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Posted By: Joann

Paul,

I think you're right about a lot of the things you said. But the way that a group self-polices, so to speak, is pretty predictable and I think we are following it pretty closely here. I think the progression is joking comments, then sarcastic comments and snide remarks, then polite but pointed requests to change, and finally not-so-polite requests to change.

This board has been in that second phase with Peter - the sarcastic comments - for quite awhile now, and now we are into the third stage. It is clear that most people that responded to Peter's question with the opinion that he should start fewer threads or posts or whatever went out of their way to be very polite to him. Even nice.

Personally, I think it's taken this long for this group precisely because Peter seems to be such a nice guy, and because sometimes his posts are interesting. To be honest, I think he's gotten way, way more latitude than most people would.

I agree that his tone has been different tonight, and that's regrettable because he seems like a good-hearted guy. But he did ask the question. And despite the fact that the behavior can almost be endearing sometimes - you just about have to chuckle - on the whole I think these threads have shown that there are a lot of people that it's wearing thin on.

So I feel bad for Peter - really I do. But this group has a culture and tone and set of mores just like any other group, and no individual can jump in and demand change just because he arrived on the scene. And if he or she wants to act in a notably different way - well, the rest are eventually going to say something and the person shouldn't decide that's an insult.

Groups act by group norms. That's how it is. I just can't quite get my mind around the fact that someone new would be surprised or offended by this.

Joann