The New Directory of Collectorisms...

[Gorditadogg]

Originally Posted by Casey2296

51. Mized-
Being met with an inappropriate degree of hostility and aggressive sales tactics when showing even the slightest interest in a card for sale.

Mizeical chairs: a game where you try to get your money back after buying an overpriced misrepresented card.

Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

[JollyElm]

They're Baa-aaack!!!! I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part IV (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** I can't say this strongly enough. This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, chuckles and guffaws will ensue!!!!

No international treaties were breached in creating this magnum opus.


Okay, here’s the fourth part of this nonsense, but it gets better. I have not only copied and pasted all of the updates together right here in the original post, but I have also added a ton of bonus material. You know how when an album is remastered/reissued, they include bonus tracks? Well, that’s what you have here, and now more than one quarter of a thousand Collectorisms in one place, so enjoy the heck out of it (or don’t enjoy it, your choice)...



204. Hot Water Theater
When you pop into a water cooler section thread as a casual change of pace...and suddenly realize you’ve stumbled into a shit show!!

205. Blockroach
A seller who, no matter how many different ways you try to prevent his listings from showing up in your eBay searches, still finds a way to get his auctions through.

See also: Demoniker - a secondary or supplemental eBay username employed by these types of sellers.

206. Autosnafu
The unfortunate way card companies cut noteworthy signatures out of full pictures or documents to scrunch them into the tiny window of a chase card.

See also: Bullfit! (informal) - an autograph that is partially cut off or obscured in one of these contrivances.

207. The Equivoprevarication Hypocrisy (also Chirperjury)
The fact that countless sellers holler and exclaim that the card they’re selling looks so much better than the grade it received...yet not a single one of these hawkers ever says that one of their cards actually looks worse than the grade given.

See also: Jumba-Liar - an auction description that’s a veritable hodgepodge of half-truths and falsehoods.

208. Cardboard Cryptid
A card that is virtually impossible to find perfectly centered.

See also: Proportunate - feeling psyched about finally finding a ‘decently’ centered example.

209. Bubble Scramble
With card prices continuing to rise exponentially, your buying habits are being completely redefined every single day.

See also: Crumbrage (also Cellar’s Market) - being annoyed that the only cards you can now afford are basically the bottom of the barrel throwaways.

See also: Trainwrecktrospect - looking back on the very poor decision of selling your cards too soon, too cheaply before prices really began to escalate.

210. Hubba-Hubba-Bubba (also Riding the Cardboard Escalator)
The happiness of seeing the huge bubble gum card bubble magnificently increasing the value of your collection.

See also: Dweller’s Market - being unsure whether now is the right time to sell, or if prices are going to continue to climb.

See also: Bubble Dump - deciding to take a quick profit by selling off your cards right now.

See also: Kurt Bevacquation - the desire to sell off your collection in a hurry before the giant bubble bursts, so you can use the proceeds to take your family on a great trip.

211. Slabberdasher
A collector looking for input and ideas on how to best display and lay out his cards, uniforms and other memorabilia in his ‘man cave.’

212. Breaking the Plastic Ceiling
The moment you decide that the vast majority of your card purchases from here on out will be of the graded variety.

213. 52 Hours a Day (colloquialism)
The amount of time spent discussing the endless fascination with Mickey Mantle’s first Topps card.

214. Guillotine Set (also Overheaded)
Any baseball card offering which is comprised of an inordinate amount of headshots.

See also: Marie Fantoinette - someone who adores those types of cards.

See also: Beheadhunter - an avid collector of the 1960 Topps set.

See also: Yearbooker - a lover of the 1960 Leaf set.

215. Meticumulation (also Minticulous)
A collection of only very high grade cards.

See also: Wantificating - a collector arrogantly explaining why he doesn’t dig the card somebody bought, because some specific aspect falls shy of his own finicky grading and collecting requirements.

216. The Lonesome Sighway
Feeling isolated and forsaken, because you are seemingly the only person who collects and/or is into the types of cards you collect.

217. Wynicism
On the rare occasion you actually triumph in an auction with a pretty low bid, your mind instantly becomes clogged with thoughts such as, “Uh oh, how did I possibly win it?? Did I miss something?? Is there a flaw in the card I didn’t see?”

218. HOFOMO (acronym)
Fear of missing out on your opportunity to buy Hall of Famer cards at decent prices as said prices continue to soar.

219. Leatherman (also Addicted to Glove)
Someone whose collecting focus centers around the all-time great fielders.

See also: Slugbug (or Slamlord) - a collector focused primarily on legendary power hitters.

See also: Moundhound (or Hurlieman or Firehauler) - a seeker of cards and memorabilia portraying the most celebrated pitchers in the game’s history.

220. Bad Commacation
Not properly inserting a comma in your sales price, so at first glance a card appears to be an incredible ‘bargain’ at $850, and not $8,500.

221. Disgarveyfication (also Flaw of Averages)
Thinking the superstars you worshiped as a boy were clear cut all-time greats and first-ballot HOF’ers, but when you give their stats a once-over now, you realize they were just meh.

222. 177/537 Disease
Seeing a vintage card and having the innate ability to immediately remember what number it is without giving it a second thought.

223. Non-Mathematical Gradipulation
Not being able to understand how a card graded as an SGC 80 works out to be a 6???? Why isn’t it an 8????

224. Garbarian (also Raimentic)
Someone who is able to readily identify what year a photograph was taken based on specific aspects of the player’s uniform.

See also: Costdoomer (or Garfomentor) - someone who heartily disagrees with his assessment of the apparel in question.

See also: Boutfitter - a member who happily jumps in to fight in defense of the OP’s conclusions.

See also: Dorian Ungray - the use of very old photos by card companies, where there is clear evidence (a long gone stadium, an old uniform, etc.) in the photograph that proves it was snapped many years ago...not to mention how absurdly youthful the player appears.

225. Erudouche
A person who feels obligated to point out words that 99.99% of the population uses as synonyms (“rare” and “scarce,” e.g.) actually have sightly different meanings.

See also: Dickthyologist (or Marine Biolojerk) - someone who jumps in to ‘correct’ anyone using the time-honored exhortation “Squish the fish!!” (meaning “Beat Miami!!”), by pompously stating that a dolphin isn’t a fish, it’s a mammal.

226. Canardboard (also Hubriscation)
The smug and silly dismissal that valuable baseball cards are “just cardboard.” Sure, and ‘The Mona Lisa’ is just some pigment on a piece of wood.

See also: Glampifying - romanticizing a pile of old cards in bad shape for sale by referring to them as being in “Collector’s Grade.”

227. Exorbitancy Coefficient
The mathematical formula involved in determining if using a combination of 15% off coupons, credit card points, and eBay bucks will offset the ridiculous asking price of a card enough to ultimately make buying it ‘worth it.’

228. Twoplicity
The suppositional rule of thumb that a card with a qualifier should have a monetary/trade value equal to a straight graded card two whole numbers lower.

See also: Registry Disparity - how this principle is weighed in to determine the final grade average of a collector's registry set.

See also: The Binary Conundrum - owning a graded card with a qualifier, but since the ‘defect’ is so minor, it definitely doesn’t merit having a two-grades-lower drop in value.

229. Unkindred Spirits
Rookie cards of players that never made it big appearing in the same set with the same layout as other valuable, much sought after rookie cards.

230. Coming In from the Mold (also Grabbing the Raines)
When a long-retired player finally becomes a HOFer and you start digging through your old cardboard boxes in search of his cards.

See also: Vexaltation - being pissed that when you dig those cards out they are in awful shape because they’ve been rattling around in your commons/junk boxes all of these years.

See also: Mildewphoria - the delight in discovering you have a bunch of his rookie cards socked away.

See also: Epidemacclaim - the huge amount of overpriced cards suddenly appearing everywhere on eBay the moment the ballplayer is finally elected to The Hall.

See also: Prognostogainer - someone who speculated perfectly on the HOF vote and was able to cheaply load up on the player’s cards in advance.

See also: Windfault - spending a lot of money buying the rookie cards of a player you were sure was going to be enshrined this time, only to see him once again fall short.

231. Individual Wagneria
The cards that normal people hold up as their own personal most valuable or treasured collectibles.

232. Lexiconjecture
Seeing a word, phrase or acronym in someone’s post and not being able to tell if it’s a misspelling or an example of new terminology that you are unfamiliar with.

233. Master Set-back (also Annextra)
After someone makes a new variation discovery (usually a minor printing anomaly), and you realize the card in your master set already is this version, so you must sadly go out and spend the money to add the ‘regular’ version.

234. Scaventurous
With a smile on your face and your team’s cap on your head, standing at the entrance to a card show and wondering what magical hidden treasures you are going to come across today.

See also: Capture the Slag - happily spending very little money and amassing a nice pile of star cards in really bad shape.

235. Too-Too Clock
Although everyone is (rightfully) complaining about how expensive cards are getting these days, the simple truth is cards have always been way ‘too’ expensive since the beginning of time. Even when Mays and Mantle cards could be gotten for $5 apiece, that was considered a ludicrous price.

236. Deceiviation
When someone is touting a major Hall of Famer card for sale, but when you look at the listing, you find it’s not the player’s ‘regular’ card, but a much-less-desirable combination card, World Series or league leaders card, a checklist or even a 1975 Topps MVP card.

See also: Sidemicks - the players appearing on cards with Mickey Mantle.

See also: Trophesizing - calling a card for sale a “rookie card,” when it’s actually a second year card that has the Topps All-Star Rookie trophy on it.

237. Thrillogical (also Prosposterous)
Having a card listed with a ‘Buy It Now’ price for quite some time and it never sells, but when you decide to relist it as a straight auction, the hammer price ends up exceeding what your BIN always was.

238. Droughtstretch (also The No Cardboard Blues or Cry Spell)
That horribly sad period of time when you have absolutely no eBay wins coming to your home in the forseeable future.

See also: Dearthling - a collector caught up in this pitiful situation.

See also: Droughtburst - the card you finally buy that puts an end to this terrible stretch of time.

239. Bendacity
Looking at a prized card you own that is creased, and not being able to fully accept and get over the fact that there will never ever be a way to flatten it out and rid it of those nasty wrinkles.

240. Pocket Scientist (also Neinstein)
A collector who has a knack for quickly placing cards into the right page slots (while transferring a partial set into a binder) by efficiently doing the multiples of 9 math.

241. Leftopper
The ‘proper’ orientation of team and other horizontally designed cards (in albums and holders) with the de facto ‘tops’ on the left side and NOT on the right side.

242. Auspiezious (eponym)
A mediocre player who holds a place of prominence in the collecting world simply because he appears on either a rare variation or an otherwise significant card.

243. Charcoal Merchant (also Blackpeddler)
A person who deceptively darkens the corners and edges of 1971 Topps cards in order to pull a fast one and pass them off as high grade.

See also: Sharpieshooter - one who is highly proficient at this deceitful activity.

See also: Tragic Marker - the discovery that one of your key 1971 cards was recolored sometime in the past.

See also: The Gray-Sided Giveaway - when a recoloring job is so amateurish (perhaps done quickly by a kid back in the day) that parts of the ‘colorless’ gray side edges of the card are also blatantly splotched with black.

244. Spider Banes
Very conspicuous print lines that adversely affect the look of an otherwise nice card.

245. Club Orthoboxy
Keeping your cards sorted by teams and not in numerical order.

246. Sicken Scratch (also Scrivendacity)
When someone posts a nearly illegible handwritten letter or postcard from an old time player and doesn’t include either a transcript or a summation of what the heck it says.

247. The Apopalypse
The constant ‘the sky is falling’ cry (heard very less often these days) of people thinking the graded card market is going to bottom out.

248. Despairasitic (also Gone With the Win)
Checking on an auction you’re really hoping to win with a low snipe bid, but seeing there’s a multitude of people watching it, so you realize you don’t stand a chance in hell.

249. Hemlinegevity (also Puberty Derailment)
How ‘all’ kids collect cards from early on in grade school up until they start chasing skirts sometime in middle school, only to then pick up the hobby again decades later.

250. Case and Effect
The manner in which card collecting has drastically changed with the onset of professional grading. It used to be that you’d grab any card you need for your set, centering or other factors be damned, but now the paradigm of what constitutes ‘acceptable cardboard’ has been changed for many collectors.

251. Standing Shill
The BS involved with ignoring the fact that illegitimate bidders screw everyone over and drive prices fraudulently upward. It’s usually accompanied by an inane statement such as, “I bid the maximum I’m going to bid and that’s it. Whatever happens, happens.”

252. In Screeno Veritas (Lat.) (also Web Phlegm)
The attempt to use Photoshop to alter a picture to trick people into believing you own a card...but the posted picture has enough clues in it to prove the truth. You ain’t got it.

[JollyElm]

Yippie-Ki-Yay, Motherf*ckers! I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part V (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, go to the OP and scroll down to #37 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while reading this post.


And here’s the fifth part of this nonsense, so LOL or BOL or ROTFL, or just STUDNBSAYP (sit there unamused, doing nothing but staring at your phone), your choice...



253. Griptrip
An eBay auction with the picture showing the seller’s hand holding the card for sale.

See also: Fingerfolk (or Second Handlers) - eBayers who engage in this practice.

See also: Porkadillo - the offense of making everyone feel painfully uncomfortable as they’re forced to stare at your meaty sausage fingers in the auction photos.

254. Ramenstration
The act of eating as cheaply as a penniless college student in order to free up money to use on the cards you’re looking to buy.

See also: Dehammered - the feeling that the rate at which prices are rising means you’re never going to win another auction.

255. Dismissogyny
The contempt you feel for your wife when she once again dismissively mocks or belittles your ‘silly little hobby.’

256. Swapchase (also Flexchange)
A transaction involving two people trading cards, wherein one of the parties also adds a predetermined amount of cash to the deal.

257. Cardboardhydrates
The list of ingredients found on a wax pack for the plank of gum inserted within.

258. Switchfaced (also Opposhit)
The unintentional use of a reversed photographic image on a baseball card.

259. Jivestocker
A seller who only uses ‘stock photos’ in his listings.

260. Intecollectual
A person who uses a smart, discerning, and measured approach to his card collecting methods.

261. Numerelevance (also Prime-Timecard)
How Topps reserved the more significant card numbers, such as #100, #200, etc., for the most cherished players in the set.

262. Metropolitangential
Being a huge fan and collector of New York Mets cards and memorabilia, but also having a soft spot in your heart for their pseudo-ancestors, the N.Y. Giants and Brooklyn Dodgers.

See also: Sox Addict - a fan of either (or both) of the American League teams haling from Boston, MA and Chicago, IL.

263. “Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.” (maxim)
The assessment of the continuing upsurge in baseball card prices.

See also: “Strike while the cardboard is hot.” - although it may be very pricey, you need to buy a card you’re interested in now before the cost climbs even higher in the immediate future.

See also: Opportunity Accost - unexpectedly coming across a card (that you may or may not need) and knowing if you don’t buy it immediately at this price, the next person who sees it will undoubtedly jump on it.

See also: Redbreaded - a person who has actually found a way to lose money selling their cards in this booming collectibles market.

264. Woe Tide (also Floodraising)
The befuddlement of seeing the asking prices of lesser cards also going through the roof in the current environment, as if they were suddenly on par with the all-time greats.

265. PSA 11
Whether graded or not, just a fantastically beautiful card.

See also: Elevening - bragging about how great a graded card you’re selling looks.

266. Blockaid
The post, PM, or some other occurrence that tells you it’s time to relegate a particular member to your 'ignore' list.

See also: Speedelete - when you see a PM in your in-box and you know the guy who sent it is just spewing crap, so you immediately throw it in the trash without reading it.

See also: Perplexiled - when you find yourself on the blocked list of an eBay seller and have no recollection as to why you were put there.

See also: Laughingblock - when someone believes that blocking you is going to adversely affect your life, but it just makes you chuckle.

267. Callousthenics
Deceptively stretching the truth by using an image stolen from someone else’s eBay auction to ‘sell’ a card you don’t actually own.

268. Unicornering (Unicornery)
A card doctor making all four corners of a very rare and valuable (fake) card universally, symmetrically rounded, although a card like that does not exist in the natural world.

269. Harpoonnacle
The exhilirating feeling of being on top of the world after your hunt for one of your ‘white whales’ has finally come to a joyous conclusion.

See also: Leviathinning - crossing that significant card off of your want list.

See also: Ahabitual - the persistent, daily employment of eBay searches (and other methods) in your pursuit of one of your ‘white whales.’

See also: Vortexuberance - the feeling of joy and relief that comes with winning a turbulent and hotly-contested auction between multiple rival bidders.

270. Decimalarkey
The miniscule, undetected-by-the-human-eye factors that supposedly differentiate a PSA 9 card from a PSA 10.

271. Flipclipper
Stopping someone dead in his tracks who’s trying to sweet-talk you out of a card for next to nothing, because you know full well he’s only looking to grab it to immediately resell it at a big profit.

272. Condescenturions
People who post things that are already blatantly obvious to everyone, as if they’re somehow adding insightful info to the thread. It’s the baseball card equivalent of a person on a computer help-line asking you, “Is your machine plugged in?”

273. Slabyrinthine (also Contorturous)
The arduously long and painstakingly difficult task of trying to free a card sandwiched between multiple layers of cardboard, encased in bubble wrap and having every conceivable angle thickly covered in tight layers of tape with no apparent edges to be found.

274. “I wouldn’t touch his cards with a sixty foot, six inch pole.” (slang)
The disdain for a Hall of Fame pitcher felt by a collector who believes he has no business being in Cooperstown.

275. Slimperceptible (also Scantily Bad)
A card whose centering is only a mere hair worse than another virtually identical card, but unlike that one, it gets a dreaded OC qualifier on the label.

See also: “All OC cards are equal, but some OC cards are more equal than others.” - how a card falling just a speck outside of the TPG’s centering parameters and one that is egregiously off-centered 90-10 both ways will each receive the same qualifier.

276. Unintended Cardsequences (also Carbohyway Robbery)
Although Topps purposefully packaged their baseball cards in wax packs with large sticks of gum inserted, when a card is found to have wax or gum residue present on it, it is devalued and/or given a qualifier.

277. Discountentment
Getting an expensive card at a ‘bargain,’ but it may prove to be a bad thing when it’s time to sell, because your low winning bid will appear on the sales price data sites and make potential buyers rethink what the card’s value is.

278. Paxploitation Film
A Hollywood movie (or TV show) where baseball cards make an unexpected appearance.

279. Groan-Sharking
Posting a card for sale at such an egregiously high price (which doesn’t conform in any way shape or form to past sales), and causing everyone to gripe, “What is this guy thinking???!!”

See also: Trolesaler - a person who’s a member of this site for no other reason than to take advantage of the free access to the B/S/T and hawk their exorbitantly priced cards.

See also: Doing a Double-Brake (informal) - suddenly stopping when you see an eBay price that is so absolutely ridiculous that it makes you wonder if you’re missing something. Like, is the card a Venezuelan or something??

280. Cardines
The stuff you put out there as trade bait.

281. Forefingerphobia (also Ruinjurious)
The common anxiety accompanying any attempt to remove a card from a toploader, because awkwardly stuffing your finger into such a thin, confined space can only end up damaging it.

See also: Card Sabre or Card Saber (Am. Eng.) - any toploader which causes you to cut or scrape your cuticle as you squeeze your finger inside of it to extract a card.

282. Pathminder (also Good Sportmanshepherd)
Someone who ‘dutifully’ chimes in to tell you your post is in the wrong section.

See also: Navigrater - a person who guides the person to the correct area, but there’s a bit of bite in his response.

283. Shodification
An offer sent to you by an eBayer which is only a tiny, insignificant reduction of his original listing price.

See also: Repeat Scoffender - an eBay seller who sends you an offer to buy their card at such an exorbitant price that you can’t help but laugh and immediately reject it...but then time passes and the seller once again sends you a ‘new’ offer at the exact same outrageous price.

284. Protrusion Confusion
Not really understanding what the specific, precise definition of a corner ‘bump’ or ‘ding’ is.

285. Rostertute
A member having a list of people he’s done deals with catalogued in his signature.

286. Drag Clean (slang)
Someone who uses pantyhose to remove wax and gum residue from the surface of a card.

See also: Leggy - a graded card with an ‘ST’ qualifier that you know can be easily eliminated by using a pair of pantyhose to wipe away the ‘invisible’ wax or gum residue on it.
“That card’s got legs.”

[Seven]

these are gold! "In Screeno Veritas" had me rolling, along with "Drag Clean"