Attention collectors!!
We've heard your
bitter complaints...I mean feedback...and have responded!! This is the dawn of a new age in grading, and we are here to make your card collecting dreams come true!!!
Introducing the all new...
Grade-It-Yourself! Slab™
"The slab is ours...the grade is yours!!"
Here's how this game-changer (not sure if that pun was intended) works:
1. We receive your submission and get busy inserting your cards into plastic holders.
2. We spin the new 'wheel of grading justice' and it lands on a random number. That is now what your card is graded!!
(It's the same thing we've always done, but now there's an exciting new wheel fused to the slab!!)
3. Since the process is so streamlined, you will get your cards back immediately!!*
4. Once you receive your cards, the
REAL fun begins...
a) Say the number on one of your cards is higher than expected, but since you were planning on selling the card, you're now full of dread that the tax man will get you. There's an easy remedy. Our
Grade-It-Yourself! Slab™ allows you to simply dial the grade down to a lower number and therefore take a loss on the sales transaction. You will owe no taxes whatsoever. We promise!!!**
b) Say a collecting buddy has a high grade card that you want to trade for, but your PSA 3 Mantle isn't worth nearly enough to make him want to swap. What to do, what to do?? Turn the wheel and change it into a PSA 8 Mantle!! Not only will he now drool over your card, but
HE will have to add more cards to his side of the deal just to make it worthwhile for
YOU to agree to the swap!!***
c) Is your low standing in the set registry getting you down?? Well turn the wheel and go
UP UP UP instead!!! Leave everyone in the dust as you make all of your cards 8s, 9s and 10s!!!!
d) Like having half-grades in your collection? Well, golly gee!! Simply turn the wheel until the pointer is hitting the line separating the two numbers and BOOM!!! you got yourself a .5 bump!!!!!!!!! It used to take nice centering to get that!! Ha!!! Those silly days are long gone!!!!
e) Are you at the bar and the ladies aren't paying you any attention at all? Pull your Gregg Jefferies rookie card out of your jacket and turn into a stone cold PSA 10. That ten will make any 10
(obligatory Bo Derek reference) immediately want to bang the living daylights out of you in the disgusting, sticky-floored bathroom!!!****
You've always screamed your cards were graded WRONG...now it only takes your finger to make everything RIGHT!!
Coming soon...hopefully.
gradingwheel01.jpg
*The term "immediately" not only remains completely undefined, but our personal definition can mean anything from a year and a half up to five calendar years. Your timeframe may vary.
**This is a complete guess. For true answers about tax law, please consult your sister-in-law at your next Thanksgiving gathering. We're told she's a whiz with numbers.
***You may think that he'll notice that the eye appeal is not of a PSA 8, but of a PSA 3...but you'd be wrong. The only thing that matters is the current grade number showing. Dat's it!
****If you could have one of her friends hook up with me, that would be very much appreciated.