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Joe P.Name That Steroid
By FRANK CAMMUSO
yracuse — AT the Congressional hearings last week on steroid use in baseball, the star witnesses refused to name names. It's just as well - if they had, it could have been very confusing.
SENATOR Mr. Chairman, I'd like to thank the witness for agreeing to testify today. Though I don't follow baseball closely, I consider the issue of illicit substances to be of critical importance in American sports. I have one question for the witness: Sir, will you tell us names of players that use these substances?
PLAYER Yes, sir. I can tell you Who is on steroids.
SENATOR Good. Then who is on steroids?
PLAYER That's correct.
SENATOR I want the player's name.
PLAYER Who.
SENATOR The player on steroids.
PLAYER Who.
SENATOR I'm asking you who's on steroids?
PLAYER Who.
SENATOR The guy on steroids is who?
PLAYER Correct.
SENATOR I warn you, sir, not to make a mockery of this hearing. You are under oath. What is the name of the player on steroids?
PLAYER: No, sir. What is on androgen.
SENATOR I'm not asking who's on androgen!
PLAYER Who's on steroids.
SENATOR I don't know!
PLAYER He's on Oxandrin.
SENATOR Who?
PLAYER I Don't Know.
SENATOR Who is on Oxandrin?
PLAYER No, sir. Who is on steroids.
SENATOR That does it. I have had enough. You, sir, are stonewalling!
PLAYER No, sir. He's up next.
Frank Cammuso is the editorial cartoonist for The Syracuse Post-Standard.