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Old 04-16-2021, 05:46 PM
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JollyElm JollyElm is offline
D@rrΣn Hu.ghΣs
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 5,802

Arthur Fonzarelli’s wearing his leather jacket and skiing across the it is time to
JUMP THE SHARK!!!!!!!!!!!

I present to you 2021's Collectorisms Part VI (also SemRANTics or VoSLABulary)

***ALERT!!!!!!*** Before you do anything, scroll down to #306 and read it, so you will understand what's going on here.

This post is ribbed for her pleasure. Do not swim for at least 30 minutes after reading. Action figures sold separately.

So it is up to you, good people of Earth, to figure out what you wanna do with all of this. Good luck...

287. Slyopic (also Glaucomedy)
The utilization of ‘at signs’ to imitate eyes and form the word “L@@K” in an auction title.

288. Bubblegum POWs
The players not found in certain sets from the 1950’s due to the intense legal conflicts between Topps and Bowman, among others.

See also: MIArtyrdom - the glorious wonderment of imagining what the missing cards of specific HOF’ers would have looked like were they ever produced.

289. Guffawbulous
Having a name (Eddie Stanky, Heinie Manush, Johnny Pesky, Tom Tresh, Pete LaCock, e.g.) that causes every single collector alive to giggle a little bit whenever they run across one of his cards.

290. Klutts/Washington Extrapolation
The huge increase in value that a 1978 Topps Rookie Shortstops #707 card will surely attain if another one of the players pictured on it finds his way into the Hall of Fame.

291. He’s All Gum, No Cardboard (Put-Down)
A collector who talks a really big game and fancies himself some sort of baseball card expert, but it’s pretty obvious he has no clue what he’s talking about.

292. The Plastic Paradox
A card with a ‘Buy-It-Now’ price on eBay that is less than what it would’ve cost to have said card graded in the first place.

293. Carat-Top
A card with a discernible diamond cut.

See also: Rotato - a card that is a true rectangle, but the photo on it is tilted.

294. Planned Grabsolescence
Adding overpriced things to your eBay watch list, because you know the long three month wait for your eBay Bucks Certificate to be unlocked is right around the corner, so you’ll be able to get them at a much better overall cost.

295. Sendwich
The traditional setup wherein a card in a slab or toploader is placed between two pieces of cardboard, bubble wrapped and then taped together and inserted into a mailer.

See also: Flub Sendwich - when a seller doesn’t properly seal a toploader with tape, and the card is able to slide out of its moorings while in transit.

See also: Schmuckstuck - when a toploader is rendered forever useless by a careless seller who seals it with impossible-to-remove packing tape, transforming it into a permanently sticky mess.

See also: Stichabod Crane - a seller who commits this offense.

296. COCD (Cardboard Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
The malady plaguing people who have strict, unwavering personal standards regarding how perfectly centered a card must be to earn a place in their own personal collection.

See also: Scoff Centered - the derision for any card falling short of his rigidly demanding standards.

See also: Centertainer - any collector afflicted with this condition who takes particular delight in showing off his beautifully centered cards.

297. Bogusto (also Grate Expectations)
The exhiliration of seeing your eBay listing has a whole slew of watchers...only to bitterly realize that they’re not potential buyers, but lookie-loos waiting to see if anyone is stupid enough to pull the trigger on your ridiculous price.

298. Blockem’s Razor
The principle that in deciding whether or not to add an eBayer to your blocked bidders list, the simplest explanation is usually the right one. He’s going to be a problem for you.

299. Blindignity
When the photo on a card captures the player with his eyes either fully closed or in ‘mid-blink.’

See also: Mocularity - the undoubted mirth and merriment expressed by the people at the card company as they decided to use that particular ‘eyes closed’ photo for the card instead of selecting a nicer one.

See also: Blinksmanship - a photographer’s knack for catching players in this state.

300. Noobilation
The happily optimistic and enthusiastic posts of someone who’s just recently joined the site and has obviously not yet been exposed to net54’s sordid, seamy underbelly.

301. Trimpropriety
Deciding what the acceptable shortness of a card can be, either top to bottom or side to side, that occurred naturally when the sheets of cards were cut at the factory.

302. BINishing Touches
Happily finding a very affordable Buy-It-Now price for the last card you need to finally complete your set.

303. A Player to be Hall-of-Famed Later (also Pete Rose Colored Glasses or Grandiminoso)
Expecting to get more for a card in a trade or a sale than it is truly worth, because, "Everyone knows he should definitely be in the Hall of Fame!"

See also: Juice-Bumps - when this tactic is used with regard to steroids-era players.

See also: Ain’thood - the continual uptick in admiration and reverence a ballplayer, arguably with the qualities of an all-time great, receives the longer he is ‘wrongly’ held out of Cooperstown.

304. Sherlock Chromes
A collector exposing the forgeries and/or trim-jobs of modern cards.

305. Ribbie-Glibby (slang)
Any self-important know-it-all who refuses to accept the acronym “RBI” as the independent word it truly is, and therefore never deigns to pluralize it and say, “RBIs.”
“He hit .254 while tallying a healthy 103 RBI.”

306. Basebull Market (also Batmitt Crazy)
How economists in the future will describe the drastic upsurge in baseball card buying and selling during the pandemic.

307. Peaceful, Sleazy Feeling
The theme song of card doctors.

See also: Noh Canada - the national anthem of sellers who realize much too late how much more it costs to ship a card up to our northern neighbors.

308. Costume Foolery
A baseball card (usually from very early in his big-league career) showing a player wearing a number different from the one with which he has forever been associated.

309. Poach Roach
After hitting ‘Buy-It-Now’ and sending payment for a card, you receive a message informing you the seller has cancelled the transaction and refunded your money...and you know full well it’s because someone contacted this unscrupulous seller and offered him more money for the card.

310. Plate Crasher (also Aingejustice or Jordantithesis)
A player who appears completely out of place on a baseball card, because he is much more renowned for playing an entirely different sport.

311. The Cardboard Menagerie
A table at a show having a wonderfully wide and varied assortment of different sports, years, brands and memorabilia on it.

312. Nextortion (also Foregoading or Bumptimatum)
When a member bumps his ‘for sale’ thread with a resentful veiled threat of, "This is your final chance to get this card before I move it to eBay tomorrow!!"

See also: Rantifesto (also Addendumb) - a condescending statement added to the end of an eBay listing which chastizes potential bidders for committing whatever perceived affronts the seller has rattling around in his head.

313. One-Trick Phony (also Don Larksen or Harvey Hadhoax or Lucky Dent)
A player who has forever enjoyed a highly elevated status within the collecting community due ‘only’ to a readily-identifiable, single game accomplishment or occurrence.

See also: Pizazzeroski - a player from this group who has found his way into Cooperstown.

314. Acronymrod
A member who, for unknown reasons, eschews using simple, straight-forward abbreviations like “FS” or “PM,” to instead use his own slightly different combinations of letters.

See also: Deciphoraging - wracking your brain in an attempt to figure out exactly what each of those initials could possibly stand for. (Also pertains to misspelled acronyms.)

315. Ancestuous
Doing searches for players like “Aaron,” “Sisler,” “Brett,” and “Griffey” and having to weed through all of the results showing their much-less-desired relatives’ items.

316. April Drools Day (informal)
The spring afternoon when you realize the official start of the baseball season is finally here at last.

317. Brag Tax
The additional fees paid to a player to have him add a very brief inscription of an achievement, like “HOF 1999,” to his autograph.

318. Mets Runway (also Batwalk)
The patch of ground between the visitors’ dugout and the third base line at Shea Stadium where every National Leaguer was forced to walk to and pose for Topps photographers.

319. Louvre Affair
Cards that sit forever unsold due to their seller’s penchant for ‘museum’ pricing.

320. Vendor Reveal Party
A seller who gleefully proclaims, “Newly Graded!!!” in his auction description, as if he’s announcing the birth of a child.

321. Fundamantles
The simple rule of thumb that the Mickey Mantle card will be the most expensive card in the vast majority of sets in which he appears.

See also: Reds Herring - the odd occurrence wherein the 1963 Topps Pete Rose rookie card takes that title instead.

See also: Micked-Off - how the high-numbered 1967 Topps Tom Seaver rookie card stops the value-war dead in its tracks.

See also: Mr. Bloctober - due to the existence of the 1969 Topps ‘white letter’ variation, Mantle is technically still able to claim the throne over the Reggie Jackson rookie card.

See also: Polemick - the ongoing debate of whether or not Mickey Mantle’s 1969 card counts as the last one of his playing career, since he retired before the regular season got under way.

322. Bubble Gumption
A message sent to an eBay seller asking, “What is the absolute lowest price you will accept for this card?”

See also: Smite Back Atcha (idiom) - when the seller immediately replies, "What's the absolute highest price you will pay???"

323. Fliptease
The systematic removal of a graded card from its plastic holder.

324. Skewedonyms
The inconsistent spellings of certain players’ names (Jimmie/Jimmy Foxx, Lew/Lou Burdette, Satchel/Satchell Paige and Dick/Richie Allen, e.g.) used by the card companies.

325. Wesparkerization (or Wesparkered)
How the clumsy presence of some random player in an action shot greatly distracts or partially blocks the viewer from seeing the player whose card it actually is.

See also: Co-Stargazing - excitedly looking at the all-time great hidden in plain sight amid the game action on another player’s card.

326. Banalogous
The nonsensical listing price of an ungraded card at the going market rate (or more) of what a graded version of the same card sells for in the ‘same’ shape.

327. Doubtspoken (informal)
When a member starts a thread asking if the card he’s looking at is authentic, but his wording either hints at or directly states that he does not think it is, in fact, genuine.

See also: Grabbergasted - the reaction to finding out the card you were so happy to acquire is a fake.

See also: Trympathy - the feeling of sadness felt for someone who got screwed over by someone selling a doctored card.

See also: Shedical School - where card doctors are trained in the trimming arts.

328. Tax Player
The IRS be damned, April 15 will always be remembered as the day Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier.

See also: Buyjacking - the criminally high prices which put virtually every Jackie Robinson card out of the reach of everyday collectors.

329. Keds Pox
The extreme corner and edge wear, creases and overall dilapidation caused by loose cards jostling around in a shoebox for long periods of time.

See also: Discardboard - the random stacks of old, round-cornered, ‘worthless’ cards in bad-shape that every collector has strewn about.

330. Swappraisal (also Barterback)
The short postscript added to a card to reflect the player had been traded in the off-season.

See also: Misuniformed - the confusion of kids opening packs and wondering why the guy is shown on his old team.

331. Pitchcraft
The belief that some Hall of Fame hurlers relied on the sorcery of doctored baseballs to pave their way into Cooperstown.

332. Amissfit
Seeing an old league leaders card that includes a (to you) completely unknown/’undeserving’ player on it.

See also: Whiffraff - the non-superstars appearing on strikeout leaders cards.

See also: Gawk-On Player - when you can’t help but stare with bewilderment and say, “How in heck did this guy get on here?! What kind of season did he have??”

See also: Presidekick - when this scrub player actually occupies the top spot on said leaders card.

333. Agonull Set
A baseball card offering which includes one or more unnumbered cards, leaving a collector to angrily exclaim, “How in heck will I ever know if I have a complete set??!!”

334. Stack Wounds (also Pile Scars)
The squeezed gouges in the sides of cards that resulted from being bundeled together and kept tightly wrapped in rubber bands by kids.

See also: Notchos (slang) - cards having this type of damage.

See also: Cross Glitching - the marks caused by rubber bands being stretched both vertically and horizontally around piles of cards.

See also: Elastigmata - when these types of grooves are present on a hallowed, big money card.

See also: Rutrospect - thinking about the grade your card would have received were it not for these infernal indentations.

335. Bumper Card (also Maraca)
A graded card that is swimming so much in its holder that any movement of said holder causes an audible carom.

336. Kintimidation
(Cue the portentous music...) Always having to sleep with one eye firmly open, because it’s becoming more and more apparent that your wife and kids know EXACTLY how much of a gold mine your collection has become.

And now it's time for (MANY) beers!!!
Looking to trade? Check out my bucket:

Need a laugh? Take a gander at my 'The New Directory of Collectorisms...' thread:

I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.
Casey Stengel

Spelling "Yastrzemski" correctly without needing to look it up since the 1980's.

Overpaying yesterday is simply underpaying tomorrow.

Last edited by JollyElm; 08-14-2021 at 04:27 PM.
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