The New Directory of Collectorisms...

[Yoda]

Darren, as I have said before, you should be a university professor teaching alternative English. John

[JollyElm]

"I only regret that I have but one long, boring thread to give for my hobby..."

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part XIV - Section 2




881. Populrarity
A card whose ‘scarcity’ is due to the number on the slab having a small population, rather than the card itself being a truly rare piece.

882. Sniffsnuffery (or Having a Nose for Noes)
How you can immediately tell something is amiss with a supposedly vintage card, because it simply doesn’t smell the way cards from that era do.

883. Dud Ringer
Someone who won’t stop insisting that the individual pictured in his old photograph is a very noteworthy and historical person, when it clearly is not.

884. Snobbyist
A collector who takes his involvement in the leisurely pursuit of cards much, much too seriously.

See also: “Careful of that ceiling fan!” - a polite way to tell him to get off of his high horse.

885. Phonaticism
Surging headlong into negotiation battles at card shows with your cell phone - and the vast amount of past-sales data and other effective ammunition it holds - leading the charge.

886. The Popman Always Rings Twice (proverb)
The supposition that PSA willfully gives cards lower grades than they deserve, for the express purpose of grabbing additional revenue from collectors who are fated to resubmit them in an attempt to receive higher numbers.

887. Rolodexterity
Whether fees are involved or not, a dealer/collector putting his far-reaching hobby contacts and client lists to work to help a somebody chase down an item he’s been seeking.

See also: Finder’s Flea - a fellow collector who has the ability to help you locate something you’re after, but won’t commit to helping unless he’s able to personally benefit from the transaction.

888. Acronymble
A card that will hold the same monetary resale value regardless of which TPG’s holder it happens to be housed in or crossed over to.

889. Woodwinding
The use of OBO (“or best offer”) as a coda in a ‘for sale’ post.

890. “Sammy Slippers”
A collector whose first thought about attending an upcoming show is, “Man, I gotta wear the right shoes, so my aching feet and back don’t send me hobbling towards the exits after ten minutes.”

891. Return on Infestment
Making a killing on card sales, because the people overpaying for your stuff are part of the tidal wave of newbies recently jumping into the hobby with a lack of collecting knowledge, but plenty of cash to throw around.

See also: “Like shooting fish on a bubble” (idiom) - the ease of recording quick profits following the intense swelling of the market during and after the pandemic.

892. Backpattery
The universal desire of receiving an abundant amount of complimentary pats on the back from other members after posting a card in the ‘new pick-ups’ thread.

See also: Haulpapering - when you open the ‘new pick-ups’ thread and see a member’s joy over his latest addition, and then you see his screenname under “Last Post” in other threads and know he has just posted the same card in those as well.

893. Slabo-Masochist
A collector who finds pleasure in seeking out cards housed in newer slabs where the graders took a special delight in inflicting harsh pain and humiliation on submitters.

894. Gilly Route
When members take the path of using letter-like symbols and such to camouflage their real names, while still leaving them identifiable.

See also: Guise and LOLs - when one of these disguised names is done in a humorous fashion.

895. Shelf Papering
A seller exclaiming “Under Book!” to describe the asking price of his card.

896. Iwish Exit (slang)
When you quickly bail on an auction after the bidding has gotten much too high, much too early, because you can’t even dream of having enough money to ultimately win it.

See also: Battering Scram - an early bid in an auction so high that it’s clear intent is to chase everyone else away.

897. Schmucker Punched
The resentment of seeing a vintage die-cut, perforated card - that was designed to be punched out by a kid - which was ACTUALLY punched out.

898. Qualifya Obscūra (Latin)
A graded card listing where the seller hides the acronym for the qualifier in a random part of the title to avoid making it obvious that the card has said qualifier, such as “1960 Topps PSA 8 #563 Mickey Mantle All-Star Vintage Hall Of Fame OC NY Yankees.”

899. Lackbluster
The dopey playacting strategy of approaching someone about a card and then purposely downplaying your actual interest in it - “Well, I may, sorta, could possibly be interested in it” - to get him to sweeten the deal or lower the price to make it worthwhile for you to take away such a ‘humdrum’ card.

900. Raccoonteur
A collector who loves to share entertaining stories of his experiences foraging through garage sale tables or the discount bins at card shows.

901. eBayviously
The “Duh!!”-worthy common sense that when someone asks for help seeking out a card, you never have to refer him to eBay, because it’s naturally the first place he looked and where he will continue to look.

902. Integerity
When card purchases are made strictly as investments, the familiar phrase of “buy the card, not the holder” is flipped on its head to now become “buy the number on the holder, not the card.”

903. Nitprick
Someone intent on doing deep dives into people’s posts to invent something to bitch about.

See also: Thread Lice - members who seemingly always need to scratch the itch of bringing negativity to the threads they visit.

See also: Lesser of Two Weevils - when two annoying members are going after each other in a thread and you have to decide which of the pests you should side with in this particular battle.

See also: Scold Shoulder - when someone acts like an ass in a thread, and you debate whether you should call him out on his BS or just ignore it and let the fool have his fun.

904. Double Post-Op
After someone inadvertently ‘double posts’ and you feel the need to examine both of them to see if they are actually word for word identical or if differences can be found.

905. WiseGIY
An eBay seller basically telling you to go grade-it-yourself as he uses "see scan for condition" as his only assessment of the card he’s auctioning off.

906. Scarredboard
After selling a card to someone, the heartbreak of seeing him showing it off and taking great pride in his new pick-up, and you’re left wondering if you made a huge mistake in letting it go.

907. Heatnik
A spirited collector of Nolan Ryan cards and memorabilia.

908. Pausterity
The decision a collector faces of whether to buy a card (that he can’t afford) right now, to finally make it his forevermore, or to put the purchase on hold in the hopes of finding a much more reasonably priced one down the road.

909. Slabstract
A card sitting inside of any strange holder that was not issued by one of the commonly-accepted leading TPG’s, and usually by a company you’ve never heard of before.

910. Voice Train-Rec
When grammar, misspellings and/or general unreadability make it obvious that someone used their phone’s text-to-speech function and didn’t take even a second to read what their post actually says before blindly hitting ‘send.’

911. Franticizing
The urge to hit a card show floor running, darting around to the tables with the goal of trying to unearth and get to treasured dream cards before anyone else has the chance to ‘steal’ them away from you.

912. Wiffle Ball Scholar
Someone whose opinions on all things baseball are taken with a grain of salt, because his vast experience in playing the game amounts to nothing more than being easily struck out by his little niece at family barbecues.

See also: “Joebuck Yourself!” - the universal exclamation of frustration when once again the last person on Earth you would ever want calling a game happens to be the person calling the game you’ve tuned in to watch.

See also: Bobcostasshole - any athletically-challenged, self-satisfied, lecturing narcissist sitting behind the mic.

913. Blunderlined
Cards that were printed with annoying factory ‘crop’ lines clearly visible.

See also: Wallenda - when the crop line floats high above the top of the card’s image.

See also: Trip Wired - when the crop line is strung across the very bottom of the card.

914. Circle Backache
When you spot a card you want at a show at the right price and you don’t immediately grab it, you know full well when you decide to return to that dealer’s table later, it will be long gone.

915. Cost Suppressant (refer to #25)
The deliberate removal of the asking price of a card in a thread after it has been sold.

See also: Sticker Stifler - a seller who chooses to edit out the price of his card to make it now read something to the effect of “$SOLD.”

See also: Dollarsense - the argument that leaving the sales price in for everyone to see is beneficial to the entire collecting community.

See also: Stetsman - someone who abides by the principal of leaving his asking price in and unchanged following a sale.

916. Dope Springs Eternal
The sad fact that no matter how many effective safeguards are put in place, there will always be people falling victim to card-buying scams that are blatantly obvious to everyone else.


And section 2 comes to an end...so now you have time to hit the all-u-can-eat buffet tables of your life and then sleep like a prince!!

[JollyElm]

"Sons of Net54!

Of eBay!

My brothers in cardboard!

I see in your eyes the same fear of losing an auction that would take the heart of me.

aragornwithcards.jpg

A day may come when the courage of Collectors fails, when we forsake other members’ threads and break all bonds of fellowship by no longer paying attention to each other’s posts...but it is NOT this day.

An hour of complainers and card doctors and apologists when the Age of Collectors comes crashing down...but it is NOT this day!

This day...WE COLLECT!!!!!”


Translation: I present to you Collectorisms Part XV - Section 1


***ALERT!!!!!!***
My precious...this is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #934 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.


No orcs were harmed during the creation of this post.
The all-seeing eye of Sauron is never used as a means to take a front row seat while your wives, girlfriends or daughters are in the shower. On occasion, however, he may sneak a peak at your naked, soapy body to give himself a well-deserved chuckle.
All Ents are 100% recyclable.



917. Upsized-Downsizing
Heinously taking an old card which happened to naturally measure out wider and/or taller than it was meant to be, and trimming it down to the ‘correct’ size...giving it newly and illegitimately perfected edges and corners.

918. Nickelwagsing
Responding to anyone snidely saying he knows exactly what you paid for a card you have for sale or trade by remarking, “Yeah...and someone paid five cents for a pack of cigarettes and got a T-206 Honus Wagner, so what’s your point??”

919. Bimwitting
Using the acronym “BMWT” in a ‘For sale’ listing to indicate delivery via “bubble-mailer with tracking.”

920. Recurriations
The lesser cousins of ‘true’ error and variation cards whose collectability is based on the appearance of routine print anomalies and oddities, such as fish eyes, print dots, color streaks, border gaps, splotches, offsets, etc., on them.

See also: Printanomilator - a spirited collector of such material.

See also: Grasping at Flaws - the reality that if you search for these types of printing aberrations, there will always be an inexhaustible supply of ‘new’ discoveries to be found.

921. Accumulabeler (slang)
A collector who routinely cracks cards out of their slabs, but doesn’t send the flips back to the TPGs to have the cert numbers removed from the pop reports.

See also: Depopt - when the cert number and/or other parts of the label of a graded card has been purposely blacked out or obscured in some fashion in a posted picture.

922. “You’re like four sharp corners on a round card”
The use of baseball card imagery to tell someone that he’s full of sh*t.

923. Snoozemovery (Snoozemover)
Under the precept of “if you snooze, you lose,” a seller deciding that he has given a potential buyer more than enough time to act, but since no deal is forthcoming, it is time to move on and let someone else have a crack at his item instead.

See also: Prebumptial Agreement - making a ‘low-ball’ offer to someone in the B/S/T, and he agrees to let you have the card IF after a final bumping of the thread, no one takes it at his original asking price.

924. “Syd”
Anyone referring to himself as a ‘Collector, Investor, Dealer.’

925. OKCD (Ordinary Kid Collecting ‘Disorder’)
The approach of collecting cards that mirrors how you did it as a boy, where centering, sharp corners, print clarity, etc., doesn’t come into play, and all that matters is getting your hands on the cards you want regardless of their shape.

926. Shoddy Double
When two of the same cards are sitting in holders with the exact same grade, but one looks a helluva lot worse than the other.

See also: Separated at Worth - the disparity between the looks and appeal, and therefore the monetary value, of two such ‘identical’ cards.

927. Mr. Magood Enough
The figurative Topps employee whose eyesight was responsible for ensuring the print sheets and cutting equipment were perfectly aligned and calibrated to create nothing but 50/50 centered cards.

928. Lead Winged Angel (or Saint Amisstopher)
A seller wrongly enjoying a glorious eBay rating, because the excessive amount of negatives he regularly receives are drowned out by the multitudes of obligatory positives he gets because of the sheer volume of cards he sells.

929. Flurrier
A card having too much print ‘snow’ affecting the image.

930. Addy Andy
Anyone still putting his personal e-mail address in their buying and selling posts, leaving the flood gates wide open for scammers.

See also: Google Glomster - a scammer who contacts you about buying one of his cards, but any image search will immediately return a photo of the exact same card he’s claiming to own.

931. Check Sold Prices Data Twice, Purchase Once (idiom)
A warning to be sure to double-check the fairness of an asking price (based on past sales) before making a mistake and spending a foolishly unreasonable amount on a card.

932. The Big Ho-Hah
The kerfuffle over different people having different pronunciations of Honus Wagner’s first name moniker.

933. Refractroulette
The obsessive, addictive mindset of getting a ‘fix’ by constantly throwing away money breaking open modern packs and boxes in the hope of finally hitting it big with a monstrous score.

934. Sneezeball (or Gesundheight of Stupidity) (derogative)
With ridiculous new rules making major league games fly by in the blink of an eye, the simple act of reaching for a tissue will cause you to miss three full innings.

935. Chupacardra
A mystical card caught between two realities, because although it can be found listed in ‘official’ on-line set checklists, no one has ever produced firm evidence that it truly exists.

936. Vamoosence (also Exit Page Left)
When you’ve had more than enough with a thread (or the people in it) and decide it’s time to leave it behind for good, but you do so without first making a grand announcement that this will be your final post in the thread.

See also: Withdrawbridge - the single post that finally tells you this thread has gone to the dogs and it’s time to make your exit.

937. M.V.C.
The main focus (the ‘most valuable card’) of any group of cards put up for sale.
“That one’s clearly the MVC!”

938. Rounding Upleap
Claiming how great your, for example, PSA 7 card is by stating, “I’ve seen PSA 8’s that are not nearly as nice as this one.”

939. “With friends and family like this, who needs enemies??!!”
A plaintive exhortation after being screwed over by using PayPal Friends & Family instead of opting for the safety of the Goods & Services option.

940. Lostening
The act of selling a card at fair market price, but in doing so you get back less than what you yourself paid for the card.

941. Parting is Such Swift Sorrow (maxim)
Although accompanied by an outpouring of grief and warm remembrances, the depressing way each ‘Sad News...’ thread about a player or collector passing away is fated to quickly disappear from the front page as the wheels of time continue to surge ahead.

942. Rage Parade
Taking a jealous trip through any ‘Post your (name of auction house here) wins’ thread only to see all of the celebration and jubilation surrounding people’s great pick-ups...pieces that you yourself were really hoping to win, but were outbid on.

943. Pompomposity
The new tactic sweeping the eBay community where sellers ostentatiously photograph their cards sitting proudly on clear plastic display stand easels to enthusiastically present them in a reverential light.

944. NSFWS (Not Safe for Wife to See)
Shorthand for any buy that makes you fear for your life thinking how your spouse is going to react when she gets wind of how much money you ‘threw away’ on a card.

945. Bugger-Bargainer (or Buggener) (informal)
A potential buyer whose goal isn’t to get a seller to come down a bit to a more ‘fair’ price for a card, but whose clear objective is nothing short of getting an absolute steal for himself.

946. Self-Interwresting
When a poster is seeking help with a situation he’s involved in and someone chimes in to say, “I had something similar happen to me...” and goes on to steer away the focus of the thread to make it about his problem instead.

947. Downumeralization
The technique of agreeing to trade a higher-graded, valuable card to someone for a lower-graded version of the same card, so in the end you will still own one, but you benefit by receiving other noteworthy cards along with it to bridge the value gap.

948. “One Step Up, Two Steps Back...Seven Steps Sideways”
An assessment of the difficulty in trying to keep in tune and current in the constantly shifting vintage card marketplace.

949. “Deleted with Prejudice” (refer to #168)
The legal term informing people that when a member edited out his post in a thread to make it say “delete,” his original words did not contain anything controversial, argumentative, or derogatory, and were removed for a harmless reason.

950. Scrubbish Binning
The act of pretending you’re doing something noble by donating boxes of cards to a local thrift shop or charity...but let’s face it, it was either this or just throw out the worthless heap of junky cards.

See also: Emptied Gesture - when you have the gall to first remove every single thing that could conceivably be called a ‘good’ card from the amassment before making the faux donation.



End of section 1...so, now you have 5 minutes to kill before moving on to the next thread. I recommend using it to watch a baseball game, but after it's finished you'll still have 3 more minutes to waste!!!

[Leon]

All days we collect!!
Good stuff, Darren.
.

[JollyElm]

"Like you all, I yearn to breathe free...but I would yearn much better if I had a plateful of grilled Fourth of July Italian sausage slathered in Kraft Original barbecue sauce to chomp on, so let’s get this over with..."

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part XV - Section 2




951. Crash Flow
The valuable cards you know you could immediately sell off for a nice bit of coin were something to suddenly arise in your life to financially drain you.

See also: Goldenholdens - the cards you claim there’s no way in heck you will ever sell.

952. Letter-Numbo-Jumbo (refer to #423)
Although organized in a logical fashion, how the ACC card classifications (a capitalized initial followed by a seemingly random number) aren’t exactly self-explanatory or user friendly to anyone not already in the know.

See also: Setymology - the straightforward, non-cryptic manner in which card issues evolved into being simply designated by the year of release followed by the brand or producer of said cards.

953. Which Hunt
A thread featuring someone weighing the pros and cons of two of the same cards, and seeking opinions on what people think is the better move, buying the first one or the second one.

See also: Middle-Manhunt - seeing if someone can put you in touch privately with a particular eBay seller, because you’re interested in purchasing one of his listings off-site to avoid the fees.

954. Scanitized
An auction image which has been deliberately and deceptively altered digitally to ‘purify’ the card and make it appear to be in much better shape than it is, and a far cry from what you will actually receive in the mail.

955. Putting Your Best Face Forward
How Topps used the same gigantic headshots of players for their 1956 card set that they already used just the year before in the 1955 set.

956. Collectomaniacal
The hardcore, take no prisoners mindset of going after something you really, really want badly.

957. Rapporical Question
The sales tactic of a show dealer asking you something related to the team featured on the hat, shirt or jersey you’re wearing in an attempt to form a quick kinship and draw you in as a customer.

958. Vanishing Tact
The ability to respectfully leave a dealer’s table you’ve spent a decent amount of time at without feeling guilty about not buying anything from him.

See also: Nod Walker - the guy who takes a brief survey of a seller’s items as he quickly walks the length of the table, offers a polite, wordless acknowledgement, and then moves on to the next table.

959. Blank Checkmate
When an auction consisting of two big spenders continually topping each other by bidding more and more insanely high comes to a close with one of them finally victorious.

960. All that Glosses is Not Cardboard (aphorism)
A warning that not every supposedly ‘real’ and desirable baseball card that looks to be legitimate will turn out to be so.

See also: Mentafool (“Meant to fool”) - any supposed ‘collectible’ that was created for the express purpose of tricking people into believing it is an authentic piece of vintage memorabilia.

961. Hiddengemity (also Homer Pile)
Striking it big by finding a very unexpected and valuable card buried in the random jumble of commons in a lot of miscellaneous cards you bought.

See also: Forgive-Back - although you’ve done nothing wrong, the feeling of contrition over benefitting so greatly from a purchase that it makes you contact the seller and offer him additional money to absolve yourself of guilt.

962. Circuitous Net
Through seemingly taking a convoluted route going from Point A to Point B to Point C, the protection and safety afforded to buyers and sellers through the eBay authentication process.

963. Table Hussy (or Buy-Candy) (slang)
An attractive girl who is purposely placed out front and center at a seller’s table to draw in potential customers by giving the chubby, balding masses something nicer than baseball cards to clumsily gawk at.

See also: Infatubaited - getting reeled in by the invisible hook which compels you to invent a reason, ANY REASON, to go visit the hottie’s table.

See also: Impressure (or Sweatoric) - the tension of digging deep, striving to find something witty or humorous to say - that she hasn’t heard a million times before from other card collecting slobs - in an effort to win her over.

See also: Chatastrophic - when your attempt to impress her with your amusing ‘ad-libbed’ banter fails miserably, as you knew it would.

See also: Breast Buy - foolishly allowing yourself to be beguiled by her charms and swayed into dropping good money on an ill-advised, boneheaded purchase.

See also: “Hot help is hard to find” - a plaintive bemoaning of not having such a lady to play the role of cardboard temptress at your own show table.

964. “Uncle” Bidding
The final, throwing-in-the-towel bid you make in an auction, which says, “That’s it. I’m not going any higher.”

965. Shortcrops
Hand-cut cards, such as Post, Hostess, Bazooka, etc., which were left without the appropriate, designated borders fully present and intact.

966. Pile Pusher (or Accumulame Ass (derogative))
Someone trying to score a big money card off of you, NOT by offering an equally pricey and desirable card in return, but through ‘matching’ the high value of your single card with an accumulative group of low-value stuff.

967. Garlicvampiring (“Garlvamping”)
Offering cards, either purposely or non-purposely, to someone in a trade attempt that he in no way, shape or form has any interest in or use for.
“I only collect pre-war stuff. He garlvamped me with those ‘58 Topps.”

968. L’eggo My Neggo
The attempt to have a negative feedback rightfully removed from your eBay account.

969. Stockupational Hazard
The guesswork every seller faces as he tries to decide what mix of boxes, individual cards and other stuff from his expansive inventory is the ‘right’ assortment to bring (or NOT bring) along to most effectively fill his limited space and make the show he’s heading to a success.

See also: Carchives - the additional material brought to the show that remains within reach outside in the dealer’s vehicle.

970. Nostaljump
The true happiness that comes with deciding it’s time to go back and try to complete the first set that started you opening packs and collecting cards as a kid.

971. Oneandunning (also Funding Forward)
The act of only buying a card once. Instead of wasting money on a lower grade ‘placeholder’ card (which you’ll only grow to hate), putting those funds towards buying an example that will truly suit you.

972. No-Bliss Oblige (Fr. derivative)
An expression noting that the act of collecting extends beyond the mere amassment of memorabilia, and requires people to fulfill obligations to the community of collectors as a whole, such as giving props to people for their big scores, even when it gives you no satisfaction to do so.

973. The Unboughtens
Those cards that always appear relisted on eBay or as a constant presence in dealers’ display cases at shows, because their prices are beyond ridiculous.

See also: Flasking Price - a price on a card so high that it makes you wonder, “What’s this guy been drinking??!!”

See also: Bemuseum Pricing - a seller so clueless about how absurd his prices are that you can’t help but laugh.

See also: The Blind Leading the Deaf (derogative) - an assessment of dealers whose pricing is not only a refusal to see what cards actually sell for, but who also won’t listen no matter how much documented proof of recent sales prices is presented to them.

974. Phenomination
An enthusiastic reaction to what someone wrote stating, “This is the leading candidate for post (or thread) of the year!!”

See also: Falling on Deaf Cheers - not getting the pats on the back or shining reactions you were fully expecting to receive from one of your posts or a thread you started.

975. Lumber-Card
Any photo showing a player weighing his options of what club to use as he hovers over a sea of choices sticking out of the bat rack.

976. Token Hearted
The mindset of a ‘type’ collector whose goal is to obtain but a single, symbolic example of each relevant set on their list.

977. CIQ (“sick”)
A Collector’s IQ, - the measurement of a hobbyist’s overall depth of knowledge in the card collecting arts and sciences.
“Man, that guy really knows his stuff. He’s got a sick CIQ!!”

978. "The more collecting changes, the more it doesn’t stay the same." (proverb)
It started with men opening packs of cigarettes and handing cards to boys outside of tobacco shops, then grew into kids spending their allowance to chew rock-hard gum as they tore open new wax packs...and has now devolved into investors paying thousands of dollars to ‘own’ a tiny ‘fractional share’ of a card they will never actually touch.


And section 2 is at an end.



A free and timely piece of advice:
When your little niece throws that first heater of a pitch straight at your head during your annual Independence Day BBQ Wiffle Ball game, she's setting your ass up!!!! WITHOUT QUESTION her next pitch is going to be a wickedly slow monster of a curve ball, but everyone knows her control has been off lately! She’ll try to drop it low and outside, but as God is my witness, she’s going to end up hanging it. Wait on it and BOOM!! give that sucker a long, delicious ride over the roof!!! If you want to add an obnoxious bat flip to celebrate as the tears stream down her chubby little cheeks, that's up to you.

Happy 4th!!!!!!!!!

[JollyElm]

unclesamposterfinal.jpg


DING!!! DING!!! DING!!!

I present to you a special (and way too late in the day) Fourth of July bonus, Collectorisms Part XVI.


"For want of a grilled hot dog bathed in relish and spicy mustard, I would let my cardboard kingdom fall!!"


No fingers were lost as M-80s exploded all around during the creation of this ill-advised addendum.
Clearly not enough time (I mean not even close, as a sneeze lasted longer) was devoted to writing down thoughts, as I was overly busy chugging beers.




979. Red, White and Blew It
The bad business move of accidentally having your eBay auction end on the Fourth of July, meaning only a tiny fraction of people across the country are even checking the site.

See also: Windependence Day - making a huge score off of eBay, because you were the ‘only’ person paying attention to the auction.

980. Rhubarbecue
Fueled by a bit too much ‘overserving’ in the backyard, the annual rebirth of the snarky, heated arguments you, your family members, friends and neighbors get into about which teams and players are the best.

See also: Riffle Ball - how said arguments continue and grow more intense when the element of an ego-driven ‘fun’ game is added to the mix.

981. Uncle Sham
A well known, supposedly ‘great guy’ who uses his good name and reputation in the hobby to scam people.

982. Liarworks
The overabundant use of airy and colorful positive spin words a seller gives a card to raise its standing to fraudulently great heights.

983. Yankee Doodle Candy
Whether it be Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle, Reggie, Jeter or Judge, the glorious cards of The Bronx Bombers you cherish so greatly.

See also: The Boston Scree Party - the wicked enjoyment Sox fans have downing beers and piling on more and more bitter hatred towards the New Yawk Yankees.

See also: We Hold These Ruths to Be Self-Evident - love or hate the Yanks, everyone knows that each and every Babe Ruth card holds a precious, valuable and storied place in all collectors’ hearts.

984. Mold Glory
The great cards in your collection that you adore so much even though they aren’t even within a country mile of being in nice shape.

See also: The Pursuit of Crappiness - the inalienable right of finding joy in seeking out lower grade cards to add to your collection.

985. Sworn on the Cobb
The goal of doing whatever is possible to finally land any career contemporary Ty Cobb card.

986. Declaration of Grindependence
The proclamation made amid all of the heartache that comes from pursuing cards, that you swear you will make more of a legitimate effort to just enjoy the hell out of the hobby.

See also: “I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Pipe Dream” - the assertion that no matter how hard it gets, you are still going to do whatever it takes to reach your collecting goals...no matter how far OUT of reach they continue to be.

987. Firewatermelon
That huge and not well thought out ‘juicy’ purchase your inebriated self makes off of eBay in the late, waning hours of the holiday, leaving your wallet with a big hangover come the 5th.

See also: Pyrochecknics - when your significant other goes ballistic after discovering how much of a hit the checking account took from this stupid pick-up.



Merry Fourth of July to everyone!!

[JollyElm]

godzillanationalFINAL.jpg


We interrupt this broadcast!!!!!!!!!!


Presented for your perusal is a special, 'The National' inspired, collection of utter caca for the brain-dead hobbyist, AKA Collectorisms Part XVII - Section 1.


"And so it is written, let the bald, middle-aged, paunchy men gather together and rejoice!!!"


Collectorisms may cause drowsiness in people who are allergic to Collectorisms.
Deep dish pizza is the work of the devil. Thin crust NY pizza with sloppy grease, cheese and sauce spilling everywhere is the ambrosia of the Gods. Opinions may vary...but if they do, yours is wrong.




988. Grave New World
The dystopian state of present-day card shows, where tables only sell mass-produced, technologically-engineered modern cards with a low number of ‘selectively bred’ chase cards inserted to bring favor and fortune to the privileged few, while the ‘non-conformist’ collectors of vintage cardboard are shunned.

989. Snagriculture
The science of plotting out your approach to a card show floor, deciding which sections and booths to visit, and in what order, to best take advantage of your opportunities to grab cards that are ripe for the picking in order to harvest a nice crop of collectibles.

See also: Booth Sleuth - someone amassing as much information as possible beforehand to determine which dealers are stocking the types of stuff he’s looking for.

990. Expaf
An adjective noting that something is “expensive as f*ck.”

991. Grab n’ Slab
The act of buying a card at a show and immediately heading to an on-site TPG’s booth to have it graded.

992. Gawkwardness
The state of a seller having to politely sit there as countless people slowly and methodically stare at his cards and then cruise on to the next table without buying anything.

993. Abetter Half (or Minfin (“Minister of Finance”)) (slang)
The wife of a card collector who tightly controls the purse strings, and no purchase decision can ever be made without her express, collaborative involvement and say-so.

See also: Hobby Bobbitting - the understanding that if you were ever stupid enough to cross her by making an unsanctioned purchase for your collection, you know exactly what will happen to you.

994. Showsupial
Any card show attendee who foregoes lugging around a backpack, bag or other tote and has nothing to hold his new purchases in except for his pockets.

995. “The reports of the death of high vintage card prices have been greatly exaggerated.”
A Mark Twainsian lament reflecting the fact that although some people select specific data to claim the overall prices of old cards have dropped significantly, that is absolutely NOT the case for the everyday collector.

996. Purchismo
Walking around a card show with your chin held high, knowing nothing’s going to stop you from going home with the specific cards you came here to get, prices be damned.

997. Thicktabler
Someone who insists on getting to a show at the earliest day and time possible, so the tables will still be full of the good stuff and not yet thinned out by the masses.

See also: Fleerosion - how a good amount of sellers on the last day of a show have already packed up their goods and hit the road.

998. FOMOOO (“Cowing”)
An acronym for the people at home who are relishing in the ‘fun of missing out on overpaying’ for cards at 'The National.'

999. Paraloopers
Collectors well practiced in the art of high-magnification precision who drop into each table with their loupe at the ready, giving each card they’re interested in a full and proper examination.

1000. Exodash
The act of waiting for a dealer’s attention to be drawn away by someone else, so you can seamlessly disengage from his table without feeling the need to awkwardly offer him parting words after not buying anything.

See also: Dial L for Leaver - the act of pretending to get a phone call in order to make slipping away from someone’s booth effortlessly easy.

1001. “May the cards be ever in your favor.”
The dutiful and expected acknowledgment that card show attendees offer to one another.

1002. Cobbslobb
A seller with an inordinate number of valuable Ty Cobb cards on display and/or in his collection.

1003. Fillanthropist
An attendee with a good heart who goes out of his way to help someone else who’s not at the show fill a hole in their want list by tracking down a card and arranging for its purchase.

1004. Crowdmouth (also Showsemite Sam)
That superficial, self-appointed ‘expert’ seller who takes himself too seriously as he yaps away and waves money around to make sure everyone around his table knows how impressive he is. He’s your best friend while you’re looking at his cards, but his bitter enemy the moment you pass on his prices and walk away.

1005. Brawn Sugar
Cards of steroids-era players on display.

1006. All Flash, No Cash
A dealer’s bitter assessment of the vivacious, personable show-goer who eagerly spends time engaging him in lively conversations at his table, but walks away without buying anything.

See also: Panashionate - an attendee who strongly revels in the social aspect of the hobby, showing a sparkling flair for happily chatting up both dealers and buyers alike.

1007. Booza Nova (Portuguese)
Someone new to the site with scant few posts who RSVPs to the annual Net54baseball dinner held during 'The National' to share the free drinks with other members.

See also: Chugger Duplo (“Double Chugger”) - when he also includes a plus one.

1008. Wine, Women and Cardboard
A tripartite motto expressing the gloriously hedonistic view that there are only three things that any adult male should ever consider spending money on.

1009. Scoopemupper
The serendipitous discovery of a card in a bargain bin whose value obviously exceeds the low price.

See also: Cheap Choicing - after finding the first one you want, scouring through the huge masses of stuff in order to find other desirable-enough cards to reach the stated threshold (“5 Cards for $10!,” e.g.) on the discount bin signage.

1010. A King on His Throne of Plastic
That seller sitting regally without a care in the world at his table of highly-graded, big-money cards for sale, never seemingly bothered that no one can even afford to buy any of his golden wares.

1011. 31 Cravers (slang)
A term for a seller’s display case filled with sugary sweet cards, each more drool-worthy than the previous.

1012. “Il collezionista che non raccoglie ciò che raccolgo è mio amico” (“The collector who doesn’t collect what I collect is my friend”) (Ital.)
A time-honored maxim stating that when the element of competition is removed, two people are better able to enjoy the hobby together.

1013. Shoestring Theory
The belief that although your card-buying budget is minimal at best, it is still possible to find a way to direct your money into making wonderfully epic purchases.

1014. Sympathology
The sickness of a seller thinking he’s fooling anyone when he puts on a show of pretend sadness as he says, “I’m going to take a bath on this, but I’ll let you have it for...” as he states his ridiculous price.

See also: Sales Fall - when someone with dollar signs in their eyes approaches a dealer’s table to ask if he’s interested in buying their ‘valuable’ cards, but it’s just the obligatory box of junk wax era stuff.

1015. Non Comps Mentis
The medical term for sellers who flat-out refuse to even consider taking recent past sales data into account when pricing their cards.

See also: My Cardboard, My Choice - the simple reality that the owner of a card can set his asking price at whatever the heck he wants.

1016. Travelation
The delight in making a first-time journey to a card show and finding it was very much all that it was cracked up to be and absolutely worth the trip.

1017. Mantle Acuity
The sharp perception and ability to know exactly whether or not purchasing this Mantle right now at this price will turn out to be a good, profitable decision later.

1018. Sparefishing
On the hunt to grab more and more doubles to keep your boxes of trade bait brimming.

See also: Twin Culling - buying a card to knock it off of your need list, only to later discover that you didn’t actually need it anymore.

1019. Vicuriously
When the joy of comfortably sitting at home to look through other people’s pictures and videos from a show is tempered by the fact that now you have all sorts of questions you really want answered.

1020. Shamaraderie
The false belief that a true sense of community exists among card collectors, when we know damn well we’re all just swimming in a kiddie pool filled with blood-thirsty sharks.


And section 1 fizzles out.



I wish you all much luck in leaving early to beat the traffic!!