Bad Recommendations
 

So my friend and I like thinking up lines for recommendations for people that are...less than stellar.

I’ll start with:

“While my life would certainly have been better not having known them, they have helped me grow as a person in the area of patience and perseverance.”


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"Sure, he'll stab you in the back, but at least you'll get a free utensil out of the deal."

"If you could buy Joe for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth, you would be a rich man indeed."

During the most difficult times of crises, they are definitely a person you can count on to be more than underwhelming.


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His team would follow him anywhere....

...but only out of morbid curiousity.

She set him on the path of the straight and narrow..... but he justified his way to hell.

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These are some comments taken from British military officer efficiency reports over the years:

- I would not breed from this Officer.

- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.

- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

- Technically sound, but socially impossible.

- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

- A room temperature IQ.

- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

- A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

- A prime candidate for natural deselection.

- Bright as Alaska in December.

- One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.

- Donated his body to science before he was done using it.

- Fell out of the family tree.

- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

- Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

- He is so dense, light bends around him.

- If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

- If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

- It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

- One neuron short of a synapse.

- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

- Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

- Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.


Steve

faint praise
 

"He represents the cream of the crap"

"It has been a pressure to have worked with her"

No collection is incomplete without it.

A pimple on the asshole of progress.

Her work ethic is beyond the expectations of a previously living person.


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With apologies to Oscar Wilde:

"Some people light up a room by entering it, others by taking their leave."

While playing amateur ball, we had a pitcher for whom it was said:

His arm belongs in the Hall of Fame, and his brain belongs in a jar.

“... I remind you that Bozo was a widely beloved clown ...”

“You have risen beyond my lowest expectations”


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You are irreplaceable, but you will not be missed.

Need like buttons on this app…


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“ The naked man fears no pickpocket “

I can’t recommend this person enough for an entry level position.


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If it wasn’t for him the entire team would be much smarter and further along with their tasking.

I’ve seen worse

I've always liked an ad slogan from the early 1900s found in sears catalogs and a few other places.

"None could be better"

Which can be taken as "this one is absolutely the best"
OR
"You'd be better off with nothing instead of this"

My mother once said to me:

"It is amazing what you have accomplished with all of your limitations."