesparkerization (or Wesparkered)
How the clumsy presence of some random player in an action shot greatly distracts or partially blocks the viewer from seeing the player whose card it actually is.

See also: Co-Stargazing - excitedly looking at the all-time great hidden in plain sight amid the game action on another player’s card.

326. Banalogous
The nonsensical listing price of an ungraded card at the going market rate (or more) of what a graded version of the same card sells for in the ‘same’ shape.

327. Doubtspoken (informal)
When a member starts a thread asking if the card he’s looking at is authentic, but his wording either hints at or directly states that he does not think it is, in fact, genuine.

See also: Grabbergasted - the reaction to finding out the card you were so happy to acquire is a fake.

See also: Trympathy - the feeling of sadness felt for someone who got screwed over by someone selling a doctored card.

See also: Shedical School - where card doctors are trained in the trimming arts.

328. Tax Player
The IRS be damned, April 15 will always be remembered as the day Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier.

See also: Buyjacking - the criminally high prices which put virtually every Jackie Robinson card out of the reach of everyday collectors.

329. Keds Pox
The extreme corner and edge wear, creases and overall dilapidation caused by loose cards jostling around in a shoebox for long periods of time.

See also: Discardboard - the random stacks of old, round-cornered, ‘worthless’ cards in bad-shape that every collector has strewn about.

330. Swappraisal (also Barterback)
The short postscript added to a card to reflect the player had been traded in the off-season.

See also: Misuniformed - the confusion of kids opening packs and wondering why the guy is shown on his old team.

331. Pitchcraft
The belief that some Hall of Fame hurlers relied on the sorcery of doctored baseballs to pave their way into Cooperstown.

332. Amissfit
Seeing an old league leaders card that includes a (to you) completely unknown/’undeserving’ player on it.

See also: Whiffraff - the non-superstars appearing on strikeout leaders cards.

See also: Gawk-On Player - when you can’t help but stare with bewilderment and say, “How in heck did this guy get on here?! What kind of season did he have??”

See also: Presidekick - when this scrub player actually occupies the top spot on said leaders card.

333. Agonull Set
A baseball card offering which includes one or more unnumbered cards, leaving a collector to angrily exclaim, “How in heck will I ever know if I have a complete set??!!”

334. Stack Wounds (also Pile Scars)
The squeezed gouges in the sides of cards that resulted from being bundeled together and kept tightly wrapped in rubber bands by kids.

See also: Notchos (slang) - cards having this type of damage.

See also: Cross Glitching - the marks caused by rubber bands being stretched both vertically and horizontally around piles of cards.

See also: Elastigmata - when these types of grooves are present on a hallowed, big money card.

See also: Rutrospect - thinking about the grade your card would have received were it not for these infernal indentations.

335. Bumper Card (also Maraca)
A graded card that is swimming so much in its holder that any movement of said holder causes an audible carom.

336. Kintimidation
(Cue the portentous music...) Always having to sleep with one eye firmly open, because it’s becoming more and more apparent that your wife and kids know EXACTLY how much of a gold mine your collection has become.



“Are you police?”
“No ma’am, we're card collectors.”



I got my first real keyboard
Bought it at the emporium
Typed on it 'til my fingers* bled
Was the summer of '21...


*Only on my left hand, because my right arm has been immobilized for a month and a half following surgery.


I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part VII (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #400 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

Anyone reading this post needs to be wearing a mask. For entertainment purposes only. Anyone being offended should consult a physician. All demonstrations by professional drivers were executed on closed courses - please do not attempt at home. Give your children a hug tonight, and best of luck.


Hey, Wang! What's with the pictures? It's a website. Come on, will ya? Start reading...


337. Dishonus Wagner
The trimmed T206 Honus Wagner with serial #00000001 (the so-called ‘Gretzky/McNall Wagner’) that was the very first card to be graded by PSA.

See also: Wags Hag - anyone who uses a picture of this card as a metaphor for PSA’s ineptitude.

338. Murderer’s D'oh!
Finding out you’ve been deceived and fleeced by someone selling a reprinted card or counterfeit piece of late-1920’s Yankees memorabilia.

339. Scanchovies
The little scraps and specks of dust, dross, hair and whatnot that sit ‘on top’ of a card in a scan.

340. North Pull
The card situated on the top of an unopened pack of cards.

See also: South Pull - the card situated on the bottom of an unopened pack.

See also: Gummi Pairs - the cards (and/or inserts) in a pack that the stick of gum is/was sandwiched between.

341. Sharepopper
A person who organizes, runs and looks after a group submission to a third party grader.

342. Glitter Critter
An avid collector of modern cards.

343. Shine Swine
Disreputable sellers who are listing modern cards at just plainly extortionate prices.

344. Raison d'nêtre (Fr.)
Whether it’s for camaraderie, the free marketplace to peddle your cards, or just to continually start arguments with other members, the essential, defining reason that each of us is a net54 member to begin with.

345. Sleight of Brand
The trickery of adding “Not PSA” to an eBay listing of a card graded by a different company, so you can reap the rewards of people including “PSA” in their searches, and get your auction viewed by a helluva lot more people.

346. Scrounge Lizard (also Molehiller)
Someone who purposely keeps inventing and carping about tiny, inconsequential imperfections in a card you’re trying to sell in an obnoxious attempt to force you to lower your price significantly.

347. Kvetch-22
The principle that the people who bitterly complain the most about PSA’s horrific business practices are the same ones who gladly keep sending in more cards to be graded, because PSA slabs deliver the highest sales prices.

See also: “Hegemony Crickets!” - an expression referring to the metaphorical sound of silence as the venerated PSA refuses to ever address even a single one of the countless accusations of malfeasance made against them.

348. Pentourage
The insignificant autographs that appear on a multi-signed piece that surround (and let’s face it, ruin) the signature of a coveted, highly collectible player.

349. Scrawl Revere
A very precious, extremely valuable, and/or rarely seen player’s autograph.

350. Scribble Squabble
A disagreement over whether or not an autograph is authentic.

351. The Math of Con
An exorbitantly-priced card on eBay that now has an eye-catching ‘slashed price’ graphic with “12% OFF” added to it, as if that tiny bit of money ‘saved’ would in any way, shape or form make a difference.

352. Wiltwashed
When a seller lists the 1969 Topps Wilt Chamberlain as his rookie card, as if the cards Fleer issued almost a decade earlier somehow do not count.

353. Strophanger
Anyone who uses the term “Razor Sharp!!” in an auction listing.

See also: Texthibitionist - an eBayer using “FLASH SALE!” in their listing.

See also: Empty Bindering - a seller using “Set Break” when they’re only auctioning off one or two cards from the set.

See also: Bodybilker - an eBayer coyly trying to greatly enhance the value of the card he’s selling by stating, “Strong for the grade!!”

See also: Doing the Lindy - a seller exclaiming how a card is the player’s “First Solo Card!”

354. “Sorry, Wrong Lumber.”
The polite way an expert on the site definitively tells you the supposed ‘gamer’ bat you’re asking about was in no way ever owned or used by the player in question.

See also: Sears Noebucks - when the bat turns out to be nothing but a ‘worthless’ store model.

355. Apexpat Predator
A collector living in a foreign country who has seemingly cornered a niche of the card market due to local interest (or lack thereof) being vastly different over there.

356. Past Sales Irrelevancy
The fact that you can quote the prices of past sales of a card until you’re blue in the face, but the reality is it doesn’t matter. Whatever the lowest price on eBay is for that same card in the same shape at this moment is truly what it is now ‘worth.’

See also: Highpay Snobbery - when someone tells you, “Your price of $500 is too high for this card. The last sales were only $290 and $325,” and you respond, “True, but the only one available on eBay is for $650, so either pay my price or hit the bricks, buddy.”

357. Vice Reversa (also Slipupside Down)
A horizontally oriented card that was accidentally placed in the slab the wrong way (and doesn’t correspond to how all of the other horizontal ones from the set are encapsulated) by the grading company.

358. Departicipation Trophy
That one thing you finally buy on your way out the door of a card show, just so you can say at least you picked up something at the event.

359. Wadvice
A thread stating you have a large amount of money to spend on a card, and you want members to specifically tell you what you should buy.

360. Blabbergasted
When someone makes a point of stating in a bustling thread, “I’m really surprised no one has mentioned (add name here) yet”...instead of (here’s an idea) just writing about that player yourself!

361. Hologramps
Any vintage collector who glances at a show table brimming with modern cards and immediately passes it by.

See also: Sonshine - remarking how, unlike you, your kid is into all the modern shiny stuff.

362. Rank-Spanking
Beating out a rival from the registry in an auction for a tough, high-grade card you both need.

363. Psachotherapy (also Modus Poperandi)
The fruitless undertaking of trying to understand the methodology involved in the TPG giving your card the grade it received.

364. Source Sense
The acumen developed over time and used by experienced collectors of photographs to tell you what you have (or have not) got based on the markings, writings and stamps on back.

365. Woo-Hoo Hounds
A card showing the random mix of teammates and coaches during the drunken locker room aftermath of a world series victory.

See also: Wrong Johns - when the half-dressed, champagne-soaked group of celebrants on the card are all scrubs, and not the team’s superstars.

See also: Randumfounded - having no clue who any of the players taking part in the chaotic revelry are.

See also: Shindignitary - when a superstar or Hall of Famer is readily visible on the card.

366. Stickstacking
Rifling through your piles of empty toploaders, trying to find a single clean one that’s free of tape residue and not stuck to other ones.

367. Fanguage (also Batois)
The dialect or ‘secret language’ (including terms, expressions, references to past players or glories, local towns and landmarks, etc.) of a fan base that is regularly used while talking about their beloved (or sometimes despised) team.

See also: Fansplaining - interpreting or teaching this lingo to an outsider.

368. Discompopulation
The fact that certain sets don’t have complete and meaningful population data due to PSA’s adjusted itemizing practices over time. Some notable examples being the 1962 regular and ‘green tint’ cards weren’t always counted as separate entities, and specific tobacco card backs weren’t always listed separately.

369. Double Schleopardy
When someone is being an argumentative d-bag in two different threads at the same time.

370. Regresstimate
When additional information (such as an unseen wrinkle or slight paper loss) comes to light about the card in a ‘guess the grade’ thread, and you have to reassess and lower your numerical prediction.

371. Edge Clippers
Kids who cut down larger cards back in the day to make them match the ‘new,’ standardized size of Topps cards.

See also: Reteamption (also Overclubbing) - an old card that has a traded player’s ‘new at the time,’ correct team written on it decades ago by a kid.

372. Pastronaut (also Hindsightseer)
Anyone who gets involved in the meaningless, theoretical argument of whether or not the all-time great players from the early 1900’s would be able to thrive in the modern era.

See also: Spew Colors - the ploy, yet again, of a self-important member who pompously thinks he wins the argument by pointing out how the great players of pre-1947 baseball never had to face any ballplayers of color, as if he’s saying something every single human being doesn’t already know.

See also: Faroffsighted - having such a love for the old time players, while knowing nearly nothing about what’s going on in the current game.

373. Plotonic
Reading a thread that, based on the title, is surely going to be another ranting disparagement of a seller or an auction house...only to find that no, in a plot twist no one saw coming, it’s one that actually affectionately praises them!!

374. Swashbackler
An avid enthusiast and collector of tobacco card backs.

375. Swingcognito (also Action Disfigure)
A Bobble Head or Starting Lineup that, if it didn’t have the player’s name displayed right on the front of it, you wouldn’t have a freaking clue who it was supposed to be.

See also: Plackadaisical - when you see the bronze plaques of certain Hall of Famers that are so awful looking, it seems as if the artists didn’t put any effort at all into creating the supposed likenesses.

376. Shred Man’s Hand
Cards that have obviously been trimmed (and doctored) to end up graded as PSA 8’s, when in reality they are nothing more than PSA 1’s.

377. Guffaw Poll (also Whoa! of Hands)
Seeing the numbers of a poll you participated in, and not understanding how in heck the people here could’ve possibly voted the way they did.

378. Err Quotes
A snarky member who quotes only a tiny portion of someone’s post, so they can take exception to it while ignoring the overall intent of said post.

379. Hocus Croakus
The supernaturally magical rise in demand of a player’s cards the moment he passes away.

380. Vexed to Last
When you still can’t afford to buy either of the final two cards needed to complete a set.

See also: Penultimuthah F*cker!!! - the scream coming out of anyone whose last two cards needed to finish the 1967 Topps set are the high numbered Rod Carew and Tom Seaver rookie cards.

See also: “Can't Set There From Here” - the way a southerner tells you you’ll never be able to complete a certain baseball card set.

381. Uppermohst
The position that a piece of Topps gum from a pack of baseball cards occupies on the hardness scale.

See also: Eschewing Glum - the feeling of disappointment the day Topps decided to stop including sticks of gum in trading card packs.

382. Greed Cavity (also Lacktivity)
That curiously empty space in front of a table at a very crowded, busy show that tells the observer the seller’s asking prices are just too exhorbitantly high for anyone to bother with.

383. Scantortionist
When a seller has obviously and deceptively photoshopped an image to make a card appear to be in much better shape than it really is, but an apologist jumps in to argue, “No, it’s just because of the scanner settings used.”

See also: Fapologist - someone who’s always such a vigorous defender of a bad apple in the hobby, that you know he’s looking at photos of that guy during his private ‘self-entertainment’ activities.

384. Poison Woke
An irritating post by a pea-brain who feels the need to purposely inject his pathetic ‘wokeness’ into a thread, when it has no business being there.

385. Endrunaissance
The start of the exciting new era when Fleer and Donruss were finally able to get around all of the Topps roadblocks and start widely distributing their new sets of cards.

386. Pathogenuine
A card that infuriates you, because without warning it came back as ‘Authentic Altered.’

387. Grintruders (also Sleepwalk-Ons)
Traveling secretaries, equipment managers and other randos who appear on team cards to fill some spaces.

388. “Of all the card joints in all the towns in all the world, he walks into mine.”
The plaintive grumble issued by a seller when he catches a glimpse of a card show attendee who he’s had bad dealings with in the past.

389. Snake Belly
An off-centered card where the image is nearly falling off the bottom edge.

See also: Ceiling Fan - an off-centered card where the image is pushed up toward the top edge.

See also: Minor’easter - a card that is slightly off centered, pushed a little toward the bottom left corner.

See also: Leanness De Milo - a card that has undoubtedly been trimmed on the sides.

390. Biñata
The large plastic storage container at a show that is packed with inexpensive cards (which aren’t in toploaders) that are quickly getting destroyed by all the grubby hands rifling through them.

391. Bumping Off Point
The minimum increase in grade your card would need to receive in order to make a resubmission financially worthwhile.

See also: Resubmitzvah - cracking a card out of its slab, resubmitting it to the TPG and feeling blessed by the new, higher number it received.

392. Huebie Doo
Someone who is able to conclusively solve the mystery and tell you the card you’re asking about is real or fake, based solely on the colors and tones in play.

393. Gettysburger
Any card having an SGC 80 (“four score”) grade on the label.
Also used in some circles to indicate a grand slam home run.

394. Shamnesia
Accidentally buying a card from an absolutely disreputable seller who has been exposed time and time again, because you didn’t realize or forgot it was this seller.

395. Shillicon Tally
When a member outlines specifically how an expensive auction price was nefariously run up by conspirators.

396. Nonbindary
A collector who isn’t interested in completing full sets.

See also: Teamophiliac - a person whose collection is centered around grabbing cards from only one particular club.

397. Relish You Were Here (informal)
A thread where a member posts that he’s done being a member of net54, but you know damn well he’s going to quickly return to the thread to enthusiastically count the number of people imploring him to stay.

398. Winstability
When you enter a bid with only moments to go and the screen tells you you’re the high bidder...but there’s a few seconds left and you stare at the screen (even AFTER the auction ends) wondering if that’s going to suddenly change.

399. Choptimist
A person who while watching a video of an enthusiastic ‘rack pack rip’ harbors a secret desire for the guy to accidentally damage the cards or cut his finger as he wields the sharp scissors.

400. Hemingwaste
Someone writing a long, rambling, in-depth post who actually thinks he’s adding all sorts of insight to the thread, but when you’re done with it you realize, ”That’s ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back.”

401. FlipperSwiffer
A person getting a long-ago graded card reholdered in a clean new slab, for the express purpose of tricking potential buyers into thinking it was newly graded under ‘stricter’ guidelines.

402. Trademarquee
The large, unavoidable presence that the multiple branding imprints on modern cards have become, as all the TM and © symbols are impossible to ignore.

403. Rants in Your Pants
A member who seemingly out of nowhere starts bitterly complaining about someone or something.

404. Amelia Snarehart
Seeing a great card at a great price on eBay, so you immediately click ‘buy it now’...but as the page loads, it suddenly says “This listing has ended.” and you realize someone else swooped in and grabbed it...and this wondrous card has vanished right before your very eyes!!!

405. Pink Eye Appeal (or Eye Appall)
A card that a seller touts as having “Great eye appeal!!,” when everyone can plainly see it most certainly does not.

See also: Iconjunctivitis - a Hall of Famer card that sadly has really bad eye appeal.

406. Crow-tahni
A collector who loves talking up how Shohei Ohtani is the best thing since sliced bread.

See also: Dough-tahni - an optimistic collector who is extremely bullish on Shohei Ohtani, and is investing big time in his cards.

See also: Woe-tahni - a pessimistic collector who has no doubt that be it an injury or otherwise, Shohei Ohtani is headed for a big downfall.

See also: Yenigma - the odd status that the 1965 Topps #282 Masanori Murakami rookie card enjoys due to him being the first Japanese player to play for a Major League Baseball team.

407. Hit By Q-Pid’s Arrow
The newfound desire for cards with qualifiers in the current boom market, as they are now regularly selling for much larger sums than ever before.

See also: Flippery Slope - seeing all of the problems to come now that PSA has unilaterally decided to stop using qualifiers when grading cards.

408. Sniper Rash
The bitter irritation you feel after waking to find your sniping app failed to place your bids last night.

See also: GrabHub - any sniping tool app.

409. Grumballyhoo (also Grail Fraud)
Not understanding the unbridled adoration and enthusiasm for a certain set that is cherished by so many collectors, when you have no problem saying that it absolutely sucks.

410. Fold Blooded
A seller who doesn’t consider an obviously bent corner to be a crease or a wrinkle.

411. Remissing Link
When you run across a card on eBay that you’ve somehow never seen before...but it comes from a set you are highly familiar with.

412. Twerp Walk
When the feds make an arrest during the National and haul the miserable miscreant out in front of everyone.

413. Covidiocy
The newly emerged collecting ‘disease’ that has so insidiously infected the hobby, that reasonably affordable purchases for lifelong collectors have now become a thing of the past.


SIZE="3"]“Collecting isn't a word. It's a sentence”[/SIZE]

I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part VIII (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #424 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

Don't mind that the world is falling to pieces around us. Avoid extreme temperatures and store this thread in a cool dry place. Caution: May cause drowsiness, nausea, dizziness or blurred vision. Yes, you will unquestionablysee yourself in this post


Yes, I am serious. And don't call me Shirley...


414. Shagtagged (also Extreme Forsakeover)
A card that has been ruined by someone drawing facial hair on the player.

See also: Abehorrent - when it’s just a beard that was scribbled on the card.

See also: Shorn Again - having to find an unmarked card for your set to replace the defaced one with the ersatz whiskers.

See also: Autograffiti - how a kid back in the day added his own handwritten version of the player’s signature to the front of a card.

415. Toppspoil (also Fanaticks)
The companies currently engaged in sucking the lifeblood out of the revered Topps Chewing Gum Company.

See also: Autoppsy - the various opinions of what led to the figurative death of the company.

416. Besmirchants
The oft-mentioned, high profile card peddlers that every single one of us knows deserve every last bit of crap that gets thrown at them.

See also: Ignoraphobia - the righteousness keeping good people from ever spending a dime with these filthy dealers.

See also: Snubmariner - a person whose eBay searches use the “Exclude” feature to simply cruise by all of those sellers’ offerings.

See also: Appease Artist - someone who has no problem purchasing cards from these guys.

417. Hostile Lurk Environment
When someone who hasn’t posted much at all suddenly starts appearing in multiple threads, throwing his outspoken opinions around.

418. Manurefracturers
Any of the card companies producing ornamentally elaborate modern day cards.

419. Hobbehemoths
All of the larger than life personalities who have been, for good or bad, illustrious presences in this hobby of ours over the years.

420. Mullman
A person who contacts you about a card you have available, and after you answer all of his questions, leaves you in limbo as he takes his own sweet time thinking the deal over.

421. Shrillenium
The growing anger that accompanies the continuously prolonged amount of time it takes for cards to finally come back from the grading company.

422. Mourning Track Power
Buying up cards of a very old former player, for the sole purpose of selling them at exorbitant prices on the gigantic bubble that will surely come after he passes away.

423. Burdiction
The terminology and catalogue vernacular developed by Jefferson Burdick.

See also: Songburdick or ManiACC - a fan singing the praises of Jefferson Burdick’s work on The American Card Catalog.

424. Scorched Mirth
A welcome and unexpected post in the middle of a very contentious thread which suddenly provides comic relief and brings smiles to people’s faces.

See also: Laftereffects - when other people follow suit and keep the light-hearted vibe going to ease the tension.

425. Second Scoregage
Spending a huge amount of money on a card, but feeling justified for the outlay, because you got a great deal on it.

426. Ruethanasia (informal)
The lamentable point you reach where a card is in such bad shape that you have no other option but to just throw it in the garbage and end the misery.

427. One-Way Streep (also Quid Pro Blo)
When a trader puts on a big performance trying to convince you you’re getting the better end of the deal he’s proposing...when it so obviously only favors him.

428. Ineleglance
A multi-player card where one of the subjects is plainly looking somewhere other than into the camera.

See also: Say Geez!! - the annoying reaction to seeing such a card and wishing the photographer had taken a ‘correct’ shot.

429. Texas Foilman
A fan of Curt Flood’s prominent role in the game-changing fight against baseball's reserve clause.

430. Looze Cruise
Eagerly traveling a long way to meet up with someone who’s selling a card or collection, but realizing upon finally seeing it in person, that it’s nothing like it was ‘supposed’ to be.

431. Transbender
When a seller identifies a card as having “no creasing or wrinkles” in his post, but the shadows/reflections or other topography in the picture clearly indicates the presence of ripples.

432. First Come, First Verve
Although rookie cards were printed in the ‘same’ numbers as all of the other cards of a player during his career, the demand (and enthusiasm) for them is always exponentially greater.

433. Slash Clash
When everyone seemingly has a different opinion about which side(s) of a card have supposedly been trimmed.

434. Twofervor
The adoration of tobacco cards having parts of multiple names showing on top and bottom.

435. Mockpocket (slang)
That tauntingly disappointing empty space in your binder page representing a card you still don’t have for your set.

436. Chick Swing
That moment in adolescence when your focus suddenly changed from collecting baseball cards to going after girls.

437. Wear Freshener
Relatively non-controversial things (like soaking or removing stuck-on paper or album remnants) done to improve the look of a card.

438. Surrogreat (also Pinch Fitter)
The printout, photocopy or reprint of an expensive star card that you put in the pocket of your set binder in place of the original, which is kept safely stored elsewhere.

See also: Relief Picture - when the player on the card in question is a Hall of Fame pitcher.

439. The Ole Hunt n’ Grunt
The dedicated effort, rife with disappointment, of sitting down at a show and methodically going through the dealers’ 800 count boxes card by card, trying to track down ones in the right shape to fill holes in your sets.

440. Lackilles Heel
That card you can’t help but always search for, although you don’t believe for a moment you’ll ever find it.

441. Pre-Warbitrage
The simple fact that for countless reasons, the exact same tobacco card is worth greatly different amounts to different people at the same time.

442. Jumping the Won
Someone excitedly posting pics of a great new pickup BEFORE he actually has the card in hand.

443. Banarchist
A person who demands that players from long ago, as well as other issues, be judged based on present-day ‘outrages.’

444. Cowpie in the Sky
When you find out that the newfound card (or piece of memorabilia) you were very hopeful about is nothing more than a fantasy piece.

445. Discoverses
The wonderful stories recounting how you were able to land a card you are extremely happy to own.

See also: Bereaverses or Passoverses - a sad narrative detailing a failed attempt to obtain a card you really, truly wanted.

446. Heard Mentality
The simple hobby 'facts' that may or may not be true, but which have always been accepted due to the constant retelling of them.


And I again wish you the very best!!!


And I bid you adieu!!!



And that's all she wrote. Now no one talk to me...I am freakin' tired!!!!!!!!
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Last edited by JollyElm; 10-07-2021 at 06:37 PM.
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  #2  
Old 12-12-2020, 06:18 AM
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Newbummer!!!!!
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Old 12-12-2020, 06:22 AM
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Thats quite entertaining !
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Old 12-12-2020, 06:34 AM
chalupacollects chalupacollects is offline
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That was great!
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Old 12-12-2020, 07:55 AM
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Default Re: The New Directory of Collectorisms...

Really fun read. Well done, Darren.
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Old 12-12-2020, 12:38 PM
Gorditadogg Gorditadogg is online now
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Very well done, looking forward to more!

How about Jolly Elm disease, an affliction manifesting in a desire for miscut, OC and print error cards.

Or gorditadoggerel, a common result of trying to post a witty response on Net54.



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Old 12-12-2020, 07:59 PM
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This is my vote for post of the year!.
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Old 12-12-2020, 09:16 PM
thatkidfromjerrymaguire thatkidfromjerrymaguire is offline
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Hahaha! Fantastic post. Thanks for this!
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Old 12-12-2020, 10:18 PM
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Darren...amazing job!!!!!! I'm laughing out loud over here!!!!! Very seinfeldian...so true!

Some of my favorites:

waxative
grandpoppycock
newbummer
shambellisher
disrecarded
obliviot..."the mizer"
prethumption...or judging by their name...flim flam...bahahaha
greed to know
satisfaktion..."dog pile on the rabbit!"
#48 is the best!!!!! pillage idiot!!!!!! So true on all counts!!!!!

Definitely the post of the year...and a new language has been created.

Last edited by ullmandds; 12-12-2020 at 10:19 PM.
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Old 12-13-2020, 10:17 AM
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We should all be honest and post our Collectorisms Number - the number of definitions that a person has been guilty of in the past year.

I'm thinking that I'll probably have to take my shoes off to keep count.
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Old 12-13-2020, 10:27 AM
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My favorite read over the past week. Nicely done!
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Old 12-13-2020, 10:41 AM
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51. Mized-
Being met with an inappropriate degree of hostility and aggressive sales tactics when showing even the slightest interest in a card for sale.

Last edited by Casey2296; 12-13-2020 at 10:49 AM.
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Old 12-13-2020, 10:52 AM
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I legit want to use some of those words in a sentence now! It is like Net54 Urban Dictionary.

This list is great!
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Old 12-13-2020, 10:56 AM
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Wait...

am I now guilty of boardswarming or a good old fashioned Post-it dope by responding to this thread?
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Old 12-13-2020, 11:10 AM
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I don't think I've read something as clever as this as long as I've been a member here.
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Old 12-13-2020, 10:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Casey2296 View Post
51. Mized-
Being met with an inappropriate degree of hostility and aggressive sales tactics when showing even the slightest interest in a card for sale.
Mizeical chairs: a game where you try to get your money back after buying an overpriced misrepresented card.

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Old 02-05-2021, 06:43 PM
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They're Baa-aaack!!!! I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part IV (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** I can't say this strongly enough. This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, chuckles and guffaws will ensue!!!!

No international treaties were breached in creating this magnum opus.


Okay, here’s the fourth part of this nonsense, but it gets better. I have not only copied and pasted all of the updates together right here in the original post, but I have also added a ton of bonus material. You know how when an album is remastered/reissued, they include bonus tracks? Well, that’s what you have here, and now more than one quarter of a thousand Collectorisms in one place, so enjoy the heck out of it (or don’t enjoy it, your choice)...



204. Hot Water Theater
When you pop into a water cooler section thread as a casual change of pace...and suddenly realize you’ve stumbled into a shit show!!

205. Blockroach
A seller who, no matter how many different ways you try to prevent his listings from showing up in your eBay searches, still finds a way to get his auctions through.

See also: Demoniker - a secondary or supplemental eBay username employed by these types of sellers.

206. Autosnafu
The unfortunate way card companies cut noteworthy signatures out of full pictures or documents to scrunch them into the tiny window of a chase card.

See also: Bullfit! (informal) - an autograph that is partially cut off or obscured in one of these contrivances.

207. The Equivoprevarication Hypocrisy (also Chirperjury)
The fact that countless sellers holler and exclaim that the card they’re selling looks so much better than the grade it received...yet not a single one of these hawkers ever says that one of their cards actually looks worse than the grade given.

See also: Jumba-Liar - an auction description that’s a veritable hodgepodge of half-truths and falsehoods.

208. Cardboard Cryptid
A card that is virtually impossible to find perfectly centered.

209. Bubble Scramble
With card prices continuing to rise exponentially, your buying habits are being completely redefined every single day.

See also: Crumbrage (also Cellar’s Market) - being annoyed that the only cards you can now afford are basically the bottom of the barrel throwaways.

See also: Cold Springs (also Retro-wrect) - the regret of jumping in and selling your cards too soon, too cheaply before prices really began to escalate.

210. Hubba-Hubba-Bubba (also Riding the Cardboard Escalator)
The happiness of seeing the huge bubble gum card bubble magnificently increasing the value of your collection.

See also: Dweller’s Market - being unsure whether now is the right time to sell, or if prices are going to continue to climb.

See also: Bubble Dump - deciding to take a quick profit by selling off your cards right now.

See also: Kurt Bevacquation - the desire to sell off your collection in a hurry before the giant bubble bursts, so you can use the proceeds to take your family on a great trip.

211. Slabberdasher
A collector looking for input and ideas on how to best display and lay out his cards, uniforms and other memorabilia in his ‘man cave.’

212. Breaking the Plastic Ceiling
The moment you decide that the vast majority of your card purchases from here on out will be of the graded variety.

213. 52 Hours a Day (colloquialism)
The amount of time spent discussing the endless fascination with Mickey Mantle’s first Topps card.

214. Guillotine Set (also Overheaded)
Any Topps offering which is comprised of an inordinate amount of headshots.

See also: Marie Fantoinette - someone who adores those types of cards.

See also: Beheadhunter - an avid collector of the 1960 Topps set.

See also: Yearbooker - a lover of the 1960 Leaf set.

215. Meticumulation (also Minticulous)
A collection of only very high grade cards.

216. The Lonesome Sighway
Feeling isolated and forsaken, because you are seemingly the only person who collects and/or is into the types of cards you collect.

217. Wynicism
On the rare occasion you actually triumph in an auction with a pretty low bid, your mind instantly becomes clogged with thoughts such as, “Uh oh, how did I possibly win it?? Did I miss something?? Is there a flaw in the card I didn’t see?”

218. HOFOMO (acronym)
Fear of missing out on your opportunity to buy Hall of Famer cards at decent prices as said prices continue to soar.

219. Leatherbrain (also Addicted to Glove)
Someone whose collecting focus centers around the all-time great fielders.

See also: Slugbug or Slamlord - a collector focused primarily on legendary power hitters.

See also: Moundhound or Hurlieman or Firehauler - a seeker of cards and memorabilia portraying the most celebrated pitchers in the game’s history.

220. Bad Commacation
Not properly inserting a comma in your sales price, so at first glance a card appears to be an incredible ‘bargain’ at $850, and not $8,500.

221. Disgarveyfication (also Flaw of Averages)
Thinking the superstars you worshiped as a boy were clear cut all-time greats and first-ballot HOF’ers, but when you give their stats a once-over now, you realize they were just meh.

222. 177/537 Disease
Seeing a vintage card and having the innate ability to immediately remember what number it is without giving it a second thought.

223. Non-Mathematical Gradipulation
Not being able to understand how a card graded as an SGC 80 works out to be a 6???? Why isn’t it an 8????

224. Garbarian (also Garmentor or Raimentic)
Someone who is able to readily identify what year a photograph was taken based on specific aspects of the player’s uniform.

See also: Costdoomer (also Garfomentor) - someone who heartily disagrees with his assessment of the apparel in question.

See also: Boutfitter - a member who happily jumps in to fight in defense of the OP’s conclusions.

See also: Dorian Ungray - the use of very old photos by card companies, where there is clear evidence (a long gone stadium, an old uniform, etc.) in the photograph that proves it was snapped many years ago...not to mention how absurdly youthful the player appears.

225. Erudouche
A person who feels obligated to point out words that 99.99% of the population uses as synonyms (“rare” and “scarce,” e.g.) actually have different meanings.

See also: Dichthyologist or Marine Biolojerk - someone who jumps in to ‘correct’ anyone using the time-honored exhortation “Squish the fish!!” (meaning “Beat Miami!!”), by pompously stating that a dolphin isn’t a fish, it’s a mammal.

226. Canardboard (also Hubriscation)
The smug and silly dismissal that valuable baseball cards are “just cardboard.” Sure, and ‘The Mona Lisa’ is just some pigment on a piece of wood.

See also: Glampifying - romanticizing a pile of old cards in bad shape for sale by referring to them as being in “Collector’s Grade.”

227. Exorbitancy Coefficient
The mathematical formula involved in determining if using a combination of 15% off coupons, credit card points, and eBay bucks will offset the ridiculous asking price of a card enough to ultimately make buying it ‘worth it.’

228. Registry Disparity
The mathematical rule of thumb that a card with a qualifier is equal to a straight graded card two whole numbers lower.

See also: The Binary Conundrum - owning a graded card with a qualifier, but since the ‘defect’ is so minor, it definitely doesn’t merit having a two-grades-lower drop in value.

229. Scrubbish
Rookie cards of players that never made it big appearing in the same set with the same layout as other valuable, much sought after rookie cards.

230. Coming In from the Mold (also Grabbing the Raines)
When a long-retired player finally becomes a HOFer and you start digging through your old cardboard boxes in search of his cards.

See also: Vexaltation - being pissed that when you dig those cards out they are in awful shape because they’ve been rattling around in your commons/junk boxes all of these years.

See also: Mildewphoria - the delight in discovering you have a bunch of his rookie cards socked away.

See also: Epidemacclaim - the huge amount of overpriced cards suddenly appearing everywhere on eBay the moment the ballplayer is finally elected to The Hall.

See also: Prognostogainer - someone who speculated perfectly on the HOF vote and was able to cheaply load up on the player’s cards in advance.

See also: Windfault - spending a lot of money buying the rookie cards of a player you were sure was going to be enshrined this time, only to see him once again fall short.

231. Individual Wagneria
The cards that normal people hold up as their own personal most valuable or treasured collectibles.

232. Lexiconjecture
Seeing a word, phrase or acronym in someone’s post and not being able to tell if it’s a misspelling or an example of new terminology that you are unfamiliar with.

233. Master Set-back (also Annextra)
After someone makes a new variation discovery (usually a minor printing anomaly), and you realize the card in your master set already is this version, so you must sadly go out and spend the money to add the ‘regular’ version.

234. Scaventurous
With a smile on your face and your team’s cap on your head, standing at the entrance to a card show and wondering what magical hidden treasures you are going to come across today.

See also: Capture the Slag - happily spending very little money and amassing a nice pile of star cards in really bad shape.

235. Too-Too Clock
Although everyone is (rightfully) complaining about how expensive cards are getting these days, the simple truth is cards have always been way ‘too’ expensive since the beginning of time. Even when Mays and Mantle cards could be gotten for $5 apiece, that was considered a ludicrous price.

236. Deceiviation
When someone touts that he’s selling a Hall of Famer card (cheaply), but when you open the thread you find it’s not the player’s ‘regular’ card, but a much-less-desirable combination card, World Series card, checklist or league leaders card.

See also: Dooplomat - the author of such a thread.

See also: Sidemicks - the players appearing on cards with Mickey Mantle.

See also: Trophesizing - calling a card for sale a “rookie card,” when it’s actually a second year card that has the Topps All-Star Rookie trophy on it.

237. Thrillogical (also Prosposterous)
Having a card listed with a ‘Buy It Now’ price for quite some time and it never sells, but when you decide to relist it as a straight auction, the hammer price ends up exceeding what your BIN always was.

238. Droughtstretch (also The No Cardboard Blues or Cry Spell)
That horribly sad period of time when you have absolutely no eBay wins coming to your home in the forseeable future.

See also: Dearthling - a collector caught up in this pitiful situation.

See also: Droughtburst - the card you finally buy that puts an end to this terrible stretch of time.

239. Bendacity
Looking at a prized card you own that is creased, and not being able to fully accept and get over the fact that there will never ever be a way to flatten it out and rid it of those nasty wrinkles.

240. Pocket Scientist (also Neinstein)
A collector who has a knack for quickly placing cards into the right page slots (while transferring a partial set into a binder) by efficiently doing the multiples of 9 math.

241. Louie-Leaner (also Precise Versa)
Correctly orienting your team and other horizontal cards (in albums and holders) with the de facto ‘tops’ on the left side and NOT the right side.

242. Auspiezious
A mediocre player who holds a place of prominence in the collecting world simply because he appears on either a rare variation or an otherwise significant card.

243. Charcoal Merchant (also Blackpeddler)
A person who deceptively darkens the corners and edges of 1971 Topps cards in order to pull a fast one and pass them off as high grade.

See also: Tragic Marker - the discovery that one of your key 1971 cards was recolored sometime in the past.

See also: Pooreo (slang) - the ease with which your black 1971 cards immediately wore away into white.

244. Spider Banes
Very conspicuous print lines that adversely affect the look of an otherwise nice card.

245. Club Orthoboxy
Keeping your cards sorted by teams and not in numerical order.

246. Sicken Scratch (also Scrivendacity)
When someone posts a nearly illegible handwritten letter or postcard from an old time player and doesn’t include either a transcript or a summation of what the heck it says.

247. The Apopalypse
The constant ‘the sky is falling’ cry (heard very less often these days) of people thinking the graded card market is going to bottom out.

248. Despairasitic (also Gone With the Win)
Checking on an auction you’re really hoping to win with a low snipe bid, but seeing there’s a multitude of people watching it, so you realize you don’t stand a chance in hell.

249. Hemlinegevity (also Puberty Derailment)
How ‘all’ kids collect cards from early on in grade school up until they start chasing skirts sometime in middle school, only to then pick up the hobby again decades later.

250. Case and Effect
The manner in which card collecting has drastically changed with the onset of professional grading. It used to be that you’d grab any card you need for your set, centering or other factors be damned, but now the paradigm of what constitutes ‘acceptable cardboard’ has been changed for many collectors.

251. Standing Shill
The BS involved with ignoring the fact that illegitimate bidders screw everyone over and drive prices fraudulently upward. It’s usually accompanied by an inane statement such as, “I bid the maximum I’m going to bid and that’s it. Whatever happens, happens.”

252. In Screeno Veritas (Lat.) (also Web Phlegm)
The attempt to use Photoshop to alter a picture to trick people into believing you own a card...but the posted picture has enough clues in it to prove the truth. You ain’t got it.
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Need a laugh? Take a gander at my 'The New Directory of Collectorisms...' thread:
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“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
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Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980's.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 09-09-2021 at 01:59 PM.
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  #18  
Old 02-18-2021, 04:30 PM
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Yippie-Ki-Yay, Motherf*ckers! I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part V (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, go to the OP and scroll down to #37 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while reading this post.


And here’s the fifth part of this nonsense, so LOL or BOL or ROTFL, or just STUDNBSAYP (sit there unamused, doing nothing but staring at your phone), your choice...



253. Griptrip
An eBay auction with the picture showing the seller’s hand holding the card for sale.

See also: Fingerfolk or Second Handlers - eBayers who engage in this practice.

See also: Porkadillo - the offense of making everyone feel painfully uncomfortable as they’re forced to stare at your meaty sausage fingers in the auction photos.

254. Ramenstration
The act of cutting back on your usual dining habits in order to free up money to use on the cards you’re looking to buy.

See also: Dehammered - the feeling that the rate at which prices are rising means you’re never going to win another auction.

255. Dismissogyny (also Scold Shoulder)
The contempt you feel for your wife when she once again dismissively mocks or belittles your ‘silly little hobby.’

256. Swapchase (also Flexchange)
A transaction involving two people trading cards, wherein one of the parties also adds a predetermined amount of cash to the deal.

257. Cardboardhydrates
The list of ingredients found on a wax pack for the plank of gum inserted within.

258. Switchfaced (also Clip-Flopped)
The unintentional use of a reversed photographic image on a baseball card.

259. Jivestocker
A seller who only uses ‘stock photos’ in his listings.

260. Intecollectual
A person who uses a smart, discerning and measured approach to his card collecting methods.

261. Numerelevance (also Prime-Timecard)
How Topps reserved the more significant card numbers, such as #100, #200, etc., for the most cherished players in the set.

262. Metropolitangential
Being a huge fan and collector of New York Mets cards and memorabilia, but also having a soft spot in your heart for their pseudo-ancestors, the NY Giants and Brooklyn Dodgers.

See also: Sox Addict - a fan of either (or both) of the American League teams haling from Boston, MA and Chicago, IL.

263. “Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.” (maxim)
The assessment of the continuing upsurge in baseball card prices.

See also: “Strike while the cardboard is hot.” - knowing that, although it’s very pricey, you need to buy a card you’re interested in now before the cost climbs even higher in the immediate future.

See also: Opportunity Accost - unexpectedly coming across a card (that you may or may not need) and knowing if you don’t buy it immediately at this price, the next person who sees it will undoubtedly jump on it.

See also: Redbreaded - a person who has actually found a way to lose money selling their cards in this booming collectibles market.

264. Woe Tide (also Floodraising)
The befuddlement of seeing the asking prices of lesser cards also going through the roof in the current environment, as if they were suddenly on par with the all-time greats.

265. Elevening
Bragging about how great a graded card you’re selling looks.

266. Blockaid
The post, PM, or some other occurrence that tells you it’s time to relegate a particular member to your ignore list.

See also: Speedelete - when you see a PM in your in-box and you know the guy who sent it is just spewing crap, so you immediately throw it in the trash without reading it.

See also: Perplexiled - when you find yourself on the blocked list of an eBay seller and have no recollection as to why you were put there.

See also: Laughingblock - when someone believes that blocking you is going to adversely affect your life, but it just makes you chuckle.

267. Callousthetics
Deceptively using an image stolen from an eBay auction to ‘sell’ a card you don’t actually own.

268. Unicornery
A card doctor making all four corners of a very rare and valuable (fake) card universally, symmetrically rounded, although a card like that does not exist in the natural world.

269. Harpoonnacle
The exhilirating feeling of being on top of the world after your hunt for one of your ‘white whales’ has finally come to a joyous conclusion.

See also: Leviathinning - crossing that significant card off of your want list.

See also: Ahabitual - the persistent, daily employment of eBay searches (and other methods) in your pursuit of one of your ‘white whales.’

See also: Vortexuberance - the feeling of joy and relief that comes with winning a turbulent and hotly-contested auction between multiple rival bidders.

See also: Gutzon Borgum - the cards you choose to be a part of your own personal ‘Mt. Rushmore’ of collectibles.

270. Decimalarkey
The miniscule, undetected-by-the-human-eye factors that supposedly differentiate a PSA 9 card from a PSA 10.

271. Flipclipper
Stopping someone dead in his tracks who’s trying to sweet-talk you out of a card for next to nothing, because you know full well he’s only looking to grab it to immediately resell it at a big profit.

272. Condescenturions
People who post things that are already blatantly obvious to everyone, as if they’re somehow adding insightful info to the thread. It’s the baseball card equivalent of a person on a computer help-line asking you, “Is your machine plugged in?”

273. Slabyrinthine (also Contorturous)
The arduously long and painstakingly difficult task of trying to free a card sandwiched between multiple layers of cardboard, encased in bubble wrap and having every conceivable angle thickly covered in tight layers of tape with no apparent edges to be found.

274. “I wouldn’t touch his cards with a sixty foot, six inch pole.” (slang)
The disdain for a Hall of Fame pitcher felt by a collector who believes he has no business being in Cooperstown.

275. Slimperceptible (also Scantily Bad)
A card whose centering is only a mere hair worse than another virtually identical card, but unlike that one, it gets a dreaded OC qualifier on the label.

276. Unintended Cardsequences (also Carbohyway Robbery)
Although Topps purposefully packaged their baseball cards in wax packs with large sticks of gum inserted, when a card is found to have wax or gum residue present on it, it is devalued and/or given a qualifier.

277. Discountentment
Getting an expensive card at a ‘bargain,’ but it may prove to be a bad thing when it’s time to sell, because your low winning bid will appear on the sales price data sites and make potential buyers rethink what the card’s value is.

278. Paxploitation Film
A Hollywood movie (or TV show) where baseball cards make an unexpected appearance.

279. Groan-Sharking
Posting a card for sale at such an egregiously high price (which doesn’t conform in any way shape or form to past sales), and causing everyone to gripe, “What is this guy thinking???!!”

See also: Trolesaler - a person who’s a member of this site for no other reason than to take advantage of the free access to the B/S/T and hawk their exorbitantly priced cards.

See also: Doing a Double-Brake (informal) - suddenly stopping when you see an eBay price that is so absolutely ridiculous that it makes you wonder if you’re missing something. Like, is the card a Venezuelan or something??

280. Cardines
The stuff you put out there as trade bait.

281. Forefingerphobia (also Ruinjurious)
The common anxiety accompanying any attempt to remove a card from a toploader, because awkwardly stuffing your finger into such a thin, confined space can only end up damaging it.

282. Pathminder (also Good Sportmanshepherd)
Someone who ‘dutifully’ chimes in to tell you your post is in the wrong section.

See also: Navigrater - a person who guides the person to the correct area, but there’s a bit of bite in his response.

283. Shodification
An offer sent to you by an eBayer which is only a tiny, insignificant reduction of his original listing price.

284. Protrusion Confusion
Not really understanding what the specific, precise definition of a corner ‘bump’ or ‘ding’ is.

285. Rostertute
A member having a list of people he’s done deals with catalogued in his signature.

286. Drag Clean (slang)
Someone who uses pantyhose to remove wax and gum residue from the surface of a card.

See also: Leggy - a graded card with an ‘ST’ qualifier that you know can be easily eliminated by using a pair of pantyhose to wipe away the ‘invisible’ wax or gum residue on it.
“That card’s got legs.”
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Need a laugh? Take a gander at my 'The New Directory of Collectorisms...' thread:
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“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980's.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 04-21-2021 at 02:14 PM.
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  #19  
Old 02-18-2021, 04:52 PM
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these are gold! "In Screeno Veritas" had me rolling, along with "Drag Clean"
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  #20  
Old 02-18-2021, 07:43 PM
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Gotta credit our Phil Lewis with this one:

"Slab Queen". I would define it as a collector who obsesses over the number on the slab.

"Raging Slab Queen": a collector who pitches a hissy fit when he doesn't get the grade he wants on a submission.
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Last edited by Exhibitman; 02-18-2021 at 07:45 PM.
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Old 02-19-2021, 01:55 PM
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This is hilarious, thanks.
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  #22  
Old 04-16-2021, 04:46 PM
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Arthur Fonzarelli’s wearing his leather jacket and skiing across the water...so it is time to
JUMP THE SHARK!!!!!!!!!!!

I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part VI (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #306 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

This post is ribbed for her pleasure. Do not swim for at least 30 minutes after reading. Action figures sold separately.


So it is up to you, good people of Earth, to figure out what you wanna do with all of this. Good luck...


287. Slyopic (also Glaucomedy)
The utilization of ‘at signs’ to imitate eyes and form the word “L@@K” in an auction title.

288. Bubblegum POWs
The players not found in certain sets from the 1950’s due to the intense legal conflicts between Topps and Bowman, among others.

See also: MIArtyrdom - the glorious wonderment of imagining what the missing cards of specific HOF’ers would have looked like were they ever produced.

289. Guffawbulous
Having a name (Eddie Stanky, Heinie Manush, Johnny Pesky, Tom Tresh, Pete LaCock, e.g.) that causes every single collector alive to giggle a little bit whenever they run across one of his cards.

290. Klutts/Washington Extrapolation
The huge increase in value that a 1978 Topps Rookie Shortstops #707 card will surely attain if another one of the players pictured on it finds his way into the Hall of Fame.

291. He’s All Gum, No Cardboard (Put-Down)
A collector who talks a really big game and fancies himself some sort of baseball card expert, but it’s pretty obvious he has no clue what he’s talking about.

292. The Plastic Paradox
A card with a ‘Buy-It-Now’ price on eBay that is less than what it would’ve cost to have said card graded in the first place.

293. Carat-Top
A card with a discernible diamond cut.

See also: Rotato - a card that is a true rectangle, but the photo on it is tilted.

294. Planned Grabsolescence
Adding overpriced things to your eBay watch list, because you know the long three month wait for your eBay Bucks Certificate to be unlocked is right around the corner, so you’ll be able to get them at a much better overall cost.

295. Sendwich
The traditional setup wherein a card in a slab or toploader is placed between two pieces of cardboard, bubble wrapped and then taped together and inserted into a mailer.

See also: Flub Sendwich - when a seller doesn’t properly seal a toploader with tape, and the card is able to slide out of its moorings while in transit.

See also: Schmuckstuck - when a toploader is rendered forever useless by a careless seller who seals it with impossible-to-remove packing tape, transforming it into a permanently sticky mess.

See also: Stichabod Crane - a seller who commits this offense.

296. COCD (Cardboard Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
The malady plaguing people who have strict, unwavering personal standards regarding how perfectly centered a card must be to earn a place in their own personal collection.

See also: Scoff Centered - the derision for any card falling short of his rigidly demanding standards.

See also: Centertainer - any collector afflicted with this condition who takes particular delight in showing off his beautifully centered cards.

297. Bogusto (also Grate Expectations)
The exhiliration of seeing your eBay listing has a whole slew of watchers...only to bitterly realize that they’re not potential buyers, but lookie-loos waiting to see if anyone is stupid enough to pull the trigger on your ridiculous price.

298. Blockem’s Razor
The principle that in deciding whether or not to add an eBayer to your blocked bidders list, the simplest explanation is usually the right one. He’s going to be a problem for you.

299. Blindignity
When the photo on a card captures the player with his eyes either fully closed or in ‘mid-blink.’

See also: Mocularity - the undoubted mirth and merriment expressed by the people at the card company as they decided to use that particular ‘eyes closed’ photo for the card instead of selecting a nicer one.

See also: Blinksmanship - a photographer’s knack for catching players in this state.

300. Noobilation
The happily optimistic and enthusiastic posts of someone who’s just recently joined the site and has obviously not yet been exposed to net54’s sordid, seamy underbelly.

301. Trimpropriety
Deciding what the acceptable shortness of a card can be, either top to bottom or side to side, that occurred naturally when the sheets of cards were cut at the factory.

302. BINishing Touches
Happily finding a very affordable Buy-It-Now price for the last card you need to finally complete your set.

303. A Player to be Hall-of-Famed Later (also Pete Rose Colored Glasses or Grandiminoso)
Expecting to get more for a card in a trade or a sale than it is truly worth, because, "Everyone knows he should definitely be in the Hall of Fame!"

See also: Juice-Bumps - when this tactic is used with regard to steroids-era players.

See also: Ain’thood - the continual uptick in admiration and reverence a ballplayer, arguably with the qualities of an all-time great, receives the longer he is ‘wrongly’ held out of Cooperstown.

304. Sherlock Chromes
A collector exposing the forgeries and/or trim-jobs of modern cards.

305. Ribbie-Glibby (slang)
Any self-important know-it-all who refuses to accept the acronym “RBI” as the independent word it truly is, and therefore never deigns to pluralize it and say, “RBIs.”
“He hit .254 while tallying a healthy 103 RBI.”

306. Basebull Market (also Batmitt Crazy)
How economists in the future will describe the drastic upsurge in baseball card buying and selling during the pandemic.

307. Peaceful, Sleazy Feeling
The theme song of card doctors.

See also: Noh Canada - the national anthem of sellers who realize much too late how much more it costs to ship a card up to our northern neighbors.

308. Costume Foolery
A baseball card (usually from very early in his big-league career) showing a player wearing a number different from the one with which he has forever been associated.

309. Poach Roach
After hitting ‘Buy-It-Now’ and sending payment for a card, you receive a message informing you the seller has cancelled the transaction and refunded your money...and you know full well it’s because someone contacted this unscrupulous seller and offered him more money for the card.

310. Plate Crasher (also Aingejustice or Jordantithesis)
A player who appears completely out of place on a baseball card, because he is much more renowned for playing an entirely different sport.

311. The Cardboard Menagerie
A table at a show having a wonderfully wide and varied assortment of different sports, years, brands and memorabilia on it.

312. Nextortion (also Foregoading or Bumptimatum)
When a member bumps his ‘for sale’ thread with a resentful veiled threat of, "This is your final chance to get this card before I move it to eBay tomorrow!!"

See also: Rantifesto (also Addendumb) - a condescending statement added to the end of an eBay listing which chastizes potential bidders for committing whatever perceived affronts the seller has rattling around in his head.

313. One-Trick Phony (also Don Larksen or Harvey Hadhoax or Lucky Dent)
A player who has forever enjoyed a highly elevated status within the collecting community due ‘only’ to a readily-identifiable, single game accomplishment or occurrence.

See also: Pizazzeroski - a player from this group who has found his way into Cooperstown.

314. Acronymrod
A member who, for unknown reasons, eschews using simple, straight-forward abbreviations like “FS” or “PM,” to instead use his own slightly different combinations of letters.

See also: Deciphoraging - wracking your brain in an attempt to figure out exactly what each of those initials could possibly stand for. (Also pertains to misspelled acronyms.)

315. Ancestuous
Doing searches for players like “Aaron,” “Sisler,” “Brett,” and “Griffey” and having to weed through all of the results showing their much-less-desired relatives’ items.

316. April Drools Day (informal)
The spring afternoon when you realize the official start of the baseball season is finally here at last.

317. Brag Tax
The additional fees paid to a player to have him add a very brief inscription of an achievement, like “HOF 1999,” to his autograph.

318. Mets Runway (also Batwalk)
The patch of ground between the visitors’ dugout and the third base line at Shea Stadium where every National Leaguer was forced to walk to and pose for Topps photographers.

319. Louvre Affair
Cards that sit forever unsold due to their seller’s penchant for ‘museum’ pricing.

320. Vendor Reveal Party
A seller who gleefully proclaims, “Newly Graded!!!” in his auction description, as if he’s announcing the birth of a child.

321. Fundamantles
The simple rule of thumb that the Mickey Mantle card will be the most expensive card in the vast majority of sets in which he appears.

See also: Reds Herring - the odd occurrence wherein the 1963 Topps Pete Rose rookie card takes that title instead.

See also: Micked-Off - how the high-numbered 1967 Topps Tom Seaver rookie card stops the value-war dead in its tracks.

See also: Mr. Bloctober - due to the existence of the 1969 Topps ‘white letter’ variation, Mantle is technically still able to claim the throne over the Reggie Jackson rookie card.

See also: Polemick - the ongoing debate of whether or not Mickey Mantle’s 1969 card counts as the last one of his playing career, since he retired before the regular season got under way.

322. Bubble Gumption
A message sent to an eBay seller asking, “What is the absolute lowest price you will accept for this card?”

See also: Smite Back Atcha (idiom) - when the seller immediately replies, "What's the absolute highest price you will pay???"

323. Fliptease
The systematic removal of a graded card from its plastic holder.

324. Skewedonyms
The inconsistent spellings of certain players’ names (Jimmie/Jimmy Foxx, Lew/Lou Burdette, Satchel/Satchell Paige and Dick/Richie Allen, e.g.) used by the card companies.

325. Wesparkerization (or Wesparkered)
How the clumsy presence of some random player in an action shot greatly distracts or partially blocks the viewer from seeing the player whose card it actually is.

See also: Co-Stargazing - excitedly looking at the all-time great hidden in plain sight amid the game action on another player’s card.

326. Banalogous
The nonsensical listing price of an ungraded card at the going market rate (or more) of what a graded version of the same card sells for in the ‘same’ shape.

327. Doubtspoken (informal)
When a member starts a thread asking if the card he’s looking at is authentic, but his wording either hints at or directly states that he does not think it is, in fact, genuine.

See also: Grabbergasted - the reaction to finding out the card you were so happy to acquire is a fake.

See also: Trympathy - the feeling of sadness felt for someone who got screwed over by someone selling a doctored card.

See also: Shedical School - where card doctors are trained in the trimming arts.

328. Tax Player
The IRS be damned, April 15 will always be remembered as the day Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier.

See also: Buyjacking - the criminally high prices which put virtually every Jackie Robinson card out of the reach of everyday collectors.

329. Keds Pox
The extreme corner and edge wear, creases and overall dilapidation caused by loose cards jostling around in a shoebox for long periods of time.

See also: Discardboard - the random stacks of old, round-cornered, ‘worthless’ cards in bad-shape that every collector has strewn about.

330. Swappraisal (also Barterback)
The short postscript added to a card to reflect the player had been traded in the off-season.

See also: Misuniformed - the confusion of kids opening packs and wondering why the guy is shown on his old team.

331. Pitchcraft
The belief that some Hall of Fame hurlers relied on the sorcery of doctored baseballs to pave their way into Cooperstown.

332. Amissfit
Seeing an old league leaders card that includes a (to you) completely unknown/’undeserving’ player on it.

See also: Whiffraff - the non-superstars appearing on strikeout leaders cards.

See also: Gawk-On Player - when you can’t help but stare with bewilderment and say, “How in heck did this guy get on here?! What kind of season did he have??”

See also: Presidekick - when this scrub player actually occupies the top spot on said leaders card.

333. Agonull Set
A baseball card offering which includes one or more unnumbered cards, leaving a collector to angrily exclaim, “How in heck will I ever know if I have a complete set??!!”

334. Stack Wounds (also Pile Scars)
The squeezed gouges in the sides of cards that resulted from being bundeled together and kept tightly wrapped in rubber bands by kids.

See also: Notchos (slang) - cards having this type of damage.

See also: Cross Glitching - the marks caused by rubber bands being stretched both vertically and horizontally around piles of cards.

See also: Elastigmata - when these types of grooves are present on a hallowed, big money card.

See also: Rutrospect - thinking about the grade your card would have received were it not for these infernal indentations.

335. Bumper Card (also Maraca)
A graded card that is swimming so much in its holder that any movement of said holder causes an audible carom.

336. Kintimidation
(Cue the portentous music...) Always having to sleep with one eye firmly open, because it’s becoming more and more apparent that your wife and kids know EXACTLY how much of a gold mine your collection has become.


And now it's time for (MANY) beers!!!
__________________
Looking to trade? Check out my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

Need a laugh? Take a gander at my 'The New Directory of Collectorisms...' thread:
https://www.net54baseball.com/showthread.php?t=293235

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980's.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 08-14-2021 at 03:27 PM.
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  #23  
Old 08-12-2021, 05:25 PM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
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“Are you police?”
“No ma’am, we're card collectors.”



I got my first real keyboard
Bought it at the emporium
Typed on it 'til my fingers* bled
Was the summer of '21...


*Only on my left hand, because my right arm has been immobilized for a month and a half following surgery.


I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part VII (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #400 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

Anyone reading this post needs to be wearing a mask. For entertainment purposes only. Anyone being offended should consult a physician. All demonstrations by professional drivers were executed on closed courses - please do not attempt at home. Give your children a hug tonight, and best of luck.


Hey, Wang! What's with the pictures? It's a website. Come on, will ya? Start reading...


337. Dishonus Wagner
The trimmed T206 Honus Wagner with serial #00000001 (the so-called ‘Gretzky/McNall Wagner’) that was the very first card to be graded by PSA.

See also: Wags Hag - anyone who uses a picture of this card as a metaphor for PSA’s ineptitude.

338. Murderer’s D'oh!
Finding out you’ve been deceived and fleeced by someone selling a reprinted card or counterfeit piece of late-1920’s Yankees memorabilia.

339. Scanchovies
The little scraps and specks of dust, dross, hair and whatnot that sit ‘on top’ of a card in a scan.

340. North Pull
The card situated on the top of an unopened pack of cards.

See also: South Pull - the card situated on the bottom of an unopened pack.

See also: Gummi Pairs - the cards (and/or inserts) in a pack that the stick of gum is/was sandwiched between.

341. Sharepopper
A person who organizes, runs and looks after a group submission to a third party grader.

342. Glitter Critter
An avid collector of modern cards.

343. Shine Swine
Disreputable sellers who are listing modern cards at just plainly extortionate prices.

344. Raison d'nêtre (Fr.)
Whether it’s for camaraderie, the free marketplace to peddle your cards, or just to continually start arguments with other members, the essential, defining reason that each of us is a net54 member to begin with.

345. Sleight of Brand
The trickery of adding “Not PSA” to an eBay listing of a card graded by a different company, so you can reap the rewards of people including “PSA” in their searches, and get your auction viewed by a helluva lot more people.

346. Scrounge Lizard (also Molehiller)
Someone who purposely keeps inventing and carping about tiny, inconsequential imperfections in a card you’re trying to sell in an obnoxious attempt to force you to lower your price significantly.

347. Kvetch-22
The principle that the people who bitterly complain the most about PSA’s horrific business practices are the same ones who gladly keep sending in more cards to be graded, because PSA slabs deliver the highest sales prices.

See also: “Hegemony Crickets!” - an expression referring to the metaphorical sound of silence as the venerated PSA refuses to ever address even a single one of the countless accusations of malfeasance made against them.

348. Pentourage
The insignificant autographs that appear on a multi-signed piece that surround (and let’s face it, ruin) the signature of a coveted, highly collectible player.

349. Scrawl Revere
A very precious, extremely valuable, and/or rarely seen player’s autograph.

350. Scribble Squabble
A disagreement over whether or not an autograph is authentic.

351. The Math of Con
An exorbitantly-priced card on eBay that now has an eye-catching ‘slashed price’ graphic with “12% OFF” added to it, as if that tiny bit of money ‘saved’ would in any way, shape or form make a difference.

352. Wiltwashed
When a seller lists the 1969 Topps Wilt Chamberlain as his rookie card, as if the cards Fleer issued almost a decade earlier somehow do not count.

353. Strophanger
Anyone who uses the term “Razor Sharp!!” in an auction listing.

See also: Texthibitionist - an eBayer using “FLASH SALE!” in their listing.

See also: Empty Bindering - a seller using “Set Break” when they’re only auctioning off one or two cards from the set.

See also: Bodybilker - an eBayer coyly trying to greatly enhance the value of the card he’s selling by stating, “Strong for the grade!!”

See also: Doing the Lindy - a seller exclaiming how a card is the player’s “First Solo Card!”

354. “Sorry, Wrong Lumber.”
The polite way an expert on the site definitively tells you the supposed ‘gamer’ bat you’re asking about was in no way ever owned or used by the player in question.

See also: Sears Noebucks - when the bat turns out to be nothing but a ‘worthless’ store model.

355. Apexpat Predator
A collector living in a foreign country who has seemingly cornered a niche of the card market due to local interest (or lack thereof) being vastly different over there.

356. Past Sales Irrelevancy
The fact that you can quote the prices of past sales of a card until you’re blue in the face, but the reality is it doesn’t matter. Whatever the lowest price on eBay is for that same card in the same shape at this moment is truly what it is now ‘worth.’

See also: Highpay Snobbery - when someone tells you, “Your price of $500 is too high for this card. The last sales were only $290 and $325,” and you respond, “True, but the only one available on eBay is for $650, so either pay my price or hit the bricks, buddy.”

357. Vice Reversa (also Slipupside Down)
A horizontally oriented card that was accidentally placed in the slab the wrong way (and doesn’t correspond to how all of the other horizontal ones from the set are encapsulated) by the grading company.

358. Departicipation Trophy
That one thing you finally buy on your way out the door of a card show, just so you can say at least you picked up something at the event.

359. Wadvice
A thread stating you have a large amount of money to spend on a card, and you want members to specifically tell you what you should buy.

360. Blabbergasted
When someone makes a point of stating in a bustling thread, “I’m really surprised no one has mentioned (add name here) yet”...instead of (here’s an idea) just writing about that player yourself!

361. Hologramps
Any vintage collector who glances at a show table brimming with modern cards and immediately passes it by.

See also: Sonshine - remarking how, unlike you, your kid is into all the modern shiny stuff.

362. Rank-Spanking
Beating out a rival from the registry in an auction for a tough, high-grade card you both need.

363. Psachotherapy (also Modus Poperandi)
The fruitless undertaking of trying to understand the methodology involved in the TPG giving your card the grade it received.

364. Source Sense
The acumen developed over time and used by experienced collectors of photographs to tell you what you have (or have not) got based on the markings, writings and stamps on back.

365. Woo-Hoo Hounds
A card showing the random mix of teammates and coaches during the drunken locker room aftermath of a world series victory.

See also: Wrong Johns - when the half-dressed, champagne-soaked group of celebrants on the card are all scrubs, and not the team’s superstars.

See also: Randumfounded - having no clue who any of the players taking part in the chaotic revelry are.

See also: Shindignitary - when a superstar or Hall of Famer is readily visible on the card.

366. Stickstacking
Rifling through your piles of empty toploaders, trying to find a single clean one that’s free of tape residue and not stuck to other ones.

367. Fanguage (also Batois)
The dialect or ‘secret language’ (including terms, expressions, references to past players or glories, local towns and landmarks, etc.) of a fan base that is regularly used while talking about their beloved (or sometimes despised) team.

See also: Fansplaining - interpreting or teaching this lingo to an outsider.

368. Discompopulation
The fact that certain sets don’t have complete and meaningful population data due to PSA’s adjusted itemizing practices over time. Some notable examples being the 1962 regular and ‘green tint’ cards weren’t always counted as separate entities, and specific tobacco card backs weren’t always listed separately.

369. Double Schleopardy
When someone is being an argumentative d-bag in two different threads at the same time.

370. Regresstimate
When additional information (such as an unseen wrinkle or slight paper loss) comes to light about the card in a ‘guess the grade’ thread, and you have to reassess and lower your numerical prediction.

371. Edge Clippers
Kids who cut down larger cards back in the day to make them match the ‘new,’ standardized size of Topps cards.

See also: Reteamption (also Overclubbing) - an old card that has a traded player’s ‘new at the time,’ correct team written on it decades ago by a kid.

372. Pastronaut (also Hindsightseer)
Anyone who gets involved in the meaningless, theoretical argument of whether or not the all-time great players from the early 1900’s would be able to thrive in the modern era.

See also: Spew Colors - the ploy, yet again, of a self-important member who pompously thinks he wins the argument by pointing out how the great players of pre-1947 baseball never had to face any ballplayers of color, as if he’s saying something every single human being doesn’t already know.

See also: Faroffsighted - having such a love for the old time players, while knowing nearly nothing about what’s going on in the current game.

373. Plotonic
Reading a thread that, based on the title, is surely going to be another ranting disparagement of a seller or an auction house...only to find that no, in a plot twist no one saw coming, it’s one that actually affectionately praises them!!

374. Swashbackler
An avid enthusiast and collector of tobacco card backs.

375. Swingcognito (also Action Disfigure)
A Bobble Head or Starting Lineup that, if it didn’t have the player’s name displayed right on the front of it, you wouldn’t have a freaking clue who it was supposed to be.

See also: Plackadaisical - when you see the bronze plaques of certain Hall of Famers that are so awful looking, it seems as if the artists didn’t put any effort at all into creating the supposed likenesses.

376. Shred Man’s Hand
Cards that have obviously been trimmed (and doctored) to end up graded as PSA 8’s, when in reality they are nothing more than PSA 1’s.

377. Guffaw Poll (also Whoa! of Hands)
Seeing the numbers of a poll you participated in, and not understanding how in heck the people here could’ve possibly voted the way they did.

378. Err Quotes
A snarky member who quotes only a tiny portion of someone’s post, so they can take exception to it while ignoring the overall intent of said post.

379. Hocus Croakus
The supernaturally magical rise in demand of a player’s cards the moment he passes away.

380. Vexed to Last
When you still can’t afford to buy either of the final two cards needed to complete a set.

See also: Penultimuthah F*cker!!! - the scream coming out of anyone whose last two cards needed to finish the 1967 Topps set are the high numbered Rod Carew and Tom Seaver rookie cards.

See also: “Can't Set There From Here” - the way a southerner tells you you’ll never be able to complete a certain baseball card set.

381. Uppermohst
The position that a piece of Topps gum from a pack of baseball cards occupies on the hardness scale.

See also: Eschewing Glum - the feeling of disappointment the day Topps decided to stop including sticks of gum in trading card packs.

382. Greed Cavity (also Lacktivity)
That curiously empty space in front of a table at a very crowded, busy show that tells the observer the seller’s asking prices are just too exhorbitantly high for anyone to bother with.

383. Scantortionist
When a seller has obviously and deceptively photoshopped an image to make a card appear to be in much better shape than it really is, but an apologist jumps in to argue, “No, it’s just because of the scanner settings used.”

See also: Fapologist - someone who’s always such a vigorous defender of a bad apple in the hobby, that you know he’s looking at photos of that guy during his private ‘self-entertainment’ activities.

384. Poison Woke
An irritating post by a pea-brain who feels the need to purposely inject his pathetic ‘wokeness’ into a thread, when it has no business being there.

385. Endrunaissance
The start of the exciting new era when Fleer and Donruss were finally able to get around all of the Topps roadblocks and start widely distributing their new sets of cards.

386. Pathogenuine
A card that infuriates you, because without warning it came back as ‘Authentic Altered.’

387. Grintruders (also Sleepwalk-Ons)
Traveling secretaries, equipment managers and other randos who appear on team cards to fill some spaces.

388. “Of all the card joints in all the towns in all the world, he walks into mine.”
The plaintive grumble issued by a seller when he catches a glimpse of a card show attendee who he’s had bad dealings with in the past.

389. Snake Belly
An off-centered card where the image is nearly falling off the bottom edge.

See also: Ceiling Fan - an off-centered card where the image is pushed up toward the top edge.

See also: Minor’easter - a card that is slightly off centered, pushed a little toward the bottom left corner.

See also: Leanness De Milo - a card that has undoubtedly been trimmed on the sides.

390. Biñata
The large plastic storage container at a show that is packed with inexpensive cards (which aren’t in toploaders) that are quickly getting destroyed by all the grubby hands rifling through them.

391. Bumping Off Point
The minimum increase in grade your card would need to receive in order to make a resubmission financially worthwhile.

See also: Resubmitzvah - cracking a card out of its slab, resubmitting it to the TPG and feeling blessed by the new, higher number it received.

392. Huebie Doo
Someone who is able to conclusively solve the mystery and tell you the card you’re asking about is real or fake, based solely on the colors and tones in play.

393. Gettysburger
Any card having an SGC 80 (“four score”) grade on the label.
Also used in some circles to indicate a grand slam home run.

394. Shamnesia
Accidentally buying a card from an absolutely disreputable seller who has been exposed time and time again, because you didn’t realize or forgot it was this seller.

395. Shillicon Tally
When a member outlines specifically how an expensive auction price was nefariously run up by conspirators.

396. Nonbindary
A collector who isn’t interested in completing full sets.

See also: Teamophiliac - a person whose collection is centered around grabbing cards from only one particular club.

397. Relish You Were Here (informal)
A thread where a member posts that he’s done being a member of net54, but you know damn well he’s going to quickly return to the thread to enthusiastically count the number of people imploring him to stay.

398. Winstability
When you enter a bid with only moments to go and the screen tells you you’re the high bidder...but there’s a few seconds left and you stare at the screen (even AFTER the auction ends) wondering if that’s going to suddenly change.

399. Choptimist
A person who while watching a video of an enthusiastic ‘rack pack rip’ harbors a secret desire for the guy to accidentally damage the cards or cut his finger as he wields the sharp scissors.

400. Hemingwaste
Someone writing a long, rambling, in-depth post who actually thinks he’s adding all sorts of insight to the thread, but when you’re done with it you realize, ”That’s ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back.”

401. FlipperSwiffer
A person getting a long-ago graded card reholdered in a clean new slab, for the express purpose of tricking potential buyers into thinking it was newly graded under ‘stricter’ guidelines.

402. Trademarquee
The large, unavoidable presence that the multiple branding imprints on modern cards have become, as all the TM and © symbols are impossible to ignore.

403. Rants in Your Pants
A member who seemingly out of nowhere starts bitterly complaining about someone or something.

404. Amelia Snarehart
Seeing a great card at a great price on eBay, so you immediately click ‘buy it now’...but as the page loads, it suddenly says “This listing has ended.” and you realize someone else swooped in and grabbed it...and this wondrous card has vanished right before your very eyes!!!

405. Pink Eye Appeal (or Eye Appall)
A card that a seller touts as having “Great eye appeal!!,” when everyone can plainly see it most certainly does not.

See also: Iconjunctivitis - a Hall of Famer card that sadly has really bad eye appeal.

406. Crow-tahni
A collector who loves talking up how Shohei Ohtani is the best thing since sliced bread.

See also: Dough-tahni - an optimistic collector who is extremely bullish on Shohei Ohtani, and is investing big time in his cards.

See also: Woe-tahni - a pessimistic collector who has no doubt that be it an injury or otherwise, Shohei Ohtani is headed for a big downfall.

See also: Yenigma - the odd status that the 1965 Topps #282 Masanori Murakami rookie card enjoys due to him being the first Japanese player to play for a Major League Baseball team.

407. Hit By Q-Pid’s Arrow
The newfound desire for cards with qualifiers in the current boom market, as they are now regularly selling for much larger sums than ever before.

See also: Flippery Slope - seeing all of the problems to come now that PSA has unilaterally decided to stop using qualifiers when grading cards.

408. Sniper Rash
The bitter irritation you feel after waking to find your sniping app failed to place your bids last night.

See also: GrabHub - any sniping tool app.

409. Grumballyhoo (also Grail Fraud)
Not understanding the unbridled adoration and enthusiasm for a certain set that is cherished by so many collectors, when you have no problem saying that it absolutely sucks.

410. Fold Blooded
A seller who doesn’t consider an obviously bent corner to be a crease or a wrinkle.

411. Remissing Link
When you run across a card on eBay that you’ve somehow never seen before...but it comes from a set you are highly familiar with.

412. Twerp Walk
When the feds make an arrest during the National and haul the miserable miscreant out in front of everyone.

413. Covidiocy
The newly emerged collecting ‘disease’ that has so insidiously infected the hobby, that reasonably affordable purchases for lifelong collectors have now become a thing of the past.


And I bid you adieu!!!
__________________
Looking to trade? Check out my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

Need a laugh? Take a gander at my 'The New Directory of Collectorisms...' thread:
https://www.net54baseball.com/showthread.php?t=293235

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980's.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 10-07-2021 at 06:38 PM.
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  #24  
Old 08-13-2021, 07:05 AM
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edhans edhans is offline
Ed Hans
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Absolutely hysterical, Darren. I'm a #361.
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  #25  
Old 08-13-2021, 07:23 AM
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mrreality68 mrreality68 is online now
Jeffrey Kuhr
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Location: Long Island, NY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gorditadogg View Post
Very well done, looking forward to more!

How about Jolly Elm disease, an affliction manifesting in a desire for miscut, OC and print error cards.

Or gorditadoggerel, a common result of trying to post a witty response on Net54.



Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk
Love the Jolly Elm Disease
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Thanks all

Jeff Kuhr

https://www.flickr.com/photos/144250058@N05/

Kuhr@mac.com

Looking for
1921/22 Ruth Throwing Pose "Babe" and George
1921 Frederick Foto Ruth
1917 Boston Store Babe Ruth
Joe Jackson Cards 1916 Advertising Backs
1910 Old Mills Joe Jackson
1914 Boston Garter Joe Jackson
1914 E & S Publishing Card Joe Jackson
other Joe Jackson playing day cards
1914 CJ Christy Christopher Mathewson
1911 M110 Sporting Life Cobb and Wagner Cards
1908 Rose Postcard Ty Cobb
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  #26  
Old 08-13-2021, 07:25 AM
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mrreality68 mrreality68 is online now
Jeffrey Kuhr
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Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 1,197
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FREAKING Fantastic

This is an amazing list.

THanks lot of time and fun into doing these.

Looking forward to you hitting the magic # of 1000 of these
__________________
Thanks all

Jeff Kuhr

https://www.flickr.com/photos/144250058@N05/

Kuhr@mac.com

Looking for
1921/22 Ruth Throwing Pose "Babe" and George
1921 Frederick Foto Ruth
1917 Boston Store Babe Ruth
Joe Jackson Cards 1916 Advertising Backs
1910 Old Mills Joe Jackson
1914 Boston Garter Joe Jackson
1914 E & S Publishing Card Joe Jackson
other Joe Jackson playing day cards
1914 CJ Christy Christopher Mathewson
1911 M110 Sporting Life Cobb and Wagner Cards
1908 Rose Postcard Ty Cobb

Last edited by mrreality68; 08-14-2021 at 03:24 PM. Reason: request by the original person
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  #27  
Old 08-13-2021, 08:45 AM
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effe effe is offline
John €ffenheim
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Love it
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My website... http://johnswisports.com

Last edited by effe; 08-13-2021 at 03:13 PM.
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  #28  
Old 08-13-2021, 09:58 AM
Yoda Yoda is offline
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Darren, these jewels comprise the best new dictionary since Dr. Johnson's.
It needs to be published. The world must know.
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  #29  
Old 08-13-2021, 02:16 PM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by edhans View Post
Absolutely hysterical, Darren. I'm a #361.
Go Bills!!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
Looking to trade? Check out my bucket:
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Need a laugh? Take a gander at my 'The New Directory of Collectorisms...' thread:
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“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980's.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.
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  #30  
Old 08-14-2021, 01:53 PM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrreality68 View Post
FREAKING Fantastic

This is an amazing list.

THanks lot of time and fun into doing these.

Looking forward to you hitting the magic # of 1000 of these
Be very, very, very careful what you wish for.
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Looking to trade? Check out my bucket:
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Need a laugh? Take a gander at my 'The New Directory of Collectorisms...' thread:
https://www.net54baseball.com/showthread.php?t=293235

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980's.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.
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  #31  
Old 08-26-2021, 04:53 PM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
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“Collecting isn't a word. It's a sentence”



I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part VIII (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #424 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

Don't mind that the world is falling to pieces around us. Avoid extreme temperatures and store this thread in a cool dry place. Caution: May cause drowsiness, nausea, dizziness or blurred vision. Yes, you will unquestionablysee yourself in this post


Yes, I am serious. And don't call me Shirley...





414. Shagtagged (also Extreme Forsakeover)
A card that has been ruined by someone drawing facial hair on the player.

See also: Abehorrent - when it’s just a beard that was scribbled on the card.

See also: Shorn Again - having to find an unmarked card for your set to replace the defaced one with the ersatz whiskers.

See also: Autograffiti - how a kid back in the day added his own handwritten version of the player’s signature to the front of a card.

415. Toppspoil (also Fanaticks)
The companies currently engaged in sucking the lifeblood out of the revered Topps Chewing Gum Company.

See also: Autoppsy - the various opinions of what led to the figurative death of the company.

416. Besmirchants
The oft-mentioned, high profile card peddlers that every single one of us knows deserve every last bit of crap that gets thrown at them.

See also: Ignoraphobia - the righteousness keeping good people from ever spending a dime with these filthy dealers.

See also: Snubmariner - a person whose eBay searches use the “Exclude” feature to simply cruise by all of those sellers’ offerings.

See also: Appease Artist - someone who has no problem purchasing cards from these guys.

417. Hostile Lurk Environment
When someone who hasn’t posted much at all suddenly starts appearing in multiple threads, throwing his outspoken opinions around.

418. Manurefracturers
Any of the card companies producing ornamentally elaborate modern day cards.

419. Hobbehemoths
All of the larger than life personalities who have been, for good or bad, illustrious presences in this hobby of ours over the years.

420. Mullman
A person who contacts you about a card you have available, and after you answer all of his questions, leaves you in limbo as he takes his own sweet time thinking the deal over.

421. Shrillenium
The growing anger that accompanies the continuously prolonged amount of time it takes for cards to finally come back from the grading company.

422. Mourning Track Power
Buying up cards of a very old former player, for the sole purpose of selling them at exorbitant prices on the gigantic bubble that will surely come after he passes away.

423. Burdiction
The terminology and catalogue vernacular developed by Jefferson Burdick.

See also: Songburdick or ManiACC - a fan singing the praises of Jefferson Burdick’s work on The American Card Catalog.

424. Scorched Mirth
A welcome and unexpected post in the middle of a very contentious thread which suddenly provides comic relief and brings smiles to people’s faces.

See also: Laftereffects - when other people follow suit and keep the light-hearted vibe going to ease the tension.

425. Second Scoregage
Spending a huge amount of money on a card, but feeling justified for the outlay, because you got a great deal on it.

426. Ruethanasia (informal)
The lamentable point you reach where a card is in such bad shape that you have no other option but to just throw it in the garbage and end the misery.

427. One-Way Streep (also Quid Pro Blo)
When a trader puts on a big performance trying to convince you you’re getting the better end of the deal he’s proposing...when it so obviously only favors him.

428. Ineleglance
A multi-player card where one of the subjects is plainly looking somewhere other than into the camera.

See also: Say Geez!! - the annoying reaction to seeing such a card and wishing the photographer had taken a ‘correct’ shot.

429. Texas Foilman
A fan of Curt Flood’s prominent role in the game-changing fight against baseball's reserve clause.

430. Looze Cruise
Eagerly traveling a long way to meet up with someone who’s selling a card or collection, but realizing upon finally seeing it in person, that it’s nothing like it was ‘supposed’ to be.

431. Transbender
When a seller identifies a card as having “no creasing or wrinkles” in his post, but the shadows/reflections or other topography in the picture clearly indicates the presence of ripples.

432. First Come, First Verve
Although rookie cards were printed in the ‘same’ numbers as all of the other cards of a player during his career, the demand (and enthusiasm) for them is always exponentially greater.

433. Slash Clash
When everyone seemingly has a different opinion about which side(s) of a card have supposedly been trimmed.

434. Twofervor
The adoration of tobacco cards having parts of multiple names showing on top and bottom.

435. Mockpocket (slang)
That tauntingly disappointing empty space in your binder page representing a card you still don’t have for your set.

436. Chick Swing
That moment in adolescence when your focus suddenly changed from collecting baseball cards to going after girls.

437. Wear Freshener
Relatively non-controversial things (like soaking or removing stuck-on paper or album remnants) done to improve the look of a card.

438. Surrogreat (also Pinch Fitter)
The printout, photocopy or reprint of an expensive star card that you put in the pocket of your set binder in place of the original, which is kept safely stored elsewhere.

See also: Relief Picture - when the player on the card in question is a Hall of Fame pitcher.

439. The Ole Hunt n’ Grunt
The dedicated effort, rife with disappointment, of sitting down at a show and methodically going through the dealers’ 800 count boxes card by card, trying to track down ones in the right shape to fill holes in your sets.

440. Lackilles Heel
That card you can’t help but always search for, although you don’t believe for a moment you’ll ever find it.

441. Pre-Warbitrage
The simple fact that for countless reasons, the exact same tobacco card is worth greatly different amounts to different people at the same time.

442. Jumping the Won
Someone excitedly posting pics of a great new pickup BEFORE he actually has the card in hand.

443. Banarchist
A person who demands that players from long ago, as well as other issues, be judged based on present-day ‘outrages.’

444. Cowpie in the Sky
When you find out that the newfound card (or piece of memorabilia) you were very hopeful about is nothing more than a fantasy piece.

445. Discoverses
The wonderful stories recounting how you were able to land a card you are extremely happy to own.

See also: Bereaverses or Passoverses - a sad narrative detailing a failed attempt to obtain a card you really, truly wanted.

446. Heard Mentality
The simple hobby 'facts' that may or may not be true, but which have always been accepted due to the constant retelling of them.


And I again wish you the very best!!!
__________________
Looking to trade? Check out my bucket:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/152396...57685904801706

Need a laugh? Take a gander at my 'The New Directory of Collectorisms...' thread:
https://www.net54baseball.com/showthread.php?t=293235

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980's.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 08-30-2021 at 02:37 PM.
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