Sold My Collection - Not About Me - Please Read

[SyrNy1960]

(Formerly 3arod13)

After 45+ years of collecting, I recently sold my entire sports memorabilia collection, except my 2005 Alex Rodriguez Game Used Fielding Glove, which was a gift from my wife. I have my final piece being sold in Heritage Auctions 16-18 November 2023. My focus has shifted.

My wife was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. In 2021, while she was retired and I was still working, she was noticing issues with her memory, but figured it was just due to her age (69); like most of us do. She would get frustrated and cry alone at times, while I was at work, and she was keeping this from me. Just before I retired, I came home from work one day and found her in the kitchen crying. I hugged her and asked her what was wrong. She told me that she was looking for her mother’s sewing kit all day and can’t remember where it is. It has been in the same place since we moved to our home in 1999 (22 years). At this point, she still didn’t tell me she has been having problems with her memory for the past year.

After I retired in February 2022, and because I was home with her every day, I started noticing issues with her memory. Mostly short-term memory. I talked to her Neurologist, who she was seeing for nerve and muscle pain in her legs, and he ordered a brain scan. This is when we found out she has Alzheimer's Disease. He put her on two medications, that are supposed to help slow down the progression of the disease: Donepezil (10 mg) and Memantine (10 mg). I wish my wife would have told me back in 2021, so we could have got her checked out and on this medication much sooner.

My point to this post is awareness. Those of us who are of older age, we tend to blow off memory issues to just being part of getting older. Please, if anyone in your family has a family history of Dementia or Alzheimer's Disease, or you notice significant changes in their memory, please have them get checked out. The sooner they get on medication, the better chance they have to slow down its progression. It is an awful disease, with no current cure.

My focus and priority are my wife’s happiness and quality of life.

Thanks, Tony

[Scott6043]

Prayers sent for you and your wife.

[Hxcmilkshake]

Prayers for you and your wife, thanks for posting

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[milkit1]

Thank you for sharing. Prayers and all good wishes

[SyrNy1960]

Scott, Stan, and Sean,

Thank you very much! As I'm sure others feel the same, no need to post. My sole purpose was awareness. Thanks!

[jason.1969]

Really important post. We took too long to see this happening with my father-in-law. Best wishes to you and your wife.

[SyrNy1960]

Originally Posted by jason.1969

Really important post. We took too long to see this happening with my father-in-law. Best wishes to you and your wife.

Jason,

Thanks! I agree! Most of us just assume memory issues are part of getting old. And as we get older, we are sometimes in denial of the changes we are going through, so we ignore them. Getting diagnosed early and getting on the medication is key.

[batsballsbases]

Tony,
So sorry you are going thru this.. A very good friend of mine down here in NC is going thru the same thing with his wife... about the same age. Thoughts and Prayers sent your way ... Try and take out older photos show them to her... anything to try and stimulate thought in her mind.... keep up the fight

[philo98]

Hey Tony sorry to hear the development with your wife. I dont want to get into too negative of things as you know the general progression of Alzheimer's, however, I remember when my grandmother had this and she had been married to my grandfather for 60+ years and they were childhood friends since they were toddlers. My grandfather adored her his entire life. One thing that helped was my grandmother had made index cards of how she felt towards my grandfather and had also made some for my father. Those index cards became life savers as the disease progressed and you know the reasons why. Im sorry you have to go through this experience.

[SyrNy1960]

Originally Posted by philo98

Hey Tony sorry to hear the development with your wife. I dont want to get into too negative of things as you know the general progression of Alzheimer's, however, I remember when my grandmother had this and she had been married to my grandfather for 60+ years and they were childhood friends since they were toddlers. My grandfather adored her his entire life. One thing that helped was my grandmother had made index cards of how she felt towards my grandfather and had also made some for my father. Those index cards became life savers as the disease progressed and you know the reasons why. Im sorry you have to go through this experience.

Ryan,

Thank you for sharing that with me! Brought tears to my eyes. My worst fear is when things progress. Right now, it's her short-term memory. She'll ask me 10 times a day, what day is this. Can't remember where she gets her hair done. One moment that really scared me is when our son told her on Monday that he and his wife were going to Seattle and would return on Friday. On Friday, I mentioned to her that they were returning today, and she didn't remember he even went. It took me a bit to jar her memory, but eventually she did. You're advice is great and I will do that! We do everything together and I keep her laughing and busy. I won't leave her side. We just celebrated our 30th Wedding Anniversary in February.

Tony

[ksfarmboy]

Tony prayers for your wife and your family.

[SyrNy1960]

Originally Posted by batsballsbases

Tony,
So sorry you are going thru this.. A very good friend of mine down here in NC is going thru the same thing with his wife... about the same age. Thoughts and Prayers sent your way ... Try and take out older photos show them to her... anything to try and stimulate thought in her mind.... keep up the fight

Al,

Sorry to hear that! Thoughts and prayers! Thanks for the advice and I will do that! Much appreciated! It's an awful disease. I have my breakdown moments alone, but don't let her see that. It's difficult to see someone you love struggle, no matter what the situation is.

[Scott Garner]

Tony,
So sorry to hear about your wife and thank you for this post.
My Mom, who is 88, has had dementia and Alzheimer's for about 6 years now and is late stage.
Alzheimer's is a very tough diagnosis for anyone that you love, but I certainly think that having this happen to your long-time spouse has to be about the toughest.

Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

[todeen]

Glad you have your priorities in line, you are an example to all of us. As my father always said, "you are a fine man Charlie Brown." Prayers to your wife and to you in support of her.

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[Kevin]

Thanks for posting, Tony. I just turned 50. Have neurologist appointments and brain scans set up for September (Yom Kippur) and November (Election Day). Great post. Thanks for sharing with us.

[Leon]

Sometimes a thread just needs to be moved (it was in another section). Prayers your way, Tony! Keep up the good fight.
.

[SyrNy1960]

Originally Posted by Leon

Sometimes a thread just needs to be moved (it was in another section). Prayers your way, Tony! Keep up the good fight.
.

Sorry Leon and thanks!

[Brian Van Horn]

Tony,

I wish your wife and you the best.

[conor912]

Originally Posted by SyrNy1960

I have my breakdown moments alone, but don't let her see that. It's difficult to see someone you love struggle, no matter what the situation is.

Make sure you are getting support for yourself, too! My stepfather has Alzheimers. He and my mom got married when I was young, so he’s like another dad to me. At this point I worry more about her than I do him. No one can do it alone. I wish you both the best!

[jingram058]

Prayers...

Everything else shrinks to insignificance.

[rc4157]

Prayers for both of you Tony. As Conor mentioned, be sure to take care of yourself as well. I'm sure most of us have seen this with a friend or loved one and have seen how difficult it can be for the caretaker. All the best.

[DodgerMike22]

Prayers for you, your wife, and your family.

[Exhibitman]

My mother was showing signs of dementia before COVID hit but my parents refused to deal with it. Then the pandemic and my father basically hid her from me for a year until she had a fall followed by a full-blown psychotic break, institutionalization and eventually death. Thankfully less than two years from the time we put her away.

Take care of yourself, first and foremost. You are useless if you are sick, stressed, and worn down. My parents went into decline and death in under 2 years and taking care of them aged me 10 years in 2.

I STRONGLY recommend you get an estate plan together immediately, while she has testamentary capacity. Video the signing and have her explain why she is making the bequests. Also, get a power of attorney as well as an advanced medical directive. These things will save you untold misery AND thousands of dollars in attorneys' fees. I had a client who refused to deal with the diagnosis and the family first had to go through the trouble of a conservatorship and then into the misery of intestate succession and probate.

If she gets to the point of institutionalization, think long and hard about it. There are basically two kinds of dementia patients: happy forgetters and agnoized sufferers. My mother was the latter. i sincerely wish we had put her into hospice when she was first diagnosed, rather than into 'memory care', because she had to live through the hell on earth of a broken and degenerating brain. She always took great pride in her appearance and image and demeanor and to be reduced as she was to a screeching, incontinent moonbat forced to do kiddie art projects when all she wanted was to stay in bed and drift away, it was just cruel. When they finally sent her to hospice it was a relief.

Not to bring you down, but you have to know there is no happy ending to dementia as it currently stands. Best to face up to that. The damage is progressive, irreversible and incurable. Frankly, after having watched her disease, if i am diagnosed with something similar to my mother I will punch my own ticket like Robin Williams did.

[benjulmag]

Really sorry to hear this, Tony. I lost my mother to Alzheimer's 5 years ago and know what you are going through. It is a horrible disease, with no cure after so many years, though promising advances might be on the horizon. The one comfort my sister and I had as our mother went through the various stages (which the medication, your wife is currently on, will slow down) is that it is a disease, unlike many others, in which the patient does not appear to suffer much, the suffering being borne by those who love them. That meant a great deal to my sister and me, as it would have been much more difficult for us if we knew our mother was suffering. But as far as we could tell, as the memory loss progressed, our mother was oblivious to it, and outwardly at least seemed to not be experiencing mental anguish. That is in contrast to other afflictions when the patient maintains all their mental faculties, but due to their affliction are in a very unhappy state of mind.

[oldjudge]

Tony—My best wishes to you and your wife. I lost my brother in law to AD and know what a devastating affliction it is. May I suggest that you look into the work of Li-Huei Tsai at MIT’s Againg Brain Institute. She has been doing research on non-invasive treatments which appear somewhat promising.

[cubman1941]

Tony, thanks for sharing. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease and really affects the caregiver more than the person. I keep getting afraid I am a similar situation with my wife. Her short term memory is pretty much gone but her long term is still o.k. She has been to the doctor but no diagnosis yet except age related. I constantly have to remind myself to be patient with her short time memory loss as I am not a patient person. I am learning. As many others have said, take care of yourself first because, as my wife keeps telling me, "I don't know what I would do without you." You have to be the strong and healthy one to give her the care she needs now and in the future.

[JollyElm]

This is really tough to hear. Please keep your head up and stay strong for her. You both will be in my prayers.

[philo98]

You may find some comfort and help with this YouTube channel. This is a persons father going through dementia but it may be helpful with your wife.

Dsalnorcal

I’ve been a member for a year or so.

[Trublubrucru]

Tony, sorry to hear this. My mother passed in July of Advanced Dementia after a 15 year progression at 90 years. I took care of her and I found a couple things that can help with memory loss, maybe it will help.

If you still have a local newspaper, pick it up and let her peruse it, reading familiar names and places jogs memories.
Have a daily event you both can do and look forward to. Crossword etc.
Good old phone calls from friends and family always helps. Short, brief hi, how are you doing? gets a smile and jogs memories
The biggest help, and frustration reducer, is a Dry Erasable marker board. On top have the day and date, and then maybe lunch menu, days events, appointment times, reminders etc. It really helps to have a physical visual reminder of things to help the processing. Hope this helps

[jethrod3]

Tony, I'm sorry to hear of this. A couple of things that you probably know but are worth saying. This is based on my experience with my mom, who had fairly early onset AD that then rapidly progressed.

I'm sure you are doing the best you can. Please don't beat yourself up over not spotting the early signs of AD, because the meds you mentioned do not work for everyone. My mom was on those meds, and started early. They did not work. Even in the folks that those meds do SEEM to help, the reading I did at the time seemed to indicate that the delay in progression is often not long anyway. People progress at different rates; that's probably why it's difficult to attribute success or failure to some drugs. But they were the best that we had. Recent clinical trials with a new generation of drugs suggest that there may be hope for those with even more advanced cases, so of course we hope for that day when these drugs become available to all patients with AD.

As someone else mentioned, do take care of yourself (let others help you when needed) and also seek out a lawyer that specializes in elder law. They can walk you through what you need to do while your wife is still able to make decisions. And most of all, even though the disease is cruel and unrelenting, take time to enjoy the good moments that will still surface, likely even through the later stages of progression of the disease.

Thank you for your post.

[Tim Kindler]

Tony,
Thank you sharing this information and updating you and your wife's journey up to this point in your lives.... We all wish you, your wife, and your friends and family nothing but the best during this ongoing, tough aspect of your lives. Treasure all the memories and best wishes on treasuring the memories that you both have together in the days, months, and years to come.

Tim Kindler

[Yoda]

Tony, like many, my deepest condolences as your family tries to deal with the terrible consequences of AD. It is a small thing, but when you are stressed out, think about the wonderful collection you built over so many years. Perhaps a card finally landed after years of searching. It might bring some temporary relief. Best, John

[The Detroit Collector]

Tony,
I am extremely sorry to hear this. My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's when he was in his mid 50s. It was very hard for my family. My prayers are with you and your family.

[Kawika]

Stay strong, be steady.

[Robbie]

Be kind to yourself as you love and support your wife. My prayers are with you.

[michael3322]

Very moving Tony. Sending you and your family thoughts and prayers. Thanks for sharing.

[GrayGhost]

my best to you and your wife in these hard times. must be so hard, but boy it couldn't be any more worth it. God Bless

[jbsports33]

Thank for sharing - great post about awareness and understanding - my wife’s grandfather had it and can be tough. Having family support is the best medicine - God Bless

Jimmy

[ALBB]

very very sorry to hear that

[AnkurJ]

God Bless you and your family! It’s not easy being a caretaker.
As a clinical pharmacist I have been reading about great strides in treatment. If she is the mild AD category, I would look into some of new investigational treatments.

https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/994646

[ushojh1]

Sorry to hear this. God bless.

[Rhotchkiss]

Tony, thinking of you and your wife. And thank you for posting the important reminder to get checked out if you have any doubts on health.

[rjackson44]

Prayers tony hang in

[SyrNy1960]

I want to thank each of you for your well-wishes, guidance, advice, and most importantly sharing your personal AD situations with me. For those of you who lost family members due to AD, my condolences, deepest thoughts and prayers. To those still dealing with family members with AD, I wish you all the best. There are still many unknowns of what is to come, but we are ready to deal with it. My wife and I are very close, best friends, and we talk about AD together. I'm a strong individual, so I can deal with what's to come. However, I do agree with you all that I need to ensure I take care of myself also, so I can take care of my wife.

When Game Used Universe collapsed, I went looking for a new sports card and memorabilia site. I found NET54. Although I couldn't participate as much as I would have liked to, I've enjoyed watching, learning, and looking at your pick-ups and collections. What I learned most about NET54 is the great people in it. You all are truly an amazing group, who comes together for others, no matter what the situation. This is the best site, with the best group of people, I've ever experienced. Thank you all very much!

This is a picture of my wife and I at a Dallas Cowboy game in 2010.

[NYYFan63]

Sending prayers to you and your wife Tony…


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[Kingcobb]

Prayers for you and your wife. My mother had this in 2013 to 2016 and it was heart breaking to say the least.

[Eggoman]

Hey Tony - I feel your pain as I went through Dementia with MY Mom who I lost 5 years ago and am re-living it now with my Mom-in-Law who has ALZ...

There is A TON of GREAT advice here - re-living her STRONG & HAPPY memories, pictures, take her to her old haunts and neighborhoods, Estate Planning, etc.

The long and the short of it is that ALZ sucks! It is an awful thing and at the moment - there IS "no better"...

Besides my best to you and your family, all I can offer is the title of a GREAT book on the subject entitled "The 36-hour Day." It is considered by many to be a Bible of sorts on the subject.

I got A LOT of help and ideas from it.

Stay Strong & Healthy - she needs you as her ROCK!

[SyrNy1960]

Originally Posted by Eggoman

Hey Tony - I feel your pain as I went through Dementia with MY Mom who I lost 5 years ago and am re-living it now with my Mom-in-Law who has ALZ...

There is A TON of GREAT advice here - re-living her STRONG & HAPPY memories, pictures, take her to her old haunts and neighborhoods, Estate Planning, etc.

The long and the short of it is that ALZ sucks! It is an awful thing and at the moment - there IS "no better"...

Besides my best to you and your family, all I can offer is the title of a GREAT book on the subject entitled "The 36-hour Day." It is considered by many to be a Bible of sorts on the subject.

I got A LOT of help and ideas from it.

Stay Strong & Healthy - she needs you as her ROCK!

Greg,

Thanks! I just ordered the book.

Tony

[ajjohnsonsoxfan]

Originally Posted by Eggoman

Hey Tony - I feel your pain as I went through Dementia with MY Mom who I lost 5 years ago and am re-living it now with my Mom-in-Law who has ALZ...

There is A TON of GREAT advice here - re-living her STRONG & HAPPY memories, pictures, take her to her old haunts and neighborhoods, Estate Planning, etc.

The long and the short of it is that ALZ sucks! It is an awful thing and at the moment - there IS "no better"...

Besides my best to you and your family, all I can offer is the title of a GREAT book on the subject entitled "The 36-hour Day." It is considered by many to be a Bible of sorts on the subject.

I got A LOT of help and ideas from it.

Stay Strong & Healthy - she needs you as her ROCK!

Tony thanks for your post and will be pulling for you and your wife. And Greg just ordered the book, thanks for the recommendation. My Dad was recently diagnosed and just went on the meds. Will share book with my Mom who is primary caregiver.

[parkplace33]

Prayers to you and your family during this time.