Annual worst auction writing sound-alike contest--It's fun!!

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>warshawlaw</b><p>Well, it is auction season again and catalogues filled with ridiculous descriptions of old cardboard are breaking the backs of mail carriers nationwide. I think we need an annual contest to see who can come up with the worst possible auction description, like the annual Hemingway write-alike contest. Entries will be judged on the degree to which they mimic actual auction house publications, including use of overblown similies, excessive strings of adjectives, run-on sentences and subtle misinformation. The winner receives...nothing, except the satisfaction of a job well done. The subject of our mythical auction is a 1977 Topps Oscar Gamble in PSA 4 vg-ex condition. Have at it!<br /><br /><img src="http://www.network54.com/Realm/tmp/1144421297.JPG">

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>warshawlaw</b><p>Graded VG-EX 4 by PSA, one of just 432 examples in the Hobby at its tier with a mere 4,382 graded higher. Although encapsulated by PSA in a holder labeled “T206 Honus Wagner” we mention for accuracy’s sake that this is not in fact a Wagner and is tallied in the population report as a Gamble card. The insert cards issued in 1977 by Topps affectionately known as “1977 Topps” are among the most sought-after, beautiful and unique collectibles ever created. The illustration is printed on fragile chipboard, with an unforgiving white border that chips under the slightest pressure, yet clean corner wear is consistent with this fascinating piece’s grade that teeters ever so close the edge of excellent and the reverse carries only the most subtle hint of a product stain that is mentioned only for accuracy and which does not impinge upon the collectible’s sterling appeal. Crisp registration throughout the card front is present on this amazing Gamble commemorative that has survived in exemplary condition. The athlete’s name and team are featured in ripped-from-the-headlines bold print, with his position of honor stunningly framed in a mock pennant. How ironic indeed that the iconic image of Mr. Gamble would be emblazoned alongside a pennant given the Bronx Bombers’ success in attaining the same that very year. And what of the enigmatic Yankees outfielder? The intensity with which his passion for the game was ignited is clearly visible in the intent-filled vision of his face. Although by 1977 he had tempered the mushroom-cloud hairstyle for which he and Darnell Hillman were justly famous, he nevertheless retained sufficient hair to prop up his seemingly too-small hat in it, and when combined with Elvis side-burns so popular in the 1970's, his image is subtly evocative of the rare moment of calm before the ensuing storm that will greet his approach to the batter’s box in the spring training game against the Bombers’ AA farm team that is depicted on this gem. A superb, dull patina graces the front of this visually thrilling, one-of-432 specimen of this rarity, fabulous and unprecedented, and includes the especially protective wrinkled baggie inside the holder for which PSA is known and revered. Minimum Bid $500

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>chris bland</b><p>lol - thats gonna be hard to top!

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>Bill Todd</b><p>Adam,<br /><br />You left out the most salient feature--the signature! Proof that this high-level player approved of his representation by the revered issuer.<br /><br />Bill

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>Al Crisafulli</b><p>UNIQUE AND IMPOSSIBLY RARE 1977 TOPPS OSCAR GAMBLE WITH INCREDIBLE PROVENANCE <br /><br />1977 was a landmark year for baseball, and for American culture in general. As the Son of Sam and the summer blackout swept across a tense Gotham, the New York Yankees, fresh off a retooling of their roster after being swept in the 1976 World Series by the Big Red Machine, prepared to become the new dynasty in Major League Baseball. With a roster stacked with free agent acquisitions and colorful characters, the Bronx Bombers, led by fiery sparkplug Billy Martin, featured such legendary figures of baseball lore as Reggie Jackson, Thurman Munson, Graig Nettles, Sparky Lyle, Bucky Dent, Mike Torrez, Lou Piniella, and a young Ron Guidry, marched through the American League en route to their first World Series title in fifteen years. At the heart of the team, many say, was the team's anchor and primary bat off the bench, Oscar Gamble, who's massive afro and tightly-coiled left-handed batting stance were imitated by young stickball players throughout the anxious city. Gamble, best known for his late inning heroics off the bench, plus the aforementioned afro, played with several American League teams during his career, but none of them were as popular in New York as the Yankees, who were one of only two Major League Baseball teams to call New York City home in 1977 (and one of them, the New York Mets, were actually based in Queens, which many New York residents do not consider to be part of New York City). Gamble was, of course, the only utility outfielder and DH to play for the Yankees during this glorious time, and certainly the only one with such memorable hair. <br /><br />The 1977 Topps baseball card set was the most popular set of baseball cards issued by Topps in 1977, with cards inserted in packs along with a single stick of pink bubble gum and sold at various retail locations throughout New York City. On June 19, 1977, a young Bronx boy named Irwin Zigler purchased a package of baseball cards from a soda shop located on Jerome Avenue in the Bronx, just prior to a stickball game. In that package of cards was this Oscar Gamble card. Zigler opened the pack, removed the gum and then carefully re-wrapped the cards in the wax wrapper prior to gingerly sticking them in his back pocket. During the stickball game, Irwin's team, despite playing a fiercely competitive game, found themselves down 9-5 in the bottom of the 9th, with the bases loaded, two outs and Irwin coming to bat. As dusk began to settle on an unsettled city, the opposing pitcher, young Ernie Brown, decided to "sweeten the deal" by placing a milkshake bet on the at-bat. The life-or-death struggle that ensued ended with a 3-2 fastball, meticulously placed on the outside corner, and swung through by Irwin, resulting in a game-ending strikeout. Of course Irwin, having spent his last thirty-five cents on the pack of cards, did not have money for the milkshake - several nuggies and a wedgie later, Ernie Brown walked away with the pack of 1977 Topps baseball cards.<br /><br />This Oscar Gamble is the only surviving Oscar Gamble from the now infamous "Bronx Wedgie Find". Almost thirty years later, the card maintains almost all of its original gloss, and has been harshly graded (in our opinion) VG-EX 4 by PSA. A very slight but noticeable corner crease, coupled with rough edges and 20-80 L-R centering account for the grade. While we might be more apt to grade the card EX, we have no choice but to stand behind the grade assigned by PSA. The card, which is accompanied by the original wax wrapper pulled from Irwin Zigler's back pocket, and a letter of provenance from Ernie Brown (now a high-school gym teacher), is surely a one-of-a-kind item, and while not as popular as the world-renowned T206 Wagner or 1933 Goudey Nap Lajoie, is scarce in its own right and is a Holy Grail of collecting among the Jerome Avenue stickball teams that played in the game that memorable evening. The remaining cards, all of which still reside in Ernie Brown's junk drawer, are a memorable reminder of the glorious days of blackouts and wedgies, serial killers and stickball games, and the rebirth of the Bronx Bombers and their popular, hairy part-time DH. Opening Bid: $300.<br /><br />-Al

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>jay behrens</b><p>I want the big hair Gamble when he was with Cleveland on his 1976 Topps card. Just think of the fun you can have with that <img src="/images/happy.gif" height=14 width=14><br /><br />Jay<br /><br />I like to sit outside, drink beer and yell at people. If I did this at home, I would be arrested. So, I go to baseball games and fit right in.

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>Scot Reader</b><p>Hilarious. I have to give the nod to Al, even though his fine auction description neglected to mention that Gamble is arguably the second best professional athlete to ever have the nickname "The Big O" and is the only batter that pitchers threw at to see if the ball would stick in his hair. Scot<br />

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>joe brennan</b><p>Geez, Y'all have alot of time on your hands. Absolutely Hilarious!!! When I depart from this world in my will will be both of your names. I want who ever is left for my estate to consign my cards equally to both of you so you can write discriptions. I guarantee my heirs will become quite wealthy in your hands. joe<br><br>A scared man can't gamble and a jealous man can't work.

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>JimB</b><p>Al, that was hilarious. Thank you.<br />JimB

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>warshawlaw</b><p><img src="/images/happy.gif" height=14 width=14>And your opening bid is too low...<br /><br />I love it; keep 'em coming

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>Hal Lewis</b><p>Adam and Al made me laugh so hard that I almost choked!!<br /><br /><img src="/images/happy.gif" height=14 width=14>

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>Keith O'Leary</b><p><P>They're both great! I'll never be able to read those catalogs without thinking of Adam and Al now. Thanks for making my weekend U2.<BR> </P>

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>Steve M.</b><p>sure they aren't actual catalogue writers in disguise.

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>Rob NYC</b><p>I'm not as eloquent, but I'll toss my hat into the ring.<br /><br />Title Desription: 1977 Topps PSA 4 should be 10 T206 Oscar Gamble Wagner Jordan Lebron Goudey<br /><br />This card is graded a PSA 4, but it should be a 10! This is a well preserved prewar* card. Yes, a prewar card like the T206 Honus Wagner. Even though it is not labeled so, it is part of the Nagy Collection which I obtained at an estate auction. And it is also a gum card. That's right, GUM card - the same line of gum the Babe Ruth card comes from, just a different manufacturer. Oscar Gamble played in the outfield for historically reknowned New York Yankees and should they win the pennant this year, the value of this card will skyrocket! Please bid with confidence! Need the money for operation! This card is guaranteed authentic by PSA and has been in my family for almost 60 years! I am selling because I need money for an operation.<br /><br />BUY NOW!!!<br />DON'T MISS OUT ON EXTRAORDINARY PREWAR OFFER!!!<br /><br /><br />No refunds on graded cards.<br />I do not accept PayPal, money orders only!<br />Payment is expected immediately after auction ends.<br />If payment is not received after 2 minutes of end of auction, I will leave negative non-paying buyer feedback.<br /><br />* - Gulf War

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>Max Weder</b><p>Rather than prose, auction descriptions could now assume poetic form. With (many) apologies to T.S. Eliot:<br /><br />The Auction Wasteland<br /><br />APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding <br />Auctions out of the dead land, mixing <br />Memory and desire, stirring <br />PSA slabs with Topps cards. <br /> <br />Oscar kept us warm, covering <br />The outfield in forgetful grace, feeding <br />A little life with his afro mane. <br /><br />Summer surprised us, coming over the Auction's end<br />With a shower of debt; we overbid in the mastronet, <br />And went on in sunlight, into the next auction, <br /><br />And bid at REA, and talked on Net 54 chat. <br />Bin gar keine Russell, stamm' aus Littell, echt Mel Deutsch OT. <br />And when we were children, staying with the Topps, <br />My cousin's, he took Oscar out on a bike,<br /> <br />And I was frightened. He said, Maxie, <br />Maxie, hold on tight. And down Oscar went. <br />Into the spokes, there he felt free. <br />I read, much of the night, and go bid on the psa4<br />

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>Julie Vognar</b><p>anual Hemingway write-alike contest? That could keep me laughing all year...<br /><br />I HATE to keep kicking myself in the butt, but the E.R. Williams game card of Anson and Ewing in the REA, and graded SGC 80, is, in the online auction, described as a "blazing example"..you should have heard Lifson talk about it at first, when it came back SGC 80...HaHaHa! (He didn't find it..very "blazing", actually!)<br /><br />Since NOBODY bothers to write like that about a '77 Gamble, why not take something like a T206 Cobb red background, which is dirty, and has a bad corner, and the register is off (as it frequently is) so that he looks like he's praying?<br /><br />Did Adam or Al mention the phrase "eye appeal"? A must...

[Archive]

Posted By: <b>Anson</b><p>1977 Topps Oscar Gamble VG-Ex PSA 4<br /><br />Wow! Presented is a dazzling example of a true Yankee legend. Standing in the shadows of Ruth, Gehrig, and Mantle, this gem is sure to bolster your collection to new heights. To the astute collector, the medium-fro variation displays a unique profile, illustrating the true essence of this Yankee powerhouse. <br /><br />To date, there have only been 4138 examples of this jewel graded. This Mr X offering has razor-sharp corners that present at the highest level of the grade. The near-perfect centered image is cradled in snow-white borders, set against a period consistent background to perfection. The registration is exact in every respect and is an eyeful of sheer bliss. Originally crossed over from a GEM 10, this stunning pasteboard is clearly undgergraded in it's present form. With the last one fetching on upwards of $0.20 at a previous Amazon auction, this superior, high-end example is a prize to be had! <br />MB $500