Does your spouse know anything about your collection ?

[jason.1969]

My ex was not a supporter of spending on socks without holes, much less on old cardboard pictures of baseball guys. Rather than rock the boat, I simply spent $0.00 (on cards and on socks!) during the marriage.

These days, I have the freedom to try to finish the collection I tried to build in my 20s. I have a girlfriend who seems genuinely happy for me when I add a new card.

In general, having experienced a very difficult marriage and a fresh and agonizing divorce, I would recommend honesty and openness to any fellow collector. An honest relationship is more valuable and I suspect more gratifying than any card.

Though my ex never supported the idea, I always favored and would still recommend that each spouse get a play money acct...perhaps 5% each of combined gross income (with possible premiums from work bonuses, inheritance, lottery jackpots, etc.).

Such an approach keeps the collecting bug from cutting into financial well being while also allowing for full trust and guilt free spending.

[scottzoe]

My wife actively encourages me with my collecting and is usually the one telling me to "bid more that that, if you want to win it". She can also be quite critical (and accurate) about some as well. A couple of month ago, I picked up at a show, 10 or so 2004 Leaf Sportcaster Yastrzemski's. for less than $1 each I was OK with them, but she gave a huge thumbs down. "Those are stupid" she said, "I don't like them, don't buy any more of those". The next month she is telling me, If I want to win the Ted Williams lot, I need to bid more that $2000 to get it. As usual she was right again. As long as I bring her home a Fred Lynn or Butch Hobson card (or even a Buck Rogers or Luke Skywalker) from a show every now and then, she is quite happy.

Scott

[yankeesman]

My wife knows I spend on cards but she honestly doesn't show any interest in any it so it's kind of a "don't ask don't tell" kind of deal. She does buy me plenty of Yankees clothing and stuff but she won't buy me cards. She gets me to buy a couple things at Christmas time she can wrap up. It's worked for 24 years to this point.

[bn2cardz]

My wife is, in my opinion, too supportive at times. I wish sometimes she would be more of a conscious against buying. I have to hold myself back against the addiction because she doesn't speak up even when the money could be used for diapers (I have 4 children and the oldest just turned 5, so we have had diapers in the house for at least one child for the last 5 years).

She does like looking at the cards sometimes and does buy packs of cards from the store for our 2 year old when he has been behaving.

Last week, though, she asked what card came in the mail. I showed her it was a e92 Dockman's Lobert. She asked if I had a card like it or similar. Playing it cool I asked her "Why? Do you think you have seen this before?" She began to state that she may have been wrong it may just look like a t206 I owned. I asked her to follow me to my hobby room asking which one looked like the one I had just opened. She laughed as she looked at the 12 (including this one I have 2 duplicates) other Loberts I had on display from my back run. She just said "I knew I had seen that before" as she listened to me explain that this was actually a duplicate because I couldn't determine if I liked it better than the one I currently had.

An outdated image of the run (missing the 2 General baking and the new duplicate Dockman I acquired):

[Exhibitman]

Mine demanded full access to all data, which I gave her. She also has access to the safe deposit box. If I can't trust her with it, we probably should not stay together. She also could not be less interested in the Hobby if she tried. She encourages me to go to the National and have fun but her standard take on any Hobby-related event is "go play with the other dipsh**s."

As for purchases, we have a deal: I don't take up other expensive hobbies like golf or season seats for a sports team, and I get to spend my fun money on cards instead. Though for the foreseeable future I am on a 'kill and eat' budget: I have to generate my card purchase money from the proceeds of card sales due to college funding commitments starting in the fall. That's fine with me, BTW: my kid trumps all else.

[steve_a]

Memory Lane was kind enough to send some Christmas cookies today. She might be starting to connect the dots...

[brass_rat]

I had my wife read this thread to see her reaction. She laughed out loud at several of the lines/jokes.

She knows about my collection and encourages me to buy things I'd like, but she's not overly involved in learning about the cards or players. She can tell you that I'm collecting Walter Johnson, knows T206 is a set name, and high fives me when I'm excited about a card that came in the mail. She'd rather sit in the car and wait for me than walk around a card show though. haha.

The only thing that she doesn't understand is why I don't have a Whitney with Dog.

[David W]

If you have to hide your purchases from your significant other........ You probably shouldn't be buying baseball cards

[kmac32]

Originally Posted by David W

If you have to hide your purchases from your significant other........ You probably shouldn't be buying baseball cards

Completely agree. LOL

[JoeDfan]

Or, do what I did...just get a girlfriend who tells you that your baseball room is "too busy" and maybe we should hang some of the signed photos and game used jerseys in the hallway.

My ex wouldn't let me spend a nickel on cards, but now, when I agonize whether I should buy something, she is like "Do it!!!!!"

[DHogan]

My wife doesn't know anything about my collection. I let her know when I'm going to buy a card over $100.00. She just gives me that look . What ever makes you happy honey. I show her the new pickups and she gives me that other look. She used to say "but you don't even follow any sports." I told her I would sell everything if we needed for her medical expenses. She said no. It makes you happy. I have a great wife.

[dabigyankeeman]

She is pretty clueless. She knows grand total my collection is worth some bucks, but as individual cards come in I tell her they are cheap, she has no idea of what they really are worth. Dont want a divorce.

[dabigyankeeman]

Originally Posted by David W

If you have to hide your purchases from your significant other........ You probably shouldn't be buying baseball cards

If your wife is VERY fiscally conservative and you are not, and if you are not hurting the household with your buys but it would cause major arguments and problems if she knew what you spend, then I say its ok to hide your purchases. Sometimes honesty is not the best policy.

[Stetson_1883]

Originally Posted by packs

My fiancé doesn't know anything about collecting but she tolerates me spending my money. Though that may change once we're actually married.

Count on it!

[Gary Dunaier]

This, perhaps, is the ultimate horror story of a poor soul whose spouse did not approve of his collecting. It was told by the legendary stamp dealer Herman Herst, Jr., and while it was about stamps, you don't need to know anything about stamp collecting to relate.

The customer was a doctor in Brooklyn. He needed a used single of [a very expensive stamp] and asked me to send him one on approval. Since he was a good buyer over the years, always paying promptly and never complaining, I did not hesitate to submit one.

Back it came, promptly, torn in half, with a brief note from his wife:

“My husband has received strict orders from me. He is not going to buy any more stamps. I hope this teaches you a lesson.”

Fortunately, his original letter had an office telephone number on it, and I was not long in calling him on the phone.

He thought that I was calling for not having sent the stamp. He said:

“My wife said that if she saw any more letters from stamp dealers she would open them and tear any stamps in the letter in half. I did not think she meant it.”

He continued, “It has taught me a lesson. I am going to take a Post Office Box. I will give you the address as soon as I have it.”

He did not stop buying stamps, and was decent enough to pay for the torn stamp. I asked if I might keep it as a souvenir of the stupid act of a wife jealous of her husband’s hobby.

It does not happen often that one spouse denies the other the pleasure of a hobby. But when that couple finally breaks up, her forcing him to seek additions to his collection via a Post Office Box will have been the start of it all. Happily, few of us are that dumb.

[Fred]

Originally Posted by kmac32

My wife is quite familiar with my collection and does have an idea as to it's value. She knows I enjoy it and that I work hard so she does encourage my collecting. Guess it is better than going out to bars or clubs and I habe something of value in the end. She also collects dolls as she enjoys them so we noth understand collecting. No secrets in this marriage.

Ok Ken, so I'm guessing your wife belongs to an internet bulletin board that you don't know about and all the women on the board are answering a similar post about "does your husband know how much you really spend on your dolls?" In that post she says - "my husband collects baseball cards so he understands about a hobby that is about collectibles but I'd never tell him how much I spend on my dolls else he'd crap his pants and go out and buy a PSA4 Cobb with a Uzit back and tell me it cost the same as a PSA2 Lajoie portrait with a Sweet Caporal back".

[BicycleSpokes]

My lovely wife is from Turkey, and would not know the difference between Honus and Heinie. I kind of like it that way...

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

[jchcollins]

Sorry to revive an old thread, but this topic struck me as interesting.

We’ve been together since we were teenagers, so she knows I collect - but for me it’s probably a don’t ask, don’t tell thing at best - mainly because she could care less, and I have sometimes in the past even gotten in trouble for “caring too much” about baseball, and baseball-related things. Not that I really do, but sometimes I think this is just a convenient point in an argument if I have been careless about something else important. As for the finances, 9 times out of 10 I’m selling something old from my collection to finance whatever new it is that I’m buying - so it’s usually a wash and because there is little long-term $$ impact anyway - I don’t really feel the need to keep her posted on the day-to-day. At worst, I’m earning her extra bonus points on her credit card. Other purchases are funded sometimes from one-time windfalls, birthday and Christmas money, or bonuses and that kind of thing, and I’m always careful not to do anything outlandish that would have any real impact to our family’s budgeted finances.

All that said - cards for me are still kind of a guilty, solitary pleasure though. Interesting to me to consider why that is. I have 2 daughters and have gotten them into it somewhat, but not nearly to the extent that I am. I guess some of this stems from being an only child and always seeing my collection as a private, personal thing when I was growing up.
The hobby is my “forget about the rest of the world” thing, and has helped me through some tough spots over the decades. I guess that’s what a hobby is supposed to be all about.

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by Leon

Ridiculous sum is a relative term. My wife knew I spent a lot on cards (relative to our other things) and it was part of our assets and a bigger part than it really should have been, as I so often have said. But that is fixed for the moment.
She encourages my collecting otherwise and knows I love it. We have even talked of traveling and setting up at shows in the future. I think it could be fun (as long as some shows survive). It even funded a college education and a little more!!

ps...Rich, gotcha covered....

Leon, the thought of setting up at shows with my ex wife makes me shudder. Your marriage must be rock solid.

[pokerplyr80]

My wife didn't pay much attention at first. But she started to notice when those notes were left on the door saying the package had to be picked up in person. I've heard "how much did that one cost" quite a few times.

She wasn't happy but tolerated my collecting. I tried to explain that I wasn't just throwing money away, that the cards had value and could be sold later if need be. I don't think she really believed me. The first time I sold a card for substantially more than I paid I told her the exact amount and her attitude completely changed.

Now if I decide to sell a card she asks why. I hear things like "are you sure you want to sell that one" and "we don't need cash, our money in the bank isn't doing anything for us."

[mark evans]

My wife couldn't care less about my collection. She has the business card of an auction house with instructions, upon my demise, to walk in with my Tip-Top Dreyfuss and suggest they send a truck to my house.

[whitey19thcentury]

My wife knows everything that I own since 80% if my collection is framed and matted. Photos, supplements, autographs etc.. The rest of my collection is comprised of Forbes Field artifacts and game used jerseys and bats.
As for value of the items, she hasn't the slightest idea. A couple years ago, I bought a cornerstone from the facade of Forbes. She knew it was relatively expensive, but didn't say anything. Both of my parents are big collectors (non sports items), so my wife knows it runs in the family.
What I spend on my collection and for resale comes out of a separate bank account that I have had since i started dealing in sports memorabilia in high school.

[barrysloate]

Take my wife- please! Judy and I have been happily married for 34 years, and anything I buy for any collection I will share with her. Whether it's baseball cards or memorabilia, rare coins, currency, or a Yardbirds album off ebay, she likely knows about it. If she trusts my judgment, she trusts the purchase.

We've even collected things together. Our most expensive purchase is a ca. 1905 signed Tiffany lamp, pictured below:

[joshuanip]

I have a directory of the auction houses, in a folder with my life insurance policy.

[ejharrington]

Not only does my wife support my hobby, she encourages me to go "an extra bid" on the things she knows I really want. Of course, we keep our finances separate so she has no skin in the game!

[OLDBILL]

Hopefully none of the cautious respondents' wives are members of net54. Ha!

[steve B]

My wife knows a lot about my collections, to the point of helping make most of the bigger decisions on purchases.
Since I started trying to get a little focus on my collecting that's usually along the lines of "how does it fit the collection, and if it doesn't fit, why is it cool/important enough to buy.

[C-mack]

Very much so! Shes a huge baseball fan and we go to about 6 to 15 games a year including on our anniversary lol

Once I showed her Ken burns: baseball she fell in love with the prewar like I did! It's really become our hobby which adds to my enjoyment!

She been overcoming the fact she has epilepsy and that drew her to like Grover Alexander, it's been fun watching her discover her own favorites!

[toledo_mudhen]

Mine is oblivious and disinterested - As long as she has cash to buy clothes, shoes, whatever - the subject never comes up. I have left instructions in the lockbox (in case I get hit by a bus or something)

[tonyo]

Originally Posted by C-mack

Very much so! Shes a huge baseball fan and we go to about 6 to 15 games a year including on our anniversary lol

Once I showed her Ken burns: baseball she fell in love with the prewar like I did! It's really become our hobby which adds to my enjoyment!

She been overcoming the fact she has epilepsy and that drew her to like Grover Alexander, it's been fun watching her discover her own favorites!

WOW
Mind if I frame that picture of your wife holding the CJ?😃

Congrats you’re a very lucky guy!

[C-mack]

Originally Posted by tonyo

WOW
Mind if I frame that picture of your wife holding the CJ?😃

Congrats you’re a very lucky guy!

Lol , and thanks! I think I lucked out too

[cubman1941]

My wife is not a sports person. When we got married (second for both) and combined households she knew I had boxes full of baseball "stuff" After 25 years and 3 moves I finally had a room again I could call my own and display some of my baseball and football collection. To this day she knows i am a Cub guy and that is that. I have instructions in our will whom to call to dispose of my collection. She is "proud" to tell people that I have a large "collection" but that is the extend of her knowledge. She never questions any purchase I make and, when we go to flea markets and antique malls, she will even ask if I saw this glove or that bat. The only player she knows and likes is Cal Ripken, Jr because when lived in Baltimore she would to to ball games with me. That was during his streak year so his name was prominent. Every year for Christmas she will buy me a blaster box or two and I say "Thank you", open them and promptly give them all away.

[skil55voy]

My wife knows all about the collection, how it is inventoried, what it might be worth. She goes to shows with me and looks through the "bargain bins" stacking up cards for me to go through AFTER she's been through the bins. She fully knows what I collect and what to look for. It's been a terrific 33 years.

[Al C.risafulli]

True story:

Eight or ten years ago, I was scouring eBay because I was bored, and I found a beautiful Ruppert Beer tin sign - a HUGE one, not the one that we see more frequently that measures two feet across, this one was about 5 feet across.

I won it, and when it came, it was in a giant box that I had to open in the living room. My wife was sitting on the couch, watching me open it - just another package of baseball stuff arriving at the house.

When I pulled it out of the box, I held it up so she could see it. She was quiet for a minute, and then she said "Oh, that's MINE."

Since then, she's been engaged in every purchase I've made. My collecting tastes have even changed because I buy stuff that can be displayed, and it's hung up throughout my house. She knows what the stuff is worth, she appreciates the aesthetics, and since she was a baseball fan to begin with, she understands the history. Once in a while, she'll see something in an auction, and she'll say "We need to win that." WE.

She's fully involved in LOTG as an employee, she's gotten to be friendly with a lot of collectors, and she's got a decent amount of hobby knowledge. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm a pretty lucky guy.

-Al

[mechanicalman]

Al, that's awesome. I love the use of plural possessive pronouns when it comes to collecting. My wife and I have achieved that as well.

One of the things I do to involve my wife is, about once a quarter, we have a Wine and Cards Night where we pick a certain theme (it might be something like: My Top 20 Favorite Cards or Top 10 Lowest Pop, etc.). I lay out the cards in the kitchen and we go through each one together while drinking a bottle (or two) of moderately priced champagne. She is not a huge sports fan, but she has come to appreciate the aesthetics and the history of the cards.

[Bram99]

Originally Posted by insidethewrapper

I was wondering as I bought an item recently if your spouse is as "clueless" as mine is about my collection. She has no idea how much I can spend on a 19th Century or T206 Cobb etc. When it arrives in the mail or by truck, I open it in the basement and add to my collection. I never reveal the price , do you ?

Are you trying to develop a list of Net54 members to blackmail?

[glchen]

Originally Posted by insidethewrapper

I'd like to know who everyone has been told to go to when they meet their demise.

I have a standing account with Heritage auctions, where I have zero seller's fee, so I've told my family to use Heritage when I meet my demise, if they don't want to keep the collection. I like Heritage because they are a large auction house, and can split my collection over several auctions per year. Obviously, there are many other great ones like REA. I'd advise folks to pick someone they are comfortable with, and have the lowest fees possible, at least from the seller's side. I don't want my family to get ripped off where someone charges her 40% seller's commission + 20% the buyer's premium, where my wife doesn't realize that there are better deals out there. Most of my valuable stuff is graded, so that makes it easier for me to tell my family what's worth selling and what's garbage.

[MULLINS5]

She's always been pretty supportive, but I moved all of my collectibles to my office last year. I have a rule not to have anything at home so I can spend as much time with family doing activities that mean are meaningful to them, rather than impose my collecting habits onto them.

[MarcosCards]

My wife is very polite about my enthusiasm for collecting, but I think there might be some behind-my-back eye rolling from time to time. I know she was greatly humored when I recently had to dig through the glovebox in order to come up with enough money for a yard sale cache of 1967 Topps baseball cards.

[Kenny Cole]

My wife knows roughly how much my collection is worth, and also knows who to contact if I meet my demise (assuming she isn't the one who causes that). I am very careful not to totally 'fess up about quite how much I spend, and to also sell things from time to time, so as to not wake up buried in the back yard. That being said, given the current shit-show, I haven't been spending much lately.

[seanofjapan]

My wife has zero interest in my hobby and I don't discuss how much I spend on it or any other details really.

I do work on an honor system though. We have a dog, which I had zero interest in getting but she really wanted. We spend a fair amount on food, grooming, vet visits, kennel stays when we go out of town, etc on the dog.

A few years ago she did ask me why I spent time and money on cards. I pointed out that it was my hobby, much like having a dog was hers, and pointed out that my cards didn't bark at her or crap on the floor.

She never asked me about it again, but in the interest of parity and fairness I try to keep my card collecting budget at about the same as what we spend on the dog.

Off topic question but just out of curiousity: this thread is all predicated on the assumption that we are all husbands with wives (which seems mostly accurate). Are there any female collectors on here who have the same issue with their husband (ie wife is card collector, husband has no interest)?