Very funny satire.
Why people grade? MONEY! I just 'wasted' three figures on SGC slabbing a bunch of vintage cards because I plan to sell the cards and they sell for more MONEY in slabs. Way more MONEY. Like, you know, MONEY. That thing you need in the USA to get food, shelter, medical care, pizza*, cocaine* and sex workers*. This is the land of the fee; slabbed cards or organs, you decide which to sell (hint: one doesn't require you to put on pants and leave the keyboard). Either way you need to get PAID.
MONEY, honey. Greed is
good.
*Options not available in all models. Your actual mileage may vary. Offer void in the EU or anywhere there is a social safety net.