[JollyElm]

“Collecting isn't a word. It's a sentence”



I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part VIII (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #424 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

Don't mind that the world is falling to pieces around us. Avoid extreme temperatures and store this thread in a cool dry place. Caution: May cause drowsiness, nausea, dizziness or blurred vision. Yes, you will unquestionablysee yourself in this post


Yes, I am serious. And don't call me Shirley...



414. Shagtagged (also Extreme Forsakeover)
A card that has been ruined by someone drawing facial hair on the player.

See also: Abehorrent - when it’s just a beard that was scribbled on the card.

See also: Shorn Again - having to find an unmarked card for your set to replace the defaced one with the ersatz whiskers.

See also: Autograffiti - how a kid back in the day added his own handwritten version of the player’s signature to the front of a card.

415. Toppspoil (also Fanaticks)
The companies currently engaged in sucking the lifeblood out of the revered Topps Chewing Gum Company.

See also: Autoppsy - the various opinions of what led to the figurative death of the company.

416. Besmirchants
The oft-mentioned, high profile card peddlers that every single one of us knows deserve every last bit of crap that gets thrown at them.

See also: Ignoraphobia - the righteousness keeping good people from ever spending a dime with these filthy dealers.

See also: Snubmariner - a person whose eBay searches use the “Exclude” feature to simply cruise by all of those sellers’ offerings.

See also: Appease Artist - someone who has no problem purchasing cards from these guys.

417. Hostile Lurk Environment
When someone who hasn’t posted much at all suddenly starts appearing in multiple threads, throwing his outspoken opinions around.

418. Manurefracturers
Any of the card companies producing ornamentally elaborate modern day cards.

419. Hobbehemoths
All of the larger than life personalities who have been, for good or bad, illustrious presences in this hobby of ours over the years.

420. Mullman
A person who contacts you about a card you have available, and after you answer all of his questions, leaves you in limbo as he takes his own sweet time thinking the deal over.

421. Shrillenium
The growing anger that accompanies the continuously prolonged amount of time it takes for cards to finally come back from the grading company.

422. Mourning Track Power
Buying up cards of a very old former player for the sole purpose of selling them at exorbitant prices on the gigantic bubble that will surely come after he passes away.

423. Burdiction
The terminology and catalogue vernacular developed by Jefferson Burdick.

See also: Songburdick (or ManiACC) - a fan singing the praises of Jefferson Burdick’s work on The American Card Catalog.

424. Scorched Mirth
A welcome and unexpected post in the middle of a very contentious thread which suddenly provides comic relief and brings smiles to people’s faces.

See also: Laftereffects - when other people follow suit and keep the light-hearted vibe going to ease the tension.

425. Second Scoregage
Spending a huge amount of money on a card, but feeling justified for the outlay, because you got a great deal on it.

426. Ruethanasia (informal)
The lamentable point you reach where a card is in such bad shape that you have no other option but to just throw it in the garbage and end the misery.

427. Deathwrap (also Stuffed Crusht)
An unopened cello pack with a major card showing on front or back, but the tight factory-wrapped plastic has scrunched its corners, so the card itself will never grade highly.

428. Ineleglance
A multi-player card where one of the subjects is plainly looking somewhere other than into the camera.

See also: Say Geez!! - the annoying reaction to seeing such a card and wishing the photographer had taken a ‘correct’ shot.

429. Texas Foilman
A fan of Curt Flood’s prominent role in the game-changing fight against baseball's reserve clause.

430. Looze Cruise
Eagerly traveling a long way to meet up with someone who’s selling a card or collection, but realizing upon finally seeing it in person that it’s nothing like it was ‘supposed’ to be.

431. Transbender
When a seller identifies a card as having “no creasing or wrinkles” in his post, but the shadows/reflections or other topography in the picture clearly indicates the presence of ripples.

432. First Come, First Verve
Although rookie cards were printed in the ‘same’ numbers as all of the other cards of a player during his career, the demand (and enthusiasm) for them is always exponentially greater.

433. Elmer Fuddy Duddy
Anyone who muses that ‘the thrill is in the chase,’ because what’s the point of anything if you never actually get the thing you’ve been hunting for forever?

434. Twofervor
The adoration of tobacco cards having parts of multiple names showing on top and bottom.

435. Mockpocket (slang)
That tauntingly disappointing empty space in your binder page representing a card you still don’t have for your set.

436. Chick Swing
That moment in adolescence when your focus suddenly changed from collecting baseball cards to going after girls.

437. Wear Freshener
Relatively non-controversial things (like soaking or removing stuck-on paper or album remnants) done to improve the look of a card.

438. Surrogreat (also Pinch Fitter)
The printout, photocopy or reprint of an expensive star card that you put in the pocket of your set binder in place of the original, because you either don’t have one or yours is kept safely stored elsewhere.

See also: Relief Picture - when the player on the card in question is a Hall of Fame pitcher.

439. The Ole Hunt n’ Grunt
The dedicated effort, rife with disappointment, of sitting down at a show and methodically going through the dealers’ 800 count boxes card by card, trying to track down ones in the right shape to fill holes in your sets.

440. Lackilles Heel
That card you can’t help but always search for, although you don’t believe for a moment you’ll ever find it.

441. Pre-Warbitrage
The simple fact that for countless reasons, the exact same tobacco card is worth greatly different amounts to different people at the same time.

442. Jumping the Won
Someone excitedly posting pics of a great new pick-up BEFORE he actually has the card in hand.

443. Banarchist
A person who demands that players from long ago, as well as other issues, be judged based on present-day ‘outrages.’

444. Cowpie in the Sky
When you find out that the newfound card (or piece of memorabilia) you were very hopeful about is nothing more than a fantasy piece.

445. Bidtime Story
Any wonderful, dreamy recounting of the time you were able to win an all-time favorite card.

See also: Passoverses - a sad narrative detailing a failed attempt to obtain a card you really, truly wanted.

446. Heard Mentality
The widely heard and oft-repeated hobby facts that may or may not be true, but which have always been accepted due to the constant retelling of them.

And I again wish you the very best!!!