The New Directory of Collectorisms...

[JollyElm]

Every year the major dictionaries add new words to keep up with the times. You might have heard "Amirite," or "social distancing" or "ish."

Well, I believe the collecting world's dictionary needs a facelift, too. So I present for your perusal, 2020's Collectorisms Part I (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)

If you enjoy puns and wordplay with some pseudo-portmanteaus thrown in as well, then make your way down the page and grab some giggles!!!


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #27 and read it so you will understand that although this thread is rife with biting commentary, it is for entertainment purposes only. Most of us here will recognize all fifty of these collectorisms. In fact, we should see ourselves in quite a few of them!!


And away we go...


1. Atlantic Pity
The feeling of angst associated with people living west of the Mississippi who know The National is never going to be held anywhere near their hometown.

See also: Califortunate - the excitement felt by people on the West Coast who know flying to an East Coast show means they will finally be able to escape their families for a precious few days.

See also: Hobroken - hating that The National is once again being held in Atlantic City, NJ.

2. Repicturate (also Déjà View)
When somebody posts a card in the official monthly “Pick-ups” thread, but also seeks out and finds a secondary thread to post the exact same pic (and write up) in to garner additional attention and fuel their self-gratification.

3. Frumpster Diving
The love and appreciation of lower grade, ‘unattractive’ cards.

See also: Velocicraptor or Caardvark - a person who happily hunts for those types of cards.

4. Grandpoppycock
When an eBay seller uses statements such as “Attic Find!!!” or “My Grandfather’s Cards!!!” to lend credence to their attempt to hornswoggle potential buyers.

5. Donfrusstration
The disappointment you feel after posting an expensive, high grade vintage HOFer for trade, and a member tries to talk you into swapping it for a stack of 1980’s commons.

See also: Farcissist - a person so laughably full of himself that he actually believes he can ‘cleverly’ talk someone into trading a great card of theirs away for merely nothing.

6. Slabnetiquette
Disclosing relatively minor things, such as that there are scratches on the case, or maybe a card should’ve actually received a lower grade than it has and other honest acknowledgements.

See also: Slabnotiquette - stating how something in a scan that looks like a crease, bend, or an artifact, is on the holder itself and not on the card.

7. Impostonator
When someone basically writes the ‘CliffsNotes’ version of the exact same thing you already wrote in the thread about 10 posts earlier.

See also: Cardsternation - the feeling you get when the above happens and people have the nerve to pat him (not you!) on the back and say, “Well said!”

8. Poptical Illusion (also Lemongrade)
When someone is offering a card for sale, but completely and utterly overstates what grade they think it would receive if it was ever sent in to a TPG...when it so obviously doesn’t stand a chance of getting anywhere near that number.

9. Tangenda
The purposeful derailment of a thread in order to steer it in the direction you personally want it to go.

10. Buyromania
When a member shows a bunch of really expensive cards he’s recently purchased, and you can’t help but wonder, “Where the heck does this guy get the money to purchase these extravagant things??!!”

11. Waxative
An old, supposedly unopened pack you spent a crapload of money on (see what I did there?) that shoots out nothing but off-centered commons and was undoubtedly fraudulently repackaged and resealed.

See also: Christmiss - spending way too much on (and falling for) one of those special ‘Holiday’ rack packs that pop up on eBay with ultimately nothing but commons in it.

See also: Gumstruck - the complete ‘surprise’ you feel while viewing a YouTube ‘pack break’ video and the person doing the opening once again utters a lame joke about putting the stale, ancient stick of gum in his mouth.

See also: Bamgloozled - discovering that one of your 'unopened' wax packs was rewrapped or resealed before you owned it.

12. Preambling Man
Someone feeling the need to state something at the start of a new thread to the effect of, “Leon, if this is in the wrong section, please feel free to move it,” or “If this topic has already been covered before, I apologize.”

13. Toppspedoed
Enthusiastically posting what is just a phenomenal card for you...but the next person adding their new ‘pick-up’ to the thread just completely blows yours out of the water.

See also: Prewarpedoed - same as above, but with extremely old cards.

See also: Hypnopic - a scan of a card that makes you so jealous you can’t stop staring at it.

14. Cardtagonist
A person starting a thread to ask for opinions on some aspect of a card he owns, and then reacting angrily to anyone whose opinion differs from his own or doesn’t tell him what he wants to hear.

See also: Trimwit - a person who refuses to believe that his short, undoubtedly altered card has spent time with an X-Acto knife.

15. Shambellisher (also Hyperbumpic)
Someone who declares enthusiastically that the card he’s offering for sale is definitely a candidate for a regrade (presumably to a higher, more valuable number).

16. Koquak (also Fauxtographer or Failface)
After someone starts a “Does anyone know who this player is??” thread, this person’s guess isn’t anywhere even remotely close to having a resemblance to the person being asked about, as if he just picked a random name out of the Baseball Almanac and posted it.

See also: Clueless Joe - a person who’s convinced any player pictured in an old B/W photograph is Joe Jackson.

17. Exhauction
The state of seeing yet another person asking which auction house they should work with to sell their collection.

18. Hearing Graid
When feeling uncertain about the price you paid for a card in a slab, you seek satisfaction, support, and compliments by asking if the card/grade you purchased was a good deal.

19. Newbummer
When someone starts a jovial, well thought out ‘new member introduction’ thread and ends up receiving scant few “Welcome aboard!” replies.

See also: Lurkie-loo - a person who notes in their introduction how long they’ve been a lurker before joining the site.

20. Boardswarmer
A person who is so self-absorbed that they feel they MUST (often immediately) post in every single thread imaginable, regardless of whether or not they have anything pertinent to add to the topic.

See also: Post-it Dope - a person who clearly chimes in for no other reason than to up his post count number.

21. Flipwreck
When someone posts a picture of a graded card that the TPG wrongly slabbed as an original and not the reprint it truly is.

See also: Mis-slabelled - having a technical error on the flip that needs to be corrected.

22. Copy-triter
Someone who, instead of speaking like a normal human being, constantly throws out overused, stale or ‘expected’ phrases such as “Thanks for sharing,” “Buy the card, not the slab,” “Collect whatever makes you happy,” etc.

See also: Iconoghast - a person who can’t seem to post something without using the word “iconic.”

23. Mycophant (also Twenty Four/#7)
A person who only cares about cards, memorabilia or topics associated with their reverence for and obsession with Mickey Mantle.

See also: Micrepresentation - the refusal to acknowledge the fact you only want Mantle cards because of their huge resale value and potential return on investment (ROI).

See also: Inmantleize - once again condescendingly referring to basic Mickey Mantle card facts that we’ve heard a million times before, i.e., “The 1952 Topps is not his rookie card,” or “The 1965 Topps World Series Game 3 ‘Mantle's Clutch HR’ card actually shows him missing the pitch...and it wrongly shows Bob Gibson pitching in that game!!!”

24. Pandoragami
A troublesome form of art where the goal is to figure out how to effectively ‘straighten’ bent corners and flatten out wrinkles and creases in cardboard.

25. The War of the Discloses
The eternal, ongoing debate of whether or not the price of a card sold in the B/S/T section should be kept in the thread for posterity’s sake, or removed by the seller.

26. Discomslabulation
When a person posts the specific reasons why he prefers one TPG over another, and then someone else gives their specific reasons why they DON’T prefer that selfsame TPG.

See also: Sponsorflip - asking for opinions on what’s the best Third Party Grader to go with.

27. Obliviot
Someone who reacts angrily to a post that was obviously, unmistakably intended to be facetious, playful, or sarcastic. Apparently, he is unable to tell something is supposed to be humorous unless a suitable emoji tells him it is.

28. Warpal Tunnel Syndrome
The condition that leads a person - NO MATTER WHAT THE SUBJECT BEING DEBATED IS - to make every agument based on their obsession with the theoretical stat of WAR and/or other advanced sabermetric statistics.

See also: Troubawar - a person who sings the praises of these stats while arguing about modern day players whose entire careers we all witnessed firsthand!!

See also: Whipshit - someone who claims the theoretical stat of WAR isn’t actually a theoretical stat.

29. Masquergrade
When a person asks if they should send a high-grade card in for a regrade, in the hopes it might receive an even higher grade...and you get the feeling it’s just a ploy to hear everyone sing the praises of the card in its current holder.

30. Dean-noser (also Dreckonomist)
A person who, in the face of all common sense, always feels compelled to praise the well-known and heavily discussed eBay rip-off artists who laughably try to sell their cards for ten times as much as everyone else.

31. Greed-to-Know Basis
When a ‘for sale’ thread doesn’t list any prices or include any scans of the available cards, and you’re supposed to e-mail the seller for the information. You know full well that everything is going to be waaaay overpriced.

32. Baddition
When a person makes a point of specifically expressing how surprised he is that his thread has gotten so many views without any answers, information or offers given (if something is for sale), while just ignoring the fact most people regularly ‘look’ at threads simply to mark them as read and clear the board.

33. Prethumbtion
Basing initial opinions and/or summing up a member based solely on the thumbnail-sized picture he chose as his avatar.

See also: Misfaced - on the rare occasions that you see actual photographs of other members, the shock and surprise of realizing they look nothing like you thought they would.

34. Redempathy (or Karmaget’im (informal))
Feeling extremely bad for a member who has spelled out how someone stole his card or otherwise ripped him off, while also hoping very strongly that the thief gets his ass handed to him.

35. Countdrown
Trying to work through all the math (and the seller’s specific verbiage) to determine the exact hour, minute and second an auction in the “Live Auctions” section actually ends in your time zone.

36. Tsu-name-i
Asking whether or not an autograph is legitimate and getting no responses until someone finally chimes in with their opinion...and then everyone quickly jumps on board to agree with that particular poster.

37. Overly Prebumptuous
The hope that bumping your thread will somehow revitalize it and get it going again.

See also: Affabumpity - specifically using the term “Friendly bump.”

38. Purvnayor
A member who starts a thread to specifically call out the shenanigans of an eBay user name.

See also: Peddlemeddle - to wonder whether a member’s attempt to identify an eBay user is for a good reason or a bad reason.

39. Baldersplash
The comments of someone who believes ‘soaking’ is nothing short of card doctoring.

40. Satisflacktion
The delight in seeing a member you are none too fond of taking heat and criticism in a thread.

41. Bitchhiker
Someone who climbs aboard a thread only to complain and/or moan about it, instead of simply passing it by and moving on to something else.

See also: Ejector Feat - a post that tells him to get lost.

42. Disrecarded
Asking for a thread to be deleted, but it remains there untouched forevermore.

43. Black Swamp and Circumstance
The joy felt by obtaining a card that has its association with a noted collector or historical find stated right on the label.

44. Inqualerance
The refusal to deal with any graded cards that have letter combinations such as “OC,” “ST” or “PD” on the labels.

45. Statutory Hype
When a seller brags (truthfully) that his card has “POP of Only 2!!!”...but neglects to state that it’s only because the card is low grade. Every grade higher than that one actually has hundreds of cards in the population report.

46. Cornographic
When a seller overly stresses how sharp the corners are...when anyone can see they are actually as sharp as a butter knife.

47. Verminally Ill
Being sick to death that the most pathetic card doctor parasites the world has ever seen are still allowed to flourish and freely prosper on eBay.

48. Salivulturating
When a newbie shows up to innocently look for advice about a collection of cards that somehow landed on his lap, and you know his in-box is becoming a feeding frenzy of activity as members PM him in an attempt to ‘free’ him of this new cardboard burden.

See also: Pillage Idiot (slang) - a person engaged in the above activity.

See also: Descendon’t - a person who has inherited a baseball card collection, but does not know anything about the hobby.

49. Cryptochecklister
A person engaged in trying to decipher what set a curiously ‘new’ and never-seen-before card is from.

See also: Sternscholar - a person trying to piece together what an old set’s printing sheets looked like by unlocking the secrets found on the backs of the cards.

50. Pictitious
When Photoshop was used to greatly improve the outward appearance of a baseball card for sale.



If people dig this thread, then I will quickly jump into getting Part II ready.




Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the board...I present to you 2020's Collectorisms Part II (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** I can't say this strongly enough. This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!

The story, all names, characters, and/or incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, and none should be inferred.


I encourage anyone stopping by to first scroll down and read #119, to know what the heck you're in for.



And we're off to the races...


51. Smiled Goose Chase
When a seller excitedly sees there’s a new post in his ‘for sale’ thread, but instead of being a buy offer, it’s only someone cheerfully saying, “Nice card. Good luck with the sale.”

52. Acute Bartisyndrome
The compulsion to amass a huge stockpile of the exact same card (and therefore corner the market on it).

See also: Finish Whine - being unable to complete your set due to the actions of someone suffering from the above.

53. Ebaysion
Hiding your auction purchases from your wife, girlfriend or significant other.

54. Shark Infested Borders (slang)
A card that is missing small pieces of the corners and/or sides.

55. Matrisnide
A bitter, rueful post talking about how pissed you were that your mother threw out your baseball cards.

See also: Motherwise - any statement that ruefully begins with “If only my mom hadn’t thrown at my cards...”

See also: Patripride - posting something that includes warm memories of your father’s influence on your card collecting.

56. Poppy Love
Ignoring what a card looks like and buying it only for the number on the slab.

See also: Numberjack - a person suffering from the above.

57. Fail Mary
Throwing up a huge, last minute snipe bid and still not winning the auction.

58. Digitor
Someone who quickly stops into a thread to add “+1” to it.

See also: Addnumeralator - inserting a non-standard word or number after the plus sign (i.e., “+1000” or “+ Infinity”)

59. Small Photatoes
Players who are so easily forgotten about that they appear on rookie cards in multiple years.

See also: Knucklestaller - the person at Topps who decided Gaylord Perry should appear on a multi-player rookie card the year after he had his own ‘regular’ card.

60. Met Dream
The desire to own a Tom Seaver rookie card.

61. “Remember the Paypalamo!”
The war cry of people who have been screwed over by using (or letting buyers use) PayPal Friends & Family instead of Goods & Services.

See also: Threepercenters - those who insist that potential buyers include the additional funds required to cover PayPal fees.

62. Behuddled (also Whoknows Tackle)
Looking through a stack of old football cards, and besides obvious names like Franco Harris or Joe Namath, having no clue whatsoever if any of these guys (playing all sorts of bizarre positions) are Hall of Famers.

63. Barnacling - ignoring the real ‘value’ of a card you have available for sale and sticking firmly, come hell or high water, to your bottom sell price, because it’s the amount you originally (over)paid for it.

See also: Bookscorner - a vendor who quotes high book value prices on every one of his cards, no matter what condition they’re actually in.

64. Mine! Field
Checking a post with cards for sale and seeing that many of them were already quickly scooped up, as they have “SOLD” typed next to them.

65. Schwinnterloper
The baseball card a kid sticks in his bicycle spokes.

See also: Spokelore - the dubious claim that you remember sticking a 1952 Mickey Mantle or Jackie Robinson card in your spokes as a kid.

See also: Schwinntennial - a person who reached young adulthood at the time it was popular to put baseball cards in bicycle spokes.

66. Two-Face Value
The love of severely miscut cards that include big pieces of other cards on them.

See also: “Double-Trunc” - a card which contains two or more significant (truncated) portions of separate cards.

See also: Phantomweight - the additional value a tobacco card garners by having a ghosted image on it.

See also: Polterheist - getting a great deal on one of these cards.

67. Picrimony
When you see a certain member’s avatar in a thread and immediately wonder, “What’s this guy complaining about THIS time?!!”

See also: Skipnore - instead of placing a member on your ‘ignore’ list, you decide to simply scroll right by his posts every time you see his screenname.

68. Peter Pantheon
The group of cards that live on in your heart as a wonderful memory, because you’ve kept them and loved them ever since you were a kid.

See also: Peter Panacea - knowing that no matter how much life gets you down, you can always find a cure for what ails you by opening up one of your old binders and quickly returning to the joy you felt as a kid collecting baseball cards.

69. Cornivore
A collector who puts the condition of corners above all other factors.

70. Mistookalike
A photo or illustration of a player on a card that isn’t actually the player whose name appears on the card.

71. Counterintelli-gents
Guys who purposefully post misleading information in an attempt to curtail other people’s interest (and eliminate potential rival bidders) in a card they want to win off eBay.

72. Dreadshot
Any bland, uninteresting Topps card that features nothing but the noggin of the ballplayer.

See also: Nomad Hatter - a card showing a player on his ‘new’ team, sporting a badly airbrushed cap.

73. Documental Midget
A person believing that any random Certificate Of Authenticity (COA) accompanying a piece makes it 100% legitimate.

See also: Rusepaper - a COA seemingly printed on the seller’s home computer.

74. Auramatic
Having the pleasingly fragrant, musty old cardboard scent which returns you to the wonders of your card collecting childhood.

75. Monochrofanatic (also Nunner)
An exuberant collector of old black and white cards and/or photographs.

See also: Panda-monium (or B/Wmusement) - the enjoyment of such pieces.

76. The Marlboro Boogeyman
The inability to confirm that a player on a tobacco card can be found with a certain back.

77. Walk-Off Moanrun
When a member is in a thread arguing with everybody and he ultimately states, “This will be my final post in this thread. I am outta here.”

78. Bent Franklin (slang)
A heavily creased or wrinkled card that you spent over a hundred dollars on.

79. Poolhardy
Spending a good amount of money buying slots in an organized ‘vintage set break,’ even though you know full well you’re going to walk away with the most common, worthless cards in the set.

See also: Emcee-headed - the host of the setbreak who has no clue how to pronounce the old ballplayer names as he reads out the cards.

80. The Gone-Too-Soon Landing (also Mourn Shot)
The race to be the first person to reach the main page and start a laudatory thread about a HOF’er who passed away that day.

81. John Wilkes Bruth
Someone using a last minute snipe bid to try to win a Bambino card.

See also: Ruthache - realizing your bid wasn’t high enough to win the card.

See also: Grassy Null - waiting until the final moments to bid hugely, but a second sniper suddenly comes out of nowhere to quash your bid and win the auction.

82. Left Hand of Fate (also Whitey Bored)
The fact that Topps seemingly had no other choice but to feature Whitey Ford holding out his southpaw towards the camera in the very same pose year after year after year.

See also: Gobbledybrook - having no idea what Topps was thinking when they put out Brooks Robinson’s 1958 card.

See also: Incomprejennsive - not being able to understand how any sentient human being doesn’t get completely annoyed every time they see yet another Hughie Jennings card showing his mouth wide open and his hands flying all over the place, apparently shouting, "Ee-Yah!"

83. Deniedsmaid
A person who was beaten by a single bid in an auction they were really hoping to win.

84. Backflippant
Having no qualms whatsoever about sending in a card for a regrade...but it ultimately comes back with a lower number on the label.

85. Ombidsman
The person at eBay who is supposedly investigating the fraudulent auctions that members report.

86. Sigfoot Hoax
When somebody asks members to specifically point out how they can tell an expensive autograph is a phony, and you get the sneaking feeling he’s only trying to pick up tips on how to better improve his penwork and forgery craft.

See also: Bicanery - pointing out an obvious forgery due to what type of pen was used.

87. Scangling
The process of slanting a card in the light to examine its surface.

See also: Tilt Jilt - angling a card in the sunlight and finding a wrinkle you never realized was there.

88. Traidorous
The feeling of treachery you get when seeing pictures or cards of an all time great dressed in the uniform of a rival team he was dumped off to in the twilight of his career.

89. Gregg Jeffleece
A person who, blinded by dollar signs, poured a ton of money into buying up the rookie cards of a player with a huge potential...only to ultimately end up losing his shirt in the endeavor.

See also: Phenomecon - the hyped-up sales strategy of eBayers trying to turn every single rookie player into the next Willie Mays or Mickey Mantle.

See also: Trout Pout - feeling remorse and anguish that you missed the chance to load up on Mike Trout rookie cards before the explosion in sales prices occurred.

See also: Inhastement - quickly jumping in to buy an expensive, red hot card that you know will be a great investment, but each time you then check out the latest sales price data for the card, the number just keeps getting lower and lower and lower...

90. Suspended Chime-in-ation
Taking too long to write a post, so when you finally hit ‘submit,’ you see that someone else has already either said the same thing as you or posted answers to the questions you were asking.

91. Not Telling the Hole Story
Getting a great deal on a card, but when it arrives you see there’s a pinhole in it that you didn’t notice in the auction photos.

See also: Poke Cloak - when a seller purposely doesn’t mention that a card has a pinhole in it.

92. STD (Scammer Transmitted Disease) (also Crabs Grab)
Feeling repulsed when you see that somebody on the site posted a card they purchased from one of the notorious card-doctoring eBay sellers.

93. Gratifriction
The enjoyment one gets when purposefully posting something that he knows will piss people off and start arguments.

See also: Bickerwish - a low-life who’s always seeking the above.

94. Scotchdog
An expert in the removal of tape and associated residue from old cards and photographs.

95. 20,000 Major Leaguers Under the Sea (also Let Them Eat Wake)
The spurious tale of Sy Berger and Woody Gelman dumping cases of 1952 high numbers into the Atlantic Ocean.

96. Beginners Pluck
Centering your collection around picking up HOF rookie cards.

97. Gattling Bidder
With a bunch of auctions all ending in quick succession one after another, a person figuring out how to get all of his bids in on time.

See also: Gattling Nun - someone praying to God that all of their bids get in before the close.

98. Coffee Fable
Using a pot of Taster’s Choice or Maxwell House to artificially age a reprint in order to pass it off as real.

99. Screenstab
Taking a wild guess as to WTF a member’s user name means.

100. Coopersclown
Anyone arguing that there’s a place in the Hall of Fame for obvious steroids-users.

See also: Blockbarry - someone who wants no part of the ‘Barry Bonds belongs in The Hall’ debate.

See also: Roid Sage - a person condescendingly repeating the obligatory old chestnut, “Barry Bonds had HOF numbers way before he ever started juicing.”

101. Sheetrock Your World (also Drywally Grail)
The dream of every collector to one day find a precious and valuable cache of old baseball cards hidden behind a wall.

See also: Hopin’ House (slang) - walking into an old building and wondering if there are tobacco cards secreted somewhere in the walls.

See also: Collectromagnetic Radiation (futuristic) - how people will eventually be able to see if there are any cards hidden inside of any wall they look at.

102. Junkler (also Junkthusiast)
Someone digging through a shoebox full of old, worn out cards at a garage sale or flea market, hoping to find a jewel hidden amongst the rubbish.

103. Rays of Might
Asking whether a card is a ‘missing ink’ variation or just a card affected by overexposure to sunlight.

See also: Sunblather - trying to convince someone that an obviously sun-bleached card is a rare, missing ink variation.

See also: Fraudosynthesis - leaving a card out in the sun for a long time, and then attempting to convert the inevitable color fading into the energy of big-time dollar signs by calling it a ‘missing ink’ variation.

See also: Sunspurn - not buying the bogus story being sold to you about a 'missing ink' card.

See also: Varbitration - the ongoing argument over what actually constitutes a true error or variation card.

See also: Windiana Jones - a person blowing smoke while trying to convince everyone that his newfound discovery of a minor print anomaly is an earthshakingly rare variation.

104. Ascentigrade
After submitting your cards, the blind hope that the ‘bad’ graders are on vacation, so your cards will receive higher numbers.

105. BV Guide
A thread containing opinions on which of the sites involved in tracking and updating auction sales price data is the finest and/or most comprehensive.

106. Reflurishment
Restoring a timeworn artifact, such as a vintage sign or tobacco advertisement, and making it look absolutely gorgeous, almost better than the original.

107. Coslaboration
When you start a thread complaining about the grade your card received...and one after another members chime in to say, “No, it definitely looks like it got the exact right grade.”

108. Dual Bidizenship
Placing bids because you need a card for your collection, but also realizing you may be able to get it at such a good price that you can quickly flip it for a nice profit.

109. Ambookvaluance
Feeling happy when a member posts a great new pick-up, but at the same time wanting to search out the auction on eBay to see how much the schmuck overpaid for the card.

110. Rantebellum
The argument that cards up to the mid-1950’s should also be referred to as pre-war, because they predate our involvement in the Vietnam Conflict.

111. Mobb
A group of people competing against each other to win a Ty Cobb card.

See also: Snobb or Cobblehead (informal) - a person only interested in Cobb cards and memorabilia.

See also: Squobble - the argument regarding which T206 portrait is more desirable, the red or the green.

See also: Hatchet Cobb (also ScornCobb Gripe) - the evolution of Ty Cobb’s reputation and ‘good’ name being cleared up after the sensationalized and fictional tales told by Al Stump.

112. Certified Post Accounter
Someone who refers a member to a specific numbered post in the same thread to get the information they were asking about.

113. Whowunit?
A caper seeking to find out if it was a net54 member who won a certain auction, so you can attempt to buy a specific piece of it off of him.

114. Post Cardum Wahoos
The overwhelming jubilation you feel as you open up your mailbox to see that your latest eBay purchases have arrived.

115. Title Waive
Opening the main page and knowing exactly what new threads you can skip right over based solely on the subject line.

116. Kudossier
The pics of your collection you keep on hand as you seek out any excuse to once again post them in any semi-suitable thread to elicit compliments from other members.

117. Celebragtory
Posting a hugely expensive or treasured card in the new pick-ups thread without including any verbiage with it. The picture not only speaks for itself, but also makes everyone jealous.

118. Fincremental
Receiving a .5 bump in your card’s grade.

119. Cardilepsy
The fear that reading a newly posted long thread will only put you to sleep.

120. Great Smite North
Not considering the O-Pee-Chee cards of our northern neighbors to be ‘real’ cards.

121. Farther Christmas (also Ho Ho Holy Crap! or Santa Applause)
Taking part in the yearly 'Secret Santa' gift exchange, and being given something that goes way beyond what you were ever expecting to receive.

See also: Reverse Grinching (slang) - the act of sending out a very generous, bountiful gift.

See also: Lite Christmas (rarely used) - fearing the person who chose your name is going to stiff you.

See also: MistleWHOA! - feeling so joyful that you want to kiss the guy who sent you such a perfect gift.


And now my brain is total mush. I've put everything I got into this cyber-tome, so you better frickin' enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



On base, no one can hear you scream...so I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part III (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** I can't say this strongly enough. This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!

No animals were harmed in the making of this tome.


I encourage anyone stopping by to first scroll down and read #200, to understand what's going on here.



And the horses are on the track...


122. Omissionary (also Ballcard Faced Lie)
A person who purposefully lists a card as a PSA 9, even though it is actually a PSA 9 OC.

123. Fly-Over Greats (also The Overbook Hotel or Cases Loaded)
A show table full of beautiful Hall of Famer cards, but there’s not a single price tag anywhere to be seen, so you know everything is super-exorbitant and you decide to just pass it on by.

See also: Villainventory - a vendor’s table at a card show with just ridiculously high prices.

124. Ban of the Year Roast (also Adrianaline Rush)
A thread where people gleefully celebrate a certain member being kicked off of the site.

See also: Defrostracized - when a member is allowed to return after a temporary banning.

125. Roopthink
People who want their sets to only be housed in the finest binders available.

126. Fait Tobaccompli (also Tobaccomplish)
Finishing a particular run of T206 backs.

See also: Gnarley Horse - an ultra rare back that stops your full run attempt dead in its tracks.

127. Backslacker
Someone who doesn’t include a scan of the reverse of a card in an auction.

See also: Backnowledgement - a request to see a scan of the back of the card.

See also: Fifty-Nifty - a card with beautiful front centering, but having an MC qualifier because the other half (the back) is slightly miscut.

128. Syntaxperation
Being driven absolutely bonkers with frustration whenever you see a blatantly obvious misspelled word in a thread title...and it never gets corrected by the OP, even though it’s been there for days, weeks, months or forever!!!

See also: Premature Ecliculation - someone who typed so quickly he didn’t even notice the dumb misspellings and other errors he posted.

See also: Peacemik - a collector who is somehow able to summon the restraint needed NOT to blow a gasket every time someone incorrectly spells Mantle as “Mantel.”

See also: Grammar Yahtzee (also Five-Fool Player) - seeing a single post that contains no fewer than five misspellings and/or misuses of the words you’re/your, they’re/there/their, too/to/two or than/then.

129. Popo Dei Papi (Ital.)
The highest graded example of a card.

130. Digilantes
The ‘investigators’ who expose nefarious trim jobs that led to higher regrades.

See also: Good Pop/Bad Pop - the before and after pictures used to prove their case.

See also: Popdusted - when a slab’s overly ‘frosted edges’ indicates it has been compromised and the card inside has probably been switched.

See also: Phoenicks - a lower grade card that was shown to be trimmed and resubmitted to rise again as a high grade card.

131. Tenzing Noway
A person who knows he’ll never reach the top of the mountain and complete the 1952 Topps set due to the oxygen-depriving cost of the high numbers.

132. Caught Booking
When you ask a dealer, “How much for this card?,” and he immediately buries his face in the latest Beckett guide to establish his unreasonable price.

See also: Guide & Seek - trying to convince a seller that his price on a card you want is just preposterously higher than the supposed book value.

See also: Telefomenting - hotly showing past sales data sites on your cell phone to a dealer at a card show to prove that his asking price is simply outrageous.

133. Unfull Count (also Middle Deceiver)
When you buy a complete set and find there are cards missing as you flip through the numbers in the cardboard box.

134. Pine Drive (also Objet D’ash or Hickory Channel)
Stopping by an antiques shop in the hopes of stumbling across a valuable or noteworthy old-time wooden bat.

See also: Lumber Jumble - trying to work through the puzzle of figuring out if the bat you own was game used.

135. Going Yardsale (also Slambrosia)
Hitting a home run by finding a treasured card for a cheap price at a local garage sale.

See also: Four Bragger - a guy who makes a find like that and enjoys rubbing everyone’s face in it.

136. Bushleaguered
Once again being completely annoyed by how poorly your favorite team is doing.

137. Porchshort
A package marked as delivered, when it never reached your door. Now you have to try to figure out if it was lost in the mail or delivered to the wrong address, etc.

See also: Stamp of Disapproval - having to argue with the USPS to get the mess sorted out.

138. Gasket Catch
The act of lightly tapping the sides of a holder to gently coax a card back into the slab’s gasket from which it escaped.

139. Excavacation
When someone asks for recommendations on what card shops he should dig around in while visiting a particular city or town.

140. Valley of the Swings
Jumping in and paying more than you would like to for a great card, because you are fearful that prices are going to start escalating soon.

See also: Elevator Grab - buying a card at a deliciously cheaper-than-expected price right in the middle of an upsurge.

141. Gin Dummy
Being liquored up and making some very dubious after-midnight purchase decisions on eBay.

142. Squish-Scrood
A card that you realize has spent so much time being flattened down in a screw-down holder that it will never get a grade other than “Authentic.”

143. Paintheartedness
After someone proudly shows off the artwork of their favorite ballplayer they’ve picked up, you just don’t have the heart to tell him how god-awful it looks, with distorted features and other patently obvious problems.

See also: Scrunchvision - when the subject’s eyes are indisputably, dreadfully much too close together.

144. Discounterpart (also Willie McCoverage or Ubiquitous Erving)
A player who is featured on one or more other cards (of far lesser value) in the same set containing his rookie card.

145. Slabstitute Teacher (slang)
A member who walks newbies through the process of getting cards graded.

146. Pigskinflation
Being priced out of HOF’er football cards that until recently you could’ve picked up for a mere song.

147. The Golden Hurls
Another episode of “Who was the better pitcher?” or a thread discussing which hurlers belong in the Hall of Fame.

148. Cigareverie (also Pipebeam)
Losing yourself in happy wonderment as you think about how somebody over a century ago pulled the very card you are holding out of a pack of cigarettes or tobacco.

See also: Timetrippedup - wishing you could go back in time to grab tobacco cards right out of the packs or see Hall of Famers playing in actual games...but knowing your lazy ass would be exposed as a time traveler by wearing the wrong hat or making too many ‘Seinfeld’ references.

149. Snarkeling
Happening onto a thread that’s on the verge of getting heated, and you start throwing snide comments into the mix to help it boil over.

See also: Butter-Baiter - a person who gleefully stokes the fire by posting an obnoxious ‘popcorn meme’ in the thread.

150. Dismaysed
Finally meeting your all-time favorite ballplayer in person, and it turns out he’s a real jackass.

151. Nyettlesome (also Slabnabbit)
Not understanding why PSA refused to grade a card that seemed to measure out perfectly fine, and returned it to you as “MINSIZREQ.”

152. Laughing Grass (also Yuckwheat)
An auction photo that BOOM!! has a stray pubic hair making a surprise appearance.

See also: Interfurence - when a pic shows all sorts of pet hair in and around the collectible.

153. Goose Pegg
Finding a nice 1973 Topps Rich Gossage rookie card in a cheap ‘bargain bin.’

See also: Winfergreen - a Dave Winfield card with gumstains on it.

See also: Sandy Fauxfax - Claude Osteen’s 1974 Topps card.

See also: Baltimore Swap - the attempt to trade for valuable Frank Robinson cards.

See also: Afrodisiac - seeing a 1976 Oscar Gamble ‘Traded’ card makes you fall in love with the hobby all over again.

See also: Hilearious - chuckling whenever you run across a Don Mossi card.

See also: Officialnado - a lover of the 1955 Bowman umpire cards.

See also: Arbihater or Grumpire - a collector who does not share that same affection.

See also: Moon Swoon - cracking a smile everytime you see Wally Moon’s legenday unibrow.

See also: Neckwhine or Collarmoan - being freaked out by the extreme length of Ed Brinkman’s neck.

154. Poptometrist
Someone who overuses the term “eye appeal” while talking about graded cards.

155. Shuncestry.com (also Conmancestry.com) (theoretical)
A site that examines the ‘DNA’ of a card to see if, before you agree to buy it, it has ever spent time with PWCC or other notorious card doctors.

156. Nostradumbass (also Over/Blunder)
The person whose guess is the most erroneous in any of the ‘predict the ending price of this auction’ contest threads.

157. Running the Gumet
Determining your own personal degree of acceptability when it comes to the various types of stains found on cards, from small amounts of wax/gum residue all the way up to spilled coffee.

See also: Withstanding Eight Count - cracking out a PSA 8 ST card, soaking it or wiping away the schmutz, resubmitting it and getting a straight 8.

See also: Stairway to Seven - the same process as above, but involving a PSA 7 ST card.

See also: Gumbelievable - not being able to figure out why Topps considered itself a chewing gum company and NOT a baseball card company.

158. Discomfortuitous
Stumbling across an incredibly rare, expensive and coveted card (e.g. Babe Ruth, Jackie Robinson or Mickey Mantle) that you can pick up very cheaply and you feel as lucky as all hell...but although the card looks authentic, you just know something is wrong with the situation.

159. Canuck-Do Attitude
The love and appreciation of OPC and other ‘Canadian Version’ cards.

See also: Getting Hosered - quickly hitting the ‘Buy It Now’ button when you see a card at a great price that you need for your set...only to ultimately realize it’s an O-Pee-Chee card and not a Topps card.

See also: Substituque - an OPC card used as a temporary placeholder in your set binder until you can grab the Topps version.

160. Scorehoarding
Amassing boxes and boxes of 1980’s-90’s junk era cards to cut up and use in your artwork.

161. Foresmite (also Pushwhack)
Bidding in an auction you have no intention of winning for no other reason than to drive the price up early and make sure the eventual winner pays much more for the card.

See also: Predatatory - bidding up an auction, because you own the same card and want the sales price realized data to continue climbing upwards, so you’ll be able to eventually sell yours at a nicer and nicer profit.

162. Cappeasement
The way companies were able to skirt around MLB and NFL contractual issues and produce card, stamp and picture sets by simply removing all traces of the logos from the hats, helmets and uniforms.

163. Disparitizing
Coming across a rarer ‘Green Tint’ in a pile of regular 1962 cards, a Milton Bradley in a stack of 1968’s, or a ‘White Letter’ in an album full of 1969’s.

164. Hearse Verse (also Euloguise)
The odd inclusion, since every one of us is going to die at some point, of “Deceased (and the date)” on a graded autograph label.

See also: Loophole Survivor - a graded autograph of a long-dead HOF’er that has no ‘deceased verbiage’ on the slab, because he was still alive when it was submitted.

See also: Cardtouche - the finally deciphered name of the illegible, chicken scrawl autograph you have on a collectible.

165. Nevervescence
Jubilantly talking about the reasons why you refuse to ever add a certain player’s cards to your collection, because you abhor him so.

166. Hofkilter
When every single common card in your full set binder is absolutely gorgeous..but every Hall of Famer, noted rookie, or high numbered card has wrinkles, corner damage and 90/10 centering both ways.

167. Bland-Me-Downs (also Artificial Bittersweetener or Asparlame)
The free extra throw-ins, like shiny new cards or unopened packs from the 90’s, etc., a seller adds to your package to give the impression that he’s really taking care of you, but it’s just a pile of crap.

See also: Second-Handcuffs - since you assume the only reason he’s giving this stuff out is because someone else dumped it on him, you put it aside to pass off to somebody else down the road.

See also: Schlockpile - the overfilled box you throw this useless junk into.

See also: Extra Winnings - the rare event when you actually get something additional that you’re very happy to receive.

168. Etched-in-Groan (also Quotastrophe)
Being way out of line or wrongly complaining about something, but since someone has already ‘quoted’ you in the thread, you can’t easily squeeze out of the mess (and avoid the flood of criticism) via a quick editing job of your original post.

See also: Impugner Eclipse - when a post in a thread just says “deleted” and you’ll never be able to see what kind of nonsense the member was spewing out at someone before ultimately removing the entire thing.

169. Blearious
Auction photos that are so badly out-of-focus that you can’t determine what shape the card is in.

See also: Smalpractice - posting such small pictures (and the zoom feature isn’t activated) that potential bidders can’t make heads or tails out of them.

See also: Scamouflaged - when an eBay seller has a large lot for sale and the main pic shows the cards in piles, and all of the other pictures are just close-ups of those very same piles, not giving the viewer any further information that would be useful.

See also: Cancel Adams (also Annie Leiboshitz or Richard Whathaveudon) - a person who posts such pictures.

170. Nouveau Leech
Someone who, after a famous player dies, immediately floods eBay with a million new, overpriced listings of his cards, trying to quickly turn a huge profit off of his unsuspecting fans’ grief.

See also: Pump-Bump-Chump - a person who falls for this scheme.

171. Pallid Bar
The display and discussion of ‘missing ink’ progressive proof cards.

172. Beckstinguished
Not being able to get a variation graded as a specific error card, because none of the preeminent price guides have officially ‘recognized’ the obvious variation.

173. Detachmentors
Collectors of cards that originally came with tabs or coupons, etc., attached to them.

See also: Tabradour Retriever - a collector who only obtains these cards with all portions being fully intact.

See also: Piecezeal (or Coupgone) - characterized by being open to obtaining such cards with or without those fragments still in place.

174. Lostalgia
Leaving something on your eBay watch list that says “This item is out of stock,” so you will never forget you made a terrible mistake in letting it go.

175. Removey Mogul (also Davy Crackit)
A collector who insists on freeing all of his cards from their TPG holders.

See also: Crackpocket - a collector who must break each of his cards out of their slabs to return them to their natural habitat, ensconced in binder pages.

See also: Crackitect - someone who offers step by step instructions on how to free a card from its plastic prison.

See also: Humblemished - the deflated feeling associated with actually damaging a card during the slab-removal process.

176. Toppleganger
A card which features the same photograph of a player that Topps had already used in a previous year.

See also: Lazyclones - when the same exact picture is used for two straight years.

See also: Croppleganger (slang) - when that same photograph has been resized and/or cropped differently than the other time(s) it was used.

See also: Double Gum - when they use the same exact photo for a player in multiple sets/inserts in the same year.

177. Boomerwrangler
A person so angered by the grade his card received, that he immediately cracks it out and resubmits it right back to the place it just came from in hopes of receiving the higher grade it deserves.

See also: Boonerang (informal) - having a card regraded and it actually comes back at a higher number.

178. Bobgoblin
The bone of contention regarding whether Topps used the name ‘Bob’ on Roberto Clemente cards due to prejudice or because it’s the common shortening of a name such as Robert.

179. Clinchpin
When the last card needed to finally complete your set is one of the most expensive to obtain.

See also: Satisfind - grabbing a card that falls well shy of your usual set and condition parameters, but it will have to do for the time being.

See also: Weakest Brink - when the last card you need to finish your set is some hard-to-find, random, no-name scrub you’ve never even heard of before.

180. Sigh Young (also Old at Heart)
Being greatly disturbed by seeing Cy Young’s paunchy old man body on cards and in pictures, and wondering how in heck he could’ve ever won even a single game.

181. Yukstaposition (Also Ron Tompgrins, Jerry Amuseman, Bill Dene-Hee-Hee, Al Weiscrack or Ron Slay)
How some people try to get laughs by referring to the Johnny Bench, Nolan Ryan, Tom Seaver, Pete Rose, or Mike Schmidt rookie cards by using one-of-the-other-players-pictured’s names instead.

182. Covertigo
The uneasy feeling you get when you suspect the person who started a glowing thread about a card on eBay is actually the owner and seller of said card and is trying to keep it under the radar.

183. Unbridled Trekstacy
Looking absolutely forward to travelling a long way to attend a certain card show.

184. Nicokeen (also Spitloon)
A collector who loves picking up cards slathered in ancient tobacco residue or blotched with Cracker Jack stains.

185. Deals on Wheels
An eBay auction that proclaims, “Benefits charity.”

186. Greenbackbreak
The real (and quickly escalating) price of an auction win after the buyer’s premium, taxes, shipping and insurance are added in.

See also: Vigwig - an esteemed auction house that gets away with charging usurious buyer’s premiums.

187. Doughnanza (also The Closetta Stone)
Finding a truly awesome and highly valuable card out of nowhere, hidden inside some long forgotten, stored away box.

188. Fraudcaster
Talking happily about the baseball play-by-play men you grew up watching or listening to, and assuming everyone who isn’t from your neck of the woods knows exactly who you’re talking about...but they have no clue who these people are.

189. Rummagist
Someone who adores digging through the jam-packed discount boxes at a card show.

See also: Digamy - searching through bargain boxes on two different sellers’ adjoining tables at the same time.

See also: Rummagination - the hope that one of these bins holds a treasured card.

See also: Siftmate - the guy right next to you bumping your elbows as he’s digging through the box in front of him.

See also: Digmouth - a guy at the table who just keeps talking to you, when you want no part of it!

See also: Yearntable - looking at someone searching through a box of cards at the next vendor’s set-up, and wanting him to hurry the f*ck up, so you can have your turn to dive in.

See also: Stonehauled - feeling elated after stumbling upon a great error card or rarity that isn’t marked as such, but when you ask the seller how much he wants for it, it turns out he knows EXACTLY what the card is.

190. Rawkus
Being very unhappy when someone uses the term ‘raw’ to describe ungraded cards.

191. Stuperefraction
Being absolutely bewildered by and not understanding a single thing about all of the shiny, modern day card sets.

192. Raising Baines
The tumult caused by lesser players being enshrined in the Hall of Fame.

193. Pehighnumbra
The portions of the country sitting outside of the main Topps distribution zones, and the stores located there never got boxes of the last series of baseball cards to sell to kids.

See also: Brimpartiality - Finding checklists where the last numbers checked are where the semi-high series ended, so you know the owner was close, but unable to complete their set due to the lack of high numbers in the local stores.

See also: Kicker Shock - going into a store as summer wanes and being stunned to find the baseball cards are no more, and they have been replaced by the latest football card wax packs.

See also: Highnumbskull - a collector who thinks he got a great deal on a bunch of vintage high numbers, only to realize later that the cards are actually from the much more common semi-high series.

194. Kepilogg (also Cereal Killer)
The fact that at some point your beloved Kellogg’s 3-D cards are going to shrivel up and crack. You don’t know when it will happen, but the same ending is in store for each and every one of them.

See also: Chorus Curls - everyone telling their own horror stories about how their Kellogg’s 3-D cards crumbled over time.

See also: Schrödinger’s Card - a PSA 9 or PSA 10 Kellogg’s 3-D card sitting in a holder, but having all sorts of cracks that developed after it was slabbed.

195. Mend the Bend!
Seeing a card inside a toploader with one of the corner layers bent up against the plastic, which causes you to scream to the heavens, “Why didn’t you push that corner down, back into place before scanning and posting it????!!!!!!!!!”

196. Used Card Salesman
An eBayer who adds words like “Pack Fresh!!!,” Undergraded!!!!," “Centered!!,” “Regrade???,” or “HOF!!” to his auction titles.

See also: Hyperbolshitter - someone who completely overhypes what they are selling by flooding the listing with adjectives and all sorts of superfluous blather like “Highlighted by deep rich colors” or “...and the beautiful image dovetails into the pristine snow white borders.”

197. Graded Exchange Rate
The pursuit of a mathematical equation to forever solve vexing problems such as, “If a PSA 6 usually sells for X amount, how much less should I pay for the same card in an SGC 6 holder?”

See also: Whifferential (in beta testing) - the advanced formula that takes into account what grade you’re convinced your card will receive, in order to determine what (much lower) number it will actually receive.

198. Gravitassist (also Exchange of Heart)
When one member shows dignity by stepping in to help another member score something great at no charge, because they were screwed over by someone else.

199. Reciprocobbal
A T206 Ty Cobb card with a Ty Cobb back.

200. Smilestone
Celebrating a highly notable post count number by offering up something entertaining.

201. Safelacker
Someone who talks a big game about having strongboxes and such, but you think, “Who are they kidding?” and know all of their Mantles are just sitting in a desk drawer, sandwiched between well-worn sudoku puzzle books and a slew of beef jerky wrappers.

202. Twinbilking
Winning two separate auctions from the same seller, but accidentally paying for one of them by its lonesome, so you then have to add shipping again when you pay for the second card.

203. In Your Stealhouse (also Situating Pretty)
Being the first person to see something at a great price, presumably because it must’ve been listed moments before you got there, so you snatch it right up.

204. Hot Water Theater
When you pop into a water cooler section thread as a casual change of pace...and suddenly realize you’ve stumbled into a shit show!!

205. Blockroach
A seller who, no matter how many different ways you try to prevent his listings from showing up in your eBay searches, still finds a way to get his auctions through.

See also: Demoniker - a secondary or supplemental eBay username employed by these types of sellers.

206. Autosnafu
The unfortunate way card companies cut noteworthy signatures out of full pictures or documents to scrunch them into the tiny window of a chase card.

See also: Bullfit! (informal) - an autograph that is partially cut off or obscured in one of these contrivances.

207. The Equivoprevarication Hypocrisy (also Chirperjury)
The fact that countless sellers holler and exclaim that the card they’re selling looks so much better than the grade it received...yet not a single one of these hawkers ever says that one of their cards actually looks worse than the grade given.

See also: Jumba-Liar - an auction description that’s a veritable hodgepodge of half-truths and falsehoods.

208. Cardboard Cryptid
A card that is virtually impossible to find perfectly centered.

See also: Proportunate - feeling psyched about finally finding a ‘decently’ centered example.

209. Bubble Scramble
With card prices continuing to rise exponentially, your buying habits are being completely redefined every single day.

See also: Crumbrage (also Cellar’s Market) - being annoyed that the only cards you can now afford are basically the bottom of the barrel throwaways.

See also: Trainwrecktrospect - looking back on the very poor decision of selling your cards too soon, too cheaply before prices really began to escalate.

210. Hubba-Hubba-Bubba (also Riding the Cardboard Escalator)
The happiness of seeing the huge bubble gum card bubble magnificently increasing the value of your collection.

See also: Dweller’s Market - being unsure whether now is the right time to sell, or if prices are going to continue to climb.

See also: Bubble Dump - deciding to take a quick profit by selling off your cards right now.

See also: Kurt Bevacquation - the desire to sell off your collection in a hurry before the giant bubble bursts, so you can use the proceeds to take your family on a great trip.

211. Slabberdasher
A collector looking for input and ideas on how to best display and lay out his cards, uniforms and other memorabilia in his ‘man cave.’

212. Breaking the Plastic Ceiling
The moment you decide that the vast majority of your card purchases from here on out will be of the graded variety.

213. 52 Hours a Day (colloquialism)
The amount of time spent discussing the endless fascination with Mickey Mantle’s first Topps card.

214. Guillotine Set (also Overheaded)
Any baseball card offering which is comprised of an inordinate amount of headshots.

See also: Marie Fantoinette - someone who adores those types of cards.

See also: Beheadhunter - an avid collector of the 1960 Topps set.

See also: Yearbooker - a lover of the 1960 Leaf set.

215. Meticumulation (also Minticulous)
A collection of only very high grade cards.

See also: Wantificating - a collector arrogantly explaining why he doesn’t dig the card somebody bought, because some specific aspect falls shy of his own finicky grading and collecting requirements.

216. The Lonesome Sighway
Feeling isolated and forsaken, because you are seemingly the only person who collects and/or is into the types of cards you collect.

217. Wynicism
On the rare occasion you actually triumph in an auction with a pretty low bid, your mind instantly becomes clogged with thoughts such as, “Uh oh, how did I possibly win it?? Did I miss something?? Is there a flaw in the card I didn’t see?”

218. HOFOMO (acronym)
Fear of missing out on your opportunity to buy Hall of Famer cards at decent prices as said prices continue to soar.

219. Leatherman (also Addicted to Glove)
Someone whose collecting focus centers around the all-time great fielders.

See also: Slugbug (or Slamlord) - a collector focused primarily on legendary power hitters.

See also: Moundhound (or Hurlieman or Firehauler) - a seeker of cards and memorabilia portraying the most celebrated pitchers in the game’s history.

220. Bad Commacation
Not properly inserting a comma in your sales price, so at first glance a card appears to be an incredible ‘bargain’ at $850, and not $8,500.

221. Disgarveyfication (also Flaw of Averages)
Thinking the superstars you worshiped as a boy were clear cut all-time greats and first-ballot HOF’ers, but when you give their stats a once-over now, you realize they were just meh.

222. 177/537 Disease
Seeing a vintage card and having the innate ability to immediately remember what number it is without giving it a second thought.

223. Non-Mathematical Gradipulation
Not being able to understand how a card graded as an SGC 80 works out to be a 6???? Why isn’t it an 8????

224. Garbarian (also Raimentic)
Someone who is able to readily identify what year a photograph was taken based on specific aspects of the player’s uniform.

See also: Costdoomer (or Garfomentor) - someone who heartily disagrees with his assessment of the apparel in question.

See also: Boutfitter - a member who happily jumps in to fight in defense of the OP’s conclusions.

See also: Dorian Ungray - the use of very old photos by card companies, where there is clear evidence (a long gone stadium, an old uniform, etc.) in the photograph that proves it was snapped many years ago...not to mention how absurdly youthful the player appears.

225. Erudouche
A person who feels obligated to point out words that 99.99% of the population uses as synonyms (“rare” and “scarce,” e.g.) actually have sightly different meanings.

See also: Dickthyologist (or Marine Biolojerk) - someone who jumps in to ‘correct’ anyone using the time-honored exhortation “Squish the fish!!” (meaning “Beat Miami!!”), by pompously stating that a dolphin isn’t a fish, it’s a mammal.

226. Canardboard (also Hubriscation)
The smug and silly dismissal that valuable baseball cards are “just cardboard.” Sure, and ‘The Mona Lisa’ is just some pigment on a piece of wood.

227. Exorbitancy Coefficient
The mathematical formula involved in determining if using a combination of 15% off coupons, credit card points, and eBay bucks will offset the ridiculous asking price of a card enough to ultimately make buying it ‘worth it.’

228. Twoplicity
The suppositional rule of thumb that a card with a qualifier should have a monetary/trade value equal to a straight graded card two whole numbers lower.

See also: Registry Disparity - how this principle is weighed in to determine the final grade average of a collector's registry set.

See also: The Binary Conundrum - owning a graded card with a qualifier, but since the ‘defect’ is so minor, it definitely doesn’t merit having a two-grades-lower drop in value.

229. Unkindred Spirits
Rookie cards of players that never made it big appearing in the same set with the same layout as other valuable, much sought after rookie cards.

230. Coming In from the Mold (also Grabbing the Raines)
When a long-retired player finally becomes a HOFer and you start digging through your old cardboard boxes in search of his cards.

See also: Vexaltation - being pissed that when you dig those cards out they are in awful shape because they’ve been rattling around in your commons/junk boxes all of these years.

See also: Mildewphoria - the delight in discovering you have a bunch of his rookie cards socked away.

See also: Epidemacclaim - the huge amount of overpriced cards suddenly appearing everywhere on eBay the moment the ballplayer is finally elected to The Hall.

See also: Prognostogainer - someone who speculated perfectly on the HOF vote and was able to cheaply load up on the player’s cards in advance.

See also: Windfault - spending a lot of money buying the rookie cards of a player you were sure was going to be enshrined this time, only to see him once again fall short.

231. Individual Wagneria
The cards that normal people hold up as their own personal most valuable or treasured collectibles.

232. Lexiconjecture
Seeing a word, phrase or acronym in someone’s post and not being able to tell if it’s a misspelling or an example of new terminology that you are unfamiliar with.

233. Master Set-back (also Annextra)
After someone makes a new variation discovery (usually a minor printing anomaly), and you realize the card in your master set already is this version, so you must sadly go out and spend the money to add the ‘regular’ version.

234. Scaventurous
With a smile on your face and your team’s cap on your head, standing at the entrance to a card show and wondering what magical hidden treasures you are going to come across today.

See also: Capture the Slag - happily spending very little money and amassing a nice pile of star cards in really bad shape.

235. Too-Too Clock
Although everyone is (rightfully) complaining about how expensive cards are getting these days, the simple truth is cards have always been way ‘too’ expensive since the beginning of time. Even when Mays and Mantle cards could be gotten for $5 apiece, that was considered a ludicrous price.

236. Deceiviation
When someone is touting a major Hall of Famer card for sale, but when you look at the listing, you find it’s not the player’s ‘regular’ card, but a much-less-desirable combination card, World Series or league leaders card, a checklist or even a 1975 Topps MVP card.

See also: Sidemicks - the players appearing on cards with Mickey Mantle.

See also: Trophesizing - calling a card for sale a “rookie card,” when it’s actually a second year card that has the Topps All-Star Rookie trophy on it.

237. Thrillogical (also Prosposterous)
Having a card listed with a ‘Buy It Now’ price for quite some time and it never sells, but when you decide to relist it as a straight auction, the hammer price ends up exceeding what your BIN always was.

238. Droughtstretch (also The No Cardboard Blues or Cry Spell)
That horribly sad period of time when you have absolutely no eBay wins coming to your home in the forseeable future.

See also: Dearthling - a collector caught up in this pitiful situation.

See also: Droughtburst - the card you finally buy that puts an end to this terrible stretch of time.

239. Bendacity
Looking at a prized card you own that is creased, and not being able to fully accept and get over the fact that there will never ever be a way to flatten it out and rid it of those nasty wrinkles.

240. Pocket Scientist (also Neinstein)
A collector who has a knack for quickly placing cards into the right page slots (while transferring a partial set into a binder) by efficiently doing the multiples of 9 math.

241. Leftopper
The ‘proper’ orientation of team and other horizontally designed cards (in albums and holders) with the de facto ‘tops’ on the left side and NOT on the right side.

242. Auspiezious (eponym)
A mediocre player who holds a place of prominence in the collecting world simply because he appears on either a rare variation or an otherwise significant card.

243. Charcoal Merchant (also Blackpeddler)
A person who deceptively darkens the corners and edges of 1971 Topps cards in order to pull a fast one and pass them off as high grade.

See also: Sharpieshooter - one who is highly proficient at this deceitful activity.

See also: Tragic Marker - the discovery that one of your key 1971 cards was recolored sometime in the past.

See also: The Gray-Sided Giveaway - when a recoloring job is so amateurish (perhaps done quickly by a kid back in the day) that parts of the ‘colorless’ gray side edges of the card are also blatantly splotched with black.

244. Spider Banes
Very conspicuous print lines that adversely affect the look of an otherwise nice card.

245. Club Orthoboxy
Keeping your cards sorted by teams and not in numerical order.

246. Sicken Scratch (also Scrivendacity)
When someone posts a nearly illegible handwritten letter or postcard from an old time player and doesn’t include either a transcript or a summation of what the heck it says.

247. The Apopalypse
The constant ‘the sky is falling’ cry (heard very less often these days) of people thinking the graded card market is going to bottom out.

248. Despairasitic (also Gone With the Win)
Checking on an auction you’re really hoping to win with a low snipe bid, but seeing there’s a multitude of people watching it, so you realize you don’t stand a chance in hell.

249. Hemlinegevity (also Puberty Derailment)
How ‘all’ kids collect cards from early on in grade school up until they start chasing skirts sometime in middle school, only to then pick up the hobby again decades later.

250. Case and Effect
The manner in which card collecting has drastically changed with the onset of professional grading. It used to be that you’d grab any card you need for your set, centering or other factors be damned, but now the paradigm of what constitutes ‘acceptable cardboard’ has been changed for many collectors.

251. Standing Shill
The BS involved with ignoring the fact that illegitimate bidders screw everyone over and drive prices fraudulently upward. It’s usually accompanied by an inane statement such as, “I bid the maximum I’m going to bid and that’s it. Whatever happens, happens.”

252. In Screeno Veritas (Lat.) (also Web Phlegm)
The attempt to use Photoshop to alter a picture to trick people into believing you own a card...but the posted picture has enough clues in it to prove the truth. You ain’t got it.

253. Griptrip
An eBay auction with the picture showing the seller’s hand holding the card for sale.

See also: Fingerfolk (or Second Handlers) - eBayers who engage in this practice.

See also: Porkadillo - the offense of making everyone feel painfully uncomfortable as they’re forced to stare at your meaty sausage fingers in the auction photos.

254. Ramenstration
The act of eating as cheaply as a penniless college student in order to free up money to use on the cards you’re looking to buy.

See also: Dehammered - the feeling that the rate at which prices are rising means you’re never going to win another auction.

255. Dismissogyny
The contempt you feel for your wife when she once again dismissively mocks or belittles your ‘silly little hobby.’

256. Swapchase (also Flexchange)
A transaction involving two people trading cards, wherein one of the parties also adds a predetermined amount of cash to the deal.

257. Cardboardhydrates
The list of ingredients found on a wax pack for the plank of gum inserted within.

258. Switchfaced (also Opposhit)
The unintentional use of a reversed photographic image on a baseball card.

259. Jivestocker
A seller who only uses ‘stock photos’ in his listings.

260. Intecollectual
A person who uses a smart, discerning, and measured approach to his card collecting methods.

261. Numerelevance (also Prime-Timecard)
How Topps reserved the more significant card numbers, such as #100, #200, etc., for the most cherished players in the set.

262. Metropolitangential
Being a huge fan and collector of New York Mets cards and memorabilia, but also having a soft spot in your heart for their pseudo-ancestors, the N.Y. Giants and Brooklyn Dodgers.

See also: Sox Addict - a fan of either (or both) of the American League teams haling from Boston, MA and Chicago, IL.

263. “Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.” (maxim)
The assessment of the continuing upsurge in baseball card prices.

See also: “Strike while the cardboard is hot.” - although it may be very pricey, you need to buy a card you’re interested in now before the cost climbs even higher in the immediate future.

See also: Opportunity Accost - unexpectedly coming across a card (that you may or may not need) and knowing if you don’t buy it immediately at this price, the next person who sees it will undoubtedly jump on it.

See also: Redbreaded - a person who has actually found a way to lose money selling their cards in this booming collectibles market.

264. Woe Tide (also Floodraising)
The befuddlement of seeing the asking prices of lesser cards also going through the roof in the current environment, as if they were suddenly on par with the all-time greats.

265. PSA 11
Whether graded or not, just a fantastically beautiful card.

See also: Elevening - bragging about how great a graded card you’re selling looks.

266. Blockaid
The post, PM, or some other occurrence that tells you it’s time to relegate a particular member to your 'ignore' list.

See also: Speedelete - when you see a PM in your in-box and you know the guy who sent it is just spewing crap, so you immediately throw it in the trash without reading it.

See also: Perplexiled - when you find yourself on the blocked list of an eBay seller and have no recollection as to why you were put there.

See also: Laughingblock - when someone believes that blocking you is going to adversely affect your life, but it just makes you chuckle.

267. Callousthenics
Deceptively stretching the truth by using an image stolen from someone else’s eBay auction to ‘sell’ a card you don’t actually own.

268. Unicornering (Unicornery)
A card doctor making all four corners of a very rare and valuable (fake) card universally, symmetrically rounded, although a card like that does not exist in the natural world.

269. Harpoonnacle
The exhilirating feeling of being on top of the world after your hunt for one of your ‘white whales’ has finally come to a joyous conclusion.

See also: Leviathinning - crossing that significant card off of your want list.

See also: Ahabitual - the persistent, daily employment of eBay searches (and other methods) in your pursuit of one of your ‘white whales.’

See also: Vortexuberance - the feeling of joy and relief that comes with winning a turbulent and hotly-contested auction between multiple rival bidders.

270. Decimalarkey
The miniscule, undetected-by-the-human-eye factors that supposedly differentiate a PSA 9 card from a PSA 10.

271. Flipclipper
Stopping someone dead in his tracks who’s trying to sweet-talk you out of a card for next to nothing, because you know full well he’s only looking to grab it to immediately resell it at a big profit.

272. Condescenturions
People who post things that are already blatantly obvious to everyone, as if they’re somehow adding insightful info to the thread. It’s the baseball card equivalent of a person on a computer help-line asking you, “Is your machine plugged in?”

273. Slabyrinthine (also Contorturous)
The arduously long and painstakingly difficult task of trying to free a card sandwiched between multiple layers of cardboard, encased in bubble wrap and having every conceivable angle thickly covered in tight layers of tape with no apparent edges to be found.

274. “I wouldn’t touch his cards with a sixty foot, six inch pole.” (slang)
The disdain for a Hall of Fame pitcher felt by a collector who believes he has no business being in Cooperstown.

275. Slimperceptible (also Scantily Bad)
A card whose centering is only a mere hair worse than another virtually identical card, but unlike that one, it gets a dreaded OC qualifier on the label.

See also: “All OC cards are equal, but some OC cards are more equal than others.” - how a card falling just a speck outside of the TPG’s centering parameters and one that is egregiously off-centered 90-10 both ways will each receive the same qualifier.

276. Unintended Cardsequences (also Carbohyway Robbery)
Although Topps purposefully packaged their baseball cards in wax packs with large sticks of gum inserted, when a card is found to have wax or gum residue present on it, it is devalued and/or given a qualifier.

277. Discountentment
Getting an expensive card at a ‘bargain,’ but it may prove to be a bad thing when it’s time to sell, because your low winning bid will appear on the sales price data sites and make potential buyers rethink what the card’s value is.

278. Paxploitation Film
A Hollywood movie (or TV show) where baseball cards make an unexpected appearance.

279. Groan-Sharking
Posting a card for sale at such an egregiously high price (which doesn’t conform in any way shape or form to past sales), and causing everyone to gripe, “What is this guy thinking???!!”

See also: Trolesaler - a person who’s a member of this site for no other reason than to take advantage of the free access to the B/S/T and hawk their exorbitantly priced cards.

See also: Doing a Double-Brake (informal) - suddenly stopping when you see an eBay price that is so absolutely ridiculous that it makes you wonder if you’re missing something. Like, is the card a Venezuelan or something??

280. Cardines
The stuff you put out there as trade bait.

281. Forefingerphobia (also Ruinjurious)
The common anxiety accompanying any attempt to remove a card from a toploader, because awkwardly stuffing your finger into such a thin, confined space can only end up damaging it.

See also: Card Sabre or Card Saber (Am. Eng.) - any toploader which causes you to cut or scrape your cuticle as you squeeze your finger inside of it to extract a card.

282. Pathminder (also Good Sportmanshepherd)
Someone who ‘dutifully’ chimes in to tell you your post is in the wrong section.

See also: Navigrater - a person who guides the person to the correct area, but there’s a bit of bite in his response.

283. Shodification
An offer sent to you by an eBayer which is only a tiny, insignificant reduction of his original listing price.

See also: Repeat Scoffender - an eBay seller who sends you an offer to buy their card at such an exorbitant price that you can’t help but laugh and immediately reject it...but then time passes and the seller once again sends you a ‘new’ offer at the exact same outrageous price.

284. Protrusion Confusion
Not really understanding what the specific, precise definition of a corner ‘bump’ or ‘ding’ is.

285. Rostertute
A member having a list of people he’s done deals with catalogued in his signature.

286. Drag Clean (slang)
Someone who uses pantyhose to remove wax and gum residue from the surface of a card.

See also: Leggy - a graded card with an ‘ST’ qualifier that you know can be easily eliminated by using a pair of pantyhose to wipe away the ‘invisible’ wax or gum residue on it.
“That card’s got legs.”



Arthur Fonzarelli’s wearing his leather jacket and skiing across the water...so it is time to
JUMP THE SHARK!!!!!!!!!!!

I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part VI (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #306 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

This post is ribbed for her pleasure. Do not swim for at least 30 minutes after reading. Action figures sold separately.


So it is up to you, good people of Earth, to figure out what you wanna do with all of this. Good luck...



287. Slyopic (also Glaucomedy)
The utilization of ‘at signs’ to imitate eyes and form the word “L@@K” in an auction title.

288. Grudge Crater
Bemoaning the notable holes (superstars who were not included) in an old set, and wishing the suspiciously missing cards woulda/coulda/shoulda been a part of it.

See also: Bubblegum POWs - the players not found in certain sets from the 1950’s due to the intense legal conflicts between Topps and Bowman, among others.

See also: MIArtyrdom - the glorious wonderment of imagining what the missing cards of specific HOF’ers would have looked like were they ever produced.

289. Guffawbulous
Having a name (Eddie Stanky, Heinie Manush, Johnny Pesky, Tom Tresh, Pete LaCock, e.g.) that causes every single collector alive to giggle a little bit whenever they run across one of his cards.

290. Klutts/Washington Extrapolation
The huge increase in value that a 1978 Topps Rookie Shortstops #707 card will surely attain if another one of the players pictured on it finds his way into the Hall of Fame.

291. He’s All Gum, No Cardboard (put-down)
A collector who talks a really big game and fancies himself some sort of baseball card expert, but it’s pretty obvious he has no clue what he’s talking about.

292. The Plastic Paradox
A card with a ‘Buy-It-Now’ price on eBay that is less than what it would’ve cost to have said card graded in the first place.

293. Carat-Top
A card with a discernible diamond cut.

See also: Rotato - a card that is a true rectangle, but the image on it is tilted due to a sheet cutting mishap.

294. Planned Grabsolescence
Adding overpriced things to your eBay watch list, because you know the long three month wait for your eBay Bucks Certificate to be unlocked is right around the corner, so you’ll be able to get them at a much better overall cost.

295. Sendwich
The traditional setup wherein a card in a slab or toploader is placed between two pieces of cardboard, bubble wrapped and then taped together and inserted into a mailer.

See also: Flub Sendwich - when a seller doesn’t properly seal a toploader with tape, and the card is able to slide out of its moorings while in transit.

See also: Schmuckstuck - when a toploader is rendered forever useless by a careless seller who seals it with impossible-to-remove packing tape, transforming it into a permanently sticky mess.

See also: Stichabod Crane - a seller who commits this offense.

296. COCD (Cardboard Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
The malady plaguing people who have strict, unwavering personal standards regarding how perfectly centered a card must be to earn a place in their own personal collection.

See also: Centertainers (or Middle Sages) - collectors afflicted with this condition who take particular delight in showing off their beautifully centered cards.

297. Bogusto (also Grate Expectations)
The exhilaration of seeing your eBay listing has a whole slew of watchers...only to bitterly realize that they’re not potential buyers, but lookie-loos waiting to see if anyone is stupid enough to pull the trigger at your ridiculous price.

298. Blockem’s Razor
The principle that in deciding whether or not to add an eBayer to your blocked bidders list, the simplest explanation is usually the right one. He’s going to be a problem for you.

299. Blindignity
When the photo on a card captures the player with his eyes either fully closed or in ‘mid-blink.’

See also: Mocularity - the undoubted mirth and merriment expressed by the people at the card company as they decided to use that particular ‘eyes closed’ photo for the card instead of selecting a nicer one.

See also: Blinksmanship - a photographer’s knack for catching players in this state.

300. Noobilation
The happily optimistic and enthusiastic posts of someone who’s just recently joined the site and has obviously not yet been exposed to net54’s sordid, seamy underbelly.

301. Trimpropriety
Deciding what the acceptable shortness of a card can be, either top to bottom or side to side, that occurred naturally when the sheets of cards were cut at the factory.

302. BINishing Touches
Happily finding a very affordable Buy-It-Now price for the last card you need to finally complete your set.

303. A Player to be Hall-of-Famed Later (also Pete Rose Colored Glasses or Grandiminoso)
Expecting to get more for a card in a trade or a sale than it is truly worth, because, "Everyone knows he should definitely be in the Hall of Fame!"

See also: Juice-Bumps - when this tactic is used with regard to steroids-era players.

See also: Ain’thood - the continual uptick in admiration and reverence a ballplayer, arguably with the qualities of an all-time great, receives the longer he is ‘wrongly’ held out of Cooperstown.

304. Sherlock Chromes
A collector exposing the forgeries and/or trim-jobs of modern cards.

305. Ribbie-Glibby (slang)
Any self-important know-it-all who refuses to accept the acronym “RBI” as the independent word it truly is, and therefore never deigns to pluralize it and say, “RBIs.”
“He hit .254 while tallying a healthy 103 RBI.”

306. Basebull Market (also Batmitt Crazy)
How economists in the future will describe the drastic upsurge in baseball card buying and selling during the pandemic.

307. Peaceful, Sleazy Feeling
The theme song of card doctors.

See also: Noh Canada - the national anthem of sellers who realize much too late how much more it costs to ship a card up to our northern neighbors.

308. Costume Foolery
A baseball card (usually from very early in his big-league career) showing a player wearing a number different from the one with which he has forever been associated.

309. Poach Roach
After hitting ‘Buy-It-Now’ and sending payment for a card, you receive a message informing you the seller has cancelled the transaction and refunded your money...and you know full well it’s because someone contacted this unscrupulous seller and offered him more money for the card.

See also: Soft Meddling - an amiable message sent to a seller suggesting you would gladly pay him a bunch more for a card he just sold to someone else if he’d cancel the original sale.

310. Plate Crasher (also Aingejustice or Jordantithesis)
A player who appears completely out of place on a baseball card, because he is much more renowned for playing an entirely different sport.

311. The Cardboard Menagerie
A table at a show having a wonderfully wide and varied assortment of different sports, years, brands and memorabilia on it.

312. Nextortion (also Penultimatum)
When a member bumps his ‘for sale’ thread with a resentful veiled threat of, "This is your final chance to get this card before I move it to eBay tomorrow!!"

See also: Rantifesto - a condescending statement added to the end of an eBay listing which chastizes potential bidders for committing whatever perceived affronts the seller has rattling around in his head.

313. One-Trick Phony (also Harvey Hadhoax or Lucky Dent)
A player who has forever enjoyed a highly elevated status within the collecting community due ‘only’ to a readily-identifiable, single game accomplishment or occurrence.

See also: Pizazzeroski - how the lasting gusto of a player from this group’s single-game glory helped pave the way for him into Cooperstown.

314. Acronymrod
A member who, for unknown reasons, eschews using simple, straight-forward abbreviations like “FS” or “PM,” to instead use his own slightly different combinations of letters.

See also: Deciphoraging - wracking your brain in an attempt to figure out exactly what each of those initials could possibly stand for. (Also pertains to misspelled acronyms.)

315. Ancestuous
Doing searches for players like “Aaron,” “Sisler,” “Brett,” and “Griffey” and having to weed through all of the results showing their much-less-desired relatives’ items.

316. April Drools Day (informal)
The spring afternoon when you realize the official start of the baseball season is finally here at last.

317. Brag Tax
The additional fees paid to a player to have him add a very brief inscription of an achievement, like “HOF 1999,” to his autograph.

318. Mets Runway (also The Batwalk)
The patch of ground between the visitors’ dugout and the third base line at Shea Stadium where every National Leaguer was forced to walk to and pose for Topps photographers.

319. Louvre Affair
Cards that sit forever unsold due to their seller’s penchant for ‘museum’ pricing.

320. Vendor Reveal Party
A seller who gleefully proclaims, “Newly Graded!!!” in his auction description, as if he’s announcing the birth of a child.

321. Fundamantles
The simple rule of thumb that the Mickey Mantle card will be the most expensive card in the vast majority of sets in which he appears.

See also: Reds Herring - the odd occurrence wherein the 1963 Topps Pete Rose rookie card takes that title instead.

See also: Micked-Off - how the high-numbered 1967 Topps Tom Seaver rookie card stops the value-war dead in its tracks.

See also: Mr. Bloctober - due to the existence of the 1969 Topps ‘white letter’ variation, Mantle is technically still able to claim the throne over the Reggie Jackson rookie card.

See also: Polemick - the ongoing debate of whether or not Mickey Mantle’s 1969 card counts as the last one of his playing career, since he retired before the regular season got under way.

322. Bubble Gumption
A message sent to an eBay seller asking, “What is the absolute lowest price you will accept for this card?”

See also: Smite Back Atcha (idiom) - when the seller immediately replies, "What's the absolute highest price you will pay???"

323. Fliptease
The systematic removal of a graded card from its plastic holder.

324. Skewedonyms
The inconsistent spellings of certain players’ names (Jimmie/Jimmy Foxx, Lew/Lou Burdette, Satchel/Satchell Paige and Dick/Richie Allen, e.g.) used by the card companies.

325. Wesparkerization (or Wesparkered)
How the clumsy presence of some random player in an action shot greatly distracts or partially blocks the viewer from seeing the player whose card it actually is.

See also: Co-Stargazing - excitedly looking at the all-time great hidden in plain sight amid the game action on another player’s card.

326. Banalogous
The nonsensical listing price of an ungraded card at the going market rate (or more) of what a graded version of the same card sells for in the ‘same’ shape.

327. Doubtspoken (informal)
When a member starts a thread asking if the card he’s looking at is authentic, but his wording either hints at or directly states that he does not think it is, in fact, genuine.

See also: Grabbergasted - the reaction to finding out the card you were so happy to acquire is a fake.

See also: Trympathy - the feeling of sadness felt for someone who got screwed over by someone selling a doctored card.

See also: Shedical School - where card doctors are trained in the trimming arts.

328. Tax Player
The IRS be damned, April 15 will always be remembered as the day Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier.

329. Keds Pox
The extreme corner and edge wear, creases and overall dilapidation caused by loose cards jostling around in a shoebox for long periods of time.

See also: Discardboard - the random stacks of old, round-cornered, ‘worthless’ cards in bad shape that every collector has strewn about.

330. Swappraisal (also Barterback)
The short postscript added to a card to reflect the player had been traded in the off-season.

See also: Misuniformed - the confusion of kids opening packs and wondering why the guy is shown on his old team.

331. Pitchcraft
The belief that some Hall of Fame hurlers relied on the sorcery of doctored baseballs to pave their way into Cooperstown.

332. Amissfit
Seeing an old league leaders card that includes a (to you) completely unknown/’undeserving’ player on it.

See also: Whiffraff - the non-superstars appearing on strikeout leaders cards.

See also: Gawk-On Player - when you can’t help but stare with bewilderment and say, “How in heck did this guy get on here?! What kind of season did he have??”

See also: Presidekick - when a scrub player actually occupies the top spot on said leaders card.

333. Agonull Set
A baseball card offering which includes one or more unnumbered cards, leaving a collector to angrily exclaim, “How in heck will I ever know if I have a complete set??!!”

334. Stack Wounds (also Pile Scars)
The squeezed gouges in the sides of cards that resulted from being bundled together and kept tightly wrapped in rubber bands by kids.

See also: Notchos (slang) - cards having this type of damage.

See also: Cross Glitching - the marks caused by rubber bands being stretched both vertically and horizontally around piles of cards.

See also: Elastigmata - when these types of grooves are present on a hallowed, big-money card.

335. Bumper Card (also Maraca)
A graded card that is swimming so much in its holder that any movement of said holder causes an audible carom.

336. Kintimidation
(Cue the portentous music...) Always having to sleep with one eye firmly open, because it’s becoming more and more apparent that your wife and kids know EXACTLY how much of a gold mine your collection has become.



“Are you police?”
“No ma’am, we're card collectors.”


I got my first real keyboard
Bought it at the emporium
Typed on it 'til my fingers* bled
Was the summer of '21...

*Only on my left hand, because my right arm has been immobilized for a month and a half following surgery.


I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part VII (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #400 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

Anyone reading this post needs to be wearing a mask. For entertainment purposes only. Anyone being offended should consult a physician. All demonstrations by professional drivers were executed on closed courses - please do not attempt at home. Give your children a hug tonight, and best of luck.


Hey, Wang! What's with the pictures? It's a website. Come on, will ya? Start reading...


337. Dishonus Wagner
The trimmed T206 Honus Wagner with serial #00000001 (the so-called ‘Gretzky/McNall Wagner’) that was the very first card to be graded by PSA.

See also: Wags Hag - anyone who uses a picture of this card as a metaphor for PSA’s ineptitude.

338. Murderer’s D'oh!
Finding out you’ve been deceived and fleeced by someone selling a reprinted card or counterfeit piece of late-1920’s Yankees memorabilia.

339. Scanchovies
The little scraps and specks of dust, dross, hair and whatnot that sit ‘on top’ of a card in a scan.

340. North Pull
The card situated on the top of an unopened pack of cards.

See also: South Pull - the card situated on the bottom of an unopened pack.

See also: Gummi Pairs - the cards (and/or inserts) in a pack that the stick of gum is/was sandwiched between.

341. Sharepopper
A person who organizes, runs and looks after a group submission to a Third Party Grader.

342. Glitter Critter
An avid collector of modern cards.

343. Shine Swine
Disreputable sellers who are listing modern cards at just plainly extortionate prices.

344. Raison d'nêtre (Fr.)
Whether it’s for camaraderie, the free marketplace to peddle your cards, or just to continually start arguments with other members, the essential, defining reason that each of us is a net54 member to begin with.

345. Sleight of Brand
The trickery of adding “Not PSA” to an eBay listing of a card graded by a different company, so you can reap the rewards of people including “PSA” in their searches, and get your auction viewed by a helluva lot more people.

346. Scrounge Lizard (also Molehiller)
Someone who purposely keeps inventing and carping about tiny, inconsequential imperfections in a card you’re trying to sell in an obnoxious attempt to force you to lower your price significantly.

347. Kvetch-22
The principle that the people who bitterly complain the most about PSA’s horrific business practices are the same ones who gladly keep sending in more cards to be graded, because PSA slabs deliver the highest sales prices.

See also: “Hegemony Crickets!” - an expression referring to the metaphorical sound of silence as the venerated PSA refuses to ever address even a single one of the countless accusations of malfeasance made against them.

348. Pentourage
The insignificant autographs that appear on a multi-signed piece that surround (and let’s face it, ruin) the signature of a coveted, highly collectible player.

349. Scrawl Revered
A very precious, venerated, extremely valuable and/or rarely seen player’s autograph.

350. Scribble Squabble
A disagreement over whether or not an autograph is authentic.

351. The Math of Con
An exorbitantly-priced card on eBay that now has an eye-catching ‘slashed price’ graphic with “12% OFF” added to it, as if that tiny bit of money ‘saved’ would in any way, shape or form make a difference.

352. Wiltwashed
When a seller lists the 1969 Topps Wilt Chamberlain as his rookie card, as if the cards Fleer issued almost a decade earlier somehow do not count.

353. Strophanger (also Ginsu Gus)
Anyone who uses the term “Razor Sharp!!” in an auction listing.

See also: Texthibitionist - an eBayer using “FLASH SALE!” in their listing.

See also: Empty Bindering - a seller using “Set Break” when they’re only auctioning off one or two cards from the set.

See also: Bodybilker - an eBayer coyly trying to greatly enhance the value of the card he’s selling by stating, “Strong for the grade!!”

See also: Doing the Lindy - a seller exclaiming how a card is the player’s “First Solo Card!”

354. “Sorry, Wrong Lumber.”
The polite way an expert on the site definitively tells you the supposed ‘gamer’ bat you’re asking about was in no way ever owned or used by the player in question.

See also: Sears Noebucks - when the bat turns out to be nothing but a ‘worthless’ store model.

355. Apexpat Predator
A collector living in a foreign country who has seemingly cornered a niche of the card market due to local interest (or lack thereof) being vastly different over there.

356. Past Sales Irrelevancy
The fact that you can quote the prices of past sales of a card until you’re blue in the face, but the reality is it doesn’t matter. Whatever the lowest price on eBay is for that same card in the same shape at this moment is truly what it is now ‘worth.’

See also: Highpay Snobbery - when someone tells you, “Your price of $500 is too high for this card. The last sales were only $290 and $325,” and you respond, “True, but the only one available on eBay is for $650, so either pay my price or hit the bricks, buddy.”

357. Sideswapped
A horizontally oriented card that was accidentally placed in the slab the wrong way (and doesn’t correspond to how all of the other horizontal ones from the same set are encapsulated) by the grading company.

358. Departicipation Trophy
That one thing you finally buy on your way out the door of a card show (or as the close of an auction draws near), just so you can begrudgingly say at least you picked up something at the event.

359. Wadvice
A thread stating you have a large amount of money to spend on a card, and you want members to specifically tell you what you should buy.

360. Blabbergasted
When someone makes a point of stating in a bustling thread, “I’m really surprised no one has mentioned (add name here) yet”...instead of (here’s an idea) just writing about that player yourself!

361. Hologramps
Any vintage collector who glances at a show table brimming with modern cards and immediately passes it by.

362. Rank-Spanking
Beating out a rival from the registry in an auction for a tough, high-grade card you both need.

363. Psachotherapy (also Modus Poperandi)
The fruitless undertaking of trying to understand the methodology involved in the TPG giving your card the grade it received.

364. Source Sense
The acumen developed over time and used by experienced collectors of photographs to tell you what you have (or have not) got based on the markings, writings and stamps on back.

365. Woo-Hoo Hounds
A card showing the random mix of teammates and coaches during the drunken locker room aftermath of a world series victory.

See also: Wrong Johns - when the half-dressed, champagne-soaked group of celebrants on the card are all scrubs, and not the team’s superstars.

See also: Randumfounded - having no clue who any of the players taking part in the chaotic revelry are.

See also: Shindignitary - when a superstar or Hall of Famer is readily visible on the card.

366. Stickstacking
Rifling through your piles of empty toploaders, trying to find a single clean one that’s free of tape residue and not stuck to other ones.

367. Fanguage (also Batois)
The dialect or ‘secret language’ (including terms, expressions, references to past players or glories, local towns and landmarks, etc.) of a fan base that is regularly used while talking about their beloved (or sometimes despised) team.

See also: Fansplaining - interpreting or teaching this lingo to an outsider.

368. Discompopulation
The fact that certain sets don’t have complete and meaningful population data due to PSA’s adjusted itemizing practices over time. Some notable examples being the 1962 regular and ‘green tint’ cards weren’t always counted as separate entities, and specific tobacco card backs weren’t always listed separately.

369. Double Schlepardy
When someone is being an argumentative d-bag in two different threads at the same time.

370. Regresstimate
When additional information (such as an unseen wrinkle or slight paper loss) comes to light about the card in a ‘guess the grade’ thread, and you have to reassess and lower your numerical prediction.

371. Edge Clippers
Kids who cut down larger cards back in the day to make them match the ‘new,’ standardized size of Topps cards.

See also: Reteamption (or Overclubbed) - an old card found to have a traded player’s ‘new at the time’ team written on it by a kid many, many years ago.

372. Pastronaut (also Hindsightseer)
Anyone getting involved in the meaningless and frustrating theoretical argument of whether or not the all-time great players from earlier in the 1900’s would be able to thrive in the modern era.

See also: Spew Colors - the ploy, yet again, of a self-important member who pompously thinks he wins the argument by pointing out how the great players of pre-1947 baseball never had to face any ballplayers of color, as if he’s saying something every single human being doesn’t already know.

See also: Faroffsighted - having such a love for the old time players, while knowing nearly nothing about what’s going on in the current game.

373. Plotonic
Reading a thread that, based on the title, is surely going to be another ranting disparagement of a seller or an auction house...only to find that no, in a plot twist no one saw coming, it’s one that actually affectionately praises them!!

374. Swashbackler
An avid enthusiast and collector of tobacco card backs.

375. Swingcognito (also Action Disfigure)
A Bobble Head or Starting Lineup that, if it didn’t have the player’s name displayed right on the front of it, you wouldn’t have a freaking clue who it was supposed to be.

See also: Plackadaisical - the feeling that, after seeing how awful looking the bronze plaques of some Hall of Famers are, the artists didn’t put any effort whatsoever into creating the supposed likenesses.

376. Shred Man’s Hand
Cards that have obviously been trimmed (and doctored) to end up graded as PSA 8’s, when in reality they are nothing more than PSA 1’s.

377. Guffaw Poll (also Whoa! of Hands)
Seeing the numbers of a poll you participated in, and not understanding how in heck the people here could’ve possibly voted the way they did.

378. Err Quotes
A snarky member who quotes only a tiny portion of someone’s post, so they can take exception to it while ignoring the overall intent of said post.

379. Hocus Croakus
The supernaturally magical rise in demand of a player’s cards the moment he passes away.

380. Vexed to Last
When you still can’t afford to buy either of the final two cards needed to complete a set.

See also: Penultimuthah F*cker!!! - the scream coming out of anyone whose last two cards needed to finish the 1967 Topps set are the high numbered Rod Carew and Tom Seaver rookie cards.

See also: “Can't Set There From Here” - the way a southerner tells you you’ll never be able to complete a certain baseball card set.

381. Uppermohst
The position that a piece of Topps gum from a pack of baseball cards occupies on the hardness scale.

See also: Eschewing Glum - the feeling of disappointment the day Topps decided to stop including sticks of gum in trading card packs.

382. Greed Cavity (also Lacktivity)
That curiously empty space in front of a table at a very crowded, busy show that tells the observer the seller’s asking prices are just too exhorbitantly high for anyone to bother with.

383. Scantortionist
When a seller has obviously and deceptively photoshopped an image to make a card appear to be in much better shape than it really is, the silly apologist who jumps in to argue, “No, it’s just because of the scanner settings used.”

See also: Fappologist - someone who’s always such a vigorous defender of a bad apple in the hobby, that you know he’s looking at photos of that guy during his private ‘self-entertainment’ activities.

384. Poison Woke
An irritating post by a pea-brain who feels the need to purposely inject his pathetic ‘wokeness’ into a thread, when it has no business being there.

385. Endrunaissance
The start of the exciting new era when Fleer and Donruss were finally able to get around all of the Topps roadblocks and start widely distributing their new sets of cards.

386. Pathogenuine
A card that you only realize has a fatal flaw when it comes back (unknown to you) as ‘Authentic Altered.’

387. Grintruders (also Sleepwalk-Ons)
Traveling secretaries, equipment managers and other randos who appear on team cards to fill some spaces.

388. “Of all the card joints in all the towns in all the world, he walks into mine.”
The plaintive grumble issued by a seller when he catches a glimpse of a card show attendee who he’s had bad dealings with in the past.

389. Street Sweeper
An off-centered card where the image is nearly falling off the bottom edge.

See also: Ceiling Fan - an off-centered card where the image is pushed up toward the top edge.

See also: Minor’easter - a card that is slightly off centered, pushed a little toward the bottom left corner.

See also: Leanness De Milo - a card that has undoubtedly been trimmed on the sides.

390. Biñata
The large plastic storage container at a show that is packed with inexpensive cards (which aren’t in toploaders) that are quickly getting destroyed by all the grubby hands rifling through them.

391. Bumping Off Point
The minimum increase in grade your card would need to receive in order to make a resubmission financially worthwhile.

See also: Resubmitzvah - cracking a card out of its slab, resubmitting it to the TPG and feeling blessed by the new, higher number it received.

392. Huebie Doo
Someone who is able to conclusively solve the mystery and tell you the card you’re asking about is real or fake, based solely on the colors and tones in play.

393. Gettysburger
Any card having an SGC 80 (“four score”) grade on the label.
Also used in some circles to indicate a grand slam home run.

394. Shamnesia
Accidentally buying a card from an absolutely disreputable seller who has been exposed time and time again, because you didn’t realize or forgot it was this seller.

395. Shillicon Tally
When a member outlines specifically how an expensive auction price was nefariously run up by conspirators.

396. Nonbindary
A collector who isn’t interested in completing full sets.

See also: Teamophiliac - a person whose collection is centered around grabbing cards from only one particular club.

397. Relish You Were Here (informal)
A thread where a member posts that he’s done being a member of net54, but you know damn well he’s going to quickly return to the thread to enthusiastically count the number of people imploring him to stay.

398. Winstability
When you enter a bid with only moments to go and the screen tells you you’re the high bidder...but there’s a few seconds left and you stare at the screen (even AFTER the auction ends) wondering if that’s going to suddenly change.

399. Choptimist
A person who while watching a video of an enthusiastic ‘rack pack rip’ harbors a secret desire for the guy to accidentally damage the cards or cut his finger as he wields the sharp scissors.

400. Hemingwaste
Someone writing a long, rambling, in-depth post who actually thinks he’s adding all sorts of insight to the thread, but when you’re done with it you realize, ”That’s ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back.”

401. Flipper-Swiffer
A person getting a long-ago graded card reholdered in a clean new slab, for the express purpose of tricking potential buyers into thinking it was newly graded under ‘stricter’ guidelines.

402. Trademarquee
The large, unavoidable presence that the multiple branding imprints on modern cards have become, as all the TM and © symbols are impossible to ignore.

403. Rants in Your Pants
A member who seemingly out of nowhere starts bitterly complaining about someone or something.

404. Amelia Snarehart
Seeing a great card at a great price on eBay, so you immediately click ‘buy it now’...but as the page loads, it suddenly says “This listing has ended.” and you realize someone else swooped in and grabbed it...and this wondrous card has vanished right before your very eyes!!!

405. Pink Eye Appeal (or Eye Appall)
A card that a seller touts as having “Great eye appeal!!,” when everyone can plainly see it most certainly does not.

See also: Iconjunctivitis - a Hall of Famer card that sadly has really bad eye appeal.

406. Crow-tahni
A collector who loves talking up how Shohei Ohtani is the best thing since sliced bread.

See also: Dough-tahni - an optimistic collector who is extremely bullish on Shohei Ohtani, and is investing big time in his cards.

See also: Woe-tahni - a pessimistic collector who has no doubt that be it an injury or otherwise, Shohei Ohtani is headed for a big downfall.

See also: Yenigma - the odd status that the 1965 Topps #282 Masanori Murakami rookie card enjoys due to him being the first Japanese player to play for a Major League Baseball team.

407. Hit By Q-Pid’s Arrow
The newfound desire for cards with qualifiers in the current boom market, as they are now regularly selling for much larger sums than ever before.

See also: Flippery Slope - seeing all of the problems to come now that PSA has unilaterally decided to stop using qualifiers when grading cards.

408. Sniper Rash
The bitter irritation you feel after waking to find your sniping app failed to place your bids last night.

See also: GrabHub - any sniping tool app.

409. Grail Fraud
Not understanding the unbridled adoration and enthusiasm for a certain set that is cherished by so many collectors, when you have no problem saying that it absolutely sucks.

410. Fold Blooded
A seller who doesn’t consider an obviously bent corner to be a crease or a wrinkle.

411. Remissing Link
When you run across a card on eBay that you’ve somehow never seen before...but it comes from a set you are highly familiar with.

412. Twerp Walk
When the feds make an arrest during the National and haul the miserable miscreant out in front of everyone.

413. Covidiocy
How the sudden interest in baseball cards by well-heeled investors has so insidiously infected the hobby that reasonably affordable purchases for lifelong collectors have now become a thing of the past.


“Collecting isn't a word. It's a sentence”

I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part VIII (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #424 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

Don't mind that the world is falling to pieces around us. Avoid extreme temperatures and store this thread in a cool dry place. Caution: May cause drowsiness, nausea, dizziness or blurred vision. Yes, you will unquestionablysee yourself in this post


Yes, I am serious. And don't call me Shirley...


414. Shagtagged (also Extreme Forsakeover)
A card that has been ruined by someone drawing facial hair on the player.

See also: Abehorrent - when it’s just a beard that was scribbled on the card.

See also: Shorn Again - having to find an unmarked card for your set to replace the defaced one with the ersatz whiskers.

See also: Autograffiti - how a kid back in the day added his own handwritten version of the player’s signature to the front of a card.

415. Toppspoil (also Fanaticks)
The companies currently engaged in sucking the lifeblood out of the revered Topps Chewing Gum Company.

See also: Autoppsy - the various opinions of what led to the figurative death of the company.

416. Besmirchants
The oft-mentioned, high profile card peddlers that every single one of us knows deserve every last bit of crap that gets thrown at them.

See also: Ignoraphobia - the righteousness keeping good people from ever spending a dime with these filthy dealers.

See also: Snubmariner - a person whose eBay searches use the “Exclude” feature to simply cruise by all of those sellers’ offerings.

See also: Appease Artist - someone who has no problem purchasing cards from these guys.

417. Hostile Lurk Environment
When someone who hasn’t posted much at all suddenly starts appearing in multiple threads, throwing his outspoken opinions around.

418. Manurefracturers
Any of the card companies producing ornamentally elaborate modern day cards.

419. Hobbehemoths
All of the larger than life personalities who have been, for good or bad, illustrious presences in this hobby of ours over the years.

420. Mullman
A person who contacts you about a card you have available, and after you answer all of his questions, leaves you in limbo as he takes his own sweet time thinking the deal over.

421. Shrillenium
The growing anger that accompanies the continuously prolonged amount of time it takes for cards to finally come back from the grading company.

422. Mourning Track Power
Buying up cards of a very old former player for the sole purpose of selling them at exorbitant prices on the gigantic bubble that will surely come after he passes away.

423. Burdiction
The terminology and catalogue vernacular developed by Jefferson Burdick.

See also: Songburdick (or ManiACC) - a fan singing the praises of Jefferson Burdick’s work on The American Card Catalog.

424. Scorched Mirth
A welcome and unexpected post in the middle of a very contentious thread which suddenly provides comic relief and brings smiles to people’s faces.

See also: Laftereffects - when other people follow suit and keep the light-hearted vibe going to ease the tension.

425. Second Scoregage
Spending a huge amount of money on a card, but feeling justified for the outlay, because you got a great deal on it.

426. Ruethanasia (informal)
The lamentable and regrettable point you reach when a card is in such bad shape that you have no other option but to just throw it in the garbage and end the misery.

427. Deathwrap (also Stuffed Crusht)
An unopened cello pack with a major card showing on front or back, but the tight factory-wrapped plastic has scrunched its corners, so the card itself will never grade highly.

428. Ineleglance
A multi-player card where one of the subjects is plainly looking somewhere other than into the camera.

See also: Say Geez!! - the annoying reaction to seeing such a card and wishing the photographer had taken a ‘correct’ shot.

429. Texas Foilman
A fan of Curt Flood’s prominent role in the game-changing fight against baseball's reserve clause.

430. Looze Cruise
Eagerly traveling a long way to meet up with someone who’s selling a card or collection, but realizing upon finally seeing it in person that it’s nothing like it was ‘supposed’ to be.

431. Transbender
When a seller identifies a card as having “no creasing or wrinkles” in his post, but the shadows/reflections or other topography in the picture clearly indicates the presence of ripples.

432. First Come, First Verve
Although rookie cards were printed in the ‘same’ numbers as all of the other cards of a player during his career, the demand (and enthusiasm) for them is always exponentially greater.

433. Elmer Fuddy Duddy
Anyone who muses that ‘the thrill is in the chase,’ because what’s the point of anything if you never actually get the thing you’ve been hunting for forever?

434. Twofervor
The adoration of tobacco cards having parts of multiple names showing on top and bottom.

435. Mockpocket (slang)
That tauntingly disappointing empty space in your binder page representing a card you still don’t have for your set.

436. Chick Swing
That moment in adolescence when your focus suddenly changed from collecting baseball cards to going after girls.

437. Tweako-Friendly
The minor, non-invasive and relatively non-controversial actions (soaking, eliminating gum residue, etc.) used to improve the look of cards that are more generally accepted by everyday collectors.

See also: Wear Freshener - someone who utilizes such non-deceptive methods on cards of their own.

438. Surrogreat (also Pinch Fitter)
The printout, photocopy or reprint of an expensive star card that you put in the pocket of your set binder in place of the original, because you either don’t have one or yours is kept safely stored elsewhere.

See also: Relief Picture - when the player on the card in question is a Hall of Fame pitcher.

439. The Ole Hunt n’ Grunt
The dedicated effort, rife with disappointment, of sitting down at a show and methodically going through the dealers’ 800 count boxes card by card, trying to track down ones in the right shape to fill holes in your sets.

440. Lackilles Heel
That card you can’t help but always search for, although you don’t believe for a moment you’ll ever find it.

441. Pre-Warbitrage
The simple fact that for countless reasons, the exact same tobacco card is worth greatly different amounts to different people at the same time.

442. Jumping the Won
Someone excitedly posting pics of a great new pick-up BEFORE he actually has the card in hand.

443. Banarchist
A person who demands that players from long ago, as well as other issues, be judged based on present-day ‘outrages.’

444. Cowpie in the Sky
When you find out that the newfound card (or piece of memorabilia) you were very hopeful about is nothing more than a fantasy piece.

445. Bidtime Story
Any wonderful, dreamy recounting of the time you were able to win an all-time favorite card.

See also: Passoverses - a sad narrative detailing a failed attempt to obtain a card you really, truly wanted.

446. Heard Mentality
The widely heard and oft-repeated hobby facts that may or may not be true, but which have always been accepted due to the constant retelling of them.




"Most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling, the rest of my whole life, the way I feel when I'm collecting."

I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part IX (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)

***ALERT!!!!!!*** This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #457 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here. Life is short, so grab the giggles while you still can!

This is a work of fiction, grammar Nazis, so if I wanted to write "raquelwelchisthehottestpieceofassinhistory" and use it as a verb, I could. Will most surely induce vomiting. Masks must be worn at all times while reading this. Please stand six feet back from your phone or computer, or you'll be sent away to a COVID re-education camp. No polar ice caps were affected while writing this post.


"I came here tonight, because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life collecting cards, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible..."



447. Exgilaration (usually followed by a slew of exclamation points)
The unbounded thrill of Brooklyn Dodgers fans (or their now-middle-aged children) who have waited a lifetime to finally see Gil Hodges voted into the Hall of Fame.

See also: Olivator Shaft - The regret of missing out on picking up Tony Oliva cards cheaply, before the Hall of Fame vote caused a surge in pricing.

See also: Oliva Oil - the newly discovered and suddenly more valuable Tony Oliva cards found in your doubles or commons boxes.

See also: Kaaticombs - the recesses that you crawl through in your search for the hidden-away boxes that may contain old Jim Kaat cards.

448. Miyagi
A card with gum or wax residue on front that has turned nasty-looking over time, but you know it can be easily ‘waxed off.’

449. Protractivity
Posting a ‘for sale’ thread which is hardly getting any views...but once the card is gone and you change the title to include the word “SOLD,” the number of views suddenly surges upward.

See also: Sigh-onara - seeing “SOLD” next to a card you would have immediately jumped at had you seen it in time.

450. Bereaven-Steven
A trade made that includes you sadly parting ways with a card that you really wanted to hold onto.

451. Horizertical
The non-specific corner orientation of horizontal cards. If someone directs you to, say, a team card’s bottom right corner, does he mean the lower right corner when the card is positioned as it was meant to be looked at, or is he referring to the lower right corner as it sits vertically inside of a slab?

452. Up Slit’s Creek
The delicate, no-margin-for-error process of trying to successfully slide a card into a tight-fitting penny sleeve without chipping the card.

453. Swifteen Minutes (also No Maas)
The abbreviated time that the hot cards of rookies taking the baseball world by storm enjoy the limelight...before they inevitably drop off the face of the earth.

454. Mocknee Accent
The curious inclusion of the photographer’s leg in the picture on Dick Allen’s 1971 Topps card.

See also: Massachusetts Blobster Roll - the 1959 Fleer Ted Williams #34 “1947 - Ted Sets Runs-Scored Record” card.

See also: Say-Hey Krud - the oft-ridiculed fact that Topps surreptitiously snuck a sliding Willie Mays into Hank Aaron’s 1956 card.

455. Scheduality
The odd occurrence when both last month’s and this month’s ‘New Pick-Ups’ threads are both active at the same time.

See also: Last Monther - someone who feels the need to explain that although he’s posting in the new pickups thread, he actually bought the card during the previous month.

456. Climbs Disease
The affliction of continually needing to upgrade your cards to higher slab numbers.

457. “Ashes to Ashes, Cardboard to Cardboard”
The depressing realization that at some point each of us is going to unknowingly be eligible for a “Sad News - (Your Name Here)” thread.

458. Signfailed (followed by the obligatory lip pops, tongue noises and other “organic human sounds” as a lead-in...)
A (theoretical?) thread centered around whether or not a vintage sign or advertisement piece is authentic.

See also: Jerrymanderer - a person starting this sort of thread who really works hard to persuade people to get on his side and agree with his conclusions.

See also: New, Man! - an annoying person who only shows up to exclaim it is nothing but a modern day creation or reproduction.

See also: George Bonanza - a member who is convinced it is the real thing and tells you so.

See also: George Lowcostanza - someone who doesn’t have a lot of faith in the piece and advises you to only buy it if it’s extremely cheap.

See also: Art Vandewayoff - anyone who doesn’t mince words and tells you it’s as fake as fake can be.

See also: Swoop Nazi - someone trying to beat everyone else to the punch by sending the OP messages with offers to buy the piece, because he’s convinced it’s real.

See also: Diskramer - a cautious person who feels it very well may be legitimate, but won’t fully commit until more evidence is provided.

See also: Elaincet (or Oppose Talker) - somebody poking holes in other people’s claims of authenticity or inauthenticity.

See also: Mockinaw Peaches - posts telling the OP there is no way in heck the piece is real, but said in an ostensibly sweet way.

See also: Babu Bhattshittcrazy (or Kenny Banyapper) - somebody who spouts all sorts of things that he thinks are relevant, but no one has any idea what he’s talking about.

See also: Sue Ellen Mischmaschke - someone who not only offers information pointing to it being legitimate, but at the same time also states reasons that might make it a fake.

See also: Anti-Dendrite (or Tim Whatleech) - someone who, for selfish reasons, hopes the thread doesn’t continue to branch outward and get exposed to other potential buyers.

See also: "J." Petermanifesto (or Bob Sacamaniacal) - a guy who takes no prisoners and goes on and on in letting everyone know that his opinion as to authenticity is the only one that matters.

See also: Scoffee Shop - the state the thread reaches as it begins to move away from a pursuit of information and degenerates into an insult fest.

See also: Viewer Shrinkage - as the thread devolves into nothing but a nasty argument, fewer and fewer members regularly check in for updates.

See also: Uncle Brio - somebody without an opinion of whether or not it is legitimate, but saying how awesome of a find it is.

See also: Lloyd Braunnoser - a person trying to get on the OP’s good side, hoping it’ll increase his chances of getting the piece off of him.

See also: Re-Grifter - someone who is certain it’s a fabrication, but wants to buy it cheaply so he can sell it elsewhere as ‘real’ and make a huge profit.

See also: The Bubble-Burst Boy - a guy who offers ‘drop the mic’ proof that the piece is indeed a fake.

459. Flipreader
Someone who’s able to tell you what year a card was graded by examining the layout, typeface, cert number, and other information found on the slab.

460. Plastic Cageism
The bias associated with the older, cheap looking PSA labels which causes the cards housed within them to sell for less than their newer counterparts.

461. Shirtchanged (also Alley-Oops-a-Daisy)
The bizarre practice of Topps showing basketball players with their uniform tops on backwards, so their last names were visible.

462. Thingamajignorant
When you don’t know what the various types of baseball card supplies - like penny sleeves, toploaders, snaptites, pocket pages, screw downs, corrugated boxes, team bags, etc. - are specifically called.

463. Slab Blind
Being so enthralled and focused on the beauty of a card that you don’t even notice the blatant damage and/or blemishes, like cracks or frosting, on the case itself.

464. Ōm Plate
The fact that looking through your baseball card collection will always give you the feeling of peace and serenity you’re craving at that moment.

See also: Winner Sanctum - the blessed feeling of joy as you sit alone in a comfy chair admiring your fantastic new auction pick-up.

465. Mold Gold (also Wönderbond (Ger.))
The various sets of cards issued by bread companies.

See also: Flourdough - a seriously valuable bread company card.

See also: Bond Bombshell - any newfound information that helps advance our knowledge of the prized, late-40’s Jackie Robinson set.

466. Vignorance (also Semantax)
The realization that after agreeing on a price for a card at a show, the ‘real’ price turns out to be completely different, because taxes and fees had to be added due to the use of a credit card.

467. Back Roads Scholar
Someone who enjoys researching, discussing and seeking to visit the former sites of long forgotten baseball stadiums.

468. Scanicure
The slow, gentle pushing of your fingernail into the side of a card to get a lift and remove it from the static cling of the scanner bed without causing any damage to it.

See also: Axtraction - when pushing your fingernail too hard into the side of a card causes chipping or makes the layers of cardboard separate.

469. Double-Edder
The inescapable inclination to accidentally say “Eddie Murphy” when meaning to say “Eddie Murray.”

470. Chextras
Having two of each of the checklists when building a set - one to be marked up and used as an actual checklist, and the other to be left unblemished for posterity.

471. Doubt of Focus
Not being able to decipher which of the jumble of helmeted players in the action shot on a football card is the player whose card it is.

See also: Bailoutfit - by looking at the team name on the card, you can match up the color of the uniform in the photo to zero in on the correct player.

472. Augmensch
Someone who is able to add all sorts of extra enjoyment to a card by relating background stories or bits of trivia about the player or the card itself.

473. Buyerarchy
The order in which each individual collector personally places each of the fundamental card assessment elements - centering, corners, image clarity, print quality, etc. - from most important to least important, when purchasing cards.

474. Sword of Damosleaze (myth.)
The fear and anxiety that looms over every seller who sends cards through the mail to winning bidders, never being safe from a shyster pulling an ‘although the tracking says it arrived, it didn’t’ or ‘the card arrived damaged’ scam.

475. Battrition
The sad fact that the dais at the Hall of Fame induction ceremony has fewer and fewer all-time greats on it each year.

See also: Pinchtributor - a relative of a deceased enshrinee who takes the stage to give the Hall of Fame acceptance speech.

476. Shortslighted
The frustrated realization that until you had the card in hand, you didn’t know the 1975 Topps you bought was actually a 1975 Topps Mini.

See also: Double-Shorted - how expensive the 1975 Brett, Yount, Rice and Carter cards become for HOF rookie card collectors, since you have to buy two of each, a regular and a mini.

See also: Smallevolence (or Minipulator) - a seller purposefully listing a card as a regular “1975 Topps,” and not as a “1975 Topps Mini.”

477. Shrugly Duckling
A card that turns out to be ‘not as described’ when you receive it, but since the price still works for the actual condition it is in, you decide it’s best to just keep it and avoid going through the hassle of seeking a refund.

478. “Loose lips sink flips.”
The time honored maxim that it is best not to be too forthcoming in letting people know what hard-to-find cards you’re actively pursuing, because anyone having one of those cards will know they now have you over a barrel.

479. Double-Bummer
A low grade card that also has a qualifier on the label.

480. Fake Schmooze
Dealers at card shows who are obviously only being nice to you in an attempt to talk you into overpaying for something on their table.

481. Pollacrity
When people, instead of answering honestly, purposely vote a certain way in a poll just to be d-bags and mess up the results.

482. Loverturner (or Yupender)
Collectors who jubilantly flip a card over to read the back and look at the cartoon

See also: Learnover - finding interesting things on a back of a card that you hadn’t known before.

483. Mathematricks
The purposeful use of only outlier data by someone trying to convince you that the card he is offering in a trade is equal to the high value card of yours he’s looking to score.

484. Quintuple Dribble
The astounding fact that the entire starting lineup pictured on 1972 and 1973 Topps New York Knicks cards are all Hall of Famers.

See also: Septuple Dribble - when the cards of Phil Jackson and Jerry Lucas are also included.

485. Grincomplete (also Shundamental)
Being completely satisfied in considering your set complete without ever worrying about trying to obtain any of the impossible-to-get cards like the T-206 “Big 4” or 1952 Topps high numbers.

See also: Basis Full - whether it’s the lack of high numbers, variations or other things, what each collector personally considers to be ‘close enough’ to a complete set for them individually.

See also: Reign of Error - knowing you’ll never be able to afford either of the T-206 Sherry “Magie” or Joe Doyle “N.Y. NAT’L” variations.

486. Shortwaives
Players who shoulda/coulda/woulda been Hall of Famers, but their careers were curtailed by serious injuries.

See also: Shortcrave - final career statistics aside, the belief that these superstars still deserve enshrinement based on their somewhat abbreviated accomplishments.

See also: Formattingly - any supporter of Donnie Baseball’s enshrinement.

See also: Balking Wounded - cards of football players who were ‘sure-fire’ Hall of Famers early on, but career ending/altering injuries forever derailed their enshrinement.

487. Minibum
Someone who knowingly sells trimmed cards.

See also: Rpoff Artist - a seller who either disguises the fact that a card is a reprint, or whose only reference to it being so is an easily-missed “RP” notation in the description.

488. Statistics Schmatistics
Being careful with what the figures actually tell you. For instance, a quarterback flipping the ball forward an inch to a player who takes it 99 yards to the house, gets credit for a 99 yard TD pass, and a can-of-corn out in one old baseball stadium would have been a home run in a different one.

489. Technicalithief (also Pinielling Lies (colloquialism))
A seller deceptively calling a card a rookie card (which it technically is), when the player’s actual rookie card was the one he was pictured on in a previous year.

See also: Enemasquerade - getting screwed over by not realizing that this card is not his actual 'first' rookie card.

490. Tape Saint
Anyone who deliberately folds over the corner of the tape used to seal a toploader, so the person receiving the card can immediately open it without vainly scraping their fingernails across it trying to lift a corner.

See also: My Blue Tape Heaven - opening a mailer to see the sender used easily-removable painter’s tape to secure everything, and your immediate thought is, “This guy gets it.”



"Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It's fun to be a card collector."

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part X - Section 1 of 3 (Yes, I've developed enough material to turn this new section into a trilogy*...so stay tuned!!)

***ALERT!!!!!!*** This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #512 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here. Life sucks, so grab yourself some yuks!

This is a work of fiction. Do not read this post if you are currently taking a drug for depression. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Please do not eat the urinal cakes.


"Lord loves a working man, don’t trust Whitey (Ford)..."


*And like 'The Godfather' trilogy, you'll love some of it, hate some of it and will ultimately end up screaming, "When in high f*ck is this thing finally going to end???!!!!!!"



491. Cravin'-It Emptor
When your unbridled desire for a card causes you to be unaware of all of the red flags pointing to it being a scam.

492. Sacrificial Jam
Stuffing random cards you couldn’t care less about into each end of a vintage set box to act as a space-filling buffer and protect the ‘good’ cards from getting damaged.

493. Stampire
A tobacco card collector who preys on finding ones with specific stampings on them.

494. Leap Frauds
The hackers and scammers who continue to jump from one platform or account to another after being exposed time and time again.

See also: Whack-A-Troll - the endless pursuit of warning other collectors about new scam artists appearing on the scene.

See also: Scamster Wheel - the scumbag mindset of always searching for new and innovative ways to rip off people.

495. Schlock Photos
The generic, traditional poses used time and time again by Topps and other baseball card companies.

• Flesh Rhombus
A pitcher with his hands and mitt above his head, elbows pointing outward, to mimic the start of a wind-up.

• Grass Squat
A catcher devoid of equipment and nowhere near home plate, crouching down in the middle of the field to receive a pitch that will surely never come.

• Stretch Strong-Arm
A pitcher who’s leaning far forward with his pitching hand outstretched, mimicking the end of his release.

See also: Sleepbalker - when the hurler, seemingly in a daze, is still firmly holding the ball in his outstretched hand.

See also: Bringing the Greet - when this pitcher is also smiling happily at the camera.

• Batting Trance
An expressionless hitter forced to stand in the ‘ready’ position, looking at the camera with his bat up, waiting for a phantom pitch to come.

• Longholler
A manager with his hand next to his mouth pretending to be shouting out instructions to his players.

• Sir Lanceswat
A player majestically gripping his ‘wooden sword’ with two hands while directing it at, or in the general direction of, the camera, so it appears to be coming right at the viewer.

See also: Knights of Columberus - a group of these types of cards.

• Moundticipation
A slightly crouched pitcher with his hand and mitt at the ready, apparently either waiting for the ball to be tossed back to him by the catcher or preparing to field a come-backer.

• Hatless Couture
The standard close-up head shot of a player not wearing a cap, which purposely eliminates any hint of which team he plays for.

See also: Chinchilling - a closeup of a player casually looking skyward, chin jutting out with only the underside of his cap brim visible, so the team logo remains unseen and unknown.

• Wadworker
A card showing the player with a huge gob of tobacco stuffed in his cheek.

See also: Chawtograph - any signed Nellie Fox card.

• Foul Haul
An player with his mitt near the grass, pretending to backhand a non-existent ball while clearly standing in foul territory.

• Crouch Potato
A hunched-over infielder looking at the camera with his hands and mitt primed to scoop up a grounder hit directly at him.

• Knobster
The self-assured, ready for the coming fight pose of gripping the bat with two hands as it rests upon a shoulder, knob bottom facing the camera.

• Gutclench
A hurler at a full stop in the ‘set’ position, hand grasping the ball inside of his mitt at his stomach, stoically looking off to read the catcher’s signs or slyly keep a runner in check.

496. Optimullet
A card that is optimally beautiful when looked at from the front, but when you flip it over there are significant problems on the back.

See also: Hind Thwarters - a visually gorgeous card in a slab that has a lower grade (or qualifier) based solely on an otherwise ‘unseen’ issue on the reverse.

See also: Stainted Love - a card that looks beautiful on front, but has a dark, egregious, unremovable gum stain on back.

497. Popanoia
The unshakeable feeling in your gut that the graders at any TPG literally don’t want your cards to receive high numbers.

498. Crumb-Drops (also Price Droop)
Anytime someone bumps a for sale thread with a declaration of “PRICE DROP,” when it’s nothing but a slight, insignificant reduction in price.

See also: Bump Jump - when the latest lowered price on a card is finally attractive enough for you to pull the trigger.

See also: Flies on the Prize - the acute awareness that all sorts of other collectors are buzzing around, primed to zip in and beat you to it when the price drops to the right level.

See also: Slash Bash - a thread where the seller has a wide variety of cards listed and lowers the price on ‘everything that still remains.’

See also: Slabtain Obvious - if any graded card remains unsold in the B/S/T after a short while, it simply means the asking price doesn’t correspond closely enough to any recent sales price data.

499. James Banned
A collector of players who have been banished in some way from the major leagues or are otherwise found on baseball's ineligible list.

See also: Bitter Batter Bettor Barter (tongue twister) - any trade involving a Pete Rose card.

500. Tuxidermy
Any card sitting inside of an elegant, black and white SGC slab.

See also: Black Slab Affair - how exquisite a group of cards looks housed in these SGC holders.

501. Frontalbacks
Cards having wet sheet transfers on them.

502. Parkaeologist
Someone who is able to deftly analyze the visual clues hidden inside of a photograph to determine what old baseball stadium the picture was taken in.

See also: Circa-Catch - when said clues also indicate, within a close proximity, the year in which the photo was taken.

503. Jeepers Keepers
Having two of the same card, both having relatively minor, but different, flaws or drawbacks, and you go back and forth trying to decide which of the pair is the ‘better’ one to hold onto.

504. Redruelin’ (slang)
Memories of begging your dad to hit the gas station, even when the tank was full, because you were salivating over getting your hands on more of the football or hockey stamps they gave away free with each visit.

See also: Gas Brags - kids who pridefully showed off all of the service station stamps they were able to accumulate.

505. Buy Diver (also George Washington Conniver)
Economics 101 aside, someone who’s always listing cards at sky high prices, but when he contacts you about one of yours, he insists on getting it for mere peanuts.

506. Ghostboxed
Opening a newly delivered auction win, only to find you were presumably sent an empty package by the seller himself, because there is no evidence of tampering present anywhere on the mailer.

507. Valchemist
Someone trying to turn cardboard into gold by pricing an SGC or BVG card at the much higher value of what the same card with the same number would go for in a PSA holder.

508. Holigraze (also Thankstaking Feast)
The great purchases you’re able to make, because ‘no one’ else is paying attention to eBay that day due to it being a major holiday or some other attention-grabbing event or occurrence is taking place.

See also: Grafternoon Delight - feeling like you commited a crime, because you won a card at such a low price only because of the early, extremely-low-traffic time of day the auction ended.

509. CSI-Don’t-Think-So!
The shock of seeing an eBay seller wearing serious medical or museum curator quality gloves while holding the card in the auction pic, and immediately knowing this thing is gonna be way beyond your budget.

510. Packne Scar
When a supposedly reputable seller of unopened material’s reputation becomes sullied due to a highly visible mistake.

511. Evolutionary Cardwinism
The incremental change in valuation from, say, a Hank Aaron card being worth, “My friend’ll give me three Mets for it! Dyn-o-mite!!!” when you were a kid, to putting it under a blacklight to root out any unseen flaws, using calipers to measure centering, and so on, to formulate a specific monetary dollar value for it today.

512. Puncertainty Principle
The fact that whenever a thread is meant to be, or turns out to be, humorous, one thing is undoubtable - as the witty remarks come, trite plays on words and double entendres will abound.

513. Wahoo-Turn
Trading for a Sam Crawford card.

See also: Love ‘em and Heave ‘em - a trade including a Paul Casanova or Ron Darling card.

514. Upgrift
Auctions employing deceptive tactics to meet hidden reserves.

515. Window Hopping
When you have nothing against a particular seller in the B/S/T, but you know everything he lists is very overpriced, so you just skip past his FS threads as you’re looking for cards to buy.

516. Ex-Postage-Facto
The listing of a single card for sale at, say, $50, then including at the very end of the post, “Add $4 shipping,” instead of just saying, “$54 Dlvd.” right at the top to begin with.

517. Slabbetizer
A card or autograph which has gotten a PSA ‘Quick Opinion’ or Beckett ‘Raw Card Review.’

518. Pokémonstrosity
The disappointment of walking into a baseball card show to find that 95% of the tables are hawking nothing but modern day items and non-sport cards.

See also: Pika-ching! - a quite valuable Pokémon card.

See also: Yenolds Rap - happily belting out the beats after you’ve ripped a pack and acquired a very pricey foil parallel card.

519. Fool’s Sold
Adding a new post to your own thread (that everyone is now forced to read) to declare that the card has been sold, instead of simply editing the title to reflect this fact.

520. Bickerton Annoyance Ratio (BAR)
A mathematical assessment of a net54 member’s overall nuisance factor, stated in the argument to post quotient of b = a ÷ r, wherein a = the total number of posts by a member in a single month that are argumentative, contrarian or otherwise negative, and r = the total number of all posts by said member in the month.

See also: Hyber (palatalization of “High BAR”) - anyone with a BAR that doesn’t have a minimum of one or two zeros to the immediate right of the decimal point.

See also: Flaming Snowball - like the proverbial snowball endlessly rolling down the hill, someone who never tires of being argumentative in seemingly every thread in which he appears.

See also: Reverse Avalanche - the people who plainly have had more than enough, and start loudly telling ‘Mr. Snowball’ to go back from whence he came.

521. Grody to the Packs! (informal)
A great enthusiasm for 1980’s-era junk wax.

See also: Hijunx - the sheer delight of ripping open any wax pack from any manufacturer from any year.

522. Moppetroglyphs
The random words, numbers, etc., written on a card by a kid back in the day.

See also: Boyjotting - attempting to decipher, when not readily apparent, the possible meaning of, or the reasoning behind, the specific scribblings on an old card you own.

See also: Defacelift - any attempt to remove ink or pencil marks from a card.

523. Rubicontract
The implied agreement that once the ‘official’ taped seal securing a card inside of a toploader is breached, any attempts to return the card to the seller for a refund are null and void.

524. Float Earthers
Rookie cards, leaders cards, or team cards that picture nothing but the disembodied heads of the players.

See also: Heliuminary - when one of these ‘hovering heads’ is an all-time great.

525. Auction Grouse
Anyone who rightfully badgers an auctioneer to take down a deceptively-listed item currently active and being bid on.

526. The Odes of March
Warm remembrances of your youthful self being all excited that winter was finally abating and the turning weather meant a new baseball season was on the horizon.

527. “You never walk into the same card show twice”
A time-honored expression marking the fact that the beloved hobby is and always will be in a perpetual state of change.

528. Killebrewmaster
An ardent collector of all things Harmon Killebrew.

529. Theoretical Bizz-Assist
Someone expressing their strong opinions on what exact changes must be made to a TPG’s business model to help right the ship.

530. Brandwagoner
A collector who suddenly becomes interested in the charms of an old set from a secondary manufacturer that other people have been marveling about forever.

531. A Life Sentence for Driving 56 MPH (metaphor)
The ludicrous assertion that the sins of players who completely ruined the very meaning of statistics due to a daily diet of performance enhancing drugs (PEDs) are somehow comparable to players who popped stimulants in the old days.

532. Potato Sacker
An ardent collector of 1968 Topps cards.

See also: Burlapses - the empty spaces in the pages of your 1968 Topps set binder.

See also: Knit Captivating - Johnny Bench’s appearance on his rookie card.

533. Coroner’s Tablers
Fans of the cold, dull, gray 1970 Topps set.

534. Kiblitzer (Yiddish)
Someone who seemingly has a front row seat to every thread in the B/S/T, and rushes in to buy up everything before anyone else has a chance to even view it.

535. Primarinara
The extra ‘sauce’ of value that is associated with a card being numerically first in a set.

See also: Primarigold - one of these cherished cards that is in fantastic shape.

536. Coin Flakes
Any prized and valuable card that was originally found inside of, or printed on, a box of cereal.

See also: The Breakfast Snub (or “Snap, Crackle, Flop”) - the complete letdown of your young self digging through a box of Kellogg’s to get to the 3-D treasure at the bottom...only to find the card is a random player you’ve never heard of on a team you have no interest in.

537. Perfecstration
The irritation of trying to remove a newly delivered card from an overly snug ‘Perfect Fit’ sleeve without causing damage.

538. Zamcronies (also Wintree-Huggers)
Avid collectors of hockey cards and memorabilia.

See also: Smugshots - the smiling, toothless faces pictured on any vintage penalty minutes leaders hockey card.

539. Packwards
Describing a card that was never issued in packs as “Pack Fresh!”

See also: Fresh Cents - the use of “Freshly Graded!!” in a listing, in the strange hope that those words alone will help the card sell for more money.


End of section 1, so go take care of your St. Patty's Day hangover...


"When I buy a new set, I look at the last card first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side."

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part X - Section 2 of 3


"I made him an offer on a card he couldn't refuse..."


540. Jiggle Junkie
A spirited collector of Jell-O cards and boxes.

See also: Dessert Chopping - any card cut from a Jell-O box.

See also: Snipped Cream - a valuable card cut from a Jell-O box.

See also: Wiggle Warrior - a person always in pursuit of advancing the collecting community’s knowledge and understanding of vintage Jell-O sets.

541. Gloatin’ Free
The showing off of great cards, not because of some self-serving ‘look at me’ mindset, but simply because you know other collectors really enjoy seeing them.

See also: Gemissary - a high-minded collector who derives great pleasure from seeing other people’s enjoyment of his rare ‘jewels.’

542. Tedhead
An enthusiastic collector, follower and enthusiast of all things Theodore Samuel Williams.

See also: Ted Honcho - any very rare or valuable Ted Williams card.

See also: Ted Fake - momentarily thinking you hit it big by scoring a 1959 Fleer Ted Williams #55 ‘1955 - Ted Decides Retirement Is “No Go”‘ card...until you realize that although Ted sits in street clothes at a table next to an executive with papers to sign, it is not the coveted #68 ‘Jan. 23, 1959 - Ted Signs For 1959’ card.

543. Quadroptics
The quick, involuntary way your eyes inspect a card by focusing first on a single corner area, then moving on to the next one as you go around the horn examining all four corners to make an overall assessment of the card’s condition.

See also: Bumper Snicker - the reaction to discovering three beautiful corners in a row, only to find the last one viewed is dinged, rounded or overly soft.

544. Lickety-Split Personality
Someone who puts a tremendous amount of importance on receiving his auction wins as quickly as humanly possible.

See also: Grab Lag - when checking on the delivery status of a card, and it continually says “SHIPPING LBL CREATED USPS AWAITS ITEM” and never seems to advance into the “USPS IN POSSESSION OF ITEM” phase.

545. Two-Card Garage
Any TPG slab that wasn’t created to specifically house a certain sized card, so it remains unsecured, sliding around inside of the expansive holder.

546. Amazenith
The ridiculous, over-the-top high prices of cards listed on Amazon.

547. “When I say bump, you say how many times!”
The seeming arrogance of members sending their threads to the top much too often for anyone’s liking.

548. Sourglow
When putting a card under a blacklight reveals hidden problems or evidence of doctoring that you were unaware of.

549. Kigh Anxiety
The distress felt by any well-versed baseball fan upon hearing Kiki Kuyler’s name once again being mispronounced.

550. Bad Breadth
A card notorious for ‘always’ being terribly off-centered to one particular side.

See also: East-Slider - one seemingly found 99% of the time with the image just about falling off the right side of the card.

See also: West-Slider - one seemingly found 99% of the time with the image just about falling off the left side of the card.

See also: The Overly Brothers - the other cards that shared the same row on the print sheet and sing from the same excessively off-centered songbook.

551. Undeadline
The continually reanimated ending time of an auction with “extended bidding” rules in play.

552. Backpedestaling
The act of quickly hiking the prices of cards to reflect the newfound status of an old ballplayer who has finally become a Hall of Famer, a marked change from him sitting in the ‘dollar box’ just a week earlier.

553. Flip Floptimistic
A person hoping the prices of the cards he wants to buy drop back down to pre-COVID levels, while also wishing the prices of the cards he wants to sell continue to rise exponentially.

See also: “The best day to sell your cards is yesterday.” (adage) - the unavoidable fact that when you finally decide to auction off your cards to take advantage of crazily high prices, the market will always drop the moment you list them.

554. Etchebarrened
The surprise of seeing a player on an old card wearing a uniform number that has been forever intrinsically linked to an all-time great who played for the team later on.

555. Boxymoron
The odd absurdity of blacking in the box on a checklist card which is the number of the very checklist card you are holding in your hand and marking.

556. Pacademic
An expert at identifying and categorizing vintage baseball card wax pack wrappers.

557. Niels Bohring
Anyone whose assessment of players from long ago is focused solely on cold, hard stats, while ignoring all of the non-tangible and emotional aspects of the game, like what their contemporaries said about them as players, teammates and rivals.

558. Hubbug Out
Seeing a beautiful, newly listed card at such a great price that you’re basically knocking things over as your hand races to click on the auction and hit ‘Buy-It-Now’ before someone else beats you to it.

559. Joining Hate Watchers
Sitting on the couch, stuffing your face with junk food as you tune into a game for no other reason than to loudly root against the team and players who knocked your favorite team out of the playoffs.

See also: “The eliminator of my team’s eliminator is my friend” - no matter how much you despise a certain team, once they step up and defeat the squad who sent your team packing, you immediately give them a hearty thumbs up.

See also: Human Anti-Bradys - all of the people across the world who shout to the heavens year after year beseeching the gods to deliver Tom Brady a loss on Super Bowl Sunday.

See also: Winoculation - how some of the storied NFL franchises seem to have an immunity to becoming Super Bowl champions.

560. Ignormalcy
How placing the right member on your ‘ignore’ list returns a sense of harmony to the site and increases your enjoyment of it exponentially.

See also: Quotetails - when someone quotes one of those guys in their post, so you are forced to see whatever garbage is coming out of his keyboard now.

See also: Dismishugener (Yid.) - the gumption of someone who is found on countless members’ ‘ignore’ lists talking about the members he himself put on his own ‘ignore’ list.

561. Wear is Over (If You Want it)
Since modern day pack rippers completely ignore everything but the ‘money’ cards, which are immediately put into protective toploaders or albums before quickly being sent off to be graded, there will never again be stacks of cards showing the traditional wear and tear from kids excitedly, repeatedly handling them.

See also: Packslabbing - removing new cards from packs and immediately getting them ready to be sent off for grading.

562. Chaperonus (more familiarly Chaperanus)
Someone who feels it’s his duty to constantly complain about threads that he alone feels are posted in the wrong sections.

563. Replicandy
The magnificent cards that you have multiple copies of.

564. Centerrifical Force
The way your eyes immediately tell you if a card is rightfully centered enough for you personally, independent of what other collectors or TPGs may think.

565. Teambiguous
Looking at a card where the player can be found as a member of one of two different clubs, but you can’t recall if the one you’re viewing is the prized variation or the ‘normal’ one.

566. Crock and Pull Story
Someone joyously posting a card in the new pick-ups thread with a story about how excited he is to finally have one and it took forever to finally pull the trigger, etc...then a few scant days go by and you see he has the card for sale in the B/S/T section.

567. Strike Hike
How a dealer insists on getting the much better end of whatever trade deal may be struck at a card show, and cites a litany of reasons for it, such as the cost of his table, he’s there to make a profit, etc.

See also: Trytanic - when your perceived ‘low ball’ offer on a tremendously overpriced card at a show is met with nothing but an icy stare of death from the dealer.

568. Upsidentical Twin
An otherwise high-grade card that has a small, but fatal, flaw (such as a pinhole or writing) that you grab, because the trade-off of paying just a fraction of the price of what one without such a defect costs is too good to pass up.

See also: Ninesense - smartly grabbing a high grade card with a qualifier, because the visual difference between it and a straight grade is minute enough that spending a crapload more on one without the qualifier would be idiotic.

569. Sugarcoaxing
The emerging practice of craftily listing a card on eBay at a low Buy-It-Now price to draw buyers in, only for them to discover that the ridiculously exorbitant shipping cost actually makes the final price higher than the ‘expensive’ listings of the same card.

See also: Ployboy - a seller who works this kind of scheme.

570. Brandy New Collector
Anyone who has returned to the hobby after a long time away and is so drunk with enthusiasm that he makes all sorts of rookie mistakes right out of the gate.

See also: Empty Feathering-the-Nester - someone who has cleared out his entire collection...only to suddenly find himself buying a coveted card and jumping right back into the collecting game again.

571. PTVSD (Post-Trade-Value Stress Disorder)
How a trade you made many years ago, which in the end proved to be a horrendously bad move, still haunts you to this very day.

572. Windy-Wendy
A San Francisco Giants enthusiast with a special affection for all things Candlestick Park.

See also: Fenwicked - for good or bad, any of the momentous baseball events that took place on Boston’s home turf.

See also: Soapbronxing - anyone expressing his undying adoration for the New York Yankees team or players.

573. Stamp Scamp
Someone immediately looking at the cost of the postage on a mailer he received, then doing the quick math in his head to see if the shipping cost (plus materials, etc.) charged by the seller was close enough to be considered fair.

See also: Mailarkey - when the shipping charge proves to be nothing short of a rip-off.

See also: Bendvelope - a mailer contaning a card inside of a flexible Card Saver holder with nothing else used as a stiffener to better protect the cargo.

574. Musialeum
A collection of ‘Stan the Man’ cards and memorabilia.

575. Barefaced Buy
The purchase of a 1967 Topps ‘Who Am I?’ card where the creative ‘disguise coating’ had been scratched away long ago.

576. April Scour (also Spring Bling)
How a player’s card became hugely desirable to kids as they ripped open new packs searching for it the spring following his incredible exploits in last year’s regular season, playoffs or World Series.

See also: Zoilologist (eponym) - someone eagerly trying to get his hands on one of these new, highly sought-after cards.

See also: Donlarceny (eponym) - the act of taking advantage of someone else’s newfound fervency and scoring great cards off of him by trading one of your ‘new hero’ doubles.

577. Casual Loathing
Not being a fan of Babe Ruth cards and memorabilia where he is dressed in street clothes and not in his legendary baseball uniform.

See also: Mis-Taking Identity (or Ruth-Less Seller) - someone pretending to be slyly ‘unaware’ that the card he’s selling with a label stating it is Babe Ruth pictured on it, clearly shows someone other than ‘The Babe.’

578. Slabdication
When the anger over ridiculously long delays, coupled with the grading company’s poor attitude towards its own customers, grows so intense that you swear you will never spend another dime sending cards their way.

See also: The Vainglory of their Times - the smugness of PSA not giving a rat’s ass about the pathetic length of time it takes for them to grade and return the cards of loyal customers.

579. Omentum
When an auction has such an unusual amount of early activity/bidding that it serves as a bad sign that the price of the lot is going to be driven much higher than you could’ve imagined.

580. Fuzzcuts
The roughly sliced edges of O-Pee-Chee cards.

581. Whale Grail
When a pick-up is so epic that neither “White Whale” nor “Holy Grail” comes close enough to describing how magnificent of a grab it is.

See also: Gloatation Device - a card or piece of memorabilia so monumental that not a single person will ever take exception to the owner loudly boasting about it.



"Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Collectorisms-man!!"

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part X - Section 3 of 3


"Never trust a card collector who says he isn't angry..."


582. Tacticalculus
Quickly crunching the numbers to determine if the price of an ungraded card is a good deal, based on what its value would be if it came back from a TPG at the grade it ‘unquestionably deserves.’

583. Freewheeler-Dealer (also Shopcreeper)
Someone who contributes nothing to the site and is only here to continually tally up sales by peddling their cards in the B/S/T marketplace without having to worry about paying fees to do so.

See also: Vulture Club - a group of such members.

584. Lessing in Disguise
When purchasing a card outside of eBay or an auction house, the wonderful surprise of finding that tax isn’t being added to the final price at check-out.

585. Data Maligning
The refusal to believe or accept that the low price numbers of the past sales statistics you are looking at truly reflect how little your card is ‘worth.’

586. Clapprehension
When someone excitedly posts a new pick-up, but since you are unfamiliar with the card, the set or the player, you have no idea how big your reaction should be.

587. Timefoolery
Running across an old ad or catalog for ‘The Card Collector's Company’ (or other such places) from the 60’s or 70’s and immediately getting lost in imagining how great it would be to go back in time and buy up everything at those incredible prices.

588. Grass Half Empty
Any card or photograph which allows you to catch a glimpse of how awful the field conditions got back in the old days.

589. Upshelfing
When a seller describes a graded card using verbiage such as “Only 15 higher!!” in an attempt to give it some sort of additional prominence it doesn’t deserve.

See also: Glampifying - romanticizing a pile of old cards in bad shape for sale by referring to them as being in “Collector’s Grade.”

590. Sheetwise
Being well-schooled in the ways that vintage card print sheets were organized, laid out, printed with SP’s and DP’s, and ultimately cut.

See also: Slit-Talker - a playful term for someone having an advanced knowledge of these vintage print sheet methodologies.

See also: Chompromised - cards that due to the detrimental positions they occupied on the print sheets, are much more susceptible to being found very off-centered, short side-to-side, or generally miscut due to the sheet cutting process.

591. Incrementarian
Someone who habitually adds a specific number of cents to each of his bids (i.e. $18.44, $72.44, $109.44), so it'll give him a better chance of beating out standard, whole dollar amount bidders.

See also: Wholesum Bidder - one who purposely bids only in whole integer amounts without random cents added on.

592. Socialrelist
A seller who after no one pulls the trigger on his high priced card, decides to relist it at an even higher Buy-It-Now amount.

593. Die-Hardcore Collector
A guy who would enthusiastically crawl through broken glass as he battled terrorists if it meant he had a chance of getting his hands on a card he dearly wants.

594. Sticker Sorrow
The depressing feeling of getting an auction win in the mail and the price tag on the toploader (that obviously held the card for a long time as it sat unsold in the seller’s card shop) is a lot less than what you just paid for it.

595. Stackedcourt (also Hofrequency)
The regularity with which two or more Hall of Famers appear as co-stars on action-packed vintage basketball cards.

596. Smaller Famer
Someone trying to grab big-money, top-tier Hall of Famers off of you through offering trades where he only surrenders cards of low-demand HOF’ers.

597. Subdueling
Choosing not to ‘watch’ an auction you’re very interested in, because keeping the number of watchers low might give you an advantage by making others think the number of potential bidders is less than it really is.

See also: The Ole Yazz-A-Ma-Tazz - purposely using slight, subtle misspellings of a player’s name in an eBay search, in the hopes of running across something great where no one else is looking.

598. Upper-Deke
A seller fervently touting how his lot contains all sorts of valuable high numbers, but it's a fake-out as those cards are either in horrific shape or they’re from a set where the high series isn’t in any way, shape or form tough to obtain.

599. Reboot Lickers
Fans of the modern day sets whose designs are throwback reproductions of cards from long ago.

600. Pornucopia
Any pictures of random, jumbled assortments of old baseball cards.

601. Amass Hysteria
Having the so-called ‘collector’ gene, where the act of accumulating cards (and/or other collectibles) is not only second nature, but a very important part of your life.

See also: Ebayla Virus - the malady of consistently spending so much money purchasing new pieces for your collection that it adversely affects other parts of your life.

See also: Gaffe Infection - plagued by the need to accumulate whatever error and variation cards you can get your hands on.

See also: Crossovertigo - the disorder causing you to not be able to see straight unless each graded card you obtain is cracked out of its slab and resubmitted to your preferred TPG.

See also: Back Lung Disease - the uncontrollable urge to continue adding ‘new’ and different tobacco card backs to your collection.

See also: Winsomnia - being unable to sleep due to the need to press on and make it to the end of an auction finishing up in the wee hours of the morning.

See also: Hallstones - the pain in your gut that results from stressing over whether your bid in an auction for a Hall of Famer will remain high enough to win the card.

See also: Hero-Win Addict - a person hooked on collecting a specific player, and always striving to prevail in auctions to grab more and more examples of his cards.

602. Slop-Happy
A card that puts a smile on your face, because although it is in godawfully bad shape, it has the saving grace of being perfectly centered.

See also: Malificentered - when the centering of a card is so garishly awful it hurts your brain.

603. Not Not Joke
Any auction for a card that is obviously a reprint or fantasy piece, but the seller cunningly includes some sort of “I’m not sure if this card is real or not...” verbiage to try to pull the wool over someone’s eyes.

604. Easy Come, Easy Dough (adage)
How incredibly easy it is for TPGs to grade new cards, since they are of extremely high quality to begin with, and go straight from the pack into card savers and then submitted...without the chance of ever suffering wear.

605. Accoladyboys
Kids who chased cards with the ‘All-Star Rookie’ trophies on them, because their young minds believed Topps considered those guys to be the best players around.

606. Perplexistentialism
If a card has a ST qualifier on the label, but no matter how hard you examine it you can’t locate the supposed stain, does said stain actually exist??

607. Flopps (also Bottomms (archaic))
The particular Topps set or sets that each individual collector feels are just a big swing and a miss.

608. Lens Denter (also Helmet Bonker)
A picture on a card that is such an extreme close-up that you can imagine the camera actually coming in contact with the player.

609. Barrage Sale
When someone posts way too many separate FS threads, instead of combining them.

610. Membeer Goggles
When someone claims the stuff he is selling is ‘beautiful,’ when everyone can see the cards are anything but pretty to look at.

611. A Pounce of Prevention
When a card for sale somewhere is just too good to be true, and members immediately jump in to call people’s attention to all of the red flags while warning them to be very, very careful about pursuing it.

612. Unwanted Posters
Manager and coaches cards, because 99.9% of all collectors have nothing but contempt for them and wish some other types of cards were printed in their place.

613. Dread Giveaway
When seeking out opinions on whether or not the expensive card you bought is authentic, and someone points out a specific aspect that 100% proves it is NOT genuine.

614. “Healthy as a Hearse” (aphorism)
The ambivalence of realizing that when an all-time great dies, the great sadness you feel is counterbalanced by the skyrocketing value of the cards you have of him in your collection.

615. Poll Vaulting
Clicking the “View Poll Results” button in a thread to see which way the wind is blowing before actually voting in said poll.

616. High-Grade Low-Brow
Vintage sets where it is very easy to obtain cards cheaply in extremely high grades.

617. Fleermonger
A collector and enthusiast of any vintage Fleer sets.

See also: Cookie Mistake - how Fleer’s 1963 attempt to issue a set of cards featuring current players crumbled under the weight of Topps’ supremacy.

618. PSA 10 OC (slang)
A colorful way of telling someone that their card is a fake. “Yo, dude, that Matty is a 10 OC all the way!”

619. Dem Sums
Any valuable Brooklyn Dodgers cards.

See also: Ebbetts Yield - the increased value of the 1957 Topps #400 Dodgers Sluggers’ card if Carl Furillo ever finds his way into Cooperstown.

620. Reflection Deflection
Using pics of a card still in a penny sleeve or toploader, so the rippled reflections of light off of the plastic obscures issues that would be readily apparent if the card was photographed or scanned outside of the holder.

621. Might O’ Dayers
The lurkers who may consider coming out of the shadows and becoming more ‘fully-fledged’ net54 members and contributors.

622. Brothers-in-Lore
Scammers in the B/S/T who all seem to tell the same story of having siblings with incredible collections that need to be unloaded quickly and cheaply.

623. Brookskeeper
A spirited collector of all things Brooks Robinson.

624. Scambling
Being unsure of whether or not a valuable card is authentic, but rolling the dice and sending it in to be graded anyway, because if it turns out to be real you’ll be rolling in the dough.

625. March Fadness
How the market for a certain emerging player’s rookie cards gets all bonkers with the dawn of the season approaching...only to start losing steam as the season gets under way and he proves to be nothing special.

626. Gripe Left
When a member complains about there being a lack of interest in the attractively-priced (to him) card he’s selling by remarking, “What, no offers??”

627. Single-A Haul
Any pick-up that is great for you, personally, but in the scheme of things may be rather yawn-worthy.

628. Blisstory
The warm retellings of when, where and/or how you picked up a specific card or cards a long time ago.

629. Batsmanalysis
Trying to interpret the subtle clues and determine what old team’s uniform a player is wearing on a card where all team logos and insignias have been either obscured or airbrushed into oblivion by the card company due to a team switch.

See also: Trade-Scoff (or Sigh-Gration) - the godawfully poor job of airbrushing done to the ‘new’ caps of relocated players on vintage ‘traded set’ cards.

630. Farced Perspective
A seller taking a picture of an off-centered card at an angle with the ‘very close to the border’ side in the foreground, giving the illusion that there’s a lot more room there than there actually is.

631. “Fly Me to the Boon”
When a card you saw on eBay (and know how much it sold for) suddenly appears for sale on net54 at two or three times the price it went for merely a week ago.

632. Free Blurred
The use of “FREE SHIPPING!” in an auction title in an attempt to obscure the fact it is a tremendously overpriced card.

633. Half-Ask Effort
When someone posts a WTB thread, but doesn’t include any fundamentally basic information such as what condition they are seeking, etc.

634. Lagflation
When a seller’s prices before the pandemic were stupidly high, but since he hasn’t done a show in a couple of years, the old price stickers on his toploaders remain unchanged and now make the cards look like sweet bargains in today’s market.

See also: Deantrification - when the stupidly high prices of an eBayer seller seem a tiny bit more reasonable to some people, because everyone else’s wildly skyrocketing prices have lessened the gap.

635. Show-Flopper
Buying a graded card at a show, because you thought the price was a steal, but when you got home and checked out the listings on eBay, you saw it could be readily had for half of what you paid.


And that's the end of section 3, so I hope you guys enjoyed it!! (Whoops!! Since I'm not a biologist, I don't actually know if you are "guys.")



“Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and buy some cards once in a while, you could miss it."


I present to you Collectorisms Part XI - Section 1 of 3 (Damn straight it's a trilogy again, as I have had months of down-time with nothing better to do...so stay tuned for part 2!!)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #647 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

Think doing this crap is easy? Just imagine the time spent spell-checking everything, when virtually every single ‘Collectorism’ is, by design, misspelled!! So, do a guy a favor and frickin' laugh, dammit!!!

Neither the writer nor the owner of the site will be liable for any brain damage arising from reading this nonsense. For comfortable and safe use, please read the Safety & Comfort Guide. Never commit arson. Not even once. If you find yourself so annoyed that you decide to jump into the freezing ocean to end your life, please swim towards the spacious door floating on the surface...but enjoy the coziness alone. DO NOT let anyone named Jack save himself. He's nothing but trouble.


Let's get ready to grumble!!!!!!!!!!!*



*Over the ridiculous amount of silly wordplay. It's quite 'pun'-ishing (get it?)!!



635. Slapnickerhappy (also Slapnick Comedy) (eponym)
The group demeanor of net54 members anytime an obvious scam jockey shows up and laughably thinks he can swindle the collectors here without everyone exposing him.

See also: A Show of Farce - a thread started to allow everyone to point out what a clown the scammer is.

See also: Acupuncturbulence - members systematically poking holes in this idiot’s claims.

See also: F*ck-It Brigade - the members all lining up to join the fray and pour crap on the scammer.

See also: Splat Personality - when this offender tries to pretend he is not the very person everyone in the thread is referring to, and his attempt fails miserably.

636. Youfirstniac (also Feedbucker)
A seller who, although you paid promptly for the card you won, will not leave you feedback until after you’ve received the item and left him positive feedback first.

637. Opinionomics
The determination of a card’s value based not on inherent market factors such as the give and take of supply and demand, or the specific attributes of the individual card, but solely and blindly on the number assigned to it by a Third Party Grader.

638. D.B. Recouper
Anyone attempting in vain to resell a card for a profit that he paid much too much for to begin with, not seeming to comprehend that his money is simply lost in the wind and it ain’t coming back.

639. Rawlings Stoned (also Leathereal)
The incredibly rejuvenating and nostalgic high felt by breathing in the unparalleled delicious aroma of a brand new leather mitt.

640. High Scroller
Any collector who has the sheer audacity to set his eBay searches on the “Price + Shipping: highest first” option.

641. Cream of the Crap
The most important Hall of Famer or rookie cards, etc., from an inconsequential, inexpensive set.

642. The Golden Drool
In polite collecting society, when a member offers you enthusiastic props for a card you posted in the new pick-ups thread, it is encumbent upon you to return the favor and show equally great exuberance when he posts a new pick-up of his own.

643. Whetting Zoo
The first tables filled with incredible stuff that you immediately encounter as you walk into a card show, and they get your juices flowing.

See also: Swoop Kitchen - the state of being among the first collectors through the doors at a card show, greatly increasing your chances of grabbing an early cardboard feast before anyone else has a chance to even look at the menu.

644. Hardy Harchivist
Anyone bringing up (for a laugh) the infamous time a board member threatened a member called ‘Archive’ with legal action over a post, even though the guy issuing this threat was actually the very person who many years earlier wrote the now ‘archived’ post that is causing his current consternation.

645. Slambivalence
The happiness you feel when finally getting your cards back from a TPG, while also being quite depressed by how badly you got hammered on the grades.

See also: SSI (Slab Scene Investigation) - using all of the tools at your disposal to closely examine your newly graded card in an effort to decipher how it could’ve received the low grade it did.

646. Far Mint (FM) (slang)
A card in such horrifically bad shape that even its own mother couldn’t love it. The exact opposite of ‘near mint.’

647. Playoffrising
The sudden, marked increase in exorbitantly priced cards appearing on eBay of players who are currently excelling in the post-season.

See also: Playoffloading - the ultra-quick drop in asking prices when the player’s team has been eliminated.

648. Fanishment
When you are once again so annoyed by how your team’s season ended, that you angrily exclaim you will never root for them again.

649. Grinner Child
The heart-melting joy and happiness you still feel every time you catch a glimpse of a card that was a favorite of yours while growing up.

650. Coupon de Grâce
Any small and merciful reduction in price an inflexible seller finally agrees to which grants you the satisfaction of pretending you actually ‘won’ the negotiation.

651. Secret Highdentity
After many decades, it has still not been resolved with any certainty which high numbered cards in certain Topps sets were truly single/short prints.

652. Dinosourcing
Any old school seller still using Beckett and/or other printed reference guides to price his cards, when buyers have instant access to pertinent, in-depth and up-to-date data at their fingertips via their phones.

653. Snaggregate
The exact, pre-determined amount you are willing to bid to grab a card in an auction by already including all of the eventual fees - such as BP, taxes, shipping, etc. - for that maximum bid amount in your calculations.

654. Sock Schlop
The bizarre, random appearance of a foot or feet in an auction photo.

See also: Hoof Wit - a seller who allows this to happen.

655. Begoodled
When someone describes a card as being in “good shape” and you are unsure if they mean it as a general statement denoting “the card looks really nice” or “good” as in the specific low grade situated between “poor” and “very good.”

See also: Inexacterval - when someone refers to “1960’s cards” and you’re not sure if they mean the decade of the 1960s or the singular year of 1960.

656. Blundervalued
Making an unfortunate oversight when pricing a card, such as failing to realize it has a rare back or is a variation, and it causes you to ultimately let it go at a much lower price than you coulda/shoulda have gotten for it.

657. Fogeyism
Any newly created, semi-clever saying that attempts to mirror the fantastic old-time whimsical musings of Yogi Berra.

See also: Yogi Grinandbearit - the obligatory woeful reaction to one of these new witticisms.

658. Shortbland
The manner of listing a card for sale with just the TPG’s number grade, and not a single word to actually describe its shape or the pros and cons of the particular card itself.

See also: Minimalisterer - a seller who engages in this particular understated method of listing a card for sale.

659. Wikipediot
Anyone who correctly answers an impossibly tough question in a trivia thread, and you know damn well he just looked it up on-line.

See also: Quikipediately - the rate at which any post containing interesting information sends you off to find on-line resources to read up more on this cool player or topic.

See also: Alex Trebeckon - who is someone that is always starting enticing trivia threads?

660. Goosegeese
Having multiples of Leon Goslin cards.

661. Perfect Lame
When not a single person shows interest in the card or cards you posted for sale or trade in a thread.

662. Subtotalitarian
A collector using whatever means necessary to avoid paying taxes on a card purchase.

See also: Alcaponecating - a collector who refuses to risk legal jeopardy, so he makes sure each of his transactions is completed with every penny of proper taxes being collected or paid out.

See also: Tariffraff (slang) - the collectors looked down upon by others for insisting that taxes must be paid on card purchases.

See also: Feefalling - when a seller reluctantly agrees to allow you to use the taxless PayPal Friends & Family instead of Goods & Services.

663. Heir Supply
Those random boxes of cards and other items kept in the attic, basement or garage that you know you will never go through, so they will become someone else’s problem eventually.

664. Venewfangled
How ballfields went from having wonderfully enduring names that lit up a fan’s heart with nostalgia, to being renamed merely to reflect who’s ponying up the huge sponsorship fees that year.

See also: ‘My Corporate Bank Account is the Largest’ Arena (also Swankee Stadium) - any ballpark that was renamed to reflect a new corporate sponsor.

See also: Shea-What?! Stadium - when someone uses the ‘updated’ name of a ballpark and you have absolutely no idea what field it ‘used to be,’ what city it’s located in or even what team plays there.

665. Carpetbragger
The annoyance of someone snarkily boasting about a new player who just signed with his favorite team via a huge free agency deal, when you’ve been rooting for that guy for years on your team.

666. Fraudian Slip
When a scammer’s words or approach accidentally make his motives for deceit and trickery perfectly obvious for all to see.

See also: Swindling Kindling - the initial message sent out to a potential target by a scammer to see if he’ll be able to burn you.

See also: Bufakke - when you become a target of scammers, possibly through on-line mistakes of your own, and the attempts to sell you bogus cards start hitting you in the face from all directions.

See also: Deep Fraud Turkey - any victim of a scam who missed all of the obvious signs and indications of deception.

See also: Tattoo-Timer - any scammer who has been outed to the collecting community and marked as a con artist.

See also: Scambusher - someone who derives great fun from screwing with an obvious scammer.

See also: Nigerian Princely Sum - the amount of money lost when a scammer gets the better of you.

667. “Is that a wax pack in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
What every collector hopes the hot girl at the dealer’s table (Where did she even come from??) will ask him with an earnest glint in her eye.

668. ‘Attic’ Condition
Long forgotten cards and memorabilia remaining in decently high condition due to being stored and preserved in a more dry, secure environment.

See also: ‘Basement’ Condition - long forgotten cards and memorabilia in lower, throwaway condition, as a result of being stored in damp, unkempt, moldy environs.

669. Spendurance
When your original bid doesn’t get bettered by someone else during the course of an auction’s run, and you end up taking the win.

670. Autograffliction
A disease causing people to exuberantly chase down and collect signed pieces.

See also: Hifalutink - a rare and pricey autograph

671. Pee-Emonition
The assumption that the person who wrote “PM sent” in the 'For sale' thread you’re viewing has bought the card.

See also: Mute Mate - a member who curiously posts “PM sent” in your thread, but you never actually receive a message from him.

672. The Lord of the Swings
Any thread centered around the eternal, contentious question of, “Who was the best hitter in the history of the game?”

673. Florazontal
The engaging, wildly colorful layouts of 1955 and 1956 Topps cards.

674. I, Robought
Any card won through the utilization of a snipe app.

675. Flair Assumption
The supposition that some Hall of Famers whose career numbers do not seem stellar enough when compared to others to merit inclusion in Cooperstown, had their larger than life personalities to thank for their induction.

676. Environminty
Cards that may be technically off-center, but since they do not have four delineated borders and/or were designed with backgrounds that go fully to the edges - like 1962, 1963 and 1968 Topps sets - it’s not readily apparent or in any way concerning.

677. Nulti-Player
A vintage league leaders card that doesn’t have a single HOF’er pictured on it.

678. Dorsal Find
An amazing card you spot sticking out of the jumbled mishmash of stuff crammed inside an overflowing ‘discount’ box at a card show.

679. Buy Appeal
The internal debate of seeing a card at a great price for the particular grade, but knowing it is clearly ‘over-graded’ and would never receive the same number were it submitted today, and deciding if it’s a good move to buy it.

See also: Straitjacket Grade - a card that is criminally, insanely over or under-graded. “It looks nothing better than a straight 4, but it got a straitjacket 7!!”

See also: Low Grrrade - a card of yours so clearly undergraded that it makes you growl.

680. Glut Feeling
The worry that now is probably not the right time to try to sell a card and get your target price, because there is already an overabundance of the same card on eBay.

681. Faux Derek
A card curiously graded a 9.5, as there is nothing detectable to the human eye to separate it from a 10

See also: Boderek Jeter - any Derek Jeter card that is graded a perfect 10.

682. Record Crooks
The players either holding all-time records or being near the top of career lists, who got there by cheating.

683. “And thus it is written, the man able to remove creases from cards shall rule the world!”
A piece of wisdom found inscribed on an ancient cuneiform tablet.

684. Testimoney
The theoretical belief that at some point in the future a free agent will actually answer the question, “What made you decide to sign with the (name of team here)?” by stating, “For the gobs and gobs of money. A-duh!!!!!”

685. Neandertalk
When an old-time vintage card collector chats with a young, modern card collector about what things were like back in the good old collecting days and the kid doesn’t have a clue what the old guy is talking about.


End of section 1, so get a jump on inserting razor blades into candy bars. Halloween is almost here...



"Just when I thought I was out, the cardboard keeps pulling me back in."

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part XI - Section 2 of 3


“Heaven is full of threads for which nobody ever bothered to ask..."


686. Portly Party (also Chub Club)
Looking at photos from a card show and giggling at the overabundance of balding, hat-wearing, middle-aged fatties walking around.

See also: Self-Factualization - when viewing these types of pics and you come to the sudden, horrific realization, “Wait...that’s EXACTLY what I look like these days!!"

687. Squeeze Pray
Trying to exert the perfect amount of finger pressure to the sides of a Card Saver to get it to stay open long enough to allow the comfortable insertion of a card without it snapping shut halfway through and damaging said card.

See also: Pliantagonist - a Card Saver that simply refuses to fall in line and properly remain open.

688. Thinker to Nevers to Perchance
The three stages of a collector’s purchasing decision:
1. “Wow...that’s a pretty nice card. I should consider grabbing it.”
2. “Whoa...no way!! That price is way too expensive.”
3. “Hmmm...you know what, I really want it. Maybe I can find a way to afford it.”

689. Six-Legged Paperweight
The guy planted in a chair in front of a table at a show, head tilted, staring down as he endlessly rifles through stacks of cards taken from the dealer’s large count storage boxes.

See also: SpongeBlob - when one of these self-important guys takes up a ton of space in front of a table and won’t cede ground to anyone else wanting to look at the dealer’s offerings.

690. Uppercrushment (also Starfoul)
The undeniable existence of a two-tiered grading system, wherein if you submit a valuable Hall of Famer and a common that are both in the exact same shape, the HOF’er will undoubtedly come back with a lower number on its slab than the nobody.

See also: Dearth Grader - the villainous way TPGs seem to purposely and consistently give lower, harsher grades to certain specific cards, creating a false scarcity of high grade examples.

691. Eye Deafness
The inability of any collector to accurately assess what grades his own cards will receive when being sent off to a TPG.

692. “Bubble, Bubble, Foil and Trouble”
A Shakespearean lamentation warning of the burst to come if you pursue shiny, newly-released modern day chase cards too vigorously as their prices quickly and unrealistically surge due to an inordinate amount of early collector enthusiasm.

See also: “Et Tu, eBay?” - the sorrowful reaction when your attempt to unload a card you greatly overpaid for falls way short of the price you really needed to get for it.

693. Sixodus
The huge, fresh glut of newly graded cards flooding eBay, all having ‘cert numbers’ beginning with the number 6, that are a result of PSA finally working their way through the massive, years long pandemic backlog.

See also: Frontsixer - any of these newly graded cards.

694. Circumbenevolent
Showing kindness toward a like-minded fellow collector by purposely not bidding in an auction he’s keen on winning, to avoid unnecessarily running up the price in a bidding war and affecting his chance of carrying the day.

See also: Collegial Collusion - a more cynical term for this type of regular occurrence.

See also: Bro-Codependency - the unwritten courtesy of stepping aside, because you know if the roles were reversed, your collecting buddy would do the same for you.

695. Writed G
Using asterisks or other characters to replace certain letters in curse words to make them more reader-friendly.

696. Pat Benatarandfeather (slang)
Any thread that starts with someone singing the praises of a person, player, company or some other entity, but quickly devolves into others turning it into a festival of scorn and derision. (Come to think of it, this actually describes EVERY thread.)

697. Intentional Walk-Away
When you’ve set a maximum bid amount for something and once that price is met, come hell or high water, you will not bid another penny more.

See also: Retreating for Two - when the thought of the hell that will be unleashed on you by your wife for spending too much money on a silly little card causes you to stop bidding in an auction.

698. Plunkdrunk
The high that results from getting carried away by emotion and winning a card by bidding much more than you promised yourself you would.

See also: Yupswing - the moment you place the bid which takes you beyond your pre-established limit.

See also: Gung Ho No!!! - the cry of despair resulting from stupidly winning an auction through an incredibly high, nearly self-bankrupting bid.

699. Gunslingering Doubt
The painful regret of not throwing caution to the wind and pulling the trigger on a much higher bid amount than you had planned, because overpaying for a card that rarely comes up for auction is always the right move.

700. Deflation Inflation
When sellers still insist on listing their cards at exorbitantly high prices, seemingly refusing to acknowledge how values have come down significantly since their pandemic highs.

701. Contemporary Insanity
The disbelief over seeing the stunning king’s ransoms being paid for some modern day cards.

702. Hearticulation
Being a lifelong fan and refusing to call your beloved team by the random, ‘politically correct’ moniker it was suddenly changed to, and sticking with what the franchise has always been called.

See also: Wokerevokers - people who aren’t necessarily fans of the team, but have a love for the game’s traditions and team identities, and refuse to use the silly new name.

703. Flipper Upper
Any affordably priced card that you believe to be a strong candidate for a resubmission upgrade to a higher number.

See also: Uppraisal - the examination of a card to determine if it’s suitable for a resubmission attempt.

See also: Bumplump - a card selling for a higher price than it should, most likely due to the feeling it very well should be broken out and resubmitted for a higher grade.

704. Jigsawkward
Vintage cards that were issued as rectangular picture puzzle pieces, but when laid out do not come close to seamlessly fitting together to form the intended whole, due to the wildly inconsistent factory cutting practices of the time.

705. Spurnaround (also Reincardnation)
Taking items that for various reasons were originally rejected by PSA, and now sending the cards in to a different TPG for a new and deserving shot at slab life.

See also: Snubbish Bin (or Snuffedstuff) - the group of cards shunned by PSA that sit in Card Savers donning stickers indicating “MISCUT,” “MINSIZERQ,” etc.

See also: Dismissal Launch - the act of sending out these cards to the ‘new’ TPG.

See also: Gleevival - when your cards now come back slabbed with number grades.

See also: Lazarush - the thrill of having one of your cards rightfully coming back to life.

706. Promissory Bloat
When a seller’s description of the condition of the cards you bought from him turns out to be very understated and everything looks much better than expected.

See also: Midloweight - the importance of understanding that when someone lists a group of cards as being “mid-grade,” you shouldn’t be surprised if the majority of them turn out to be lower grade stuff.

707. Swishful Thinking
The realization that although it was never a rare card, your dream of owning a nice and affordable 1986-87 Fleer Michael Jordan rookie will never come to pass.

708. Thwarthanded (informal)
A vintage card forever ruined by an inauthentic, perhaps secretarial or ink stamped, signature on it.

See also: John Hancrock - the fake autograph found on one of these pieces.

See also: Posticide or Boooo! The Mail - when a card was ruined long ago in this manner after you requested an autograph through a fan letter.

709. Chi-Town Kubobs
The curious way Topps kept designing 1970’s-era Chicago Cubs team cards to be nothing but the ready-for-the-skewer floating heads of the players and coaching staff.

710. Dagnabbit Hole
A busy thread that has a link to a card, picture or something else that everyone’s talking about, but no one has added the actual image to the thread to make it easy for everyone to know what’s going on...so you annoyingly have no choice but to start clicking and following links to get up to speed.

711. “How could you tell he was a scammer?” “Simple. His asking price was quite reasonable.”
A plaintive gripe reflecting the state of baseball card sellers these days.

See also: Sense of Misdirection - the simple smarts and sound judgment which easily allows you to steer clear of card scammers.

712. The Grand Tillusion
The myth that selling your cards on eBay will be an easy way to get your coffers overflowing.

See also: The Point of No Returns - the confusion of seeing an eBayer stating that he doesn’t accept returns, when you’re pretty sure that everything on the site can be sent back for a refund if you follow proper protocols.

See also: Bridge Over Troubled Slaughter - saving yourself from heartache by setting up your auction with a reserve.

See also: Dark Side of the Boon - how the IRS is now forcefully inserting itself into your low value selling efforts made through PayPal and eBay.

See also: Stop Faking Sense - the wish for eBay to quit making nonsensical, unnecessary, and even harmful changes to their platform when nobody asked for them in the first place.

See also: Textile On Main St. - picking up a great, vintage game-worn uniform off of eBay.

713. Guano-it-All
Anyone posting their opinion in an opinion-based thread and concluding with, “End of discussion.”

714. Frank Flawed Wright
If you listen to the loud opinions being voiced in the collecting world, the apparent designer of each and every new TPG slab.

See also: Shabitat - the expressed disdain for a particular TPG’s holder.

715. Middlemerch
The prominent, drool-worthy cards kept front and center beneath the glass at a dealer’s table.

See also: Unobtaina-Table - a seller’s set-up at a show that has nothing but cards which are way beyond your means, but it’s exciting just to catch a glimpse of them anyway.

716. Booby Scratch
Seeing an otherwise gorgeous 1964 Topps card, only to turn it over and discover that some kid followed the directions and rubbed a coin across the blank box to reveal the cartoon answer.

See also: Scrapeheap - a group of these cards.

See also: Scratchscreech - the unhappy reaction to coming across such cards.

See also: Pristingy - the sacrifice of giving up knowing the answer to the tantalizing trivia question on the back of a 1964 card in order to keep it unscratched and unblemished.

See also: Drowntowner - any of the scant few 1964 Topps cards that do not feature the subject player breaking the surface of the photograph and jutting out into the ‘air’ of the white area.

717. Eightyoneing
No matter how great your favorite team is doing, you can never breathe securely until they meet the 81 victory threshold, ensuring they will NOT have a losing season.

718. Ownerslip (also Ransom Notation)
As the cardboard seller’s version of ‘proof of life,’ having your name and today’s date written on something in the picture next to the card you’re offering for sale, for the express purpose of proving to the viewer that not only do you own the card, but you have it in hand.

See also: Proofessor - someone who engages in this activity.

719. Disrobing the Piece
Presenting convincing evidence that a supposed game-worn item found as part of a relic card doesn’t comport with the facts and surely could not have been legitimately worn by the player.

720. Tempty Promise
When a dealer allays your fears by guaranteeing that if you send the card he’s offering to a TPG, it will come back graded.

See also: Stickinthecrawthentic - when the seller informs you that being slabbed as ‘authentic,’ and not receiving a number grade, does indeed count as fulfilling this pledge.

721. Applied Reprintsearch
The act of closely examining the back of a seemingly authentic card in hopes of not finding the word “reprint” there.

See also: Backjacked - discovering that the word “reprint” was deceptively removed from a card to make it appear to be a valuable and legitimate original.

722. Cardboard Orphan
Anyone who had to suffer the indignity of knowing his very own mother thew out his baseball card collection without even telling him.

See also: Forfeitorture - the painful realization that your mom suddenly ‘handed down’ your boxes of baseball cards to a family who has younger, more suitable children to enjoy them.

723. Weirdiful
Any cards, sets or other such collectibles that are undoubtedly as ugly as sin to 99% of all collectors, but are fascinating and desirable to you personally.

See also: Hecktacular - a card that is truly a cool pick-up, but not for the usual reasons. Could be a bizarre printing error, a wild miscut, or something else that makes it wonderfully odd.

724. Penny Pinch-Hitting
Wanting to buy a card, but the price is a bit too high for your budget, so you switch your focus and ‘settle’ for a less desirable, but affordable, alternative.

See also: Hoboasting - being excited about scoring something great that was cheap, cheap, cheap.

725. Telegrim
Any type of message, PM or other communication which informs you that you did not win an auction.

726. Aggrievolution (also Mittamorphoshitz)
The stupendously ridiculous MLB rule changes that have come out of nowhere recently and are simply anathema to the traditions and spirit of the beloved national pastime.


End of section 2, so now you have time to go and buy a Lotto ticket, because it's the only way to afford anything on eBay these days...




“And then? And then when I walked down the street people would've looked and they would've said, there goes the best there ever was in this game of puns and wordplay.”*

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part XI - Section 3 of 3


*Which is entirely false, because this stuff is just monumentally tiring, amirite (that's a call-back to the first post in this nonsense thread)?


727. Denty-Header
A card having a crease running across the player’s face.

728. Golden Newbies
The cards produced after Topps stopped issuing sets in multiple series that you’ve always considered to be too ‘modern’ to bother getting graded, but now are old enough that they can carry some nice value.

729. “My horsehide is living rent-free in that guy’s mitt”
When one net54 member seems to have a weird obsession with another member, and his attempts to continually go after him are laughably in vain.

730. Brimmortals
The special category of players whose career numbers are a no-brainer for enshrinement in Cooperstown, but whose unforgiveable baseball sins have left them stranded forever on the threshold looking in.

See also: Hofogenous - the proper descriptive term used to indicate that a group of cards is ‘all’ Hall of Famers, except for the fact Pete Rose, Joe Jackson and/or other pariahs are actually a part of it.

731. Dotcomaraderie (also The Fellowship of the Grab)
The joy of different people with different likes, interests and personalities all meeting up on-line for a shared enthusiasm of baseball card collecting.

See also: Ballpayers - the card collecting community as a whole.

See also: Aarpool Lane - the more senior collectors who enjoy looking back and sharing nostalgic stories of the innocent, halcyon days of their card collecting youth.

732. Shtick Figures (also Packsimiles)
The colorful illustrations of baseball players found adorning vintage wrappers, boxes and other packaging which were obviously intended to resemble real major leaguers, but whose facial and/or other features were altered slightly to make them ‘different’ people.

733. Weakilateral
Card sets, like 1954 Topps and others, that appear to be off-centered just by the very nature of their layouts.

734. Short Border Crook
A seller on eBay who deceptively crops his picture to eliminate a little bit on all sides of a lower or mid-grade card to make it magically appear to have four perfectly sharp corners.

735. Detourist Trap
When a card gets caught up in the annoying and pointless over-examinations, delays and worries associated with eBay’s authenticity debacle.

See also: Crawlternate Route - when one of these overly-authenticated cards takes much too long to get into the hands of the buyer.

See also: The Set Break Swerve - the crafty inclusion of such algorithm-upsetting words as “set break” or “pack” in an auction listing to avoid leaving it susceptible to eBay's authentication policies.

736. Window Toast
A card in a holder that has become quite faded, most likely due to being regularly burned by the sun’s rays as it sat forever inside of a shopowner’s display case.

737. Mantoll
When trading for or buying a Mickey Mantle card, the need to always buck up more than it is currently worth, because both you and the other guy know full well it will continue soaring up and away in value from the moment you land it.

See also: Multimantler (slang) - a shorthand way of suggesting a card is valuable, in that a trader would have to offer up an assortment of pricey Mantle cards to get it off of your hands.

738. Netflixceptional
Any hobby story or occurrence that is so magnificent, it would make a must-see movie or TV series.

739. Blue Yonderers
The players and cards you can never go wrong with, because they will perpetually continue to go up, up, up in value.

See also: Blue Chippopotamus - an elite baseball card that not only will always be very desirable and fat with value, but will continually and exponentially fatten in value.

See also: Trajectormenty - when you’ve been meaning to land a key card for some time, but it just keeps getting further out of your reach as it gets more and more expensive.

740. Pafkontrary
The belief that Topps’ 1952 offering counts as their first real entry into the baseball card marketplace, but that requires entirely ignoring the 1951 ‘Red Back’ and ‘Blue Back’ sets which were released just the year before.

741. Imaginotion
Getting lost in revery thinking about what it would be like to possess one of the most historically epic cards known to man.

See also: Boy Meets Grail - any nostalgic recounting of the time your younger self (or perhaps your son) first caught a glimpse of an illustrious, world famous card.

742. Demigodawful (also Halfpointless)
Any card having a numerical grade of 1.5, which means it doesn’t quite have the divine status of being totally, completely horrific, but falls just a hair shy of that dubious status.

743. Buy of the Tiger
The serious landing of a great old card of one of Detroit’s finest players, such as Ty Cobb, Hank Greenberg, Al Kaline or Charlie Gehringer.

744. Blowback to the Future
The anger over Topps ruining great old vintage cards by invasively stamping the fronts for contemporary buyback insert promotions.

745. “Four is the New Seven” (adage)
As old cards are regularly being hammered by the new brutality of the TPGs, lower slab numbers are not only the order of the day, but are now more acceptable to collectors than ever before.

See also: Higher Heightsing - with high grade examples of cards becoming a rarity due to harsher grading standards, when you see a vintage card with a high number sitting inside of a new holder, you know the graders TRULY deemed it to be outstanding.

See also: Apexceptional - a newly graded vintage card with a high number on the slab.

746. Sitcommerce
When apologists for notorious on-line price extortionists claim they have fine business models, and you can’t help but laugh and wonder, “If that’s the case, why don’t they buy up all of the same cards that others list on eBay for 1/4 of their price and sell them for a huge profit??”

747. Tirading Cards
The cards in your collection of players you find completely, utterly repugnant.

748. Sarcophagospel
The accepted belief that in order to sell a card for a decent price these days, you need to have it graded and situated inside of a slab.

749. Fandom Numbers
How a team’s devoted followers can tell you without hesitation what number uniform an average player from decades ago wore.

750. Breaker’s Dozen
The serendipitous discovery that a wax pack you opened up contained an additional card that pushed it past the number of cards the pack was supposed to hold.
Also applies to the insertion of an ‘extra’ chase card in a modern pack.

751. Swellebration
When a rare or expensive card comes up for auction and captures everyone’s attention so much that a thread is started to enthusiastically begin marveling about how high the bids are going and wondering what the final hammer price will be.

752. Slabsolutism
The state of needing to keep a collection uniform by ensuring all cards are only housed inside the holders of one’s preferred TPG.

See also: “Beauty is in the eye of the reholder” - the motto of such collectors.

753. Insamenity
When the same sellers bring the same boxes of ‘looked-through-a-million-times’ cards and the same wildly overpriced superstars to show after show after show and expect different results.

754. Calamnesty
When something goes very wrong during the course of a transaction, but you are satisfied that the other party wasn’t motivated by malicious intent.

See also: Walking on Neggshells - the internal debate of trying to decide if the relatively bad eBay experience you had merits leaving negative feedback for the seller.

755. Goncore
Any regular issue, not a tribute or special, card of a player appearing in a set the year after he had actually played in his final career game.

756. Batters Not Included
When an eBay seller has multiple cards showing in his pics, but issues a disclaimer stating that the auction is only for the single card listed in the title and not the other ones pictured.

757. Siameasly Twin
That no good so-and-so who collects the exact same stuff as you, and he’s seemingly always able to grab the cards you lust after right from under your nose.

See also: Caintemptible - when you become filled with a murderous rage as your ‘collecting brother’ smugly posts yet another new pick-up.

758. Fraughtical
The inherent issues and dangers faced when attempting to make a purchase from overseas.

759. Pigmentality
Using your familiarity with the specific colors Topps assigned to each team’s players in certain sets to quickly determine if the small portion of a card you can see popping out of other things has the right hues to potentially be an important card.

760. Booster Rooster
A member crowing words to the effect of, “What a great card! I can’t see this one lasting very long,” in someone else’s FS thread.

See also: Whine Seller - anyone who expresses disdain for the fact that no one is jumping on the cards he has put up for sale.

761. Close Horse
How cards of Hall of Fame relief pitcher, Hoyt Wilhem, always seemed to have him sporting yet another new team’s uniform each season.

762. Prigonometry
When a superstar switches teams via a trade or a huge free agency deal, and he simply expects the current wearer of ‘his’ uniform number on the new team to hand it over.

See also: Centeryielder - a player who willingly agrees to surrender his number to the new guy.

763. Plundervalued
An accounting term referring to buying a sizeable lot of cards with some pricey ones mixed in, and by applying the money spent across everything, including the commons, you are able to tell yourself you got the big cards at a super price.

764. Endless Cardboard in a Cardboardless World
The future of the card collecting hobby.

765. Prebay Rare
Cards that used to be crazy cool, because they were so scarce you would never catch a glimpse of one except in a baseball card magazine or price guide, but now can be readily seen anytime you want on eBay.

766. Weedsteed
When a section is overcrowded by newer and newer threads being started, but you have the guts to face it head on and post your new thread anyway.

767. Marital Defrayal
After buying an expensive card, swearing to your wife that it’s your full intention to ‘try’ to sell off other things of yours to get the money back.

768. The Gift of Grab
The ability to use your amiable personality and people skills to pursuade a seller to lower his price down closer to where you want it to be.

769. Bypasstros (also Living in the Pastrodome)
When you hear the Houston Astros mentioned and your brain skips past and can’t seem to acknowledge the fact that the team is ‘now’ an American League squad.

See also: Wisconsolable - still not being able to understand how, why or when the Milwaukee Brewers became a National League franchise.

770. Bent Grade
The way to differentiate slabbed cards with qualifiers from those having ‘straight’ grades.
“It’s OC, a bent 9.”

771. Scamputee
Any lovable card you own which has significant portions of it missing.

772. Platinum Bland
That certain highly valuable and treasured card which every collector is ‘supposed’ to drool over, but really does nothing for you personally.

See also: Desirablasphemy - making the mistake of voicing this opinion to other serious collectors.

773. Grift Basket
A large box of cards for sale that the dealer claims hasn’t been searched through or cherry-picked, but you know darned well every decent card above ‘common’ status has been summarily removed.

774. Unreasonable Reasonableness
When a seller who always lists his cards at ridiculously high prices says he is open to reasonable offers, but you have no idea what his definition of ‘reasonable’ could possibly be.

775. Refried BINs
When you message a seller offering to buy his card for a little bit less than what he’s listed it for, and his response is to immediately raise the Buy-It-Now price on the already overpriced card.

776. D.H. Flawrence
Anyone who actively writes, compiles and maintains checklists of official and unofficial errors and variations across baseball card sets.

777. Bilottoral
The duality of being a true collector who’s in it for the enjoyment, but also someone who is always striving to make sure his collection continually grows more and more valuable.

778. Historyonics
The melodrama of someone insisting his views on what a long dead ballplayer was like are indisputably accurate, although he has no first hand knowledge of the subject and all of his opinions are based upon 2nd, 3rd or 4th party accounts bent and twisted over a huge length of time.

779. Grime Reaper
When a card is so hard to find that its awful condition doesn’t even come into play, and you just grab it the moment an opportunity arises.

780. Drearview Mirror
The misery of only finding out after the fact that a card you’re always hunting for came up for sale recently and was landed by someone else.

781. Fringe Vanilla
The players whose career numbers are somewhat in the neighborhood of Cooperstown-worthy respectability, but don’t enjoy much, if any, serious support from baseball fans for enshrinement.

See also: Free-for-Hall - any thread that was ostensibly started to ‘discuss’ the merits of various enshrined Hall of Famers, but devolves into a rancorous, opinionated airing of grievances.

See also: cooperstown Hall of Participation (cHOP) (under construction) - a place to eat breakfast while putting a bunch of theoretical, non-standardized sabermetric baseball statistics through a blender to make them fit your opinion of whether or not a borderline player deserves enshrinement in The Hall of Fame.

782. “Why don’t you two get a (private chat) room!”
The frustrated cry of everyone reading a thread that has degenerated into nothing but an endless back and forth between a pair of headstrong members.

See also: Greeting a Dead Horse - other members being forced to open the thread every time one of these combatants issues a new post, simply to mark it as ‘read.’



Finally, the end of this trilogy!!!

But since you've been such good boys all year, a half-Krampus, half-Santa hybrid will show up at Christmas time to leave even more funny stuff coal in your net54 stockings...



Q: If Santa Claus fills in as the Buffalo Bills' defensive coordinator for tomorrow's Christmas Eve game, what is his main strategy going to be??

A: Blitzen!! Duh!!!


I present to you Collectorisms Part XII (Days of Christmas)


"Do you expect me to talk?"

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to roll your eyes."



***ALERT!!!!!!*** There is a lot to unwrap here (get it?), so take your time!!! Ho-ho-hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #829 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.


No plastic straws were used in creating this horsereindeershit, and no Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifles were used to shoot any kids' eyes out.


The only way to survive this stupidity is to start chugging mass quantities of rum-rich eggnog!!!!!!!!!!!




783. Infelleribility
The oft-heard quip that whenever you run across anything Bob Feller related, it is virtually guaranteed that the piece will have his autograph on it.

784. Flipmiffed
Although you know once you sell a card, the new owner is free to do with it whatever he wants, you still feel peeved when you see him quickly turn around and resell his new acquisition for a nice profit...a nice profit that ‘rightfully’ should’ve been yours.

785. Counter-refitter
A swindler who is able to seamlessly insert a phony replica or reprint card into an authentic slab to replace the valuable original he has removed.

786. Creeptocurrency
The attempt by someone you don’t know to buy something off of you via a strange new payment method you’ve heard of, but know nothing about and have no faith in.

787. Ballpark Testament
The stories, photographs and memories reflecting a wonderfully personal and enduring love for your team’s long-gone stadium, which had been their home in your earliest days of being a baseball fan.

788. Bequeazy
The troubled feeling of knowing that the people you leave your collection to after you pass away aren’t going to care one iota about how much you cherished and slaved over it for years and years, they’re just going to quickly sell everything off and grab the dough.

See also: “Death, Where is Thy Ka-ching?” - an expression noting how some inheritors don’t have a clue how to profitably liquidate their loved one’s collection.

789. Numeralpha Male
Any player who is immediately identifiable by nothing more than the mere mention of a uniform number - like 3, 9, 21, 24, 32, 99, etc.

See also: Co-Meekual - when the same number was worn by two different all-time greats, but one of them takes a back seat when it comes to instantly coming to the mind of most fans.

See also: Surnameous - any player who is immediately identifiable by the mere mention of his first name.

790. See Sawcery
The act of trying to magically establish a proper asking price for a card whose past sales numbers have consistently and wildly fluctuated up and down.

See also: Moving Starget - when this process involves a serious Hall of Famer card.

791. “A long bird in a short sky” (AKA Longbirding) (idiom)
The realization that in order to sell an epic card of yours, you need something other than eBay - like an auction house or the like - to get the right eyes on it and have the best chance of maximizing the sales price.

792. Sellevation
The act of purchasing a higher graded version of a card you own, and then selling off the original to help defray the cost of the upgrade.

793. Flipomatic Immunity
As long as it’s not cracked out of its slab, a card - even a completely overgraded one - will remain at the number the TPG deemed it to be and will forever enjoy the fruits and values associated with that particular grade.

794. Dough Strings Attached
Always knowing that once you accept a card as a gift from someone, even if you didn’t really want it in the first place, you will somehow, some way eventually end up paying for it.

795. Flawer Power
The love and satisfaction of landing a key, rare and valuable error card or variation.

796. Slabflection Hindrance (also Flashing Blights)
The unavoidable fact that you cannot snap a photograph of a graded card without all sorts of distracting reflections and shadows clouding and affecting the image.

See also: “Lights, Camera, Refraction!” - a jaunty expression of this reality.

See also: Diffractured - any picture of a graded card markedly affected by shadows and reflections.

See also: Mirror Scrimmage - playing the game of looking at the distorted backwards images being reflected in the photo of a TPG slab or the glass of a framed photo and trying to figure out what can be found there.

See also: Reflective Detective - a person who enjoys engaging in this activity.

See also: Faceholder - a picture where the reflected mug of the photographer is plainly visible.

See also: Phonedemental - the one constant in each of these photographs is the appearance of the rectangular silhouetted shadow of the picture taker’s cell phone.

797. Rerunaware
When someone again bumps his thread by noting “Still available,” seeming to be alone in not realizing his asking price is unreasonably high for the card.

See also: Skyhighlander - a seller committing this ‘offense.’

798. Behemother Effer!
The frustration involved with trying to complete a very large set.

799. Omission Control
The various checklist cover-up approaches that Topps used to disguise the fact that certain card numbers in certain sets did not actually exist.

800. Slack Jacket
The protective ‘armor’ afforded by the thick, reflective slab which by its very nature makes light creases, wrinkles, gum residue or other surface issues - that were plainly obvious when the card was in hand - ‘disappear’ due to the effort now required to even realize there are defects to be found.

See also: Cloak and Swagger - when a card’s appearance is greatly improved by a slab’s ability to conceal its shortcomings.

See also: Flyinhearted - a card that technically deserves the low grade it received, but has the strong eye appeal of a much higher grade.

See also: Mysterical Blindness - if a card ensconced in a holder has flaws that are no longer detectable by the person viewing it, do those flaws actually even exist or matter anymore?

801. Monkeyshrines
Deceptively using “HOF” when selling a card to raise the player’s status sky high, but he isn’t in Cooperstown or any other major sport’s Hall of Fame, but ‘just’ a minor state, college or team version.

802. Factcertainty
Any beliefs or assumptions that you’ve devised about specific cards or sets that may not have ever been proven to be literally true, but are certainly valid enough to you based on personal experience.

803. Cross-Postmortem
When someone makes a point of stating the card he’s selling is also being posted in other forums, and your first thought is, “So, your attempt to sell it at that ridiculous price is going to die a miserable death on other sites, too??”

See also: Uppermosting - when someone points out that their (already exorbitantly priced) cards are listed for even higher amounts on eBay due to the fees.

804. Pennywise-Ass
A person who, after determining what someone paid for the card he’s trying to trade for or buy off of him, attempts to use the knowledge to gain some sort of leverage.

805. Screwveneer
A crease or wrinkle appearing on the surface of a card, but not going through to the other side.

806. Freejects
The cards from from the junk wax era that were so overproduced, easily found and worthless that you aren't able to even give them away gratis.

807. Strung-Upcharge
The futile irritation that comes when - after following all proper valuation protocols with a card submission - the TPG tells you that based on the grades your cards received, you owe them significantly higher fees.

See also: Embittersweet - feeling furious that you’re being stuck with unwarranted additional grading charges, but finding some solace in the fact that a higher grade ‘turned’ your card into a more valuable one.

See also: Slabductee - any card being held hostage by a TPG until the submitter pays the ‘ransom’ of higher service level fees.

808. Uncommonplace
Searching eBay to find information on something unusual you picked up, but not finding a single listing for one, so you’re left not knowing whether the piece is very rare or so run-of-the-mill that it’s not worth the listing fees involved in trying to sell one.

809. Youtuberculosis
A condition causing any rational person, after clicking on a link to watch a video about sportscards or such, to continue clicking on more and more tangential sports (and beyond) links.

810. Edgehog
A card so off-centered that its image is a mere hair away from hitting one or two borders and being labeled as ‘miscut.’

811. Ripdated
After hearing that an all-time great has just passed away, being startled to find his death date - today’s date - has already been edited in to his Wikipedia page bio.

See also: Yesterdais - any old picture or video from a Cooperstown induction ceremony which captures the gathered assembly of elderly all-time greats.

812. Cripple Digits
From a buyer’s perspective, the crushing amount of increase in price a card gains between one number grade and just a single number grade higher.

813. Passersbuying
Grabbing something at a card show that you are unfamiliar with, but it looks cool and just jumps off the dealer’s table at you.

814. Crowd Ofcourseing
Starting a thread to find opinions on something, when you already know full well that every responder is simply going to agree with your thoughts.

815. Flinchworm
Someone who ignores a seller’s claim that his price is firm and tries to talk him into shrinking back and letting it go for cheaper.

816. Momprovisations
The impromptu tactics your younger self was able to develop in order to keep your baseball card collection hidden away and safe from your mother’s desire to chuck it all away.

817. Squanderlust
The impulsive habit of making rash baseball card purchasing decisions, so you’re always forking over way too much money and ultimately turning all of your buys into downright bad moves.

See also: Möbius Trip - the simple fact that no matter how hard you try to avoid it, you will continue going round and round, stumbling through the same types of poor purchasing choices.

818. Indivisualism
The simple fact that different collectors looking at the same card at the same time will only see what they choose to see, and will have widely different assessments of its shape, beauty, desirability, value, etc.

819. Open Mick Night
Any thread started to again have members pile on their reverence and adulation for Mickey Mantle.

820. Sleepstakes
Waking up to find the bid you placed on something the night before came out on top and brought you home a big victory.

821. Let’s Make a Steal
Any eBay ‘Pick Your Card’ auction which has you spinning the game show-like wheel to get to the card you are thinking of buying, and it ends up looking nice with a price that is sweet.

822. Filosophistry
PSA’s practice of first in, last out (FILO), wherein the cards submitted ages ago are endlessly ignored and put on the back burner, while cards newly submitted at substantially higher grading fees are graded and sent out quickly.

See also: WAH Qualifier (in development) - ‘WAH’ would only appear on the slabs of cards that were resubmitted in their holders to PSA in an attempt to to receive a higher grade, but failed to do so. It stands for “Wrong Again, Honey.”

See also: FU - the only ‘qualifier’ virtually every customer would slap on PSA these days.

823. Memoremix
When someone talks about the first pack he ever opened as a kid, and names specific cards it held, although he believes the story to be true, his account is most likely an innocent amalgamation of different baseball card rememberances.

824. Smarmistice (also Waratorium)
Praying to the heavens that any of the self-involved members who constantly assess every freaking thing by using the theoretical stat of WAR, would just for once give it a rest and take a different approach.

825. Magnitrickation
How enlarged or high-def scans of any of your cards will always make them look in ridiculously worse shape than they actually are.

826. Adjectivitis
The condition affecting eBay sellers who greatly overdo the use of descriptive words to sell their superb, awesome, glorious, marvelous, magnificent, exceptional, heavenly treasures.

827. Disgustimate
Asking for opinions on what a card in awful shape will grade at if submitted to a TPG.

See also: Slop Hop - the big boost in monetary value a very low grade star card gets the moment it is graded and put into a slab.

828. Shopscotch
The act of jumping around to different sites in a search for a card you want to purchase.

829. Christmas Reprieve
When your significant other spends the entire year carping about your ‘dumb little hobby,’ but relents long enough to surprise you with a hobby-related gift for the holidays.

See also: Elf-Actualization - when you buy yourself a nice hobby piece for Christmas.


And to all a good night...



“We all get the exact same 365 days, but not the exact same cards...”


DING!!! DING!!! DING!!!

I present to you a special New Year's Eve bonus, Collectorisms Part XIII.


"Get busy collecting, or get busy dying!!"


No animatronic Dick Clarks were used in the creation of this debacle.




830. Sold Lang Syne
The melancholy of looking back on your past sales and thinking what a shame it was you decided to sell your cards when you did, because every one of them is now worth ten times as much.

831. Gnawman
Any obvious reseller/flipper who approaches you about lowering the cost or 'value' of a card you have up for sale or trade by using the tired old trope, “I need a little meat on the bone.”

832. Path of Fleece Resistance
Taking all of the rudimentary steps required to ensure a transaction has no real chance of being a scam job.

833. Tobacnology
Using creative and innovative investigative techniques to try to solve the puzzle of how the print sheets of T206 cards were laid out.

See also: “Tobacc in Black” (slang) - selling a T206 card for a nice profit.

834. Distractground
The clever attempt by a seller to utilize some sort of ornate or decorative background in his photo to draw the viewer’s eyes away from recognizing the inherent flaws of a card.

835. Amasstodon
A long-time collector sporting a massive accumulation of cards who comes to the realization that he doesn’t so much collect cards as he does stockpile them.

836. Divuljerk
Someone who inadvertently screws over other collectors by ‘accidentally’ letting slip to the masses a bit of insider information or a hobby secret that has always given the people in the know a distinct advantage in the collecting marketplace.

837. High Horseshit
Someone who feels his views on any subject falling within the parameters of the card collecting world are the only ‘rightful’ sentiments regarding the matter.

See also: IQ Pest - a member seemingly on an endless quest to prove to everyone that he’s the smartest person in every thread he posts in.

838. Donwestinated
The use of overly descriptive, high energy words and phrases to push and persuade people to buy your cards for sale.

839. Breadspread
The simple calculation of taking the price of a card you’re interested in buying and comparing it to how much money you yourself could readily turn around and sell it for (if the need ever arose), to determine if it is a worthwhile buy.

840. Eleventh Sour
As an auction nears its end, the frustrating internal debate of whether or not to place a last ditch effort, much-more-than-you-want-to-spend, bid.

841. Snaggressively Priced (also Sacriprice)
A seller offering his cards for sale at such bargains that they are sure to be immediately grabbed up by anyone seeing them.

842. Soughtomatic
When someone starts a new thread seeking to get hits off their need list from a certain year, you know without even looking that it will include all of the hard-to-get, big-money cards from that particular set.

843. The Buyonic Man (also Steve Costin’)
A collector who doesn’t even bat an eye when forking over a ton of money, even if he is greatly overpaying, for a card he wants at that moment.

844. Low Water Carp
The smallest amount paid for something hobby-related that your significant other can find on a credit card statement that will send her into a tizzy.

845. Mindseyers (also Roll Call-Stars)
The specific stand-out, notable cards that the vast majority of collectors immediately think of the moment a particular set is mentioned.

846. “I’d rather bitch in cardboard heaven than be content in hell.” (maxim)
The collecting fallibility of endlessly searching for new things to complain about, even when the hobby landscape looks and feels relatively promising.


And a very happy last remaining hours of 2022 to everyone!!!!




“By the pricking of my thumbs (undoubtedly from trying to remove a card from an overly snug toploader),
Some more gibberish this way comes..."


I present to you Collectorisms Part XIV - Section 1


***ALERT!!!!!!***
This is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #863 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.


Happily, this is now a pet-friendly thread. So, a reminder: Never swing a bat at a hornet's nest. Never. Just walk away. Perhaps, go get yourself a Big Mac or whatever for lunch instead? It doesn't matter if you're wielding your wonderful late aunt's antique smoker in a playful, semi-drunk manner on a sunny afternoon long ago...winged, stinging insects with wicked alarm pheromones are the devil's doing!!! Not going to make that mistake again.
DO NOT read "The New Directory of Collectorisms" if you are allergic to "The New Directory of Collectorisms."


If Collecting was easy, everyone would do it!!*




847. Bidass
A renegade who has the temerity to place a bid for more than the minimally required increment in the ‘Live Auctions’ section.

848. Senile Implant
A card which has been on your need list forever that you unexpectedly stumble across hidden away somewhere in your stuff, and you can’t for the life of you remember ever owning it or placing it there.

849. Nobel Post Prize
Any comment, pick-up, uploaded pic, etc., which makes people exclaim, “You win the thread!”

See also: Havalanche - someone blowing everybody’s minds with their incredible stockpile of applicable cards in any ‘Show Us Your...’ thread.

850. Having a Sheet Tooth
A collector who enjoys expanding his collection of uncut printing pieces.

851. “If the card doesn’t fit, you mustn’t submit”
The time-honored reminder to always take the simple step of measuring out a card and comparing its size to other cards from the same set before sending it off to be graded.

852. Intoxicrated (also Drunk Slab)
A card housed inside of a holder with AA (Authentic Altered) on the label.

853. Betterwürsten (Ger.)
The obligatory addition of the phrase “some better, some worse” after giving a specific assessment of the overall condition of a group of cards.

854. Hannibal Collecter
Anyone who is perfectly fine with adding ‘skinned’ cards to his collection.

855. Soldfinger
A seller who is always able to turn your consignments into great victories for your bank account.

See also: Posse Galore - no matter how many times disreputable consignment persons or entities are exposed, they will always have a group of apologists waiting in line to sing their praises.

856. Misorienteer
Anyone uploading a picture which shows up rotated sideways, with its top and bottom being positioned wrongly to the left and right.

See also: Slantomime - the act of tilting one’s head to the side in order to ‘correctly’ view the picture in the thread.

See also: Tilting Tommy - anyone engaged in this type of (necessary) activity.

See also: Slanthropologist - a member who helps guide you through the process of correcting this uploaded picture problem.

857. Misundermistaken
When a card you auctioned off sells for seriously more than you could have ever imagined.

See also: Misovermistaken - when a card you auctioned off sells for a significantly lower amount than you fully expected it to.

858. “You Shoulda Put a Number On It”
The dismayed reaction to someone hyping an ungraded card they’re trying to sell, which makes you wonder, “If it’s so great, why didn’t you have it graded...like every single other card you sell??”

859. Frieze-Framer
Any card featuring the hallowed, world renowned Yankee Stadium ‘facade’ majestically lining the rooftop of the ballpark in the background.

860. Disapperson
The screenname of someone you’ve completely forgotten about - although he used to be an ever-present, regular poster on the site - that you run across while reading through an old, outdated thread.

861. “I flew too close to the sun on wings of cardboard”
A humble self-assessment after taking a great risk on a purchase, sale or other hobby decision that ultimately turned out to be a terribly poor move.

862. Wesunseldian (refer to #595) (eponym)
A player who seemingly spends an inordinate amount of time playing the role of co-star on other people’s cards.

863. Mountainearness
The claustrophobic feeling of being surrounded by backpack-wearing, outfitted-to-tackle-Kilimanjaro show-goers as they crowd out and bump into everyone around the tables.

See also: Cardsherpa - anyone at a show who is strapped into a large backpack.

864. Musical Rares
When a discovery is made of a crop of ‘lost’ cards - like E98s from the “Black Swamp Find” or the appearance of dozens of cases of 1972 Topps football high numbers - and you’re left standing as the ones you’ve always owned and treasured instantly become a lot less scarce.

See also: A Fate Worse Than Dearth - the rueful realization that in one fell swoop this newly found group of cards has severely lowered the value of yours.

865. Ghestwriter (also Secretarialist)
The clubhouse person who was responsible for ‘autographing’ items in place of a star player who couldn’t be bothered to do so.

866. Snakebelly Pricing
When a seller refuses to put price tags on the fronts of his slabs and holders for all to see, and instead must remove each card from his display case and consult the sticker on its underside to tell you what he’s asking for it.

See also: Great Wit Shark - a predatory seller who thinks his wonderful jocularity, charm and hobby banter is enough to make you ignore his extortionate prices.

867. Crop Smirkles
The entertainment and joy derived from looking at wildly miscut cards.

868. Eyevestigation
A request for members to examine a picture of a card or other piece you have questions about, in the hope that effective insights, opinions and answers can be offered to you.

See also: “Mr. Roarke says hello.” - a gentle way to tell you the item you are seeking information on is nothing more than a fantasy piece.

869. Past-Salesmanship
The skill of effectively moving cards by ensuring your asking prices are very much in line with what similar ones have sold for recently.

See also: Lessen-Lesson - any information that allows a seller to see more clearly and wisely lower his price on a card.

870. Swilljaimet (eponym)
The garbage a scandalous member wants everyone to swallow as he dodges legitimate questions about his integrity and starts playing the victim in a thread he started in a silly attempt at damage control.

See also: 12-Sidestep Program - the process of someone pretending to come here seeking ‘hobby redemption’ (whatever that is), while avoiding answering any direct questions put to him or actually owning up to any of the misdeeds he was shown to have perpetrated.

871. Steinblech
Any long-winded, novel-length post in a thread that you have no desire to read.

See also: Stubtitles - when somebody sums up another member’s lengthy TLDR (“too long, didn’t read”) post in a short and simple, concise retelling of the main points.

See also: Count TLDRacula - someone whose overly long, drawn-out, and/or lecturing post saps the very lifeblood from your soul.

872. Blurbanking
The purposeful use of slightly hazy or unclear pictures of a card in order to obscure its shortcomings - like the true condition of its corners - and profit off of a buyer’s assumption that it’s in better shape than it is.

873. Historical Lackuracy
How common sense, logic and anecdotal evidence leaves no doubt that the year of issue date of a card set is different from what it has always been accepted to be.

See also: Year and Loathing - the disgust in knowing that although you can prove the date of issue on a TPG’s labels for a particular card set is wrong, there’s no chance they’ll ever agree to correct it.

874. Capernicus
An expert in the field of supporting or opposing the identification and/or dating of a game used hat.

875. Overwanter
Someone posting cards for trade which are generally collected by ‘everyone,’ but whose need list is comprised of extremely tough gets or things that are much more valuable than what he’s offering in return.

876. Back and Frothing
When talks about a proposed sale or trade of a card go from being polite and courteous negotiations to swiftly heading downhill and straight into the crapper.

877. Binder Banter
Any discussion centered around the joys and pains of trying to complete full sets.

878. Nopuncts (NP’s)
Members whose posts are run-on sentences without a single capital letter, period, comma or other punctuation mark used to separate thoughts or topic changes and let the reader know where one sentence ends and a new one begins.

879. Sideklicks
Any live links embedded in a member’s signature/footer.

880. Cardboard Inversiality
The law of nature stating that the higher the card numbers in a set go, the fewer of them you will have in your boxes.



End of section 1...so, head outside and feel how the growing warmth means the start of the baseball season is nearly upon us at last!!!




"I only regret that I have but one long, boring thread to give for my hobby..."

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part XIV - Section 2




881. Populrarity
A card whose ‘scarcity’ is due to the number on the slab having a small population, rather than the card itself being a truly rare piece.

882. Sniffsnuffery (or Having a Nose for Noes)
How you can immediately tell something is amiss with a supposedly vintage card, because it simply doesn’t smell the way cards from that era do.

883. Dud Ringer
Someone who won’t stop insisting that the individual pictured in his old photograph is a very noteworthy and historical person, when it clearly is not.

884. Snobbyist
A collector who takes his involvement in the leisurely pursuit of cards much, much too seriously.

See also: “Careful of that ceiling fan!” - a polite way to tell him to get off of his high horse.

885. Phonaticism
Surging headlong into negotiation battles at card shows with your cell phone - and the vast amount of past-sales data and other effective ammunition it holds - leading the charge.

886. The Popman Always Rings Twice (proverb)
The supposition that PSA willfully gives cards lower grades than they deserve, for the express purpose of grabbing additional revenue from collectors who are fated to resubmit them in an attempt to receive higher numbers.

887. Rolodexterity
Whether fees are involved or not, a dealer/collector putting his far-reaching hobby contacts and client lists to work to help a somebody chase down an item he’s been seeking.

See also: Finder’s Flea - a fellow collector who has the ability to help you locate something you’re after, but won’t commit to helping unless he’s able to personally benefit from the transaction.

888. Acronymble
A card that will hold the same monetary resale value regardless of which TPG’s holder it happens to be housed in or crossed over to.

889. Woodwinding
The use of OBO (“or best offer”) as a coda in a ‘for sale’ post.

890. “Sammy Slippers”
A collector whose first thought about attending an upcoming show is, “Man, I gotta wear the right shoes, so my aching feet and back don’t send me hobbling towards the exits after ten minutes.”

891. Return on Infestment
Making a killing on card sales, because the people overpaying for your stuff are part of the tidal wave of newbies recently jumping into the hobby with a lack of collecting knowledge, but plenty of cash to throw around.

See also: “Like shooting fish on a bubble” (idiom) - the ease of recording quick profits following the intense swelling of the market during and after the pandemic.

892. Backpattery
The universal desire of receiving an abundant amount of complimentary pats on the back from other members after posting a card in the ‘new pick-ups’ thread.

See also: Haulpapering - when you open the ‘new pick-ups’ thread and see a member’s joy over his latest addition, and then you see his screenname under “Last Post” in other threads and know he has just posted the same card in those as well.

893. Slabo-Masochist
A collector who finds pleasure in seeking out cards housed in newer slabs where the graders took a special delight in inflicting harsh pain and humiliation on submitters.

894. Gilly Route
When members take the path of using letter-like symbols and such to camouflage their real names, while still leaving them identifiable.

See also: Guise and LOLs - when one of these disguised names is done in a humorous fashion.

895. Shelf Papering
A seller exclaiming “Under Book!” to describe the asking price of his card.

896. Iwish Exit (slang)
When you quickly bail on an auction after the bidding has gotten much too high, much too early, because you can’t even dream of having enough money to ultimately win it.

See also: Battering Scram - an early bid in an auction so high that it’s clear intent is to chase everyone else away.

897. Schmucker Punched
The resentment of seeing a vintage die-cut, perforated card - that was designed to be punched out by a kid - which was ACTUALLY punched out.

898. Qualifya Obscūra (Latin)
A graded card listing where the seller hides the acronym for the qualifier in a random part of the title to avoid making it obvious that the card has said qualifier, such as “1960 Topps PSA 8 #563 Mickey Mantle All-Star Vintage Hall Of Fame OC NY Yankees.”

899. Lackbluster
The dopey playacting strategy of approaching someone about a card and then purposely downplaying your actual interest in it - “Well, I may, sorta, could possibly be interested in it” - to get him to sweeten the deal or lower the price to make it worthwhile for you to take away such a ‘humdrum’ card.

900. Raccoonteur
A collector who loves to share entertaining stories of his experiences foraging through garage sale tables or the discount bins at card shows.

901. eBayviously
The “Duh!!”-worthy common sense that when someone asks for help seeking out a card, you never have to refer him to eBay, because it’s naturally the first place he looked and where he will continue to look.

902. Integerity
When card purchases are made strictly as investments, the familiar phrase of “buy the card, not the holder” is flipped on its head to now become “buy the number on the holder, not the card.”

903. Nitprick
Someone intent on doing deep dives into people’s posts to invent something to bitch about.

See also: Thread Lice - members who seemingly always need to scratch the itch of bringing negativity to the threads they visit.

See also: Lesser of Two Weevils - when two annoying members are going after each other in a thread and you have to decide which of the pests you should side with in this particular battle.

See also: Scold Shoulder - when someone acts like an ass in a thread, and you debate whether you should call him out on his BS or just ignore it and let the fool have his fun.

904. Double Post-Op
After someone inadvertently ‘double posts’ and you feel the need to examine both of them to see if they are actually word for word identical or if differences can be found.

905. WiseGIY
An eBay seller basically telling you to go grade-it-yourself as he uses "see scan for condition" as his only assessment of the card he’s auctioning off.

906. Scarredboard
After selling a card to someone, the heartbreak of seeing him showing it off and taking great pride in his new pick-up, and you’re left wondering if you made a huge mistake in letting it go.

907. Heatnik
A spirited collector of Nolan Ryan cards and memorabilia.

908. Pausterity
The decision a collector faces of whether to buy a card (that he can’t afford) right now, to finally make it his forevermore, or to put the purchase on hold in the hopes of finding a much more reasonably priced one down the road.

909. Slabstract
A card sitting inside of any strange holder that was not issued by one of the commonly-accepted leading TPG’s, and usually by a company you’ve never heard of before.

910. Voice Train-Rec
When grammar, misspellings and/or general unreadability make it obvious that someone used their phone’s text-to-speech function and didn’t take even a second to read what their post actually says before blindly hitting ‘send.’

911. Franticizing
The urge to hit a card show floor running, darting around to the tables with the goal of trying to unearth and get to treasured dream cards before anyone else has the chance to ‘steal’ them away from you.

912. Wiffle Ball Scholar
Someone whose opinions on all things baseball are taken with a grain of salt, because his vast experience in playing the game amounts to nothing more than being easily struck out by his little niece at family barbecues.

See also: “Joebuck Yourself!” - the universal exclamation of frustration when once again the last person on Earth you would ever want calling a game happens to be the person calling the game you’ve tuned in to watch.

See also: Bobcostasshole - any athletically-challenged, self-satisfied, lecturing narcissist sitting behind the mic.

913. Blunderlined
Cards that were printed with annoying factory ‘crop’ lines clearly visible.

See also: Wallenda - when the crop line floats high above the top of the card’s image.

See also: Trip Wired - when the crop line is strung across the very bottom of the card.

914. Circle Backache
When you spot a card you want at a show at the right price and you don’t immediately grab it, you know full well when you decide to return to that dealer’s table later, it will be long gone.

915. Cost Suppressant (refer to #25)
The deliberate removal of the asking price of a card in a thread after it has been sold.

See also: Sticker Stifler - a seller who chooses to edit out the price of his card to make it now read something to the effect of “$SOLD.”

See also: Dollarsense - the argument that leaving the sales price in for everyone to see is beneficial to the entire collecting community.

See also: Stetsman - someone who abides by the principal of leaving his asking price in and unchanged following a sale.

916. Dope Springs Eternal
The sad fact that no matter how many effective safeguards are put in place, there will always be people falling victim to card-buying scams that are blatantly obvious to everyone else.


And section 2 comes to an end...so now you have time to hit the all-u-can-eat buffet tables of your life and then sleep like a prince!!




"Sons of Net54!

Of eBay!

My brothers in cardboard!

I see in your eyes the same fear of losing an auction that would take the heart of me.

Attachment 570850

A day may come when the courage of Collectors fails, when we forsake other members’ threads and break all bonds of fellowship by no longer paying attention to each other’s posts...but it is NOT this day.

An hour of complainers and card doctors and apologists when the Age of Collectors comes crashing down...but it is NOT this day!

This day...WE COLLECT!!!!!”


Translation: I present to you Collectorisms Part XV - Section 1


***ALERT!!!!!!***
My precious...this is meant for entertainment purposes only!!!! Hopefully, laughs will abound!!!!
Before you do anything, scroll down to #934 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.


No orcs were harmed during the creation of this post.
The all-seeing eye of Sauron is never used as a means to take a front row seat while your wives, girlfriends or daughters are in the shower. On occasion, however, he may sneak a peak at your naked, soapy body to give himself a well-deserved chuckle.
All Ents are 100% recyclable.



917. Upsized-Downsizing
Heinously taking an old card which happened to naturally measure out wider and/or taller than it was meant to be, and trimming it down to the ‘correct’ size...giving it newly and illegitimately perfected edges and corners.

918. Nickelwagsing
Responding to anyone snidely saying he knows exactly what you paid for a card you have for sale or trade by remarking, “Yeah...and someone paid five cents for a pack of cigarettes and got a T-206 Honus Wagner, so what’s your point??”

919. Bimwitting
Using the acronym “BMWT” in a ‘For sale’ listing to indicate delivery via “bubble-mailer with tracking.”

920. Recurriations
The lesser cousins of ‘true’ error and variation cards whose collectability is based on the appearance of routine print anomalies and oddities, such as fish eyes, print dots, color streaks, border gaps, splotches, offsets, etc., on them.

See also: Printanomilator - a spirited collector of such material.

See also: Grasping at Flaws - the reality that if you search for these types of printing aberrations, there will always be an inexhaustible supply of ‘new’ discoveries to be found.

921. Accumulabeler (slang)
A collector who routinely cracks cards out of their slabs, but doesn’t send the flips back to the TPGs to have the cert numbers removed from the pop reports.

See also: Depopt - when the cert number and/or other parts of the label of a graded card has been purposely blacked out or obscured in some fashion in a posted picture.

922. “You’re like four sharp corners on a round card”
The use of baseball card imagery to tell someone that he’s full of sh*t.

923. Snoozemovery (Snoozemover)
Under the precept of “if you snooze, you lose,” a seller deciding that he has given a potential buyer more than enough time to act, but since no deal is forthcoming, it is time to move on and let someone else have a crack at his item instead.

See also: Prebumptial Agreement - making a ‘low-ball’ offer to someone in the B/S/T, and he agrees to let you have the card IF after a final bumping of the thread, no one takes it at his original asking price.

924. “Syd”
Anyone referring to himself as a ‘Collector, Investor, Dealer.’

925. OKCD (Ordinary Kid Collecting ‘Disorder’)
The approach of collecting cards that mirrors how you did it as a boy, where centering, sharp corners, print clarity, etc., doesn’t come into play, and all that matters is getting your hands on the cards you want regardless of their shape.

926. Shoddy Double
When two of the same cards are sitting in holders with the exact same grade, but one looks a helluva lot worse than the other.

See also: Separated at Worth - the disparity between the looks and appeal, and therefore the monetary value, of two such ‘identical’ cards.

927. Mr. Magood Enough
The figurative Topps employee whose eyesight was responsible for ensuring the print sheets and cutting equipment were perfectly aligned and calibrated to create nothing but 50/50 centered cards.

928. Lead Winged Angel (or Saint Amisstopher)
A seller wrongly enjoying a glorious eBay rating, because the excessive amount of negatives he regularly receives are drowned out by the multitudes of obligatory positives he gets because of the sheer volume of cards he sells.

929. Flurrier
A card having too much print ‘snow’ affecting the image.

930. Addy Andy
Anyone still putting his personal e-mail address in their buying and selling posts, leaving the flood gates wide open for scammers.

See also: Google Glomster - a scammer who contacts you about buying one of his cards, but any image search will immediately return a photo of the exact same card he’s claiming to own.

931. Check Sold Prices Data Twice, Purchase Once (idiom)
A warning to be sure to double-check the fairness of an asking price (based on past sales) before making a mistake and spending a foolishly unreasonable amount on a card.

932. The Big Ho-Hah
The kerfuffle over different people having different pronunciations of Honus Wagner’s first name moniker.

933. Refractroulette
The obsessive, addictive mindset of getting a ‘fix’ by constantly throwing away money breaking open modern packs and boxes in the hope of finally hitting it big with a monstrous score.

934. Sneezeball (or Gesundheight of Stupidity) (derogative)
With ridiculous new rules making major league games fly by in the blink of an eye, the simple act of reaching for a tissue will cause you to miss three full innings.

935. Chupacardra
A mystical card caught between two realities, because although it can be found listed in ‘official’ on-line set checklists, no one has ever produced firm evidence that it truly exists.

936. Vamoosence (also Exit Page Left)
When you’ve had more than enough with a thread (or the people in it) and decide it’s time to leave it behind for good, but you do so without first making a grand announcement that this will be your final post in the thread.

See also: Withdrawbridge - the single post that finally tells you this thread has gone to the dogs and it’s time to make your exit.

937. M.V.C.
The main focus (the ‘most valuable card’) of any group of cards put up for sale.
“That one’s clearly the MVC!”

938. Rounding Upleap
Claiming how great your, for example, PSA 7 card is by stating, “I’ve seen PSA 8’s that are not nearly as nice as this one.”

939. “With friends and family like this, who needs enemies??!!”
A plaintive exhortation after being screwed over by using PayPal Friends & Family instead of opting for the safety of the Goods & Services option.

940. Lostening
The act of selling a card at fair market price, but in doing so you get back less than what you yourself paid for the card.

941. Parting is Such Swift Sorrow (maxim)
Although accompanied by an outpouring of grief and warm remembrances, the depressing way each ‘Sad News...’ thread about a player or collector passing away is fated to quickly disappear from the front page as the wheels of time continue to surge ahead.

942. Rage Parade
Taking a jealous trip through any ‘Post your (name of auction house here) wins’ thread only to see all of the celebration and jubilation surrounding people’s great pick-ups...pieces that you yourself were really hoping to win, but were outbid on.

943. Pompomposity
The new tactic sweeping the eBay community where sellers ostentatiously photograph their cards sitting proudly on clear plastic display stand easels to enthusiastically present them in a reverential light.

944. NSFWS (Not Safe for Wife to See)
Shorthand for any buy that makes you fear for your life thinking how your spouse is going to react when she gets wind of how much money you ‘threw away’ on a card.

945. Bugger-Bargainer (or Buggener) (informal)
A potential buyer whose goal isn’t to get a seller to come down a bit to a more ‘fair’ price for a card, but whose clear objective is nothing short of getting an absolute steal for himself.

946. Self-Interwresting
When a poster is seeking help with a situation he’s involved in and someone chimes in to say, “I had something similar happen to me...” and goes on to steer away the focus of the thread to make it about his problem instead.

947. Downumeralization
The technique of agreeing to trade a higher-graded, valuable card to someone for a lower-graded version of the same card, so in the end you will still own one, but you benefit by receiving other noteworthy cards along with it to bridge the value gap.

948. “One Step Up, Two Steps Back...Seven Steps Sideways”
An assessment of the difficulty in trying to keep in tune and current in the constantly shifting vintage card marketplace.

949. “Deleted with Prejudice” (refer to #168)
The legal term informing people that when a member edited out his post in a thread to make it say “delete,” his original words did not contain anything controversial, argumentative, or derogatory, and were removed for a harmless reason.

950. Scrubbish Binning
The act of pretending you’re doing something noble by donating boxes of cards to a local thrift shop or charity...but let’s face it, it was either this or just throw out the worthless heap of junky cards.

See also: Emptied Gesture - when you have the gall to first remove every single thing that could conceivably be called a ‘good’ card from the amassment before making the faux donation.



End of section 1...so, now you have 5 minutes to kill before moving on to the next thread. I recommend using it to watch a baseball game, but after it's finished you'll still have 3 more minutes to waste!!!




"Like you all, I yearn to breathe free...but I would yearn much better if I had a plateful of grilled Fourth of July Italian sausage slathered in Kraft Original barbecue sauce to chomp on, so let’s get this over with..."

I present to you 2022's Collectorisms Part XV - Section 2




951. Crash Flow
The valuable cards you know you could immediately sell off for a nice bit of coin were something to suddenly arise in your life to financially drain you.

See also: Goldenholdens - the cards you claim there’s no way in heck you will ever sell.

952. Letter-Numbo-Jumbo (refer to #423)
Although organized in a logical fashion, how the ACC card classifications (a capitalized initial followed by a seemingly random number) aren’t exactly self-explanatory or user friendly to anyone not already in the know.

See also: Setymology - the straightforward, non-cryptic manner in which card issues evolved into being simply designated by the year of release followed by the brand or producer of said cards.

953. Which Hunt
A thread featuring someone weighing the pros and cons of two of the same cards, and seeking opinions on what people think is the better move, buying the first one or the second one.

See also: Middle-Manhunt - seeing if someone can put you in touch privately with a particular eBay seller, because you’re interested in purchasing one of his listings off-site to avoid the fees.

954. Scanitized
An auction image which has been deliberately and deceptively altered digitally to ‘purify’ the card and make it appear to be in much better shape than it is, and a far cry from what you will actually receive in the mail.

955. Putting Your Best Face Forward
How Topps used the same gigantic headshots of players for their 1956 card set that they already used just the year before in the 1955 set.

956. Collectomaniacal
The hardcore, take no prisoners mindset of going after something you really, really want badly.

957. Rapporical Question
The sales tactic of a show dealer asking you something related to the team featured on the hat, shirt or jersey you’re wearing in an attempt to form a quick kinship and draw you in as a customer.

958. Vanishing Tact
The ability to respectfully leave a dealer’s table you’ve spent a decent amount of time at without feeling guilty about not buying anything from him.

See also: Nod Walker - the guy who takes a brief survey of a seller’s items as he quickly walks the length of the table, offers a polite, wordless acknowledgement, and then moves on to the next table.

959. Blank Checkmate
When an auction consisting of two big spenders continually topping each other by bidding more and more insanely high comes to a close with one of them finally victorious.

960. All that Glosses is Not Cardboard (aphorism)
A warning that not every supposedly ‘real’ and desirable baseball card that looks to be legitimate will turn out to be so.

See also: Mentafool (“Meant to fool”) - any supposed ‘collectible’ that was created for the express purpose of tricking people into believing it is an authentic piece of vintage memorabilia.

961. Hiddengemity (also Homer Pile)
Striking it big by finding a very unexpected and valuable card buried in the random jumble of commons in a lot of miscellaneous cards you bought.

See also: Forgive-Back - although you’ve done nothing wrong, the feeling of contrition over benefitting so greatly from a purchase that it makes you contact the seller and offer him additional money to absolve yourself of guilt.

962. Circuitous Net
Through seemingly taking a convoluted route going from Point A to Point B to Point C, the protection and safety afforded to buyers and sellers through the eBay authentication process.

963. Table Hussy (or Buy-Candy) (slang)
An attractive girl who is purposely placed out front and center at a seller’s table to draw in potential customers by giving the chubby, balding masses something nicer than baseball cards to clumsily gawk at.

See also: Infatubaited - getting reeled in by the invisible hook which compels you to invent a reason, ANY REASON, to go visit the hottie’s table.

See also: Impressure (or Sweatoric) - the tension of digging deep, striving to find something witty or humorous to say - that she hasn’t heard a million times before from other card collecting slobs - in an effort to win her over.

See also: Chatastrophic - when your attempt to impress her with your amusing ‘ad-libbed’ banter fails miserably, as you knew it would.

See also: Breast Buy - foolishly allowing yourself to be beguiled by her charms and swayed into dropping good money on an ill-advised, boneheaded purchase.

See also: “Hot help is hard to find” - a plaintive bemoaning of not having such a lady to play the role of cardboard temptress at your own show table.

964. “Uncle” Bidding
The final, throwing-in-the-towel bid you make in an auction, which says, “That’s it. I’m not going any higher.”

965. Shortcrops
Hand-cut cards, such as Post, Hostess, Bazooka, etc., which were left without the appropriate, designated borders fully present and intact.

966. Pile Pusher (or Accumulame Ass (derogative))
Someone trying to score a big money card off of you, NOT by offering an equally pricey and desirable card in return, but through ‘matching’ the high value of your single card with an accumulative group of low-value stuff.

967. Garlicvampiring (“Garlvamping”)
Offering cards, either purposely or non-purposely, to someone in a trade attempt that he in no way, shape or form has any interest in or use for.
“I only collect pre-war stuff. He garlvamped me with those ‘58 Topps.”

968. L’eggo My Neggo
The attempt to have a negative feedback rightfully removed from your eBay account.

969. Stockupational Hazard
The guesswork every seller faces as he tries to decide what mix of boxes, individual cards and other stuff from his expansive inventory is the ‘right’ assortment to bring (or NOT bring) along to most effectively fill his limited space and make the show he’s heading to a success.

See also: Carchives - the additional material brought to the show that remains within reach outside in the dealer’s vehicle.

970. Nostaljump
The true happiness that comes with deciding it’s time to go back and try to complete the first set that started you opening packs and collecting cards as a kid.

971. Oneandunning (also Funding Forward)
The act of only buying a card once. Instead of wasting money on a lower grade ‘placeholder’ card (which you’ll only grow to hate), putting those funds towards buying an example that will truly suit you.

972. No-Bliss Oblige (Fr. derivative)
An expression noting that the act of collecting extends beyond the mere amassment of memorabilia, and requires people to fulfill obligations to the community of collectors as a whole, such as giving props to people for their big scores, even when it gives you no satisfaction to do so.

973. The Unboughtens
Those cards that always appear relisted on eBay or as a constant presence in dealers’ display cases at shows, because their prices are beyond ridiculous.

See also: Flasking Price - a price on a card so high that it makes you wonder, “What’s this guy been drinking??!!”

See also: Bemuseum Pricing - a seller so clueless about how absurd his prices are that you can’t help but laugh.

See also: The Blind Leading the Deaf (derogative) - an assessment of dealers whose pricing is not only a refusal to see what cards actually sell for, but who also won’t listen no matter how much documented proof of recent sales prices is presented to them.

974. Phenomination
An enthusiastic reaction to what someone wrote stating, “This is the leading candidate for post (or thread) of the year!!”

See also: Falling on Deaf Cheers - not getting the pats on the back or shining reactions you were fully expecting to receive from one of your posts or a thread you started.

975. Lumber-Card
Any photo showing a player weighing his options of what club to use as he hovers over a sea of choices sticking out of the bat rack.

976. Token Hearted
The mindset of a ‘type’ collector whose goal is to obtain but a single, symbolic example of each relevant set on their list.

977. CIQ (“sick”)
A Collector’s IQ, - the measurement of a hobbyist’s overall depth of knowledge in the card collecting arts and sciences.
“Man, that guy really knows his stuff. He’s got a sick CIQ!!”

978. "The more collecting changes, the more it doesn’t stay the same." (proverb)
It started with men opening packs of cigarettes and handing cards to boys outside of tobacco shops, then grew into kids spending their allowance to chew rock-hard gum as they tore open new wax packs...and has now devolved into investors paying thousands of dollars to ‘own’ a tiny ‘fractional share’ of a card they will never actually touch.


And section 2 is at an end.



A free and timely piece of advice:
When your little niece throws that first heater of a pitch straight at your head during your annual Independence Day BBQ Wiffle Ball game, she's setting your ass up!!!! WITHOUT QUESTION her next pitch is going to be a wickedly slow monster of a curve ball, but everyone knows her control has been off lately! She’ll try to drop it low and outside, but as God is my witness, she’s going to end up hanging it. Wait on it and BOOM!! give that sucker a long, delicious ride over the roof!!! If you want to add an obnoxious bat flip to celebrate as the tears stream down her chubby little cheeks, that's up to you.

Happy 4th!!!!!!!!!




unclesamposterfinal.jpg


DING!!! DING!!! DING!!!

I present to you a special (and way too late in the day) Fourth of July bonus, Collectorisms Part XVI.


"For want of a grilled hot dog bathed in relish and spicy mustard, I would let my cardboard kingdom fall!!"


No fingers were lost as M-80s exploded all around during the creation of this ill-advised addendum.
Clearly not enough time (I mean not even close, as a sneeze lasted longer) was devoted to writing down thoughts, as I was overly busy chugging beers.




979. Red, White and Blew It
The bad business move of accidentally having your eBay auction end on the Fourth of July, meaning only a tiny fraction of people across the country are even checking the site.

See also: Windependence Day - making a huge score off of eBay, because you were the ‘only’ person paying attention to the auction.

980. Rhubarbecue
Fueled by a bit too much ‘overserving’ in the backyard, the annual rebirth of the snarky, heated arguments you, your family members, friends and neighbors get into about which teams and players are the best.

See also: Riffle Ball - how said arguments continue and grow more intense when the element of an ego-driven ‘fun’ game is added to the mix.

981. Uncle Sham
A well known, supposedly ‘great guy’ who uses his good name and reputation in the hobby to scam people.

982. Liarworks
The overabundant use of airy and colorful positive spin words a seller gives a card to raise its standing to fraudulently great heights.

983. Yankee Doodle Candy
Whether it be Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle, Reggie, Jeter or Judge, the glorious cards of The Bronx Bombers you cherish so greatly.

See also: The Boston Scree Party - the wicked enjoyment Sox fans have downing beers and piling on more and more bitter hatred towards the New Yawk Yankees.

See also: We Hold These Ruths to Be Self-Evident - love or hate the Yanks, everyone knows that each and every Babe Ruth card holds a precious, valuable and storied place in all collectors’ hearts.

984. Mold Glory
The great cards in your collection that you adore so much even though they aren’t even within a country mile of being in nice shape.

See also: The Pursuit of Crappiness - the inalienable right of finding joy in seeking out lower grade cards to add to your collection.

985. Sworn on the Cobb
The goal of doing whatever is possible to finally land any career contemporary Ty Cobb card.

986. Declaration of Grindependence
The proclamation made amid all of the heartache that comes from pursuing cards, that you swear you will make more of a legitimate effort to just enjoy the hell out of the hobby.

See also: “I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Pipe Dream” - the assertion that no matter how hard it gets, you are still going to do whatever it takes to reach your collecting goals...no matter how far OUT of reach they continue to be.

987. Firewatermelon
That huge and not well thought out ‘juicy’ purchase your inebriated self makes off of eBay in the late, waning hours of the holiday, leaving your wallet with a big hangover come the 5th.

See also: Pyrochecknics - when your significant other goes ballistic after discovering how much of a hit the checking account took from this stupid pick-up.



Merry Fourth of July to everyone!!




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We interrupt this broadcast!!!!!!!!!!


Presented for your perusal is a special, 'The National' inspired, collection of utter caca for the brain-dead hobbyist, AKA Collectorisms Part XVII.


"And so it is written, let the bald, middle-aged, paunchy men gather together and rejoice!!!"


Collectorisms may cause drowsiness in people who are allergic to Collectorisms.
Deep dish pizza is the work of the devil. Thin crust NY pizza with sloppy grease, cheese and sauce spilling everywhere is the ambrosia of the Gods. Opinions may vary...but if they do, yours is wrong.




988. Grave New World
The dystopian state of present-day card shows, where tables only sell mass-produced, technologically-engineered modern cards with a low number of ‘selectively bred’ chase cards inserted to bring favor and fortune to the privileged few, while the ‘non-conformist’ collectors of vintage cardboard are shunned.

989. Snagriculture
The science of plotting out your approach to a card show floor, deciding which sections and booths to visit, and in what order, to best take advantage of your opportunities to grab cards that are ripe for the picking in order to harvest a nice crop of collectibles.

See also: Booth Sleuth - someone amassing as much information as possible beforehand to determine which dealers are stocking the types of stuff he’s looking for.

990. Expaf
An adjective noting that something is “expensive as f*ck.”

991. Grab n’ Slab
The act of buying a card at a show and immediately heading to an on-site TPG’s booth to have it graded.

992. Gawkwardness
The state of a seller having to politely sit there as countless people slowly and methodically stare at his cards and then cruise on to the next table without buying anything.

993. Abetter Half (or Minfin (“Minister of Finance”)) (slang)
The wife of a card collector who tightly controls the purse strings, and no purchase decision can ever be made without her express, collaborative involvement and say-so.

See also: Hobby Bobbitting - the understanding that if you were ever stupid enough to cross her by making an unsanctioned purchase for your collection, you know exactly what will happen to you.

994. Showsupial
Any card show attendee who foregoes lugging around a backpack, bag or other tote and has nothing to hold his new purchases in except for his pockets.

995. “The reports of the death of high vintage card prices have been greatly exaggerated.”
A Mark Twainsian lament reflecting the fact that although some people select specific data to claim the overall prices of old cards have dropped significantly, that is absolutely NOT the case for the everyday collector.

996. Purchismo
Walking around a card show with your chin held high, knowing nothing’s going to stop you from going home with the specific cards you came here to get, prices be damned.

997. Thicktabler
Someone who insists on getting to a show at the earliest day and time possible, so the tables will still be full of the good stuff and not yet thinned out by the masses.

See also: Fleerosion - how a good amount of sellers on the last day of a show have already packed up their goods and hit the road.

998. FOMOOO (“Cowing”)
An acronym for the people at home who are relishing in the ‘fun of missing out on overpaying’ for cards at 'The National.'

999. Paraloopers
Collectors well practiced in the art of high-magnification precision who drop into each table with their loupe at the ready, giving each card they’re interested in a full and proper examination.

1000. Exodash
The act of waiting for a dealer’s attention to be drawn away by someone else, so you can seamlessly disengage from his table without feeling the need to awkwardly offer him parting words after not buying anything.

See also: Dial L for Leaver - the act of pretending to get a phone call in order to make slipping away from someone’s booth effortlessly easy.

1001. “May the cards be ever in your favor.”
The dutiful and expected acknowledgment that card show attendees offer to one another.

1002. Cobbslobb
A seller with an inordinate number of valuable Ty Cobb cards on display and/or in his collection.

1003. Fillanthropist
An attendee with a good heart who goes out of his way to help someone else who’s not at the show fill a hole in their want list by tracking down a card and arranging for its purchase.

1004. Crowdmouth (also Showsemite Sam)
That superficial, self-appointed ‘expert’ seller who takes himself too seriously as he yaps away and waves money around to make sure everyone around his table knows how impressive he is. He’s your best friend while you’re looking at his cards, but his bitter enemy the moment you pass on his prices and walk away.

1005. Brawn Sugar
Cards of steroids-era players on display.

1006. All Flash, No Cash
A dealer’s bitter assessment of the vivacious, personable show-goer who eagerly spends time engaging him in lively conversations at his table, but walks away without buying anything.

See also: Panashionate - an attendee who strongly revels in the social aspect of the hobby, showing a sparkling flair for happily chatting up both dealers and buyers alike.

1007. Booza Nova (Portuguese)
Someone new to the site with scant few posts who RSVPs to the annual Net54baseball dinner held during 'The National' to share the free drinks with other members.

See also: Chugger Duplo (“Double Chugger”) - when he also includes a plus one.

1008. Wine, Women and Cardboard
A tripartite motto expressing the gloriously hedonistic view that there are only three things that any adult male should ever consider spending money on.

1009. Scoopemupper
The serendipitous discovery of a card in a bargain bin whose value obviously exceeds the low price.

See also: Cheap Choicing - after finding the first one you want, scouring through the huge masses of stuff in order to find other desirable-enough cards to reach the stated threshold (“5 Cards for $10!,” e.g.) on the discount bin signage.

1010. A King on His Throne of Plastic
That seller sitting regally without a care in the world at his table of highly-graded, big-money cards for sale, never seemingly bothered that no one can even afford to buy any of his golden wares.

1011. 31 Cravers (slang)
A term for a seller’s display case filled with sugary sweet cards, each more drool-worthy than the previous.

1012. “Il collezionista che non raccoglie ciò che raccolgo è mio amico” (“The collector who doesn’t collect what I collect is my friend”) (Ital.)
A time-honored maxim stating that when the element of competition is removed, two people are better able to enjoy the hobby together.

1013. Shoestring Theory
The belief that although your card-buying budget is minimal at best, it is still possible to find a way to direct your money into making wonderfully epic purchases.

1014. Sympathology
The sickness of a seller thinking he’s fooling anyone when he puts on a show of pretend sadness as he says, “I’m going to take a bath on this, but I’ll let you have it for...” as he states his ridiculous price.

See also: Sales Fall - when someone with dollar signs in their eyes approaches a dealer’s table to ask if he’s interested in buying their ‘valuable’ cards, but it’s just the obligatory box of junk wax era stuff.

1015. Non Comps Mentis
The medical term for sellers who flat-out refuse to even consider taking recent past sales data into account when pricing their cards.

See also: My Cardboard, My Choice - the simple reality that the owner of a card can set his asking price at whatever the heck he wants.

1016. Travelation
The delight in making a first-time journey to a card show and finding it was very much all that it was cracked up to be and absolutely worth the trip.

1017. Mantle Acuity
The sharp perception and ability to know exactly whether or not purchasing this Mantle right now at this price will turn out to be a good, profitable decision later.

1018. Sparefishing
On the hunt to grab more and more doubles to keep your boxes of trade bait brimming.

See also: Twin Culling - buying a card to knock it off of your need list, only to later discover that you didn’t actually need it anymore.

1019. Vicuriously
When the joy of comfortably sitting at home to look through other people’s pictures and videos from a show is tempered by the fact that now you have all sorts of questions you really want answered.

1020. Shamaraderie
The false belief that a true sense of community exists among card collectors, when we know damn well we’re all just swimming in a kiddie pool filled with blood-thirsty sharks.



I wish you all much luck in leaving early to beat the traffic!!



"You say it’s two weeks too late, but since life and health and other things have gotten in the way, I say it’s just 50 weeks early (for next year’s National)."


At long last, I present to you Collectorisms Part XVII - Section 2



1021. Halcyonslaught
The incredibly nostalgic feelings that come rushing in and bring you back to your youth the moment you walk into a card show.

1022. Table Tilt
The standard, stationary pose of standing still at a dealer’s table with your head angled slightly downward to stare at the cards on display there.

See also: Bent Neck Speed - the extremely slow, deliberate pace taken by these guys as they examine the dealer’s wares.

1023. Hormonetization (refer to #963)
A dealer’s purposeful placement of an attractive girl to work his table, so the horny rabble with more dollars than sense will hopefully be more inclined to hand over their dough to her than to the chubby, bearded sellers found at every other table.

1024. Roverviewer
Anyone posting an on-line video exploration of a large card show floor.

See also: Remarko Polo - a person guiding viewers through his extensive video navigation of the show by offering real-time commentary and insights along the way.

See also: Sir Walter Golly - someone filled with wonderment whose focus is discovering awe-worthy treasures on display to zoom in on and highlight to the people at home.

See also: Vasco da Gambience - anybody presenting a general overview of the look, feel and atmosphere of the event, being sure to include all aspects of the show whether they appeal to him personally or not.

See also: Erik the Bread - a deep-pocketed collector whose purpose in filming is to highlight the big-money purchases he’s planning on making.

See also: Brief Ericson - a videographer who only offers short, cursory explorations of table treasures before quickly moving on to the next ones, never giving the viewer enough time to let all of the magnificence sink in.

See also: Captain Crook - someone making a point of noting how outlandish a particular dealer’s prices are.

See also: Ferdinand Magellunch - a guy who inexplicably keeps the camera rolling as he takes time to eat, forcing his viewers to listen to him yap away as he stuffs his face.

See also: Samuel de Chumplain - that loud, over-the-top card show ‘guide’ who’s all style (well, to himself at least) and no substance, and you’re left quickly clicking out of his video to get away from it.

1025. The Pelican Grief
The annoyance of having to continually dodge countless portable cases being wheeled around the crowded floor by other showgoers.

1026. Nextrovert
A showgoer happily moving from table to table, joyously chatting everyone up.

See also: Yentabler (Yid.) - that guy who shows up at your booth and just won’t stop chattering away at you, even though you clearly have plenty of other potential customers who need attending to.

1027. The Stench of a Thousand Buffalo (loosely translated Ojibwe)
The hot, putrid and stifling air quality inside of a poorly ventilated show venue.

See also: "Air Conditioning, Air Conditioning, Air Conditioning" - an adage expressing the three most important factors in determining where to hold a large card collectors convention.

See also: Breaksweatus Operandi (BO) (Lat.) - the unchanging, odiferous mode of slobs who never think of taking their fellow showgoers into account as they once again leave their deodorant sticks back home and unused.

See also: Smellpox - the rancid haze that envelops and infects you as you stand tightly crammed in around the dealer tables.

See also: Tactfoulness - the purposeful use of your malodorous ‘fragrance’ to make people scatter and free up space around you, so you have more room at the tables to comfortably operate in.

See also: Flop Sweat Equity - although you regret your stink is affecting people, you know the gamey odors emanating from your body were earned honestly through your hard work in the card show trenches.

1028. Flooraging
The act of bouncing around a show to see what interesting things you might come across.

1029. Past Sales Frustrata
The exasperation of a seller trying to justify his asking price to you by quoting an abnormally high outlier of a recent sale amount for the same card, and your reaction is, “Yeah, but whoever paid that much is a frickin’ moron!!”

1030. Seen-It Route
Plotting tomorrow’s show navigation itinerary to avoid the areas you already fully explored today.

1031. Swine Dining
Due to the lack of properly laid out concessions areas at a card show, having no choice but to sit on the floor and eat like an animal.

See also: Chaireography - the act of waiting, watching and planning out moves to jump in and grab someone’s seat the moment they finish eating and get up to leave.

1032. Distractivated
Having the usual cards and sets you’re always looking for in mind when you suddenly come across something cool or exciting at a booth that sends you careening off into a completely different direction, and your brain shouts, “I wanna start collecting those cards, too!"

See also: UCO (“Unidentified Cardboard Object”) - when you have no clue what something is, but you take a chance and buy it anyway, just in case it turns out to be something great.

1033. Walking Head
A guy whose video ‘of a show’ is nothing more than his face staring into the camera the whole time as he prattles on and on during his wanderings around the venue.

See also: Cambassador - a self-styled hobby luminary who spends his time on-camera interviewing and hobnobbing with dealers, attendees and any card world personalities and ‘celebrities’ he crosses paths with.

See also: Uberindulgence - someone so full of himself that he actually feels compelled to include footage of him travelling to the venue in his video.

1034. Collextras
The throngs of card collecting showgoers who guest star in the backgrounds of any videos and photographs being shot.

1035. Drools of Engagement (slang)
The unspoken understanding that if you are filming a video at a show, the moment an even marginally attractive girl comes into frame, you stop what you’re doing and leave the camera on her, because everyone watching your video will be shouting, “Screw the card tables!! Follow the girl!!!!!!”

1036. Roam-Spun Wisdom
The useful, beneficial knowledge that you are able to relay to other showgoers that comes from your extensive exploration of a show venue.

1037. Bear Trapture
The feeling of euphoria that comes when a glorious item on display stops you dead in your tracks as you’re walking past a dealer’s table.

1038. “Someday My Short Prints Will Come”
The starry-eyed, wishful longing that somewhere down the line you will finally obtain the last tough high numbers you still need, and your dream of completing that vintage Topps set will come true at last.

1039. Bi-Popular
Big stars whose cards and collectibles are highly sought after regardless of whether you are ‘solely’ a modern collector or a vintage collector.

See also: Omnivoracious - a collector of ‘everything,’ who’s always on the hunt to gobble up any vintage or modern era pieces that appeal to him.

See also: Sadaharu Ohtani - a celebratory name combination tying together Japan’s all time greatest ‘vintage’ slugger with its current modern-day phenom.

1040. Cohobbytation
When two separate dealers share space at a show table or booth.

1041. Horth (“Hotel Room Talking Head”)
A guy (always in close-up for some reason) reporting and summarizing his impressions of a card show at the end of the day from the comfort of his lodgings.

See also: Nosecaster - anyone who curiously situates their camera much too low and pointing upward at his face, so the viewer is forced to have a front-row seat to his inner nostrils and the ceiling.

See also: News Wanker - when one of these people offering their reports from the card show is too bumbling or uninteresting or self-involved or tiresome (take your pick) for your liking.

See also: Holiday Spinn - when you can’t understand what he’s talking about or where he’s coming from, because you were at the show and your experience was entirely different than his.

1042. Gramboozled (or Widowhoodwinked)
When a little old lady selling her dear, late husband’s collection gets absolutely ripped off without even knowing it.

See also: Graveyard Grift - the act of committing such an unconscionably shameless maneuver.

1043. Jaywalk-In Purchase
When someone approaches a dealer to ask him if he’s interested in buying something he brought to the show, and a random onlooker inserts himself into the situation and offers to buy it for more than what the dealer is offering.

1044. Coopersdownpayment
The strategy of buying up cards of a player you feel stands a better than average shot of getting into the Hall of Fame through the voting of one of the various ‘veterans’ subcommittees.

1045. Holdering Out
Deciding whether waiting until you can find the card you’re hunting for in your preferred TPG’s slab or buying the one right in front of you in a different TPG’s slab is the right move.

1046. Refractornese
The strange, unintelligible-to-vintage-collectors vocabulary and phraseology belonging to collectors of modern day cards.

1047. Go-Go Booths
The exciting dealer set-ups you love heading to, because they have the post-war vintage cards you’re searching for in abundance.

See also: Floorsaken - a great seller you run across whose location has been hidden from the masses due to the poor layout of the venue and through no fault of his own.

See also: Tabooth - a dealer whose table you avoid like the plague and would never even consider visiting, due to personal experience, reputation or other factors.

1048. Dollar Lost Averaging
Realizing you greatly overpaid for a card, the process of looking through the other stuff you bought to find things you got great deals on, so you can ‘increase’ what you paid for them in your personal ledger and effectively ‘lower’ the actual price paid for the original card.

1049. A Labor of Glove
The joy of searching out and finding game-used pieces of equipment.

1050. YouBoobs
The annoying ‘content creators’ found everywhere with their cameras out shooting videos to be uploaded to their on-line channels.

See also: ZooTubers - the herdlike presence of these guys roaming the show floor.

1051. Highlowlights
The best of your self-admitted underwhelming or pedestrian pick-ups from a show where you didn’t actually bring home much of anything you would deem ‘good.’

1052. OIMBY (acronym)
A pointlessly obvious phrase denoting that when it comes to planning where a large collectors convention should be held, the only acceptable answer for both buyers and sellers alike would be a location in close proximity to them, or ‘ONLY in my back yard.’




"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine wordplay, puns, drollery, and attempted witticisms...

Attachment 589244

...go down, in a most (hopefully) delightful way!!!!"


Presented for chimney sweepers and collectors alike (or both at the same time, as their is no rule against chimney sweeps being collectors), Collectorisms Part XVIII - Section 1.


Collectorisms may cause psychotic breakdowns in those prone to such reactions. Please consult the included Collectorisms brochure for further information.




1053. Downton Hobbey
The opulent state of existence the more affluent members of net54 enjoy as they gravitate together and continually pat each other on the back over their latest obscene purchases, while paying little attention to the lowly interests of the budgetary peasants who also call the site home.

See also: Coy Polloi - the monied collectors who fly under the radar, because their modest, more down-to-earth posting activities don’t leave the impression they have huge budgets to work with.

See also: Westminster Slabbey - any thread serving as a glorious display venue for their museum-worthy pieces.

1054. Scallywagner
Any of the legion of Honus Wagner cards and pieces that due to the use of virtually the same image, bear a striking resemblance to his legendary T206 card.

See also: Wags-Adjacent Premium (WAP) - his greatness as a player aside, the higher than ‘normal’ prices each one of these pieces commands, because of the permanent association with his T206 card, the crown jewel of collecting,
“Man, I really took a ‘wapping’ on that M116 Honus card!”

1055. The Multiple Bid Absurdity Principle
The rationale that any bid you make during the course of an auction is a wasted bid, because it harms you by needlessly and artificially raising the price of the item. Logically speaking, the ONLY bid one should ever make is an all-in, last moment snipe bid.

1056. Swapaganda
The half-truths, lies and hyperbole at play when someone is trying to convince you that the trade offer HE’S proposing will clearly make you, NOT him, the ‘winner’ of the deal.

See also: One-Way Streep - when a trader involved in this type of self-serving activity is putting on an Academy Award-worthy performance.

1057. Fulcrumble
In hindsight, the precise post that takes a thread that was cruising along normally and begins steering it downhill into a shit show.

1058. “The Future’s So Dim, I Gotta Wear Grades”
As you sadly decide it’s time to begin planning for the hereafter, step one is to make sure each and every one of your cardboard assets is housed in a respectable TPG’s slab for a straightforward and easy liquidation by your eventual heirs.

See also: Zero Sum Claim - the fear that after you’re gone, your wife will lose out big-time by selling your cards for the fictionally low prices you ‘swore’ to her you paid for them.

1059. Divorchestration
Having a strategical arrangement in place which will conceal the existence and/or value of your collection for maximum effect, so your no-good, dirty, road whore of a soon-to-be-ex-wife won’t be able to take you to the cardboard cleaners.

1060. Adverlution
The realization that many of the sponsors you so fondly tied directly to the N.Y. Mets as a young fan (Schaefer Beer, e.g.) had already filled the exact same role as the mainstays of the Brooklyn Dodgers years before.

1061. Umbilical Cards
The collectibles that still remain at your childhood home, and not only did your mother NOT throw them out, she has kept them safe and properly stored for you.

1062. Slabpremacy
The hierarchical structure of the Third Party Grader world where the sales prices realized of the same cards with the same number grades will vary widely depending on which TPG’s holders the cards sit in.

See also: “Tux the Rich!” - a seller’s hope that seeing more and more big money cards sitting inside of SGC holders will further elevate the TPG’s status and begin bringing the sales prices realized numbers closer to what the same grades sell for in rival PSA holders.

See also: Law of Diminishing Diminishments (AKA Bottom Barrel Parity) - in layman’s terms, the lower you go down the number grade scale, the less disparity will be found between the sold prices of cards in PSA holders versus those housed in other slabs.

See also: Plastic Turtleharing - deciding what works best for you personally as a seller, going with SGC to get your cards back quickly, but they will likely sell for lower prices, or sending them off to PSA, which will take an interminable amount of time, but should yield greater resale results.

1063. OPCOC
The proper descriptive acronym for Canadian O-Pee-Chee cards, since every one of them is bound to be found severely off-centered.

1064. Eavesdropportunist
Someone who sees what specific cards or items are being discussed or sought after in threads, and surprise, surprise, he suddenly posts a new FS listing in the B/S/T selling one of the very items being talked about, as if it’s just some sort of a random coincidence...NOT.

1065. “Put it in the tool belt”
An expression noting that the hammer has come down and the auction is over.

1066. Top-Dropper
When a large group of cards from a specific set is offered for sale or trade and, of course, the range of numbers included in the lot stops dead before reaching the high series.

1067. Gregmorrisified (eponym)
When you no longer bid in a particular seller’s auctions, because his fine, trusted stature in the hobby has made bidders flock to his offerings and considerably raise the prices of each card well beyond what they ‘should’ be.

1068. Frankensteinbeck
Anyone regaling you with entertaining sagas and recountings of their experiences collecting the T206 ‘monster.’

See also: Snagatha Christie - someone telling a fascinating and entertaining tale, complete with twists and turns and surprises, about how he came to own a particular card.

1069. Goosejuicer
Any of the storied card dealers from long ago who came across great bulk discoveries of previously rare, impossible-to-find cards, and slowly milked their golden finds for all they were worth.

1070. Seman-ticks
Members who try to shift the direction of a thread by arguing over the specific meaning of a word or words used by the OP, when his intent was as clear as day to anyone not trying to suck the life out of a thread for their own enjoyment.

See also: Pedantichrist - an overly exhausting know-it-all who attempts to use these trivial word games to his advantage.

1071. RevenooBSTer
Someone fresh to net54 whose entire low post count tally is comprised of nothing but ‘for sale’ listings in the free B/S/T section.

1072. Orville Breadenbacher
Anyone who is set to make a killing after his TPG submission popped with great number grades.

1073. Ignorvitation
When someone expresses his annoyance at something you wrote, so you invite him to simply add you to their ‘ignore list.’

See also: Witless Protection - the technicalities in play which allow members who are so full of opinions about everything, to still not be required to have their names appear in their posts.

1074. Ship-Shopping (slang)
After winning an auction, scouring through the seller’s other items to take advantage of his “additional cards ship for free” policy.

See also: Defrayvity - the act of buying another card or cards in order to distribute the single shipping cost equally across multiple items and effectively lower the end cost of the original card you bought.

1075. A Picture is Worth a Thousand Questions
When the photograph used on a card leaves you cluelessly wondering, “What in high heck was going on the moment this picture was snapped??”

1076. Same Shoot, Different Day
Any cards of a player appearing in either the same set or a set from a different year where the photos used aren’t the same, but were obviously taken during the very same photoshoot

1077. Shrilliteracy
When an eBay auction screams “READ!!!” in the title, but when you look at the description, there is nothing additional there to warrant the inclusion of such a demand.

1078. Curbin’ Planner
Someone who, because he’s moving away or some other factor, has decided it’s time to gather together his boxes of junk cards and leave them on the street for the garbage man to haul away.

See also: Street Swoopers - the people who furtively creep in to dig through the refuse left out on the curb in hopes of finding desirable collectibles hidden inside the rubbish heap.

1079. Dabble Vision
Having a main collecting focus, but also occasionally picking up items from other specific sets or issues that you have come to take a fancy to.

1080. Pastposement
Any team card which featured a photograph taken years before and didn’t reflect the club’s 'current' roster.

1081. Tykeoon
The self-assured, modern card collecting juvenile found at shows who has great market savvy, cash to burn and an advanced set of negotiation skills.

See also: Teenageriatric - a young collector possessing a wealth of vintage card knowledge far beyond his years.

1082. Proptimizing
When scammers are sure to feature all sorts of obviously authentic low-value cards mixed in with their big-money forgeries to bolster the impression to their ‘audience’ that everything in the lot as a whole is legitimate.

1083. Backflapper
Someone whose natural inclination is to house slabs in protective card sleeves by having the resealable adhesive strip ‘hidden’ on the back side of the card holder.

See also: Frontflapper - someone who is more at home having the sealant flap situated on the front side of the card holder for easier access.

1084. Craigslast
When a list is compiled, from best to worst, of platforms you can trust to successfully conduct collectibles commerce on, it is rather obvious which site will always occupy the space at the very bottom.


And section 1 comes to an inglorious end.



And the music is finally over, so I will turn out the lights until next time.




If there was ever a time the world needed something that was Rolling On The Floor Laughing Our Asses Off At Ourselves funny, it would be now!! But before you go searching for something funny, why not unpack all of this garbage first...



Spurred on by my first solo TPG submission (check it out here with links to 'before' and 'blind reveal' videos: https://www.net54baseball.com/showthread.php?t=340670), I sheepishly present Collectorisms Part XVIII - Section 2.


Collectorisms are NO LONGER gluten-free.




1085. Submissionary Position
The viewpoint that once you send off cards to be graded, whether it‘s due to unjustifiably low grades, long delays, excessive fees or other issues and complications, you’re just waiting to get screwed.

1086. Pocket Pretty (slang)
A card that looks majestic while sitting unexamined in a binder page, but once you remove it and give it a once over, the otherwise unseen flaws that make it ‘unworthy’ of grading become readily apparent.

See also: Marilyn Shunroe - an otherwise absolutely gorgeous example of this unfortuante phenomenon.

1087. Flip Mining
The process of digging through your boxes, binders and other accumulations of cards in search of potential ‘gems’ to be sent off for grading and ultimately put into ‘flips.’

See also: Numeralgorithm - when deciding what to have graded, the process of taking the amount you paid for a card and adding the estimated grading/shipping fees to it to arrive at a minimum grade number it would need to receive to make the card ‘valuable’ enough for its submission to be worthwhile.

See also: Mossed and Found - the discovery of a great card in an old, hasn’t-seen-the-light-of-day-in-years box which is a perfect candidate for grading.

See also: Nullifind - coming across a beautiful card during your search that you can’t believe you haven’t already sent in to be graded before, but once you inspect it and see its ‘hidden’ problems, you remember exactly why you didn’t submit it any of the other times you could have.

1088. Attached Detachment
The psychological disorder at play when you fool yourself into believing you’re actually capable of separating yourself enough from the emotional attachment you have to your own cards to offer an unbiased prediction of what grades they deserve.

See also: Disexpectant - having the resolve to truly respect and accept the ‘lower than they should be’ grades you know your cards are slated to receive.

1089. Fuctuation
The varying degrees of foul language - ranging from mild annoyance to screaming to the heavens in a blind rage - flying out of your mouth as you first learn what grades each of your cards received in your TPG submission.

1090. Pack Freshtration
The exasperation of sending a card off to a TPG that you can find nothing wrong with and still looks as sweet as it did the day it first came out of a pack, but it comes back with a much lower grade than it deserves.

See also: Ripple Crippled - the close re-examination of a now-slabbed, supposedly wrongly undergraded card that leads to some sort of, “Oh, dammit, I didn’t see that tiny wrinkle when I sent it in,” moment.

1091. Upinionated
The funny way your attitude towards a card you’ve had forever and liked well enough suddenly transitions into a joyous ‘marching bands down Main Street’ revelry once it comes back from a TPG with a high number on the slab...even though it is literally the same card it was before.

See also: Gradulation - the big-time props you get from other collectors which is based solely on the grade numbers your cards received.

1092. “Live by the Soared, Die by the Floored” (proverb)
If you’re happy with the high grades your cards receive from a TPG, then you also have to be content with and accept the low grade numbers they may give your other cards, too.

1093. Popper Games
Any thread centered around asking people to guess what grades they think the pictured cards will receive.

1094. Starfirster
When deciding to work on building a complete set, the preference to go after the big money cards (Hall of Famers, rookies, etc.) right away, and not leave them to become an ever-increasing financial burden later on down the road.

See also: Starlaster - taking the less stressful completion route of checking off as many of the common, lower cost cards you can, and leaving the arduous task of securing the big money cards for some hypothetical point in the future.

See also: Low-Card Diet - chasing the easier and generally less expensive low number series cards first.

See also: High-Card Diet - chasing the rarer and more expensive high number series cards first.

See also: “Sometimes the cards we want the least are the cards we want the most” - the frustrating plaint of any complete set chaser when he reaches the point of being forced to buy cards he couldn’t care less about in order to mark them off of the checklist.

1095. Unacknowledge is Power
The perhaps morally corrupt dilemma of knowing if you choose NOT to disclose to an obviously clueless seller how valuable their item truly is - worth significantly more than they realize - it will turn into a major score for you at their expense.

1096. Yestergraded
The indication that a card was slabbed back when grading standards weren’t nearly as harsh as they are today, so there’s little chance it would ever receive as high a number now.

See also: Etched in Sand - the impermanence of any number on any slab, because if a card is cracked out and resubmitted, there’s no guarantee whatsoever it will ever come back with the same grade it has now.

1097. Cardslabic Equation
Although the ‘buy the card, not the slab’ mantra is uttered constantly, the truth is everyone has their own way of blending together what the card itself looks like with what the number on the holder SAYS IT IS, to determine its proper value to them personally.

1098. Unformation (refer to #836)
The bits of insider knowledge about specific cards or sets you’ve acquired or discovered for yourself over the years that ‘only’ you know about, so you keep these hobby secrets closely guarded to avoid hampering your ability to use them to your advantage.

See also: Yapprehensive (also Proprietwary) - always being mindful of keeping your big mouth shut and not inadvertently spilling the beans about these exclusive insights to the competition.

See also: Keeping Two Sets of Looks (or Shadow Need List) - having a want list that is shared publicly, while also having a second one that’s ‘for your eyes only’ and includes the ‘secret’ cards you’re always on the hunt for.

1099. Uverprotective
Being vigilant in the use of light-filtering precautions to ensure the sun's ultraviolet (UV) rays don’t get the opportunity to unduly bear down on your exhibited collectibles and cause fading, discoloration, and the eventual deterioration of the pieces.

1100. Cathedrool
The unbridled passion for seeing old photos capturing the magnificence of long ago bulldozed ballparks.

1101. Provenonsense
When the story of where a claimed-to-be-authentic piece originated from turns out to be nothing but a load of bull.

1102. Type Yay Personality
An exuberant hobbyist who enthusiastically collects because he loves the joyous celebration of grabbing the cards he desires so much.

1103. Incanduskant
The far less than bright - and inadequate for examining cards - lighting conditions found at every card show venue on the planet.

See also: Murky Turkey (slang) - a card which looked quite nice to you in the dim environs of the show floor, but once examined under ‘normal’ lighting at home, turns out to be a very ill-advised purchase.

See also: Dreary Farmer - a card show attendee who’s more apt to reap rewards, because he’s wisely equipped himself with the proper hand-held lighting tools to effectively cut through the shadowy gloom.

1104. Multislabulous
Assembling a set where each card is graded, but not exclusively housed in a single TPG’s holders.

1105. Linklaxity
The posting of nothing but a live link in a thread without including any sort of base context as to why it’s there or where it leads to if clicked on.

1106. Subsequentropy
The scientific concept that the worst time to buy a piece of memorabilia associated with a historical event or milestone - like a no-hitter, World Championship, etc. - is during the wildly unstable and chaotic pricing timeframe immediately following the event.

1107. Self-Fulfoolment
When a dimwit fraud using images taken from the internet doesn’t realize that he’s actually trying to sell you YOUR OWN DAMN CARD.

1108. Defaultered Reality
Whenever you see an extremely old card in high grade, you must operate from a base of automatically assuming it has been altered in some way...until you are convinced otherwise.

1109. Worm Blooded
Someone with a knack for being the ‘early bird’ on certain cards or sets, so they are able to affordably buy what they want long before the huge increases in popularity and prices start happening.

1110. Authenticrater
The seemingly random occurrences of pieces falling through the cracks and into the abyss, wrongly rejected by eBay’s authenticity program.

1111. “We’re going to need a bigger bloat”
An expression noting that even though the values of your biggest cards have ballooned extraordinarily, you’re still not going to sell until the sales prices swell even further.

1112. Kinfirmation
The finding of a second example of an error, variation or ‘recurriation’ card you’ve discovered, verifying that it is not simply a ‘one-off’ and there are others just like it out there somewhere.

1113. The Overpayment Necessity
The stark logic that it is absoutely imperative for some buyers to markedly overpay for cards, because without that upward push in the sales prices realized data, the value of our own cards will never rise.

1114. Scuff-Shuffling
The act of quickly and recklessly looking through stacks of graded cards (not in protective sleeves) without having a care in the world for all of the friction and scraping the holders are being subjected to as you whip through them.

See also: Scrape Stacker - a person engaged in this activity.

1115. Crockstars (slang)
The players in smaller, off-beat, or insert vintage sets who must’ve been considered the cream of the MLB crop at the time to warrant their inclusion, but in hindsight are nothing more than permanent residents of your ‘commons’ box.

1116. “Is there a card doctor in the house??”
Whether with nefarious intent or not, any thread asking for help in ‘improving’ the look of a card.

1117. Drawbactuality
When a card looks ridiculously undergraded, so the seller/owner explains what its (unseen to on-line viewers) obvious problems are in hand that make the grade exactly right.

1118. “Never trust a collector who trusts you back” (maxim)
The sad fact that every single collector is always sitting on the razor’s edge of deciding what’s the right or wrong thing to do in any given situation.

See also: High Road Rage - when you purposely do the morally right thing in a tricky situation to avoid screwing someone over, but in the end you yourself end up getting screwed.

1119. Nightsnagging
Any West Coast bidder using the two or three ‘extra’ hours to score auction wins as a huge portion of his competition lies asleep in bed due to the time difference.

See also: Discounting Sheep - a mocking way to describe the money you’ve saved as your competition was too busy getting some shut-eye to bid in the auction.

1120. Whatiffication
The gaudy asking price of any unopened vintage pack, which is set under the assumption that however unlikely, it very much could hold one of the treasured cards from the set.

See also: Prognosticatalyst - the attempt to drive up the bids on an unopened piece by really pushing the fact that there’s a good chance it does indeed hold the celebrated card everyone is dreaming about.

See also: Fortune-Seller - an owner who’s hoping to make big bank off of this prophesying selling strategy.

See also: Rackefeller - someone owning an unopened rack pack with a majorly valuable card showing.

1121. Print Sheesh
The stark realization of seeing a pic of an uncut print sheet from long ago and how miniscule the ratio of HOFers to commons actually was inside of the packs kids were opening.

1122. Past Life Progression
When a card has been broken out and regraded, but it came back at a lower number, so the seller includes pics of the old, higher-numbered flip to basically claim, “I swear it’s in much better shape than it looks! Here’s proof!”


With section 2 coming to an end, I've done all I could to make us laugh at ourselves. Want more of it? Take off your clothes and face your wife or girlfriend. The yuks will be a-flying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (No offense.)




It's that gloriously delicious time of year again...



...you know, when you burrow under the huge pile of coats amassed on the bed and slowly wait for all of your relatives to eventually hit the road.


Presented for both white meat and dark meat fans alike (and for those who don't give a flying f*ck either way), a very special Collectorisms Part XIX, now stuffed (get it?) with more puns and wordplay than ever before!!!!


Collectorisms will not interfere with Thanksgiving football game viewership. We suggest you ask a young niece or nephew to read them aloud to you as you scream at your fantasy football players on the TV.




First, let's start with some small appetizers...


1123. Eat, Drink & Be Wary
The way in which collectors celebrate holidays, enjoying themselves while always being mindful that they can never take their eye off of the ball and miss out on opportunities that may present themselves that day.

See also: Gobble Hobbled - losing your sense of time in the wake of a tryptophanic stupor on Thanksgiving Day, which causes you to completely miss the ending of an auction you were hoping to bid in and win.

1124. Bring Your Yappetite
The excitement of knowing that the family event you’re attending will have other collectors there, so you’ll finally be able to gloriously chat away with like-minded folk.

1125. Counting Your Lessings
The disappointment of seeing the low, sub-par winning bid of an auction that you inadvertently scheduled to end on a major holiday, when eBay traffic is presumably at its lowest.

1126. Turkey Chaster
Someone who decides that Thanksgiving is a day for family, so he’ll remain righteous and chaste and not sully it by hunting for cardboard on any of his devices.

1127. Snarecrow (slang)
Anyone putting a huge, early auction bid stake in the ground to warn potential competitors, “You better stay far away! This card will be mine!”

1128. Smashed Potaters
Any cards which feature and celebrate players blasting historic home run ‘taters.’


And now on to the main course..


1129. Maizmantelaron (“Mays/Mantle/Aaron”)
A descriptor used to generally indicate the types of vintage Topps-era cards to be found.
“The card show was cool. ‘Maizmantelaron’ as far as the eyes could see.”

1130. Bogus Halfsies
The silly “Take 50% Off Marked Prices!!” bins sighted at card shows, when anyone who hasn’t failed first grade math understands that taking half off of something that’s priced three or four times as much as it should be doesn’t magically turn it into a bargain.

See also: Hypercentaging - the act of dealers ensuring that every card found in their “Take 50% Off Marked Prices!!” sections has an excessively high, fake ‘regular price’ attached to it.

1131. On-Hand/In-Handing
The card show sales tactic of justifying much higher than eBay prices by telling customers, “It’s worth it, because you’re here in person, so there’s no wait time. You can actually take possession of this card right now.”

1132. Card Submission Serenity Prayer
An invocation which helps card collectors remain level-headed and composed when they face the trials and tribulations of the grading process:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the grades I cannot change,
courage to resubmit and change the grades I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.”

1133. Gratifictitious
When someone pretends there’s a lot of interest in a card he’s offering by bumping a thread with, “Thanks for the many inquiries, still available.”

1134. Alreadyhads
Cards that are shown off in the new pick-ups thread which aren’t technically new, such as cards of yours that just came back from being graded, etc.

1135. Sacramentality (also Godspiel)
The mindset of using “God bless!,” “Shalom!” or other brief religious phrases in an eBay listing to give the impression that you’re a virtuous and reliable seller.

See also: Flock Fleecer (or The Passion of the Heist) - when such usage is obviously nothing more than an unholy pretense to sucker ‘believers’ in and take their money.

1136. Trapdoorsman
Someone bumping their ‘for sale’ thread with an ominous “Final price drop.”

1137. Happy Scour
Taking an optimistic final lap around the floor in the waning hours of a card show to look for dealers - readying to pack up their tables - who might now be willing to drop the prices on their unsold cards, so they can score some quick and easy last-minute cash before heading out the door.

See also: Loss Weeders - the cards a seller accepts lowball offers on at the end of a show to add some final greenbacks to his coffers, while also thinning out his unsold inventory a bit.

1138. Golden Chimney
The additional premium you know you’ll pay when bidding on an item being offered by an eminent, highly advertised auction house, because they get more traffic and consequently more bidding competition than smaller auction houses do.

See also: Victory Penalty (VP) - the buyer’s premium paid on top of the ‘hammer price’ in an auction.

See also: License to Shill - any auction outfit that allows consigners (and/or people directly connected to them) to bid on their own pieces.

1139. Lostponement
When a card that has been lost in the mail forever and forgotten about suddenly decides to turn up in your mailbox out of nowhere a long time later.

See also: Prodigal Card - the item residing in such a package.

1140. Paranoia is a collector’s best weapon (truism)
If your first thought about each and every collecting interaction is, “This frickin’ guy is trying to pull a fast one on me,” then you’re going to go far in the cardboard world, kid.

1141. Deadboarding
Someone thinking they’re clever by once again trotting out the tired old phrase “buying pictures of dead guys on cardboard” to refer to card collecting.

1142. “He’d hit the ‘Buy It Now’ button for the Brooklyn Bridge.”
An expression noting how someone seems to be especially clueless, gullible and ready to fall for scams.

See also: Brooklynbridgiot - a less than charitable description of such a person.

See also: Schadenfraud (German derivative) - experiencing feelings of pleasure or self-satisfaction after learning someone got taken by a scammer, because all of the signs were there from the get-go and the fool obviously should’ve known better.

See also: Infomerciful - the compassionate act of seeing someone clearly not in the know and about to make a huge purchasing or selling mistake, and stepping in to save him by sharing insights as to why it would be a very bad move to make.

1143. Upslope/Downsloping
The strategic approach of not only seeing if the asking price of a card is in line with recent sales, but digging a bit deeper to determine if that data reflects a card whose value is on the rise or in a troubling decline.

1144. Absent Finded
Unexpectedly stumbling across a card in your home that you have no recollection of ever putting in its current location and were quite convinced you had lost long ago.

1145. “Tomb for one more, honey!”
A phrase denoting you’ve found yet another card to add to the growing TPG submission order you’re assembling.

1146. Green Eyedometer
A measure of the degree of personal jealousy and envy felt by a collector after being blown away by a pick-up made by someone else.

See also: Impressure Gauge - wondering, after making an incredible pick-up, how strong the awed and dazzled reactions are going to be after you post the pics of your new acquisition.

See also: Acclaimpishment - posting a pick-up, not because of your excitement over it, but just to bask in all of the pats on the back that are surely to come from everyone.

1147. Snark Shield
When a member feels compelled to start his post by expressly stating that he’s asking a “Serious question,” so as not to be on the receiving end of the sarcasm to come.

1148. Vision Guessed
The quest to zero in and determine what grade a card ‘should’ receive based on nothing beyond closely examining it with your own two eyes and perhaps using a magnifying lens.

1149. The Rising Tide Sinks All Boats (maxim)
When the continuing rise in prices of mainstream card sets forces collectors to shift their focus to other more affordable pursuits, they find the prices of those cards have climbed way up into the stratosphere as well.

1150. Fullblack Position
The involuntary (wrongful) assumption that if a 1971 Topps card has fully black and unblemished coverage on all sides, corners and edges, then no other aspects of it matter and it will come back with a high number grade.

See also: Blackstabbed - the angry feeling of betrayal when a richly black 1971 card comes back graded lower than it should’ve been, usually accompanied by an utterance of, “But...but there’s not a single bit of white wear in the black!!”

1151. Obsolentimental
When a very old, long-dead thread is suddenly brought back to life via a new post.

See also: Howard Carder - the member who is responsible for digging up and bringing the ancient thread back from the dead.

1152. “Collectito, ergo sum.” (loose Latin)
The philosophical dictum stating that the very act of realizing you are seeking out new collectibles to obtain indubitably proves that you do, in fact, exist.

1153. PeeCeeing
The act of buying something for your personal collection, and not for resale.

1154. Minimaxification
The purchase of a card deemed ungradeable by one TPG - because it didn’t meet the minimum size requirements - in the hopes that another TPG will see it differently, put a number on it and ultimately turn it into a big moneymaker for you.

1155. Affordignoredability
As people complain that certain underappreciated HOFers’ cards ‘should’ be much more expensive than they are, the wise collector stocks up on those cards for the very fact that they’re still quite modestly priced.

1156. Melidoing (eponym)
The act of laying a vintage card you’re getting ready to submit for grading on top of a modern card to ensure it measures out properly.
(Etymology - derived from the use of a 1993 Topps Melido Perez card in this fashion.)

See also: Thinnocuous - any cards that came out of the factory naturally cut a little shorter top-to-bottom or side-to-side than what they were ‘supposed’ to be.

1157. Shaken, Not Blurred
An explanation noting that the image on the card you’re showing on-line is properly focused and not blurry in real life, and the only reason it doesn’t look sharp is a result of your poor, shaky-handed picture taking efforts.

1158. Toutlook
The Topps method of always including the next series checklist in with the current series of cards to tell kids, “Better save up your pennies, because look at what great things are coming next!”

See also: On Side Kick in the Ass - seeing all of the magical cards in the high series on the last checklist, but when you hit the store to spend your allowance and finally complete your set, you’re crushed to find all of the baseball has been done away with and replaced with new boxes of football cards.


And on that appropriate football note, this chapter comes to an end.


Happy Thanksgiving, Everybody!!!!!!!!!




SEX Sells...ummm...I mean...It's Almost Bikini Season...

mycardsareupheregraphic.jpg

...so it's time to get your collecting muscles in shape!!!!


Presented for gawkers and buyers alike (for the former, I'll give you a minute to stare before I proceed...but you can always scroll back up to take yet another look...I mean, who the heck wouldn't, right?), here is Collectorisms Part XX - Section 1.


Whether it’s the philosophy, (attempted) humor, insights, criticism, realism, or the utter stupidity itself, if you don’t see your own face staring back at you in the ‘Collectorisms’ mirror, then you simply aren’t collecting hard enough.




1159. Tedzantic (eponym)
The free and unselfish sharing of one’s own vast wisdom, expertise and mastery of specific card sets, as well as other hobby insights, to help expand the knowledge base of the collecting community as a whole.

1160. Redumbdancy
When the topic of a new thread is something that’s been covered a bazillion times before and you just can’t believe that yet another person is trying to lead everyone down that same worn out, heavily potholed road.

1161. Wrinkle Shot
The picture of a card purposely taken on an angle in the light to highlight to the viewer the creases, ripples or other surface issues that wouldn’t be readily apparent were it photographed lying flat.

1163. “You get a NO on 100% of the offers you DON’T make.” (proverb)
An advisory reminding collectors to never be afraid of taking shots at creating opportunities for yourself, so use every chance you get to make offers on cards you want, because the worst a seller can do is say no.*

*Not entirely true, because he may put a curse on your family, but let’s not dwell on the negative.

1164. The Soak City Incongruity
The contradictory nature of collectors having no qualms about soaking and/or minorly ‘improving’ the condition of cards themselves, but becoming ethically outraged if they discover a card they bought had been bettered in the same fashion by someone else.

See also: Compressidue (also Sootangle) - the rectangular area of discolored build-up appearing on a paper towel after a card has been soaked and weighed down on it to dry.

1165. Postalponement
When the tracking of a card in the USPS system shows it to be traveling via a bewildering and irrationally circuitous route to its final destination.

1166. “One Slab to Rule them All” (cautionary maxim)
The depressing portent that PSA seems to be intent on forging an ‘evil’ monopoly in the card grading world.

1167. Grailvitational Pull
The unyielding force in your collecting soul which causes you to forever keep fruitlessly looking to finally land the card or cards you covet far above and beyond anything else.

1168. Hunting the Glass (slang)
A general term for walking around a card show and examining the cards in sellers’ displays.

See also: “Clearing the Cases!” - a celebratory exclamation for making a great purchase at a show.

See also: Urinullification - the universal problem of being at a show and needing to take a whiz, but the thought of trying to secure everything you’re holding while fiddling with your zipper at the crowded urinals, tells you to bite your lip and just hold it in.

1162. U-Turn on Investment (UOI)
A ‘colorful’ term for taking a serious loss on the sale of a card.

1169. Retrospectator Sport
The mournful watching of a card you once owned, but sold too soon, being auctioned off as its price continues to climb higher and higher into the stratosphere.

1170. Kaynoter
A proprietor dealing in such valuable cards that he simply needs to use a ‘K’ after the number on each of his price stickers to denote “thousands” of dollars.

1171. Chucky Chewzmoor (sobriquet)
That one kid among all of your fervid pack-opening buddies who took an extreme delight in shoving as many planks of pink gum into his trap as it could hold.

1172. Pompeiisity (or Covered in Snoot)
When a slew of threads have all become active due to new posts appearing, but you see it’s the same sanctimonious know-it-all who loves the sound of his own keyboard who’s responsible once again for blanketing the site in a tiresome layer of his typed-out slag.

See also: Hardcore Yawn - the utter boredom that comes from seeing more posts from this type of individual, and you just shake your head and scroll right past them without giving it a second thought.

1174. Infernoise
The silly use of fire icons in an auction or sales listing title to denote how intensely smoking hot and awesome the card is.

See also: Flame-Flam Man (or Blaze Bloke) - anyone employing this particular tactic in their listings.

1175. Prognostigrader
Someone examining and asessing their cards to determine what grades he believes they will get in his TPG submission.

1176. Newbonic Plague
The pestilence of a bunch of newly joined members all coming out of the gates trying to scam people.

See also: Crocodile Dundeeviant - any of these new wave of scammers who oddly claim to hail from the ‘Land Down Under.’

See also: First-Cozener (also Bluffer-in-Law) - that fictitious, invented ‘relative’ of his that a swindler claims just happens to own the very card you’ve been searching for.

See also: Stepdadification - when one of these deceivers specifically pretends it is his adoptive father who possesses these wondrous baseball cards you seek.

1177. Oxfraud English
The utterly nonsensical and seemingly random wording and phraseology in the messages sent out by scammers, indicating only a hazy, at best, familiarity with English grammar or western culture itself.

See also: Drivel Engineer - the person responsible for creating these types of ridiculous, perhaps AI-aided, scamming messages.

1178. Ignorance is Blistery (idiom)
A warning of the perils of getting burned by diving too quickly into a new area of collecting without first possessing enough of a rudimentary understanding of the unfamiliar terrain.

1179. Mikey Mantle
The term for a card of any player being an obvious forgery.
“Yup, that one there is definitely a Mikey.”

1180. “Bring Out Your Dread”
Any thread which is started for the express purpose of eliciting complaints from other members about someone or something.

See also: Camplaigning - being on a crusade to convince the masses that you are right about whatever it is you’re bitching about.

1181. Off-Track Abetting
When someone claims to ‘not have a horse in the race’ when posting in a contentious, argumentative thread, but his obviously one-sided support of one of the ‘combatants’ tells quite a different story.

See also: Paddock Peeps (or Secretarianots) - those whose assertions of not having a horse in a particular race are legitimately forthright and honest.

1182. The Doctrine of Exceediency ("Being Exceedient")
The unwritten rule that if you make an unsolicited attempt to get someone to trade you a card of theirs you want, it is incumbent upon you to make sure anything you offer in return clearly surpasses the ‘value’ of their card, thus ensuring he’ll do well on his end were a deal to be reached.

See also: “You gotta swap him off his feet!” - a homespun adage relating this foundational necessity.

See also: Surpassionate - a trade proposal which easily eclipses the ‘much higher value’ threshold and plainly expresses a deep desire to land a targeted card.

See also: YAMBasting (acronym-ish) - when the frustration over the low-ball trade offers coming from someone (who reached out to you first) reaches a boiling point, and you exclaim, “You approached ME, buddy...not the other way around!!”

1183. Cashcrowning
It doesn’t matter how loathsome of a creature the buyer in front of you may be, a seller must leave emotion out of the equation, so if he has the money, then cash is king and he’s the ‘right’ buyer.

1184. Offtabling
Approaching someone who's been attempting to sell his old cards to various dealers at a show, and asking if you can check out and possibly make an offer on his stuff.

1185. No Crest for the Wicked
It doesn’t matter how ridiculously high prices get in general, the noted extortionate sellers on eBay or at shows will keep making their prices even more and more ‘ridiculouslyer’ higher without a top ever to be reached.

See also: “Apogeezus!!” - an exclamation which expresses, “For the love of God, how freakin’ high can their prices go!!!!!!!”

1186. High Thriced
The reality of going to a show and knowing that every single card for sale there will be overpriced by a minimum of three times what it ‘should’ be.

See also: “Dean-Age Wasteland” - a term for this sad reality as a play on a certain eBay seller’s name.

See also: “A Card in the Hand is Worth Two on the ‘Bay” - the justification for willfully overpaying for a card at a show, so you can take it home and own it right now.

1187. Flipcornering (truism)
The best way to judge the condition of a card’s front corners is to flip it over and examine its back corners.

1188. Sold Wives’ Tale
Any telling of a suspiciously fantastical story invoving the sale of a card - whether he was the buyer or seller - that just doesn’t seem to add up to anyone paying attention.

See also: Toast Story - any spooky retelling of the time you got burnt on the sale of a card that chills listeners to the bone.

1189. Hi-View No-Queue (Brit.)
When you see a major card (Cobb, Jackie, Mantle, etc.) listed for sale in the B/S/T Forum that has all sorts of views tallied up, but a zero in the ‘Replies’ column, you know without clicking on it that no one’s lining up to grab it because the seller’s price must be too unreasonable.

See also: Pricing Yourself in the Foot - when you post something for sale and it gets immediately snapped up, you gloomily realize the asking price was much too low and you left a lot of money on the table.

1190. Cronyological
The addition of less-than-ideal candidates to Cooperstown by Hall of Fame veterans committees, which seems to be based solely on the voting members’ relationships and kinships with the nominated players.

1191. Boothmark
The specific features, signage, etc., a seller utilizes to set his booth apart from the multitude of others crowding the card show floor, and let showgoers know exactly whose set-up it is.

1192. Value-Padded
The simple fact that for innumerable reasons and personal attachments (a favorite player, great centering, a cool print oddity, etc.), certain cards of yours are worth more to you than what any honest assessment of their monetary value ‘should’ be.

See also: Overdevaluation - the human frailty of always readily assigning greatly inflated values to your own cards, while considerably undervaluing everyone else's cards.

1193. Rarefied Blare
The seemingly obligatory and knee-jerk practice of exclaiming “Rare!!!” to describe any card that clearly is nothing of the sort.

See also: Rawmeater (slang) - a seller who habitually overuses the word “rare” in his listings.

1194. The Fright Stuff
How the techniques of altering, doctoring or creating cards to fool potential buyers have scarily improved by leaps and bounds in recent times.

1195. Gem-D
A card doctor specializing in teaching people how to ‘professionally’ alter cards to make them more ‘minty.’

1196. White Color Criminal
A pathetic seller who attempts to deceive people through the undisclosed bleaching of a card.

See also: Bleach Conned - someone who’s duped by such a scammer.

1197. Control Patcher
An expert in ‘improving’ old cards by deceptively recoloring them.

See also: Repainting the Corners - the work he does.

1198. Kamera Chameleon (refer to #50)
Someone quite adept at deceptively altering photos and scans of cards to make them appear to be better than they are.

1199. Speed Ablating
Deceptively aging a fake card to make it appear to have natural wear, although such decay doesn’t occur over the course of a century, it occurs during an afternoon spent in a card doctor’s hands.

1200. Tamper Tantrum
A seller angrily taking exception to people calling him out on the laughably obvious fake piece of crap he’s pushing.

1201. Lotglutted
When an auction has a great overabundance of pieces listed, so some consigners are left fearful of their items being drowned out in the metaphorical flood.

See also: “Beating a Dead House” - the manner in which the same belabored and consistent complaints about an auction house continually re-emerge in the wake of yet another one of their auctions ending.

1202. Trickled to Death
The lamentable fact that although when you were young it was accepted that all of the players on old cards were long dead and gone, you now realize the cold hand of death has already claimed a huge percentage of the players you grew up watching, and the list continues to grow every day.


Whoa, what an incredibly depressing way to end this section. Maybe we should all just take a moment and call our primary care physician...just saying.




And that's all she wrote. Now no one talk to me...I am freakin' tired!!!!!!!!