Undergraded Cards: Show Yours

[MattyC]

That Palmer and the 54 Bowman Mick might take the cake for undergraded.

I too, have shared that bittersweet feeling of an undergraded card. Amazing at the time of purchase, but the second you own it, you want that baby to get the grade it deserves. So here are my own cards that did not get the proper love from the graders on their Judgment Day...

Here's my color commentary on each...

1. Ruth: Hello, Mr. Grader. Do you have eyes? Okay, then, so you can see this is not your normal 1, and thus this is precisely what the 1.5 grade is for. I mean, facryin'outloud, it slaughters the eye appeal of most higher grades, which are usually like 80-20 and creased to hell. The back is not mauled by any means. So why the 1? I know what your technical guide says, but isn't there subjectivity in this grading game? I mean, you tell me it's subjective and that's why you charge me for reviews, but then when I review it you say you can't be subjective and have to follow the technical guidelines. I hate you.

2. Aaron: Hey, grader, how you been-- what? A 4? Oh, c'mon, guy! How many Aarons have three equally sized white borders? Where's the love?

3. Clemente: Really, grader? 6.5? So without the .5 system, this would be in its rightful 7 all day. Shame on you. You were supposed to grade the Clemente, not the hottest chick you've ever taken home.

4. 57 Mick: Oh, hello there, grader (pronounced, "NEWMAN!" a la Seinfeld). I see you still suck. Find me focus and centering like this in another 5? Trick question, you dick, because this is really a 6.

5. Ryan RC: Oh, hello again, grader. I see that apparently you still have not gotten laid. Surely had you busted that coagulated clam chowder nut last night on that mediocre land monster at the Hooters bar, you would have been fair to the sickest centered Ryan around and given it an 8.5!

6. 74 Ryan: Ah. You again. Thanks for the 8. I can see you are routinely short by one. So how about next time you buy a lotto ticket for a dollar and give the guy a ten, he gives you back eight bucks? Would you like that? Dick.

7. 75 Brett: You know, why do I bother? You just had to withhold the 10, didn't you? Withholding, just like my mother and wife. You just couldn't stand to make a guy 15k with the entry of a number, could you. So now, know what happens? I'm gonna crack this card out and slash you with its razor corners. There. Oh, thanks-- now your blood is gonna get it an ST when I resubmit.

8. 79 Molitor: Clearly I'm a masochist. Why am I here again, asking for your opinion, when I know you won't give me the 10. You're just gonna blue ball me with this 9, and keep me coming back, wining and dining you. Until I'm broke. Will I ever learn? I kind of feel the way I feel when I say, "I'm never drinking again."