Good Lawyer joke!

[GoldenAge50s]

Thinking of all the lawyers on the Board:

A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university: "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a
financial planner, each very successful financially. When their
father’s time had come and they saw their father in the coffin, they
remembered his wish.

First, it was the doctor who put 10 $100 bills onto the chest of the
deceased.

Then, came the financial planner, who also put $1,000 there.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn. He dipped into his
pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into
his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.

He later went on to become a member of Congress...

[Peter_Spaeth]

You're in a locked room with a lawyer, a convicted axe murderer, and a grizzly bear. You have a gun and two bullets. What do you do?

[GoldenAge50s]

Don't know Peter, but I'll guess---Shoot the lawyer twice?

[Peter_Spaeth]

Originally Posted by GoldenAge50s

Don't know Peter, but I'll guess---Shoot the lawyer twice?

Yeah.

[Peter_Spaeth]

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather?

[frankbmd]

The title of this thread is an oxymoron.

[njdunkin1]

Originally Posted by Peter_Spaeth

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather?

An offer I can't understand?

[Peter_Spaeth]

Yup.

[EvilKing00]

I reffer lawyers to my clients all the time. I have learned over the years that sometimes gets my client mad at me. So over the last few years i go about it differently by saying...

"All layers ate jerks and usually rude, probably wont call you back when u leave a messge BUT this is who i recommend because he always gets the deal closed. And thats really all you care about, right?"

[jerrys]

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down a street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred-dollar bill. Who gets it?
A:?

[Michael B]

Originally Posted by jerrys

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down a street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred-dollar bill. Who gets it?
A:?

The old drunk. The others are figments of the imagination!!!

[Mark17]

Two lawyers are shipwrecked and alone on a desert island. A raft floats onto the beach with the most beautiful woman they'd ever seen on it, and she's naked and unconscious. They look at her for a minute and one lawyer finally says, "Should we screw her?"

The other lawyer looks at him like he's crazy and says, "Out of what??"

[clydepepper]

What do you call a lawyer thrown out of an airplane?






.

[Peter_Spaeth]

Originally Posted by clydepepper

What do you call a lawyer thrown out of an airplane?






.

I have heard that one but it's for many lawyers and the answer is skeet.

[jerrys]

Originally Posted by Michael B

The old drunk. The others are figments of the imagination!!!

Right or -

The old drunk, of course. The other three are mythical characters.


Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a tick?
A: A tick drops off you when you die.

Q: What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.

Q: What do you have if three lawyers are buried up to their necks in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

[clydepepper]

Originally Posted by Peter_Spaeth

I have heard that one but it's for many lawyers and the answer is skeet.

I had Air Pollution, but I like your answer better.

.

[jerrys]

Lawyers believe a person is innocent until proven broke.

[ALR-bishop]

Lawyers do not think lawyer jokes are funny, and no one else thinks they are jokes