View Full Version : Introducing WTF Auctions
Exhibitman
07-15-2014, 02:42 PM
Allow me to introduce WTF Auctions, the auction house where the first and last thought for buyers and sellers alike will be "WTF?".
Whilst others may dabble in the field we aim to be the most profitable auction house extant. The unparalleled mystique surrounding our hobby will forever drive the card market that has emerged as one of America’s foremost collecting and investment angles, AND WE WANT TO CASH IN.
Others try to hide their pasts, but not those of us at WTF Auctions. We proudly hire formerly incarcerated persons to handle the finances [your credit cards always welcome in our files!] and we are especially proud of our policy of hiring only persons with intellectual disabilities for our customer service and shipping departments. WTF Auctions feels it is imperative to hire persons with English as a second language; we believe in giving back to the community at large. They answer all of our phones. Our web site will truly leave you thinking "WTF". We have retained the finest programmers from the night shift in India to prepare our site for a true WTF experience.
Finally, a word on trust. "Trust" should be a four-letter word. Whilst other auctioneers make empty promises and hollow representations as to their integrity, we at WTF believe in calling a spade a spade: we want to make money, not friends. We can and do reserve the right to own any of the material being sold, set secret hidden reserves, permit our employees and executives to bid in the auction, provide inaccurate descriptions, make undisclosed restorations to the material, and/or intentionally not disclose any conflicts of interest. You make your bids, you take your risks, and you say WTF. That's the WTF promise!
Please do not hesitate to contact us; operators are standing by at 555-OU812.
God Bless,
The WTF Group
PS: a parody, not a real advertisement, just in case anyone was confused.
ZachS
07-15-2014, 02:47 PM
When I saw the name I was thinking "please let this be legit".
WTF?!
team-of-rivals
07-15-2014, 02:49 PM
OMFG, GTFO, was my first thought! Followed by a little LMFAO!
You forgot to add "1% of profits go to charity."
There were a few acronym snickers when the new company Global Authentication Inc. first came out.
Reminds me of the lines from BBC sit com 'Red Dwarf': "I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we going to call ourselves? My own personal preference is "The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society." One drawback with that--the abbreviation is C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S."
wonkaticket
07-15-2014, 03:07 PM
Classic!!!!! :D
4815162342
07-15-2014, 03:07 PM
As a potential consignor, will your software automatically adjust the bidding up to the max/reserve or will I have to do that manually?
As a potential consignor, will your software automatically adjust the bidding up to the max/reserve or will I have to do that manually?
Funny, but scarily reality-based.
"You have to do it manually. But we provide free coffee to consignors."
SMPEP
07-15-2014, 03:23 PM
Great. Another auction house password and login id that I need to keep track of.
Ugh.
Rich Klein
07-15-2014, 03:53 PM
Leon has already contacted them with advertiser informaiton :D
atx840
07-15-2014, 04:06 PM
Great. Another auction house password and login id that I need to keep track of.
Ugh.
I hear all of our passwords will be the same, if that helps.
byrone
07-15-2014, 04:15 PM
You forgot to add "1% of profits go to charity."
There were a few acronym snickers when the new company Global Authentication Inc. first came out.
Reminds me of the lines from BBC sit com 'Red Dwarf': "I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we going to call ourselves? My own personal preference is "The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society." One drawback with that--the abbreviation is C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S."
Our local community college was to be named after Samuel Holland, an important local historical figure. But the thought of the initials for "Samuel Holland Institute of Technology" came to bear, and it was decided that just "Holland College" was the better choice.
Deertick
07-15-2014, 04:26 PM
Funny, but scarily reality-based.
"You have to do it manually. But we provide free coffee to consignors."
Don't need coffee. Now lube on the other hand....
Bocabirdman
07-15-2014, 04:28 PM
Our local community college was to be named after Samuel Holland, an important local historical figure. But the thought of the initials for "Samuel Holland Institute of Technology" came to bear, and it was decided that just "Holland College" was the better choice.
Here in the Florida produce world the is/was a Bulls Hit Farms with ambiguous spacing on the artwork on their packaging. I am not sure if they are still in business as they had an actual slavery law suit go against them a few years ago. It is the most recent such case. It was an extreme Tennessee Ernie Ford Company Store situation. The workers would work a week and be further in debt than the week before. I could be wrong but I think they even tried to pay the migrants in scrip.:eek:
I could not find a case label but here is a shot of their roadside barn
152848
BengoughingForAwhile
07-15-2014, 05:12 PM
Great news!!! By the way, how many hobby references will I need to allow me to bid??? :confused:
wonkaticket
07-15-2014, 05:19 PM
Are you run the by the Mob?
Bicem
07-15-2014, 05:25 PM
Welcome!
Can I assume that your website will be using the same cutting edge technology as Hunt Auctions?
wonkaticket
07-15-2014, 05:29 PM
Will your reserves have hidden reserves?
Mountaineer
07-15-2014, 05:36 PM
Be sure to send me a catalog
;)
Nashvol
07-15-2014, 05:43 PM
Brilliant!
buymycards
07-15-2014, 05:54 PM
Are you hiring for your shipping department? As a P.o.s.t.al. worker, I can guarantee that a large % of your shipments will be lost, damaged, delayed, or misdelivered. I can throw a 10 pound package nearly 30 feet, and I don't have a problem totally ignoring complaints.
Please send me an application as soon as possible by email.
Rick
Deertick
07-15-2014, 06:01 PM
Please send me an application as soon as possible by email.
Because if they send it snail mail you'll never get it! :D
Brian Van Horn
07-15-2014, 06:14 PM
Thank goodness for the PS. I was going to be the first consignor :D.
insccollectibles
07-15-2014, 06:15 PM
I can't wait to receive the catalog!
Stephens Institute of Technology, an excellent engineering college in Hoboken New Jersey, was originally named Stephens Hoboken Institute of Technology. I'm sure you can figure out why they changed their name.
The prudent business move is to first pick the acronym, then pick the words to match. It's like picking your kid's name so they won't be mercilessly teased in elementary through high school.
Did you know? Ulysses S. Grant was born Hiram Ulysses Grant, which he disliked due to the HUG initials. The US Military Academy incorrectly recorded his name as Ulysses S. Grant when he entered as a young student soldier and he didn't correct them.
jefferyepayne
07-15-2014, 06:39 PM
Classic, Adam! A few actual auction houses were rattling around in the brain as I read your description.
jeff
ctownboy
07-15-2014, 09:05 PM
I think Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana was named after the Ball family who owned the Ball canning jar company and who donated a large sum of money to the university.
Anyway, there was supposedly a large painting of the family patriarch painted and then displayed in the main lobby of a prominent building on campus. Under the painting was a small tag which read, "Hung by the Balls".
David
BSU alum David Letterman said he transferred from Indiana University on probation to Ball State honors.
peterose4hof
07-16-2014, 10:21 AM
I'm interested in consigning with WTF. Do you pay within 6-12 months of payment being received from the high bidder?
hshrimps
07-16-2014, 12:30 PM
I thought we had that auction house before... Mastro Auctions
bn2cardz
07-16-2014, 01:29 PM
I can't wait to receive the catalog!
I am sure it would arrive the day after the auction ends with 2 pages of "descriptions" that don't actually mention the item, but rather the exploits of the player associated with the item and a thumbnail picture of the actual item in the bottom corner of one of those pages surrounded by pictures of the player taken from a random "google images" search.
Exhibitman
07-16-2014, 02:02 PM
Will your reserves have hidden reserves?
We prefer to call them "double secret reserves." A little-known codicil of our auction rules gives us practically unlimited power in times of auction closings.
glenv
07-16-2014, 02:10 PM
What's the phone # for bidding? I assume it's a 900 number so you make money off each call...
marvymelvin
07-16-2014, 03:28 PM
So, as a newcomer, please disclose a list of all of the auction houses past and present that are similar to said parody, with name and specific concerns.
I am sure there are some of you that wouldn't make such a public statement, but it also seems that there are many of you who don't G.A.S....and will comply with my request.
4815162342
07-16-2014, 03:55 PM
So, as a newcomer, please disclose a list of all of the auction houses past and present that are similar to said parody, with name and specific concerns.
I am sure there are some of you that wouldn't make such a public statement, but it also seems that there are many of you who don't G.A.S....and will comply with my request.
This is a parody?! Then who did I just send my consignment to?!
wonkaticket
07-16-2014, 05:11 PM
We prefer to call them "double secret reserves." A little-known codicil of our auction rules gives us practically unlimited power in times of auction closings.
Good stuff Adam, I assume in addition to having a Credit Card on file to bid, will you also need work schedules, alarm codes and safe combos on file?
HRBAKER
07-16-2014, 05:39 PM
Will you be using a thermonuclear scanner?
Good one, Adam! :D
You could also add....
Here at WTF Auctions we take pride in utilizing the latest in state of the art technology scanners, as well as the printing process used for our catalogs. You can ensure that your consigned items will be displayed in full color with detail and clarity, and, as a winning bidder, you will be sure to think, "WTF?!" when you open your package and see your winning items for the first time!
http://photos.imageevent.com/ltsgallery/memberfolderscf/cw/misc/564546.jpg
Will you be using a thermonuclear scanner?
Ha! Too funny... I was actually throwing together the image for the above post when you made this comment. Good timing! :cool: