Tell your best CLEAN joke

[barrysloate]

I think therefore I am.

I think not...therefore I'm not.

Got the joke.

[barrysloate]

I told this one a while back on the main board to little fanfare, so I'll try it again.

A man tries to sell a talking dog to a second man. The buyer is of course skeptical, so the seller offers a demonstration. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" The dog replies "ruff." The second man is not amused, and surely doesn't believe the dog can talk.

The seller offers to try again: "what do you find on top of a house?" The dog replies "rooof." Now the second man is getting angry. "Do you think I'm that much of an idiot?"

The seller offers one last try. He asks the dog "who is the greatest Yankee who ever lived?" The dog replies "roooth." The second man becomes irate and storms off.

After he's gone, the dog turns to his owner and says: "So who was it then, DiMaggio?"

[jerrys]

Natural Laws

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a
busy signal.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you
were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works
every time).

Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the
telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know
increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine
won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest
from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something, which will last until the coffee is
cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker
room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich
landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the
newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what
you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like,
they will stop making it.

[HRBAKER]

Q: What was the last thing Jesus said at the Last Supper?
A: "You get on this side of the table so you can get in the picture."

Told to me by my pastor over 40 years ago, not sure why it has hung with me all these years.

[richieb315]

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a University of Alabama Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Auburn University in Alabama.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."

The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:

"Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination-Timbuktu."

The audience went wild! How they wondered could the redneck top that?

The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped up and recited:

"Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three women in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu."

[HRBAKER]

How'd that guy from Duke get in there?

[richieb315]

Originally Posted by HRBAKER

How'd that guy from Duke get in there?

When I first heard the joke it was told of a Harvard graduate. I found this one online. Didnt remember the complete joke to write it out. I thinks its one of the better jokes.