I'm most interested in statistics such as
"Bat Flip Velocity" and
"Scowl Factor" (the intensity of the look the pitcher gives the bat flipper as he slowly peacocks his way around the bases)
See also:
"Chatter Index" - the number of "Imma gonna get youse", the field mic's pick up from the dugout opposite the previously mentioned bat flipper.
Would also like to see a
BFSM "Bullpen Fight Swarm Meter" instituted in regular broadcasts. That way we can see which teams bullpen is most eager to engage in slap throwing (not connecting), scowling at each other, pretending to break up/start fights, and just plain milling about...whenever a melee breaks out on the field between two teams, based on how quickly their bullpen empties out and makes it's way towards the action.
Each relief pitcher, bullpen catcher and pitching coach can then be assigned a
PMR "Planetary Mob Rating", based on how central to the main action each character is in relation to the rest of the crowd.
For example, if Al Hrabosky is towards the center of the action, pretending to pull George Brett off of Reggie Jackson, we can assign him a
"Mercury Rating" - He's not going to pull a ligament in his throwing arm, but damn, he's flying close to the sun.
If Jeff Reardon is milling about by the dugout, icing his elbow, having a chat with the batboy and smoking a ciggy while chaos reigns on the rest of the field...well then he's assigned a
"Pluto Rating" - Is he a planet? Is he another celestial body? Nobody seems to know for sure. His team-mates are confidant he can get 3 outs in the 9th if they need him to, but he's not driving anybody to the airport, and he for damn sure isn't going to help you move your new armoire, up to your 5th floor walk-up, or get into an unnecessary fight because someone broke some unspoken rule that nobody's spoken about in several decades or so.
Most bullpen guys will fall somewhere between The Asteroid Belt and Saturn.
