Phone Call of a Lifetime

[JollyElm]

When moving a bunch of years ago, we had garbage cans and a dumpster out front on the street being crammed with a crapload of stuff, including an untold number of boxes filled with 80's/90's junk era cards (this was before there were separate recycling carts). Just decided to get rid of them once and for all.

Early on, scavengers started appearing, 'casually' looking through the receptacles as my brothers and I took a break for lunch. When one of them stumbled across the first shoebox of cards, I told my girlfriend, "Watch this. Now they got the cardboard fever and are full of hope that Mantles are awaiting them. Too late to stop now!! Ha ha!!!" And sure enough the guy immediately began furiously digging through that box, and his eyes kept darting side to side, looking around, waiting for someone to tell him the cards were off-limits. He couldn't believe his 'luck,' and carefully placed the combed-through box on the ground at his feet, as if staking a claim and telling the others, "This garbage can here is mine!!" Then the digging started everywhere, and it looked like ants suddenly coming across the delicious carcass of a dead yellow jacket. We enjoyed watching the rummaging intensify, because these people were dressed nicely and had much nicer cars than mine, so they obviously weren't down on their luck, hoping to find a working lamp to save a few bucks. Nope, they were vultures. Box after box they pulled out and dug through, greedily keeping the cardboard alms away from the other buzzards. "Mine!! Mine!! Mine!!" There's nothing better than seeing nothing but a guy's Dockers and the bottom of his Polo shirt as he buries himself deeply into a disgusting garbage can, trying desperately to reach the stuff at the bottom.

In the end, they kept a decent amount of the useless junk cards (I probably took out all of the stars), which was bizarre in its own right. Perhaps they wanted to give the boxes a better look through while enjoying a Manhattan out by their pool? Who knows.

Hope is a dangerous thing, and to this day we refer to that afternoon as an episode of 'CSI: Disappointment.'