An ebay thief who got caught

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Posted By: Jodi Birkholm

<<THE CHARGE WAS THEFT OF 1O,000 OR MORE THERE WAS NO FRAUD INVOLVED IN THE CHARGE CAN'T YOU PEOPLE GET THE FACTS CORRECT.>>

Let's deconstruct this statement in an effort to make you a better person.

1. When attempting to type the symbol for "zero" (as in, "you are a..."), it is best to use the properly designated computer key, as opposed to the capital "O" which you apparently chose for the first zero, as in "Off to score some meth I go, tra-la-la-la-la!". This key can be fairly easily located to the NNE of the key you used in error. You will face less mockery this way.

2. Sentences that are designed to pose a question are normally concluded using a question mark. They are really neat-looking, squiggly little things that look like this:

?

The key to employ this feature can be found between the period key and the right-hand shift key. Unfortunately, this is where things can be a smidge tedious. In order to type a "?", you must use another hand to depress one of the two shift keys. I would recommend the left. Perhaps someone on "Yahoo! Answers" might be able to suggest an easier method, but I can only think of the difficult, two-step process which I have detailed. FYI, the left-hand "shift" key can be found directly above your much-loved "caps lock" key (THE ONE THAT LETS YOU DO THIS!!!).

3. Your run-on backsass is actually two or three separate sentences. Acceptable versions are as follows:

"The charge was theft of $10,000 or more. There was no fraud involved in the charge. Can't you people
get the facts correct?"

or

"The charge was theft of $10,000 or more; there was no fraud involved in the charge. Can't you people
get the facts correct?"

Semi-colons can be quite challenging sometimes. To prevent further punctuational infractions, I would politely suggest using the simpler, first option detailed above.

4. Now it's time for us to get to the heart of your problem. The solution is actually quite simple. On your computer's keyboard, please locate the key which most resembles the following illustration:



Simply mash one stubby finger upon its top surface to deactivate! In an effort to maintain proper keyboard hygiene, I would kindly suggest utilizing some sort of moist towelette to remove any leftover Little Debbie Snack Cake particulate prior to trying this out.

There! That's it! I saved you from the tedium of having to endure a challenging eighteen-month course at DeVry. I hope this has been educational for you. Best of luck to you in your future!

Pen: 1
Sword: O