Astros sign stealing suspensions

[doug.goodman]

One of the headlines on MLB.com is "Keuchel apologizes for '17 Astros' sign-stealing".

Which is MLB's way of saying "look they're sorry, isn't that punishment enough?"




Here are four quotes from his "apology", with my translations :

1 - "...it sucks to the extent of the clubhouse rule that was broken. I mean, that’s where I’ll go with that. I don’t really have much else to say about Mike.”

Which means : Mike Friars should have kept our secret, he shouldn't have told his new teammates that his old teammates were going to cheat, fuck that guy.



2 - "When stuff comes out about things that happened during the course of a big league ball season, it’s always blown up to the point of, ‘Oh my gosh, this has never happened before.’ I mean, I’m not going to go into specific details."

Which means : It wasn't really that big of a deal, everybody does it.



3 - “But during the course of the playoffs in ’17, everybody was using multiple signs. For factual purposes, when there’s nobody on base, when in the history of Major League Baseball has there been multiple signs? You can go back and watch film of every team in the playoffs. There was probably six out of eight teams using multiple signs. It’s just what the state of baseball was at that point and time"

Which means : we had to cheat, 6 of the 8 teams are using multiple signs, how else could we break their codes?



4 - "Was it against the rules? Yes, it was. I personally am sorry for what’s come about, the whole situation. But it is what it is, and we have to move past that. I never thought anything would have come like it did, and I myself am sorry. We have to move on.”

Which means : I am sorry that it's come out how we won. But we still have the trophy, and we still have our World Series bonuses, so really it's not that big of a deal. Neener neener neener, we won, hahahaha.


Fuck him.

According to the commissioner of baseball, "virtually all of the Astros’ players had some involvement or knowledge of the scheme"


Here is the list, 25 names to be written next to Shoeless Joe and Eddie Cicotte :

Juan Centeno
Evan Gattis
Brian McCann
Jose Altuve
Alex Bregman
Carlos Correa
Marwin Gonzalez
Yuli Gurriel
Carlos Beltran
Derek Fisher
Cameron Maybin
Josh Reddick
George Springer
Dallas Keuchel
Francisco Liriano
Chris Devenski
Ken Giles
Luke Gregerson
Will Harris
Lance McCullers, Jr.
Collin McHugh
Charlie Morton
Joe Musgrove
Brad Peacock
Justin Verlander

Fuck all of them.

Doug "potty mouth" Goodman