Tell your best CLEAN joke

[HRBAKER]

Q: What was the last thing Jesus said at the Last Supper?
A: "You get on this side of the table so you can get in the picture."

Told to me by my pastor over 40 years ago, not sure why it has hung with me all these years.

[richieb315]

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a University of Alabama Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Auburn University in Alabama.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."

The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:

"Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination-Timbuktu."

The audience went wild! How they wondered could the redneck top that?

The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped up and recited:

"Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three women in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu."

[HRBAKER]

How'd that guy from Duke get in there?

[richieb315]

Originally Posted by HRBAKER

How'd that guy from Duke get in there?

When I first heard the joke it was told of a Harvard graduate. I found this one online. Didnt remember the complete joke to write it out. I thinks its one of the better jokes.

[HRBAKER]

Originally Posted by richieb315

When I first heard the joke it was told of a Harvard graduate. I found this one online. Didnt remember the complete joke to write it out. I thinks its one of the better jokes.

You're right, it's good. Not quite Nantucket limmerick material but good.

[mark evans]

I went into a bar and told the bartender to surprise me. He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

Rodney Dangerfield

[Jim VB]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.

As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500."