[JollyElm]

Yippie-Ki-Yay, Motherf*ckers! I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part V (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)


***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, go to the OP and scroll down to #37 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while reading this post.


And here’s the fifth part of this nonsense, so LOL or BOL or ROTFL, or just STUDNBSAYP (sit there unamused, doing nothing but staring at your phone), your choice...



253. Griptrip
An eBay auction with the picture showing the seller’s hand holding the card for sale.

See also: Fingerfolk (or Second Handlers) - eBayers who engage in this practice.

See also: Porkadillo - the offense of making everyone feel painfully uncomfortable as they’re forced to stare at your meaty sausage fingers in the auction photos.

254. Ramenstration
The act of eating as cheaply as a penniless college student in order to free up money to use on the cards you’re looking to buy.

See also: Dehammered - the feeling that the rate at which prices are rising means you’re never going to win another auction.

255. Dismissogyny
The contempt you feel for your wife when she once again dismissively mocks or belittles your ‘silly little hobby.’

256. Swapchase (also Flexchange)
A transaction involving two people trading cards, wherein one of the parties also adds a predetermined amount of cash to the deal.

257. Cardboardhydrates
The list of ingredients found on a wax pack for the plank of gum inserted within.

258. Switchfaced (also Opposhit)
The unintentional use of a reversed photographic image on a baseball card.

259. Jivestocker
A seller who only uses ‘stock photos’ in his listings.

260. Intecollectual
A person who uses a smart, discerning, and measured approach to his card collecting methods.

261. Numerelevance (also Prime-Timecard)
How Topps reserved the more significant card numbers, such as #100, #200, etc., for the most cherished players in the set.

262. Metropolitangential
Being a huge fan and collector of New York Mets cards and memorabilia, but also having a soft spot in your heart for their pseudo-ancestors, the N.Y. Giants and Brooklyn Dodgers.

See also: Sox Addict - a fan of either (or both) of the American League teams haling from Boston, MA and Chicago, IL.

263. “Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.” (maxim)
The assessment of the continuing upsurge in baseball card prices.

See also: “Strike while the cardboard is hot.” - although it may be very pricey, you need to buy a card you’re interested in now before the cost climbs even higher in the immediate future.

See also: Opportunity Accost - unexpectedly coming across a card (that you may or may not need) and knowing if you don’t buy it immediately at this price, the next person who sees it will undoubtedly jump on it.

See also: Redbreaded - a person who has actually found a way to lose money selling their cards in this booming collectibles market.

264. Woe Tide (also Floodraising)
The befuddlement of seeing the asking prices of lesser cards also going through the roof in the current environment, as if they were suddenly on par with the all-time greats.

265. PSA 11
Whether graded or not, just a fantastically beautiful card.

See also: Elevening - bragging about how great a graded card you’re selling looks.

266. Blockaid
The post, PM, or some other occurrence that tells you it’s time to relegate a particular member to your 'ignore' list.

See also: Speedelete - when you see a PM in your in-box and you know the guy who sent it is just spewing crap, so you immediately throw it in the trash without reading it.

See also: Perplexiled - when you find yourself on the blocked list of an eBay seller and have no recollection as to why you were put there.

See also: Laughingblock - when someone believes that blocking you is going to adversely affect your life, but it just makes you chuckle.

267. Callousthenics
Deceptively stretching the truth by using an image stolen from someone else’s eBay auction to ‘sell’ a card you don’t actually own.

268. Unicornering (Unicornery)
A card doctor making all four corners of a very rare and valuable (fake) card universally, symmetrically rounded, although a card like that does not exist in the natural world.

269. Harpoonnacle
The exhilirating feeling of being on top of the world after your hunt for one of your ‘white whales’ has finally come to a joyous conclusion.

See also: Leviathinning - crossing that significant card off of your want list.

See also: Ahabitual - the persistent, daily employment of eBay searches (and other methods) in your pursuit of one of your ‘white whales.’

See also: Vortexuberance - the feeling of joy and relief that comes with winning a turbulent and hotly-contested auction between multiple rival bidders.

270. Decimalarkey
The miniscule, undetected-by-the-human-eye factors that supposedly differentiate a PSA 9 card from a PSA 10.

271. Flipclipper
Stopping someone dead in his tracks who’s trying to sweet-talk you out of a card for next to nothing, because you know full well he’s only looking to grab it to immediately resell it at a big profit.

272. Condescenturions
People who post things that are already blatantly obvious to everyone, as if they’re somehow adding insightful info to the thread. It’s the baseball card equivalent of a person on a computer help-line asking you, “Is your machine plugged in?”

273. Slabyrinthine (also Contorturous)
The arduously long and painstakingly difficult task of trying to free a card sandwiched between multiple layers of cardboard, encased in bubble wrap and having every conceivable angle thickly covered in tight layers of tape with no apparent edges to be found.

274. “I wouldn’t touch his cards with a sixty foot, six inch pole.” (slang)
The disdain for a Hall of Fame pitcher felt by a collector who believes he has no business being in Cooperstown.

275. Slimperceptible (also Scantily Bad)
A card whose centering is only a mere hair worse than another virtually identical card, but unlike that one, it gets a dreaded OC qualifier on the label.

See also: “All OC cards are equal, but some OC cards are more equal than others.” - how a card falling just a speck outside of the TPG’s centering parameters and one that is egregiously off-centered 90-10 both ways will each receive the same qualifier.

276. Unintended Cardsequences (also Carbohyway Robbery)
Although Topps purposefully packaged their baseball cards in wax packs with large sticks of gum inserted, when a card is found to have wax or gum residue present on it, it is devalued and/or given a qualifier.

277. Discountentment
Getting an expensive card at a ‘bargain,’ but it may prove to be a bad thing when it’s time to sell, because your low winning bid will appear on the sales price data sites and make potential buyers rethink what the card’s value is.

278. Paxploitation Film
A Hollywood movie (or TV show) where baseball cards make an unexpected appearance.

279. Groan-Sharking
Posting a card for sale at such an egregiously high price (which doesn’t conform in any way shape or form to past sales), and causing everyone to gripe, “What is this guy thinking???!!”

See also: Trolesaler - a person who’s a member of this site for no other reason than to take advantage of the free access to the B/S/T and hawk their exorbitantly priced cards.

See also: Doing a Double-Brake (informal) - suddenly stopping when you see an eBay price that is so absolutely ridiculous that it makes you wonder if you’re missing something. Like, is the card a Venezuelan or something??

280. Cardines
The stuff you put out there as trade bait.

281. Forefingerphobia (also Ruinjurious)
The common anxiety accompanying any attempt to remove a card from a toploader, because awkwardly stuffing your finger into such a thin, confined space can only end up damaging it.

See also: Card Sabre or Card Saber (Am. Eng.) - any toploader which causes you to cut or scrape your cuticle as you squeeze your finger inside of it to extract a card.

282. Pathminder (also Good Sportmanshepherd)
Someone who ‘dutifully’ chimes in to tell you your post is in the wrong section.

See also: Navigrater - a person who guides the person to the correct area, but there’s a bit of bite in his response.

283. Shodification
An offer sent to you by an eBayer which is only a tiny, insignificant reduction of his original listing price.

See also: Repeat Scoffender - an eBay seller who sends you an offer to buy their card at such an exorbitant price that you can’t help but laugh and immediately reject it...but then time passes and the seller once again sends you a ‘new’ offer at the exact same outrageous price.

284. Protrusion Confusion
Not really understanding what the specific, precise definition of a corner ‘bump’ or ‘ding’ is.

285. Rostertute
A member having a list of people he’s done deals with catalogued in his signature.

286. Drag Clean (slang)
Someone who uses pantyhose to remove wax and gum residue from the surface of a card.

See also: Leggy - a graded card with an ‘ST’ qualifier that you know can be easily eliminated by using a pair of pantyhose to wipe away the ‘invisible’ wax or gum residue on it.
“That card’s got legs.”