Quote:
Originally Posted by SyrNy1960
Phil,
Thanks! What’s more frustrating is that he’s to the point where I can’t help him anymore. He only lashes out and says very nasty and hateful things. I have to continue to watch him spiral his life out of control. He’s owes $20,000 in back child support and just continues to dig himself in a deeper hole. My worry and fear is that if he goes too deep down the hole, and he feels he has no way out, he will end his life. My worst nightmare! Before gambling, he was a great kid with a good heart.
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I'm sorry to hear about your son's struggle with his gambling addiction. I've witnessed similar behavior from numerous friends over the years as well. It's more common than most people realize, and as you're currently experiencing, it can tear apart families. If I can offer any advice, the most important thing to remember is that this truly is like a disease. It's actually a cognitive disorder. It's similar to an adrenaline junkie. It's not just about getting money, it's about the dopamine rush that they experience when they win. He physically can't help himself. There are free programs out there that can help though, if he's willing to put in the work. The best thing you can do as a father is to have an open and honest conversation with him. Read more about the disease and tell him you're trying to understanding what he's going through and that you want to be there to support him. But you also have to tell him that because of his addiction, you have to draw a hard line in the sand when it comes to money, and make it clear that he won't be getting any from you. But be sure he knows that you love him, that you understand what he's going through, and that you're there for support. Take him fishing, if that's your thing. Get him away from that environment, and encourage him to find help. People in his position often feel immense shame. They get down on themselves because they think they've failed everyone who placed their trust in them, and they lose hope. They lose friends over borrowing money. I have several friends from my former life as a professional gambler who owe me money. I know they'll never pay me back, and I'm at peace with it. I had dinner with one of my friends who owed me money after a couple of years of not seeing or talking with each other, and the shame was written all over his face the moment I saw him. He couldn't even look me in the eye. We were good friends too. I knew he couldn't afford to pay me back and that I'd never see that money, but I didn't care. He was hoping I would just avoid the topic, but I told him right out of the gate that I didn't care about the money and that I wanted him to keep it and that I just wanted to catch up on life. I told him I didn't want him to carry that burden anymore. His eyes welled up with tears. He's not someone who experiences forgiveness or empathy from others very often. Any amount of love, empathy, forgiveness, and patience that you can give to your son will go a long way. Make sure he knows that you understand what he's going through and that you refuse to let it ruin your relationship.