Introducing WTF Auctions

[Exhibitman]

Allow me to introduce WTF Auctions, the auction house where the first and last thought for buyers and sellers alike will be "WTF?".

Whilst others may dabble in the field we aim to be the most profitable auction house extant. The unparalleled mystique surrounding our hobby will forever drive the card market that has emerged as one of America’s foremost collecting and investment angles, AND WE WANT TO CASH IN.

Others try to hide their pasts, but not those of us at WTF Auctions. We proudly hire formerly incarcerated persons to handle the finances [your credit cards always welcome in our files!] and we are especially proud of our policy of hiring only persons with intellectual disabilities for our customer service and shipping departments. WTF Auctions feels it is imperative to hire persons with English as a second language; we believe in giving back to the community at large. They answer all of our phones. Our web site will truly leave you thinking "WTF". We have retained the finest programmers from the night shift in India to prepare our site for a true WTF experience.

Finally, a word on trust. "Trust" should be a four-letter word. Whilst other auctioneers make empty promises and hollow representations as to their integrity, we at WTF believe in calling a spade a spade: we want to make money, not friends. We can and do reserve the right to own any of the material being sold, set secret hidden reserves, permit our employees and executives to bid in the auction, provide inaccurate descriptions, make undisclosed restorations to the material, and/or intentionally not disclose any conflicts of interest. You make your bids, you take your risks, and you say WTF. That's the WTF promise!

Please do not hesitate to contact us; operators are standing by at 555-OU812.

God Bless,

The WTF Group

PS: a parody, not a real advertisement, just in case anyone was confused.

[ZachS]

When I saw the name I was thinking "please let this be legit".

WTF?!

[team-of-rivals]

OMFG, GTFO, was my first thought! Followed by a little LMFAO!

[drcy]

You forgot to add "1% of profits go to charity."

There were a few acronym snickers when the new company Global Authentication Inc. first came out.

Reminds me of the lines from BBC sit com 'Red Dwarf': "I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we going to call ourselves? My own personal preference is "The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society." One drawback with that--the abbreviation is C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S."

[wonkaticket]

Classic!!!!!

[4815162342]

As a potential consignor, will your software automatically adjust the bidding up to the max/reserve or will I have to do that manually?

[drcy]

Originally Posted by 4815162342

As a potential consignor, will your software automatically adjust the bidding up to the max/reserve or will I have to do that manually?

Funny, but scarily reality-based.

"You have to do it manually. But we provide free coffee to consignors."

[SMPEP]

Great. Another auction house password and login id that I need to keep track of.

Ugh.

[Rich Klein]

Leon has already contacted them with advertiser informaiton

[atx840]

Originally Posted by SMPEP

Great. Another auction house password and login id that I need to keep track of.

Ugh.

I hear all of our passwords will be the same, if that helps.

[byrone]

Originally Posted by drcy

You forgot to add "1% of profits go to charity."

There were a few acronym snickers when the new company Global Authentication Inc. first came out.

Reminds me of the lines from BBC sit com 'Red Dwarf': "I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we going to call ourselves? My own personal preference is "The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society." One drawback with that--the abbreviation is C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S."

Our local community college was to be named after Samuel Holland, an important local historical figure. But the thought of the initials for "Samuel Holland Institute of Technology" came to bear, and it was decided that just "Holland College" was the better choice.

[Deertick]

Originally Posted by drcy

Funny, but scarily reality-based.

"You have to do it manually. But we provide free coffee to consignors."

Don't need coffee. Now lube on the other hand....

[Bocabirdman]

Originally Posted by byrone

Our local community college was to be named after Samuel Holland, an important local historical figure. But the thought of the initials for "Samuel Holland Institute of Technology" came to bear, and it was decided that just "Holland College" was the better choice.

Here in the Florida produce world the is/was a Bulls Hit Farms with ambiguous spacing on the artwork on their packaging. I am not sure if they are still in business as they had an actual slavery law suit go against them a few years ago. It is the most recent such case. It was an extreme Tennessee Ernie Ford Company Store situation. The workers would work a week and be further in debt than the week before. I could be wrong but I think they even tried to pay the migrants in scrip.

I could not find a case label but here is a shot of their roadside barn

5000178-2-1.jpg

[BengoughingForAwhile]

Great news!!! By the way, how many hobby references will I need to allow me to bid???

[wonkaticket]

Are you run the by the Mob?

[Bicem]

Welcome!

Can I assume that your website will be using the same cutting edge technology as Hunt Auctions?

[wonkaticket]

Will your reserves have hidden reserves?

[Mountaineer]

Be sure to send me a catalog

[Nashvol]

Brilliant!

[buymycards]

Are you hiring for your shipping department? As a P.o.s.t.al. worker, I can guarantee that a large % of your shipments will be lost, damaged, delayed, or misdelivered. I can throw a 10 pound package nearly 30 feet, and I don't have a problem totally ignoring complaints.

Please send me an application as soon as possible by email.

Rick

[Deertick]

Originally Posted by buymycards

Please send me an application as soon as possible by email.

Because if they send it snail mail you'll never get it!

[Brian Van Horn]

Thank goodness for the PS. I was going to be the first consignor .

[insccollectibles]

I can't wait to receive the catalog!

[drcy]

Stephens Institute of Technology, an excellent engineering college in Hoboken New Jersey, was originally named Stephens Hoboken Institute of Technology. I'm sure you can figure out why they changed their name.

The prudent business move is to first pick the acronym, then pick the words to match. It's like picking your kid's name so they won't be mercilessly teased in elementary through high school.

Did you know? Ulysses S. Grant was born Hiram Ulysses Grant, which he disliked due to the HUG initials. The US Military Academy incorrectly recorded his name as Ulysses S. Grant when he entered as a young student soldier and he didn't correct them.

[jefferyepayne]

Classic, Adam! A few actual auction houses were rattling around in the brain as I read your description.

jeff

[ctownboy]

I think Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana was named after the Ball family who owned the Ball canning jar company and who donated a large sum of money to the university.

Anyway, there was supposedly a large painting of the family patriarch painted and then displayed in the main lobby of a prominent building on campus. Under the painting was a small tag which read, "Hung by the Balls".

David

[drcy]

BSU alum David Letterman said he transferred from Indiana University on probation to Ball State honors.

[peterose4hof]

I'm interested in consigning with WTF. Do you pay within 6-12 months of payment being received from the high bidder?

[hshrimps]

I thought we had that auction house before... Mastro Auctions

[bn2cardz]

Originally Posted by ins02

I can't wait to receive the catalog!

I am sure it would arrive the day after the auction ends with 2 pages of "descriptions" that don't actually mention the item, but rather the exploits of the player associated with the item and a thumbnail picture of the actual item in the bottom corner of one of those pages surrounded by pictures of the player taken from a random "google images" search.

[Exhibitman]

Originally Posted by wonkaticket

Will your reserves have hidden reserves?

We prefer to call them "double secret reserves." A little-known codicil of our auction rules gives us practically unlimited power in times of auction closings.

[glenv]

What's the phone # for bidding? I assume it's a 900 number so you make money off each call...

[marvymelvin]

So, as a newcomer, please disclose a list of all of the auction houses past and present that are similar to said parody, with name and specific concerns.

I am sure there are some of you that wouldn't make such a public statement, but it also seems that there are many of you who don't G.A.S....and will comply with my request.

[4815162342]

Originally Posted by marvymelvin

So, as a newcomer, please disclose a list of all of the auction houses past and present that are similar to said parody, with name and specific concerns.

I am sure there are some of you that wouldn't make such a public statement, but it also seems that there are many of you who don't G.A.S....and will comply with my request.

This is a parody?! Then who did I just send my consignment to?!

[wonkaticket]

Originally Posted by Exhibitman

We prefer to call them "double secret reserves." A little-known codicil of our auction rules gives us practically unlimited power in times of auction closings.

Good stuff Adam, I assume in addition to having a Credit Card on file to bid, will you also need work schedules, alarm codes and safe combos on file?

[HRBAKER]

Will you be using a thermonuclear scanner?

[CW]

Good one, Adam!

You could also add....

Here at WTF Auctions we take pride in utilizing the latest in state of the art technology scanners, as well as the printing process used for our catalogs. You can ensure that your consigned items will be displayed in full color with detail and clarity, and, as a winning bidder, you will be sure to think, "WTF?!" when you open your package and see your winning items for the first time!

[CW]

Originally Posted by HRBAKER

Will you be using a thermonuclear scanner?

Ha! Too funny... I was actually throwing together the image for the above post when you made this comment. Good timing!