Bad Recommendations
So my friend and I like thinking up lines for recommendations for people that are...less than stellar.
I’ll start with: “While my life would certainly have been better not having known them, they have helped me grow as a person in the area of patience and perseverance.” Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
"Sure, he'll stab you in the back, but at least you'll get a free utensil out of the deal."
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"If you could buy Joe for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth, you would be a rich man indeed."
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During the most difficult times of crises, they are definitely a person you can count on to be more than underwhelming.
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His team would follow him anywhere....
...but only out of morbid curiousity. |
She set him on the path of the straight and narrow..... but he justified his way to hell.
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These are some comments taken from British military officer efficiency reports over the years:
- I would not breed from this Officer. - This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be. - When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there. - He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. - He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle. - Technically sound, but socially impossible. - This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. - This young lady has delusions of adequacy. - When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. - This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar. - Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. - She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. - He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. - This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better. - In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet. - This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. - The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship. - Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. - Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. - Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. - A room temperature IQ. - Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together. - A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. - A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on. - A prime candidate for natural deselection. - Bright as Alaska in December. - One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests. - Donated his body to science before he was done using it. - Fell out of the family tree. - Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. - Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it. - He is so dense, light bends around him. - If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate. - If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. - If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change. - If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. - It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm. - One neuron short of a synapse. - Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled. - Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes. - Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead. Steve |
faint praise
"He represents the cream of the crap"
"It has been a pressure to have worked with her" |
No collection is incomplete without it.
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A pimple on the asshole of progress.
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Her work ethic is beyond the expectations of a previously living person.
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With apologies to Oscar Wilde:
"Some people light up a room by entering it, others by taking their leave." |
While playing amateur ball, we had a pitcher for whom it was said:
His arm belongs in the Hall of Fame, and his brain belongs in a jar. |
“... I remind you that Bozo was a widely beloved clown ...”
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“You have risen beyond my lowest expectations”
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You are irreplaceable, but you will not be missed.
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Quote:
Need like buttons on this app… Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
“ The naked man fears no pickpocket “
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I can’t recommend this person enough for an entry level position.
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If it wasn’t for him the entire team would be much smarter and further along with their tasking.
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I’ve seen worse
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I've always liked an ad slogan from the early 1900s found in sears catalogs and a few other places.
"None could be better" Which can be taken as "this one is absolutely the best" OR "You'd be better off with nothing instead of this" |
My mother once said to me:
"It is amazing what you have accomplished with all of your limitations." |
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